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The Gray Area of Suicide: Suicidal Ideation

September 23, 2018 Brandy Eaklor

Do you feel like you fall in the gray area of suicide? Not suicidal but not without suicidal thoughts? Learn more about the gray area of suicide at HealthyPlace

Are you in the gray area of suicide? Not everything is black and white, and that includes suicide. Sometimes, I feel suicidal but I also know that I won't actually give into those feelings. You may feel this way too, and you probably think that you are alone in this. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so today, I want to raise awareness for those of us who are in the gray area of suicide.

What Is the Gray Area of Suicide? 

Personally, I think the gray area can mean different things for different people. I cannot speak for other people's experiences, but I can speak of my own. For me, there are times when I feel at peace with dying. I don't want to take action, but yet, I wouldn't be upset if something were to happen. These feelings do not just come up when I feel down; sometimes I am actually in a great mood. 

How I Handle the Gray Area of Suicide

I have always dealt with anxiety and depression, and have done extensive work to heal myself. Along with healing my anxiety and depression, my feelings of suicide have become less and less frequent. When I feel it come up, I do my best not to give power to it. I talk to someone I love and tell them how I am feeling just to get it out in the open. I constantly remind myself that the feeling is temporary, and it will pass. It isn't always this simple, but for the most part, it works for me.

Maybe you are like me and have felt suicidal, but do not take action to harm yourself. If this is you, you are not alone and you are still worthy of help. If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide, whether it is in the gray area or not, use the resources below.

If you feel you may hurt yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 immediately. 

If you need help with distressing thoughts (including suicidal thoughts), call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 

For more information on suicide, please see our suicide resources here.

APA Reference
Eaklor, B. (2018, September 23). The Gray Area of Suicide: Suicidal Ideation, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, June 15 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/toughtimes/2018/9/the-gray-area-of-suicide-suicidal-ideation



Author: Brandy Eaklor

Find Brandy on InstagramTwitterFacebookGoogle+, and her blog.

Nancy
says:
September, 26 2018 at 3:43 pm
Thank you for this topic. I too, have constant thoughts of suicide and how I would do it. I’ve never come close to acting on them thank goodness, but with having a very limited amount of friends and basically no family to tell these things to, I feel so much more alone. I AM ALONE. The last time I reached out to a friend just saying I needed her to just come to see me and do nothing but listen or hold my hand, I was so upset that she tried to pass me off on anyone else. The same friend who said “she’d be there for me through anything”, now was slamming the door in my face.
I’ve no one who visits. Therefore I’ve let the depression tell me “who cares what this place looks like”, when it’s only ever me and my dog I love more than life.
My reaching out has become limited to sites like this which is awesome but I crave human connection and a HUG from someone I care about. Those are becoming fewer and fewer in numbers. I’m afraid for myself most days of what’s going to become of me? I don’t have this under control, but if someone sees me out and I look normal they think I’ve got it all together. I feel as if friends think I’m crying wolf when I’ve reached out. That’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do is ask for such a simple thing as a shoulder and an ear.
Thank you all for being here. I wish we didn’t need to be, but it’s a huge help to know someone is.
October, 7 2018 at 12:42 pm
I appreciate you sharing your experiences with suicidal thoughts so openly. It can be hard to reach out, so I commend you for leaving a comment here. You are so not alone, and there are so many people out there who are looking for a friend just like you. I encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 if you need someone to talk to, even if suicidal the thoughts just linger. Thanks again for your brave comment, Nancy!
Chris
says:
September, 25 2018 at 3:46 pm
Almost exactly the same as my experiences with suicide, it is always there, I too have no fear of death, I can keep it it the background using the realisation that it will pass. I have chronic depression that I have learned how to live a meaningful life with, but in dips of mood, (for however long they last) the thoughts raise their heads, just to remind me that they will never leave and are ready to take control if I let them, nowadays I choose not to let them, but they are always there!
October, 7 2018 at 12:39 pm
There are more people who live this way than you think, so you definitely are not alone. I am so happy that you have found a way to live your life in a meaningful way, despite the struggles. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, and sharing this openly!
Lizanne Corbit
says:
September, 24 2018 at 5:24 pm
Thank you for sharing this incredibly honest and important read. This is such an important topic and not one that gets openly discussed or addressed. Talking openly and remembering that the feeling is temporary is critical to helping and changing.
October, 7 2018 at 12:38 pm
Thank you so much, Lizanne! I agree it is so important to not only discuss openly but raise awareness about tough subjects such as suicide.

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