advertisement

More than Borderline

All too often borderline personality disorder (BPD) and suicidal ideation go hand-in-hand and I am no exception. I am grateful today that I survived my childhood and early adult years, but it was not easy. This is my experience with suicide before I knew I had BPD. (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)
In this video, I talk about one of my secret tricks to self-soothing when borderline personality disorder (BPD) symptoms are triggered.
When you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you live with the BPD relationship dilemma. What is the BPD relationship dilemma? Well, I just made it up. But, it might sound familiar if you or someone you know has BPD. For me, at least, relationships used to feel like an impossible paradox.
Four weeks ago, I started telling the story of a borderline crisis I have been going through ("BPD and Crisis: Part 1"). I promised I'd continue the story, but things keep evolving, and it's challenging to reflect without the benefit of hindsight. However, I will share my initial reactions to learning that my Danish residence permit was unexpectedly under threat.
There’s so much information online about the negative side effects of living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and very little about BPD superpowers. Yep, that's right -- if you or someone you know has BPD, they, or you, probably have superpowers. In this article, I get into one aspect I love about my BPD-having self.
Before I knew anything about borderline personality disorder (BPD) or antidepressants, I knew that pharmaceutical drugs were bad. Or, at least that's what I was told growing up. I learned from a young age not to trust therapists or doctors. Doctors wanted to poison your body, and therapists wanted to poison your mind. Why would I think that? Well, because then it would be easier for them to control you.
I tell myself that I write about borderline personality disorder (BPD) because I want to help others struggling with BPD and crisis, among other things. But, if I'm truly being honest here, I'm not writing to others — I'm writing to a former me. I'm writing to the me who spent hours Googling my behavior looking for answers. I'm writing to the me desperately seeking relief from my inner torment. I'm writing to a me I assume is long gone. This time, however, I want to write to a different me. This time, I want to write to the me that thinks she made it to the other side. I want to write to the me who pretends to have some kind of authority on getting through BPD. This time I want to write to today's me.
I recently went through a challenging period and didn't realize the seriousness of the events on my mental health until I physically reacted to my borderline personality disorder (BPD) symptoms. It's not uncommon that my body knows something is up before I do.
Living with the intensity of borderline personality disorder (BPD) feelings used to make me feel crazy. I could feel so sure someone was going to leave me, only to find out later there was nothing to worry about. For most of my life, I struggled to control my painful and embarrassing emotions. It wasn't until I started accepting my perception as truth that I began to feel more in control.
Learning to validate yourself is a powerful tool, especially for those of us with the ever-intense borderline personality disorder (BPD) emotions. I knew that the temptation to engage in maladaptive behaviors would still exist on my road to recovery. I did not, however, expect the extent to which I would learn to invalidate and essentially gaslight myself.