A workplace bully may be your boss or your co-worker. Unlike playground bullies who often resort to using their fists, workplace bullies generally use words and actions to intimidate their victims.

Characteristics of Companies with Bullying Problems

High rates of:

• sick leave
• dismissals
• disciplinary suspensions
• early and health-related retirements
• disciplinary procedures
• grievance procedures
• stress-related illnesses

This company may be more likely to hire security agencies to gather data on employees.

Types of Workplace Bully

Adapted from www.successunlimited.co.uk

Stressed, impulsive or unintentional bully

Occurs when someone is under stress or an institution is undergoing confusing, disorienting changes. This is the easiest to redirect.

Cyberbully

This includes hateful emails and cyberstalking. Some feel that employers who monitor employees' email are using intimidation but this position can be debated. If it is used unfairly, it can be seen as intimidation.

Subordinate bully

Bullying perpetrated by subordinates (such as boss being bullied by an employee, nursing staff being bullied by a patient.)

Serial bully

An individual who repeatedly intimidates or harasses one individual after another. A victim is selected and bullied for an extended period of time until he leaves or asserts himself and goes to Human Resources (HR). The bully deceives HR by being charming while the victim appears emotional and angry. Since there are often no witnesses, HR accepts the account of the senior staff member, possibly a serial bully. The bully may convince the organization to get rid of the troublesome victim. Once the victim is out of the organization, the bully usually needs to find a new victim. This is because the bully needs someone on whom he can project his inner feelings of inadequacy. The bully may prevent others from sharing negative information about him by sowing conflict. If the organization eventually realizes that it has made a mistake, it is difficult for them to publicly admit this. To do so might make them legally liable.

Secondary bully

Others in the office or social group start to react to bullying by imitating or joining in on the behavior. This can lead to institutional bullying. Even if the primary bullying individual is removed, the secondary bullies may fill in the gap because they have learned that this is how to survive in this organization.

Pair bullies

Two individuals, sometimes people who are having an affair, collude to intimidate others. The participation of the second individual may be covert.

Gang bullies

The primary bully gathers a number of followers. He may be a loud, highly visible leader. If he is a quieter sort, his role may be more insidious. Some members of the group may actively enjoy being part of the bullying. They like the reflected power of the primary bully. If the primary bully leaves the organization, and the institution does not change, one of these individuals may step in to fill the shoes of the primary bully. Others of the gang join in because they feel coerced. They fear that if they do not participate, they will be the next victims. Indeed some of these individuals do become victims at some point in time.

Dealing with Bullies in the Workplace

These are interventions for dealing with bullies in the workplace.

Personal (Assertiveness)

Confrontations between employees, HR interventions, social disputes take up a lot of energy and distract everyone from things they should be doing at work and at home. It is better to prevent an incident than to deal with it later. Sometimes this is a matter of judgment for the individual.

Assertiveness, humor, and negotiation can often head off a confrontation and prevent further bullying behavior. A strong positive self-image can help by making it easier to ignore minor insults. The positive self-image can also make it easier for one to take action when the bullying has gone too far. Cultural misunderstandings combined with personal insecurity can lead to hurt feelings.

Institutional

Institutions can make intimidation less likely by instituting policies discouraging bullying behavior. Supervisors need help with learning sensitive ways to interact with employees. Sometimes it may be as simple as cultural sensitivity and remembering to ask employees for feedback. Other times, particular individuals may need ongoing supervision or removal. It is difficult to change old habits. Explicit directives with examples may help. Managers need to understand their management style and how subordinates perceive it. It is important to understand the line between tough but fair and imperious and capricious.

Bullying and social stability

One might look at adult bullying as a mechanism of social control. Employers, government officials, and others in authority wish to retain and increase their control and authority. If power and control are central to the existence of an organization, bullying, and denial about the existence of bullying may be central to the stability of the organization.

Rules, regulations and clear lines of authority are not the same as institutional bullying. Let's take a person who grew up in a family where there was covert intimidation, inconsistent demands, and unfair treatment. His parents might single him out for harsher treatment than his siblings but make him feel too guilty to speak out. Paradoxically enough, such an individual might experience a strong sense of relief after joining the military. He would experience more overt yelling and more minute-to-minute control of his activities. Yet he thrives. Why? In the armed forces, he would report that he received fair and consistent treatment. The rules were predictable. The expectations were rigorous but clear and predictable. His superiors shouted at him, but they shouted at everyone else. Some superiors might be excessively harsh, but everyone knew who they were and knew what to expect.

Intense, highly authoritarian situations sometimes lend themselves to bullying situations. However, this is not always the case. If there are consistent predictable rules and no one is unfairly singled out, hierarchy does not necessarily mean bullying. In strict hierarchical situations, there should always be an avenue for individuals who feel that they are being treated unfairly or being asked to do unethical things.

About the author: Dr. Watkins is Board Certified in Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatry

There are different types of bullies: the sadistic, narcissistic bully, the imitative bully, the impulsive bully, and the accidental bully. Each type of bully has a similar impact on its victim.

Overview of Bullying

What is a bully? It is someone who takes advantage of another individual that he or she perceives as more vulnerable. The goal is to gain control over the victim or to gain control over a social group (See Why Children Get Bullied and Rejected). This type of behavior occurs in all ages, sexes and social groups. Most adults, if they think about it, have experienced bullying too. Bullying usually involves deliberate hostility or aggression toward the victim. The interaction is painful and humiliating and distressing to the victim. Note the word deliberate.

Prevalence of Bullying

Bullying has existed as long as there has been human civilization. However, recently our society has become more aware of bullying and its harmful consequences. In June 2002, the House of Delegates of the American Medical Association adopted a report by the AMA's Council on Scientific Affairs that reviewed bullying among U.S. children and adolescents. It found that 7 to 15 percent of sampled school-age children were bullies, about 10 percent of the same group were victims. Between 2 and 10 percent of students are both bullies and victims. In elementary schools, more boys than girls are involved in bullying; however, the gender difference decreases in junior high and high school, and social bullying among girls - manipulation done to harm acceptance into a group - becomes harder to detect.

Types of Bullies:

Sadistic, narcissistic bully
Lacks empathy for others. Has a low degree of anxiety about consequences. Narcissistic need to feel omnipotent. May appear to have high self-esteem but it is actually a brittle narcissism.

Imitative bully
May have low self-esteem or be depressed. Influenced by the surrounding social climate. May use whining or tattling or be manipulative. Often responds well to a change in the culture of the classroom or social setting. If depressed may need other intervention.

Impulsive bully
He is less likely to be part of a gang. His bullying is more spontaneous and may appear more random. He has difficulty restraining himself from the behavior even when authorities are likely to impose consequences. He may have ADHD. He may respond to medications and behavioral treatment and social skills training. He is also likely to be bullied.

Accidental Bully
If bullying is a deliberate act, this individual might not be included. The behavior may be offensive because the individual does not realize that his actions are upsetting the victim. If someone patiently and compassionately explains the situation, the individual will change the behavior. Sometimes social skills need to be taught. There is some overlap with the impulsive bully.

The Bystander:

• Identifies with the bully and may help. Enjoys bullying.
• Identifies with the victim and feels immobilized.
• Avoids the situation or tries to minimize it.
• Has mixed feelings and can see the problem but may fear to actively intervene. Often more mature than others.

(See: What If Your Child is a Bully?)

Victims of Bullying:

• Victims of bullying can be anyone. Sometimes it is an accident of time and place. Some people are more likely to become targets but this does not make it their fault.
• Someone who is different by virtue of physical or cultural characteristics.
• Someone who is envied by the bully for his talent
• Competing with a bully for dominance in the social group
• A depressed individual with low self-esteem.
• Rescuing or masochistic victim. Often an adolescent girl who feels that she must allow a sadistic boyfriend to humiliate her so that she can rescue him.

(See What Parents Need to Know About Bullying)

Situations That Facilitate Bullying

• Classroom, clubs and other places where children or teens congregate in groups. Mobile phones and the Internet are newer venues for bullying. Flaming, or anonymous threatening emails are examples of this.
• Some are of the opinion that mixed age class groupings result in more true leadership and less bullying.
• Abusive homes, acceptance of violence and humiliation as ways of getting things done
• Administrators who turn a blind eye to bullying in classes.

About the author: Dr. Watkins is Board Certified in Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatry and in private practice in Baltimore, MD.

Bullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. If you're a target of bullies or if someone else is being bullied, here's a list of things you can do.

If You Are Being Bullied

1. Talk to your parents or an adult you can trust, such as a teacher, school counselor, or principal. Many teens who are targets of bullies do not talk to adults because they feel embarrassed, ashamed, or fearful, and they believe they should be able to handle the problem on their own. Others believe that involving adults will only make the situation worse. While in some cases it is possible to end bullying without adult intervention, in other more extreme cases, it is necessary to involve school officials and even law enforcement. Talk to a trusted adult who can help you develop a plan to end the bullying and provide you with the support you need. If the first adult you approach is not receptive, find another adult who will support and help you.
2. It's not useful to blame yourself for a bully's actions. You can do a few things, however, that may help if a bully begins to harass you. Do not retaliate against a bully or let the bully see how much he or she has upset you. If bullies know they are getting to you, they are likely to torment you more. If at all possible, stay calm and respond evenly and firmly or else say nothing and walk away. Sometimes you can make a joke, laugh at yourself, and use humor to defuse a situation.
3. Act confident. Hold your head up, stand up straight, make eye contact, and walk confidently. A bully will be less likely to single you out if your project self-confidence.
4. Try to make friends with other students. A bully is more likely to leave you alone if you are with your friends. This is especially true if you and your friends stick up for each other.
5. Avoid situations where bullying can happen. If at all possible, avoid being alone with bullies. If bullying occurs on the way to or from school, you may want to take a different route, leave at a different time, or find others to walk to and from school with. If bullying occurs at school, avoid areas that are isolated or unsupervised by adults, and stick with friends as much as possible.
6. If necessary, take steps to rebuild your self-confidence. Bullying can affect your self-confidence and belief in yourself. Finding activities you enjoy and are good at can help to restore your self-esteem. Take time to explore new interests and develop new talents and skills. Bullying can also leave you feeling rejected, isolated, and alone. It is important to try to make new friendships with people who share your interests. Consider participating in extra-curricular activities or joining a group outside of school, such as an after-school program, church youth group, or sports team.
7. Do not resort to violence or carry a weapon. Carrying a weapon will not make you safer. Weapons often escalate conflicts and increase the chances you will be seriously harmed. You also run the risk that the weapon may be turned on you or an innocent person will be hurt. And you may do something in a moment of fear or anger you will regret for the rest of your life.

If Someone Else is Being Bullied

1. Refuse to join in if you see someone being bullied. It can be hard to resist if a bully tries to get you to taunt or torment someone, and you may fear the bully will turn on you if you do not participate, but try to stand firm.
2. Attempt to defuse bullying situations when you see them starting up. For example, try to draw attention away from the targeted person, or take the bully aside and ask him/her to "cool it." Do not place yourself at risk, however.
3. If you can do so without risk to your own safety, get a teacher, parent, or other responsible adult to come help immediately.
4. Speak up and/or offer support to bullied teens when you witness bullying. For example, help them up if they have been tripped or knocked down. If you feel you cannot do this at the time, privately support those being hurt with words of kindness or condolence later.
5. Encourage the bullied teen to talk with parents or a trusted adult. Offer to go with the person if it would help. Tell an adult yourself if the teen is unwilling to report the bullying. If necessary for your safety, do this anonymously.

articles references

Is your child a bully? Get to the bottom of why your child is hurting others, then learn how to put an end to the bullying behaviors.

What if you suspect that your child is a bully? What can you, as a parent, do to address the problem? After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they're 30. Some teen bullies also end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older. Bullies may also fail in school and may not have the career or relationship success that other people enjoy.

What Causes a Child to Become a Bully?

Although certainly not all bullying stems from family problems, it's a good idea to examine the behavior and personal interactions your child witnesses at home. If your child lives with taunting or name-calling from a sibling or from you or another parent, it could be prompting aggressive or hurtful behavior outside the home. What may seem like innocent teasing at home may actually model bullying behaviors. Children who are on the receiving end of it learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Constant teasing — whether it's at home or at school — can also affect a child's self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem can grow to feel emotionally insecure. They can also end up blaming others for their own shortcomings. Making others feel bad (bullying) can give them a sense of power.

Of course, there will be moments that warrant constructive criticism: for example, "I counted on you to put out the trash and because you forgot, we'll all have to put up with that stench in the garage for a week." But take care not to let your words slip into criticizing the person rather than the behavior: "You're so lazy. I bet you just pretend to forget your chores so you don't have to get your hands dirty." Focus on how the behavior is unacceptable, rather than the person.

Home should be a safe haven, where children aren't subjected to uncomfortable, harsh criticism from family and loved ones.

Stopping the Bullying Behaviors

In addition to maintaining a positive home atmosphere, there are a number of ways you can encourage your child to give up bullying:

• Emphasize that bullying is a serious problem. Make sure your child understands you will not tolerate bullying and that bullying others will have consequences at home. For example, if your child is cyberbullying, take away the technologies he or she is using to torment others (i.e., computer, cell phone to text message or send pictures). Or instruct your child to use the Internet to research bullying and note strategies to reduce the behavior. Other examples of disciplinary action include restricting your child's curfew if the bullying and/or teasing occur outside of the home; taking away privileges but allowing the opportunity to earn them back; and requiring your child to do volunteer work to help those less fortunate.
• Teach your child to treat people who are different with respect and kindness. Teach your child to embrace, not ridicule, differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status). Explain that everyone has rights and feelings. (See The Impact of Bullying)
• Find out if your child's friends are also bullying. If so, seek a group intervention through your child's principal, school counselor, and/or teachers.
• Set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find nonviolent ways to react.
• Observe your child interacting with others and praise appropriate behavior. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative discipline.
• Talk with school staff and ask how they can help your child change his or her bad behavior. Be sure to keep in close contact with the staff.
• Set realistic goals and don't expect an immediate change. As your child learns to modify behaviors, offer assurances that you still love him or her — it's the behavior you don't like.

Getting Help for Bullies

A big part of helping your child is not being afraid to ask others for assistance and advice. Whether your child is being bullied or is the one doing the bullying, you may need to get outside help. In addition to talking to your child's teachers, you may also want to take advantage of school counseling services and consult your child's doctor, who may be able to refer you to a mental health professional.

Suggestions for Working with Bullies

• Work in small groups. It is often helpful to place bullies in groups with older children and have them engage in cooperative tasks. It will be necessary to provide a great deal of supervision.
• Reinforce children each time they engage in some degree of caring or pro-social behavior. It will be easier to establish more appropriate rules for interaction after they learn that there are more positive ways to gain attention and affection.
• Often children who are having a hard time relating to other children can learn some social skills with pets. Under close supervision, bullies may learn to care for and show affection to a dog or cat.
• Work with families to determine ways they can show warmth and affection to their children, and seek to develop a more consistent set of discipline. Sometimes it is helpful for families to become more involved in community activities and become friends with other parents.

articles references

If your child is bullying other children, there are effective ways to deal with it. Here's some help for parents who are worried that their child is a bully.

A child can be a bully for a variety of reasons. Not all bullies are the product of a violent or neglectful home. If your child continually bullies others, he too experiences psychological harm. Patterns of aggression and intimidation can become ingrained. The longer they persist, the more difficult they are to expunge.

Find out as much as you can about the problem.

1. Is your child the leader or just one followers in a group? If your child is a follower, talk to him about the situation. If his behavior persists, you may need to keep him away from the leader or even the entire group.
2. Supervise your child more closely when he plays. You may need to insist that he play where you or another parent can see him.
3. If the bullying occurs on the way to or from school, he should be driven or should go directly to school or home.
4. If he is an adolescent, you may need to put the brakes on certain unsupervised activities.

If your child is the leader in bullying activities, you need to find out as much as you can about the extent and nature of his or her activities.

1. Protect your child by seeing that his victim is protected. If necessary, restrict your child from going near his victim.
2. Cooperate with teachers and other parents in monitoring your child's activities. Make sure that they know that you are responsible and want to be involved. Ask them to report back to you if your child resumes any form of intimidation.
3. Talk to your child about alternatives to violent or socially intimidating behavior. Make sure that he or she understands the personal impact that the bullying can have on the victim.
4. Make sure that your child apologizes and makes meaningful reparations. If material objects have been stolen or destroyed, your child must pay for them. If he or she cannot do so, you should pay and then insist that he or she work off the payments over time.

Finally, you and your child should try to understand why he has the need to intimidate others. You should start an ongoing dialogue. In some cases, your child may have so much anger, impulsivity or depression that you cannot handle it alone. In this case, you should seek professional advice.

About the author: Dr. Watkins is Board Certified in Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatry and in private practice in Baltimore, MD.

A rape fantasy is an erotic fantasy, also called ravishment fantasy, about forced sex. It involves a person (typically a woman) imagining a scenario in which a stranger physically forces or coerces her into sex. Men have these rape fantasies too, but to a lesser extent, and they are most often the one forcing the sex on a woman feigning resistance.

Rape Fantasy – Quietly Researching a Touchy Taboo

A 1998 study, titled Force in Women's Sexual Fantasies by Donald Strassberg, claims that over 50 percent of sexually active female participants reported imagining a scenario involving a rape fantasy. More recent analyses of 20 studies place that number as high as 57 percent for women and about 48 percent for heterosexual males. Studies by other human sexuality researchers count these fantasies as within the range of normal sexuality. Researchers unequivocally insist that these fantasies do not, in any way, indicate that a woman has a fantasy of being raped in real life.

Studies about fantasies involving rape aren't publicized like other sexuality studies. One reason is researchers' fears that, seen out of proper context, the lay public may perceive research sponsors as attempting to normalize sexual violence against women.

Women and Rape Fantasy – Submission Thrills

Frequently, women use rape fantasy to experience the edge of imaginative limits – to get a thrill and experience forced submission in a controlled, safe environment. But many won't admit that they have ravishment fantasies for fear others will judge them as perverted and abnormal. They hide their sexual imaginations because they feel conflicted in fantasizing about something that would cause debilitating trauma in real life.

Women need not guard their ravishment fantasies so closely now. The overwhelming popularity of E.L. James' Fifty Shades erotic trilogy, involving sexual submission and dominance, has brought the rape fantasy discussion out in the open. Human sexuality experts emphatically state that rape fantasy is not wrong, but healthy and normal. They emphasize that the participants must agree on the boundaries and what will transpire during the role-play prior to the act. Most recommend agreeing upon a safe-word that, when spoken, will halt all activity immediately. Consensual agreement, despite feigned resistance during the acting out of the fantasy, is key to keeping things safe for both involved.

Common Fantasies for Women That Involve Force

Common fantasies for women with a theme of forced sex involve an audacious, somewhat arrogant, but incredibly handsome man sexually coercing her at home. She may want him to surprise her while showering; or perhaps he's an electrician come to install a chandelier, but has plans beyond leaded crystal lighting; some women arrange for the intruder to awaken her as she sleeps in a luxurious bed, wearing sheer, silky sleepwear; still others tell their partner to tie her up due to her persistent resistance to his overtures. It's likely that no two women imagine identical fantasy rape scenarios.

What Do Women Get Out of Rape Fantasy Role Play?

Today's woman can enjoy rape fantasy because she has a more liberated life than ever before – professionally, educationally, relationally, and sexually. Depending on the woman's lifestyle and personal desires, rape fantasy can satisfy many previously unmet needs:

• Guilt avoidance – She may have a familial background where women who enjoyed sex were looked upon as dirty and trashy. Rape fantasy play can allow her to "resist" and say "no" to intense sex that her socialization forbids, yet still experience it.
• Feel irresistible – Women may want to feel so attractive that even a normally innocent handy man at her home simply cannot resist the urge to touch her and ravish her body. She's so attractive, in fact, that when she resists, he just takes what he must have.
• Thrill of submission – Women in executive level careers in which they're always the assertive, decision making boss, may feel coerced submission offers a release from the everyday pressures of assuming the position of power over others.
• Thrill and chill of fear – Even though the role-play is planned and consensual, some women can suspend their disbelief to the point of experiencing a certain level of fear that feels thrilling. This may appeal to those who feel bored in their professional lives, homemaking role, or are tired with the day-to-day duties of life.

These represent only a few of the underlying reasons women engage in consensual rape fantasy with their partners. As long as it's consensual, anything goes and sexual fantasy is healthy.

article references

What is a sociopathic person like? Let's put it this way, they can be very charming but you wouldn't want to fall in love with a sociopath. Read on and see what I mean.

Because sociopaths exist outside the realm of typical human behavior, people frequently want to know what a sociopathic person is really like. Symptoms, signs, traits, and characteristics of a sociopath work together to explain features of antisocial personality disorder, or sociopathy. Building on them creates a picture of the sociopathic personality, a snapshot of what a sociopathic person is like.

A sociopath is a social predator who plays with people the way a cat plays with a mouse, toying with, teasing, and often tormenting them until he grows bored with the game. Mental health and criminal justice professionals describe involuntary physical reactions to sociopaths. Meeting with a sociopath can cause visceral reactions throughout the body: queasiness, weakness, shortness of breath, pounding heart, crawling skin, and general anxiety. Babiak & Hare (2006) explain these as automatic human responses to a predator. Without a doubt, the sociopathic personality is predatory.

A Sociopathic Person is Self-Important

Self-proclaimed sociopath M.E. Thomas (2013) describes herself this way: "I am generally free of entangling and irrational emotions, I am strategic and canny, I am intelligent and confident, and charming..."

A sociopath, especially a narcissistic sociopath, sees herself as a gift to the world. She's the gift; others in her life are the tattered box. To the sociopathic person, people's purpose is to serve her, elevate her, benefit her, amuse her, and then get out.

The sociopath defines herself by power and success, and she stops at nothing, including crime of any nature, to achieve it. She strives for possessions as well as perfections in appearance and demeanor, for to her these are visible, tangible signs of her achievements, her conquests.

A Sociopathic Person is a Chameleon

To achieve his goals and get what he wants, a sociopathic person morphs into a persona that will suit him in the moment. And it's only this moment, getting his way now, that he cares about. He has no concern for the past or the future.

For someone who is clinically defined as antisocial, a sociopath ironically possesses incredible social skills; amazingly, he's charming and well-liked (Symptoms of a Sociopath in Men, Women, Children). Once he identifies his pawns, his victims, he quickly learns all he needs to know by studying them, listening to them, and figuring them out. The sociopath can get people to tell him what he needs to hear because he has sharp communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal. A sociopathic person is an accomplished manipulator.

A sociopath is comfortable in any environment. Sociopaths have even been known to charm and manipulate prison guards. No matter where they are in the world, they quickly determine how to get their way, and then they do it. M.E. Thomas (2013) asserts that many sociopaths don't identify with a sexual orientation.

They'll adopt any orientation or identity that they can use to their advantage. 

A Sociopathic Personality is Parasitic

Once a sociopath has identified and charmed the next person to manipulate and gain from, she lives off his or her generosity and gullibility. She takes advantage of him and abuses his trust. Dating a sociopath is especially dangerous because sociopaths can easily and convincingly pretend to love. But the sociopath will drop her partner with no warning when the relationship no longer benefits her.

Law-breaking behavior is the rule rather than the exception for the sociopathic personality. She readily commits crimes against people and property, and she commits white-collar crimes such as fraud and embezzlement as well. When caught, she blames others rather than take responsibility. She's always ready with a story that sounds believable (High Functioning Sociopath And The Damage They Cause).

The sociopathic person creates her own unique operating system for her life. The norms and moral codes adopted by society for the safety and wellbeing of all don't suit her because they don't help her get ahead the way she wants to get ahead. Someone with a sociopathic personality lives by her own opportunistic standards of behavior.

A Sociopathic Personality is Cold, Hollow

Sociopaths are self-serving and manipulative. Sometimes just listening to a sociopathic person is frightening, as evidenced by the gut reactions of professionals mentioned above. The sociopathic person can describe horrific behaviors with not a trace of remorse. They do what benefits or amuses them in the moment, and they take no responsibility for their actions.

"In the great card game of life, psychopaths [a.k.a. sociopaths] know what cards you hold, and they cheat" (Babiak & Hare, 2006).

Want to get further inside the mind of a sociopath? Check out our "Sociopath Quotes" page for chilling insight.

article references

What constitutes bullying and why do bullies bully? In the end, bullying behavior harms both the victim and the perpetrator.

What is a Bully?

It is someone who takes advantage of another individual that he or she perceives as more vulnerable. The goal is to gain control over the victim or over the bully's social group. This type of behavior occurs in all ages and in all social groups. Most adults, if they think about it, have experienced bullying too (See: Bullying in the Workplace).

There are different types of bullies. Bullying can involve direct attacks (such as hitting, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing and taunting, name-calling, making sexual remarks, and stealing or damaging belongings) or more subtle, indirect attacks (such as spreading rumors or encouraging others to reject or exclude someone).

Who Gets Harmed By Bullying?

Bullying behavior harms both the victim and the perpetrator (See: What If Your Child is a Bully?). If a child experiences chronic intimidation, he or she may learn to expect this from others. He may:

• develop a pattern of compliance with the unfair demands of those he perceives as stronger.
• become anxious or depressed (See: The Impact of Bullying)
• identify with the bully and become a bully himself.

The bully is also harmed. If he or she is allowed to continue the behavior, it becomes habitual. He becomes more likely to surround himself with friends who condone and promote aggressive behavior. He may not develop a mature sense of justice. If he intimidates others to cover up his own insecurities, his own anxiety may increase.

What Behavior Patterns Constitute Bullying?

When a child or adolescent is mean to another, it is important to look for patterns and motivations. Bullies are often different from children who fight indiscriminately. Children who are fighters may simply do so as a result of impulsivity or misreading of social cues. A fighter is often unpopular with his peers. He tends use fighting to settle a dispute and will fight anyone, whether or not adults are watching. He tends not to choose a particular victim.

On the other hand, a bully often:

• surrounds himself with a group of peers.
• consciously picks weaker, more vulnerable victims, and repeatedly bothers the same people.
• tends to do his bullying when authorities are not around.

The bullying is not to settle a clear dispute. Instead, the motive is to gain control over others. He may enjoy watching the victim's reaction.

About the author: Dr. Watkins is Board-Certified in Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatry and in private practice in Baltimore, MD.

Persistent myths about rape perpetuate the stigma of rape for victims and empower perpetrators. Cruel comments and insensitive reactions to news of rape give false credibility to people believing things like women enjoy being raped, women liked being raped, and she was raped and enjoyed it. In order to eliminate the stigma of rape and actually promote healing for rape victims, people must learn the facts and reject myths about rape.

Common Myths About Rape Debunked

Read some of the most common myths about rape and facts refuting the misconceptions below:

Myth: Lust and the need for sexual gratification controls rapists behaviors

Fact: Rape is never about sex or desire, but is completely motivated by a need for dominance, power, and control.

Myth: Women frequently falsely accuse innocent men of rape.

Fact: False reports comprise 2 percent or less of reported incidents of rape. The percentage is likely even lower than 2 percent because fewer than one in 10 sexual assaults actually get reported.

Myth: Women ask for rape if they dress provocatively or are overly good looking.

Fact: Rapists select victims by evaluating their accessibility and vulnerability. They don't take beauty or body fitness into account.

Myth: Most sexual assault perpetrators choose strangers for their victims.

Fact: Research data indicates that over 80 percent of rapists know their victims. (See: What is Date Rape, Acquaintance Rape?)

Myth: Women who get raped while drunk, out alone at night, or overly flirtatious got what was coming to them.

Fact: People who are drunk cannot consent to sex, making any sexual activity with them non-consensual and, thus, rape. Women who venture out alone at night or engage in the age-old practice of flirting do not deserve rape. The entire fault lies with the perpetrator.

Myth: Once a man gets aroused, he has lost the ability to stop himself from moving forward with sexual intercourse.

Fact: Studies show that sexual assaults are either wholly or partially planned in advance. Men can easily control their urge to have sex, even at the height of arousal. Rape has nothing to do with the desire or need for sexual intercourse.

Myth: Women usually get lubricated vaginally during rape and that means women love being raped.

Fact: Recent research conducted by Kelly Suschinsky and Martin Lalumiere, show proof that vaginal lubrication occurs during both consensual and unwanted sex, such as in sexual assault. The study shows that while an erection does indicate sexual arousal in men, sexual arousal in women requires a complex mix of intimate connection, physical stimuli, and emotional presence. Vaginal lubrication occurs during even violent sexual assaults as the body's defense against genital injury and urinary infection from forced, rough intercourse.

It's important for society to stop joking around about sexual assault and giving life to thoroughly and scientifically debunked myths about rape. Rape is no joke and careless commentary about the topic only adds to the torment suffered by victims. (See: Rape Law: What Are the Laws Against Rape?)

article references

Are the incidences of celebrities with narcissistic personality disorder higher than that of the general population? A 2006 study by Dr. Drew Pinsky concludes that, as a demographic group, actors and entertainers have more narcissistic tendencies (narcissistic personality disorder symptoms) than the rest of the U.S. population. This study gave credence to the natural proclivity of the media and public to label celebrities as narcissists, even when there was no diagnosis or record of treatment for narcissistic personality disorder.

Actor, Gene Wilder, theorized that all actors are narcissists who came from dysfunctional family situations where they had to take on a variety of roles to earn their parents' attention. Wilder postulated that as the child's social circle grows outside the home, he or she continues this role switching behavior to gain the admiration of others.

Certainly, this situation represents one factor that can contribute to a person's development of narcissism; and some entertainers do come from this sort of troubling background. But many actors are highly empathetic and excel in the profession because they bring their powerful emotional empathy to the roles they play. They have a well-developed ability to understand the inner experience of other humans in varied situations, making acting an ideal career pursuit. It's a dangerous thing to paint an entire segment of the population with one brush. Tsk tsk, Mr. Wilder.

Now that we've cleared that up, there are plenty of high profile folks that do behave in ways that suggest they may have narcissistic personality disorder.

Famous People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Psychology Today contributor, Gad Saad, Ph.D., shares his opinion about famous people with narcissistic personality disorder. He points to some of the more grandiose displays of self-importance by several of America's favorite celebrities:

Jenny McCarthy - McCarthy, actress and former Playboy bunny, said she was astonished that the National Institutes of Health ignored her supposed proof that the MMR vaccine causes autism. The outspoken celeb claims the NIH won't acknowledge her "findings" because they are collaborating with big pharma.

Madonna - the pop superstar claims she used Kabbalah (a mystical sect of Judaism) to remove radiation from a Ukrainian lake. It makes one wonder if she swam in the lake after she "removed" the radiation?

Suzanne Somers - says her hormone replacement therapy is the "elixir of youth". OK, first, she's not a physician or scientist, so not sure how she has developed a hormone replacement therapy system. Second, Saad is stretching his armchair diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder with Somers as her claims sound more like a shifty marketing ploy designed to make fast money off of the desperate and ignorant.

Oprah - Saad didn't offer any examples of the talk show diva's narcissistic behaviors and claims, most likely because almost everything she does serves as an example of excessive self-importance and grandiosity. Read this article by Salon.com about Oprah's contribution to the public's perception of celebrities and narcissism.

While Saad admits that [some] celebrities pursue careers in acting and entertaining because they have a true love of performing and the arts, he seems to favor Wilder's assumptions about actors. He speculates that the majority of celebrities pursue life in the spotlight because of the outcomes they hope for rather than any sort of love for the arts. In short, they do it specifically as a means to an end, with the end being fame, money, and public adoration.

Saad postulates that celebrities like Tom Cruise, Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, et al, were narcissists before they became famous. Narcissists seek, and some achieve, incredible fame because they desperately need the public adoration, hordes of fans, and obsequious entourages that go along with it.

His reasoning and expert background definitely give a more authoritative air to the common flippant assumptions about celebrities and narcissism. Our society appears to be evolving into one where an increasing number of everyday citizens exhibit narcissistic traits – a disturbing trend fueled by the selfie culture and me-first mindset.

article references