Depression Can Be A Mental Workout
Lying in bed, covers pulled up. Look at the clock and know you are late. You need to go. You need to move. You need to get up. You know this. And yet your body feels heavy, stuck. You yell at yourself in your head. Get up! But you don't. Get moving! But you don't. It's as if Depression has paralyzed you. You know what you need to do. You know what the consequences will be if you don't. And yet you still feel like you can't move.
Giving In To Depression?
The guilt sets in. The negative thoughts about what a failure you are because you didn't get up. Because you aren't attending to your responsibilities. It feels like no one else has this problem. It feels like you are the only person who isn't functioning. Your therapist says that isn't true but is she just being nice? Why does this keep happening?
Now you are really late and you have disappointed people. Your phone buzzes and rings but you ignore it because you are ashamed. Friends call and ask if you are okay. No, not okay. Not okay at all. But you say, I'm fine. Just not feeling well today. Thanks for asking.
Fighting Back Against Depression
Finally the stubborn part of you speaks up. Talks back to that negative voice. Be Quiet! I have depression but depression is not going to run my life. I am doing the best I can! I will Stand Up and not be ashamed. Depression will not win. Pushing the blankets off, taking a warm relaxing shower. Listing my positive qualities. One late day does not make me a failure. Ten sleepy days does not label me a failure. I can do this one small step at a time. I've done it before, I'll do it again. I can, and I will.
NCC, A. (2013, February 26). Depression Can Be A Mental Workout, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, May 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2013/02/depression-can-be-a-mental-workout
Author: Amie Merz, LPC, NCC
Lets hope that Paarity in both Mental Health and Substance abuse will help by giving access to services.