After Bipolar Comes the Sun

January 28, 2010 Cristina Fender

I make it a practice to open the blinds in my house every morning. My therapist suggested it once. I appreciate the practice, even if I don't feel like it on some days, because I ache for the sun. Will today be the day it is sunny? Will today be a good day where I get everything accomplished on my personal agenda or will I wallow in self-doubt and bipolar clouds?

sun-rain_01No dark gray skies, thank you.

I hate to open the blinds only to see dark gray skies glaring back at me. If I had my way, it would be a sunny, spring day every day of my life. Or a partly cloudy day. Or even a day filled with rain that pitter-patters on the palm tree outside my window. The kind of rain that stops and there's a giant rainbow streaking across the skies.

Dark gray skies trigger a bipolar episode.

I don't always get my wish. The dark gray days come out to haunt me. They fill my soul with dread and sadness. They make me doubt myself. Will a bipolar episode be around the corner? I crave normalcy, but I realize that will never be me. On dark days, I find myself wishing for stardom instead of being a boring housewife. I dream that someday I will be noticed and my bipolar will *poof* be a thing of the past.

And then there comes the morning when I open the shutters and sunlight gushes inside. Sunny days are like food for my soul. A sunny day makes me want to put on designer makeup and find a nice outfit to put on. I bask in it's warmth and the joy that fills me up to my eyeballs. I feel like dancing and often take out my iPod and dance to the beat of my favorite pop songs. I dance hand-in-hand with my children. I laugh out loud when I hear one of my husband's jokes. The sun revives me in a way that nothing else can. I am a child of the sun.

And, so, in the worst dreary bipolar days, I look to the sun.

I know it will return. It always does. It's what one does with it that's the big question. There will always be bipolar days ready to scream you into submission, but then there are days when you feel like the best you. Savor those days. The bipolar days will return and it's in those days that you will need to find your strength--strength to push past all the dark gray moods and find hope in the simple things in life.

APA Reference
Fender, C. (2010, January 28). After Bipolar Comes the Sun, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 21 from

Author: Cristina Fender

February, 15 2010 at 5:20 am

Anyone know how to do things like this?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Cristina Fender
February, 15 2010 at 11:19 pm

I think that we all have to push past the dark days as much as we can. Finding the positives in your life will be a great help. Storing up all the good in your life to remember when the bad days have pushed forward is the best thing you can do. Also, remember to stay in the here and now so you won't make your bad day worse.
I hope that answered your question. If you had something else in mind, please let me know.

January, 30 2010 at 11:56 am

PS...I have the same problem, and I will be moving this summer to Florida...the thought of it makes me very happy even while currently living with the bitter cold northeast winter!

January, 30 2010 at 11:53 am

I think that's a good idea about creating an ambiance with special lighting inside the home, but inside yourself perhaps you could entertain the idea of moving some place where there is tons of sunshine most of the Los Angeles, you would have the environment you crave, inside & out.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Cristina Fender
January, 31 2010 at 12:27 am

I'm glad that you're moving to Florida if that will make you happy! The sunshine state will surely give you sun most of the time and that's great for people like us. I like in Texas which isn't too far. The only time I suffer is during the winter when there is little sun. Unfortunately, my husband's job is nontransferable and we need to be here. So, I will make do with the lighting.
But thank you for the kind suggestion.

January, 28 2010 at 6:23 am

Have you ever tried full spectrum lighting? If you're not bothered by florescent lights, you can buy compact florescent bulbs that give off quite a bit of full spectrum light pretty inexpensively.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Cristina Fender
January, 28 2010 at 7:50 am

That's a good idea, Paul. I'll look into it. My house is much too dark for my taste. I think I'll invest in some.

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