Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 13

1. The Formation of a Narcissist as a Reaction to His Narcissistic Parents
2. The Test of Archaic Chinese
3. Narcissism - The Individualist's Reaction
4. Somatizing Our Emotions
5. The "Love" of the Narcissist
6. Misogynism Once More ...

1. The Formation of a Narcissist as a Reaction to His Narcissistic Parents

I think that the reaction to a narcissistic parent can be either -----

ACCOMMODATION and ASSIMILATION

The child accommodates, idealizes, and internalizes the primary object successfully. This means that the "internal voice" we all have is a narcissistic voice and that the child tries to comply with its directives and with its explicit and perceived wishes. The child becomes a masterful provider of narcissistic supply, a perfect match to the parent's personality, an ideal source, an accommodating, understanding, and caring caterer to all the needs, whims, mood swings, and cycles of the narcissist, an endurer of devaluation and idealization with equanimity, a superb adapter to the narcissist's worldview, in short: the ultimate extension. This is what we came to call an "inverted narcissist". The child turned adult maintains these traits. He keeps looking for narcissists in order to feel whole, alive and wanted. He seeks to be treated by a narcissist narcissistically (what others would call abuse is to him or to her a homecoming). He feels dissatisfied, empty, and unloved if not by a narcissist.

Or

REJECTION

The child may react to the narcissism of the Primary Object with a peculiar type of rejection. He develops his own narcissistic personality, replete with grandiosity and lack of empathy - BUT his personality is antithetical to the personality of the narcissistic parent. If the parent were a somatic narcissist - the child is likely to be a cerebral one, if his father prided himself on his virtue - he will emphasize his vices, if his mother bragged about her frugality, he is bound to flaunt his wealth.

2. The Test of Archaic Chinese

Some people say that they prefer to live with narcissists, to cater to their needs and to succumb to their whims because this is the way they have been conditioned. It is only with narcissists that they feel alive, stimulated and excited. The world glows in Technicolor in the presence of a narcissist and decays to sepia colours in his absence.

I see nothing inherently "wrong" with that. The test is this: If a person were to constantly humiliate and abuse you verbally using Archaic Chinese - would you have felt humiliated and abused? Probably not. Some people have been conditioned by the narcissistic primary objects in their lives (parents or caregivers) to treat narcissistic abuse as Archaic Chinese, to turn a deaf ear. This technique is effective in that it allows the "inverted narcissist" (the narcissist's willing mate) to experience only the good aspects of life with a narcissist. There are good aspects to living with a narcissist, you know: his sparkling intelligence, the constant drama and excitement, his lack of intimacy and emotional attachment (some people prefer this). Every now and then the narcissist breaks into abusive Archaic Chinese, so what, who understands Archaic Chinese anyhow?

I have only one nagging doubt, though:

If so rewarding, why are inverted narcissists (the few that I met) so unhappy, so ego-dystonic, so in need of help (professional or other)? Aren't they victims who simply experience the Stockholm Syndrome (=identifying with the kidnapper rather than with the Police)?

3. Narcissism - The Individualist's Reaction

Narcissism could well be a reactive formation, a reaction to the assimilation of the individual in the masses, to the melting pots that many countries have become in an age of growing immigration and diminishing expectations. In the absence of the (imaginary) consolation of being part of a higher order (God, the State, the Party, the Nation) - people resort to themselves as a soothing source of reassurance of the meaningfulness of their life. And in a visual age (television, Internet), what could be better than watching oneself in the "mirror" that is others? Indeed, it is the age of images and reflections, perfectly suited to the narcissist. We each have our 15 minutes of existence experienced through the proxy of celebrity ("I felt suddenly alive!", "It was as though I was dreaming all my life!"). The narcissist believes his own superiority, having discovered the alchemist stone of "self-induced and self-generated celebrity".

4. Somatizing Our Emotions

We all tend to "somatize" our emotions. We try to prevent stress and bad emotions from "going to our head" by having a stiff ("blocked") neck. In Judaism one of the curses was : may the hand that committed this sin go dry (=paralysed). These are known as conversion reactions. Unable to face our emotions, acknowledge them, and cope with them - we let our body confront them and do the "talking" through selected organs. Headaches, rashes, paralysis, excruciating pains and even more complex medical syndromes (such as stigmata) - have all been known to originate psychogenically (a.k.a. psychosomatically). But this is precisely why a medical check-up is a MUST in the case of mental disorders - to rule out physiological causes.

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Pain in the chest, for instance, is an integral part of the repertoire of panic attacks. Susan Sontag noted that each age has it own disease or medical condition as a METAPHOR. During the 19th century and the beginning of this one - it was tuberculosis, then cancer, then heart attacks, and now AIDS. People use these ailments to express their inner world - and still remain well within social and cultural norms. So, if I am mentally "sick" and I am scared to admit it (=to face the terrifying burden of my negative emotions) I will be inclined to choose a BODILY metaphor (=I will be inclined to get physically sick). Getting PHYSICALLY sick is socially acceptable. It is normative. There is no ridicule or disbelief involved.

So, people develop incurable tuberculosis, or feel pains in the chest, or grow phantom tumours. It is simply a way of saying: "there is something wrong with me. I am dizzily confused, my heart is broken, I don't feel I can stand on my own two legs".

But it goes both ways. Sometimes treating the physical symptoms alleviates the underlying mental problems. Mental and emotional problems are sometimes resolved by administering placebos (dummy medicines, like sugar pills), by "curing" an "incurable" "disease". This is the case with hypochondriacs of a certain kind. And, as we all know, REAL physical conditions might foster highly specific mental conditions which closely resemble their non-physiogenic equivalents.

This is what leads many psychiatrists to postulate that ALL mental problems are the result of chemical imbalances, whether in the brain or elsewhere. They discard the importance of talk therapy, or other human interactions, and prefer to rely SOLELY on psychopharmacology (medication). Admittedly, there aren't many such purists but the trend is clear and many previously "mental" disorders (like schizophrenia and depression) are now considered to belong predominantly to the domain of the more "physical" branches of medicine.

5. The "Love" of the Narcissist

Narcissists often call the way that they experience narcissistic supply - love. They tend to "emotionalize" situations and behaviours of themselves or of others by labeling them as emotions. This is similar to the way a birth blind person tries to grope with colours. The narcissist often insists that a source of narcissistic supply "loves" and "is loved" by him and, conversely, a source of negative supply "hates" him, is, to him, his "enemy", and so on.

6. Misogynism Once More ...

I am a conscious misogynist. I fear and loathe women and tend to ignore them to the best of my ability. To me they are a mixture of hunter and parasite.

Most male Narcissists are misogynists. After all, they are the warped creation of a woman. A woman gave birth to them and moulded them into what they are: dysfunctional, maladaptive, emotionally dead. They are angry at this woman and, by implication, mad at all women.

The narcissist's attitude to women is, naturally, complex and multi-layered along these four axes:

1. The Holy Whore
2. The Hunter Parasite
3. The Frustrating Object of Desire
4. Special and De-Specialing

The narcissist divides all women to saints on the one hand, and to whores on the other. He finds it difficult to have sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy are opposites rather than mutually enhancing propositions. Sex is reserved to "whores" (all other women in the world). This division provides for a resolution of his constant cognitive dissonance ("I want her but ..." "I don't need anyone but .."). It also legitimizes his sadistic urges (abstaining from sex is a major and recurrent narcissistic "penalty" inflicted on female "transgressors"). It also tallies well with the frequent idealization-devaluation cycles the narcissist goes through. The idealized females are sexless, the devalued ones - "worthy" of their degradation (sex) and the contempt that, inevitably, follows.

The narcissist believes firmly that women are out to "hunt" men and that this is almost a genetic predisposition. As a result, he feels threatened (as any prey would). This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real, absolutely opposite, state of things: the narcissist feels threatened by women and tries to justify this irrational fear by imbuing women with "objective" qualities which make them, indeed, ominous. This is a small detail in a larger canvass of "pathologizing" others as a means of controlling them. Once the prey is secured, goes the narcissistic fable, the woman assumes the role of a "body snatcher". She absconds with the narcissist's sperm, she generates an endless stream of demanding and nose dripping children, she financially bleeds the men in her life to cater to her needs and to the needs of her dependants. Put differently, she is a parasite, a leech, whose sole function is to suck dry every man she finds and Tarantula-like decapitate them once no longer useful. This, of course, is exactly what the narcissist does to people. Thus, his view of women is a projection.

Heterosexual narcissists desire women as any other red blooded male does (even more so due to the special symbolic nature of women in the narcissist's life - humbling a woman in acts of faintly sadomasochistic sex is a way of getting back at mother). But he is frustrated by his inability to meaningfully interact with them, by their apparent emotional depth and powers of psychological penetration (real or attributed), and by their sexuality. Their incessant demands for intimacy are perceived by him as a threat. He recoils instead of getting closer. The narcissist also despises and derides sex, as we said before. Thus, caught in a seemingly intractable repetition complex, in approach-avoidance cycles, the narcissist becomes furious at the source of his frustration. Some narcissists set out to do some frustrating of their own. They tease (passively or actively), frustrate, or pretend to be asexual and, in any case, they turn down, rather cruelly, any attempt by a woman to court them and to get closer.

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Sadistically, they tremendously enjoy their ability to frustrate the desires, passions, and sexual wishes of women. It endows them with a feeling of omnipotence and with the pleasing experience of potent malevolence. Narcissists are regularly engaged in frustrating all women sexually - and in frustrating significant women in their lives both sexually and emotionally. Somatic narcissists simply use women as objects: use and discard. The emotional background is identical. While the cerebral narcissist punishes through abstention - the somatic narcissist penalizes through excess.

The narcissist's mother kept behaving as though the narcissist was and is not special (to her). The narcissist's whole life is a pathetic and pitiful effort to prove her wrong. The narcissist constantly seeks confirmation from others in his life that he IS special - in other words, that he IS. Women threaten this. Sex is "bestial" and "common". Nothing "special or unique" about sex. Women are perceived by the narcissist to be dragging him to their level, the level of the lowest common denominator of intimacy, sex, and human emotions. Everybody and anybody can feel, mate, and breed. There is nothing to set the narcissist apart and above others in these activities. And yet women seem to be interested ONLY in these pursuits. Thus, the narcissist emotionally believes that women are the continuation of his mother by other means and in different guises. They are only interested in reducing them to their level.

The narcissist hates women virulently, passionately, and uncompromisingly. His hate is primal, irrational, the progeny of mortal fear, and of sustained abuse. Granted, most narcissists learn how to suppress, disguise, even repress these untoward feelings. But their hatred does swing out of control and erupt from time to time. It is a terrifying, paralysing sight. It is the true narcissist.

 

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next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 14

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 12

1. The Narcissist and Total Institutions
2. The Cultural Roots of One Narcissist
3. The Denial Mechanisms of the Narcissist
4. Therapy
5. Traumas and Personality Disorders
6. Narcissists and Medication
7. NPD Son
8. The Narcissist - a Gift to Humanity
9. Co-Dependents and Narcissists
10. Forms of Aggression
11. Narcissist the Sadist
12. Somatic versus Cerebral Narcissists
13. The Narcissist and the Therapist
14. Being Nice to Others
15. Prostituting our Selves

1. The Narcissist and Total Institutions

The reactive patterns of people in "total institutions" (hospitals, boarding schools, army, prison and, THE total institution, the concentration camp) are unique.

Two questions come to mind:

1. Does a normal person react to total institutions by becoming a narcissist (a very plausible reaction)?
2. How do narcissists feel inside total institutions and adapt to them?

2. The Cultural Roots of One Narcissist

I was born in Israel to a Moroccan Jewish father and a Turkish Jewish mother. When I was born, the country was still largely run by Jews of East European and Central European and West European extract (Ashkenazim). I was a Sephardi, a member of a rather despised numerical majority. The Sephardim were considered to be primitive, maladaptive, devoured by ridiculous inferiority complexes, infested by superstitious traditions, uneducated and, in general, unfit to inhabit a modern, Western, liberal state such as the State of Israel aspired to become.

Reality was quite different. The Ashkenazim mostly came from the most regressive and retarded part of Europe (Poland and the Ukraine). The State of Israel until very lately was a socialist (not to say Bolshevik) bastion, very remote from Herzl's liberal ideal (Herzl was the personality disordered visionary founder of Zionism, the political movement that led to the formation of the State of Israel). And many Sephardim were much better adapted to Western culture and technology than thought, having been exposed to French rule for generations (remember "Casablanca"?).

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I learned one thing in the process of becoming a non-Israeli and a non-Jew and, in general, a non-entity (=do not succumb to definitions): melting pots are unpleasantly hot places. They produce homogenous, non-descript, rather useless alloys. They simply don't work. People are anyhow so self-absorbed and self-centred (this seems to be a survival mechanism) that they have very little patience and tolerance. Adding ethnic and cultural friction to the mixture makes it explosive.

I have since lived in 11 countries. I don't know whether to attribute it to my narcissism or whether this is a common reaction (I tend to suspect the latter) - but I find myself constantly culturally shocked. The Russians think nothing of things that would make any American (bar the most extreme and nutty militias) shudder. The Czechs are emotional zombies, inoperative, dysfunctional robots after years of brainwashing, the Macedonians are prone to fantasizing and very short on action, the Americans are children: provincial, naive, aggressive, scared and mitigate their panic with endless rules and litigation. This is how I see them, of course, not how they really are. But it is too much to ask such different people to co-exist.

Culture shock leads to narcissism. In the absence of unconditional, loving and unequivocal acceptance, in the absence of predictable behaviours (due to cultural differences) - whole groups of people retreat and develop mass NPD. They develop grandiose fantasies, a False Self, the whole lot (read: Narcissistic at a Glance again).

3. The Denial Mechanisms of the Narcissist

Some narcissists employ denial mechanisms which they apply to their "extensions" (=family) as well. These narcissists instruct, order, or threaten their children into hiding the truth of abuse, malfunction, mal-adaptation, fear, pervasive sadness, violence, mutual hatred, and mutual repulsion which are the hallmarks of the narcissistic family. "Not to launder the dirty laundry outside" is a common sentence. The whole family conforms to the fantastic narrative of grandiosity, perfection, and superiority invented by the narcissist. The family becomes an extension of his False Self. This is an integral function of the sources of Secondary Narcissistic Supply. Criticizing the narcissist, disagreeing with him, or exposing the lie, penetrating the facade, calling the fiction by its proper name - are considered to be mortal sins. The sinner is immediately subjected to severe and constant emotional harassment, guilt and blame - and to abuse, including physical abuse. This state of things is especially typical of families with sexual abuse to hide.

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Behaviour modification techniques are liberally used by the narcissist to ensure that the skeletons do stay in the family cupboards. An amusing by-product of this atmosphere of concealment and falsity is mutiny. The narcissist's spouse or his adolescent children are likely to exploit this vulnerability of the Narcissist to express their rebellion against him as a figure of reference and authority or a role model. The first thing to crumble in the narcissist's family is the mass denial so diligently insisted upon by him.

4. Therapy,

The general idea in therapy is, indeed, to create the conditions for the True Self to resume its growth: safety, predictability, justice, love and acceptance ("holding"). Therapy is supposed to provide these conditions of nurturance and the guidance necessary (through transference, cognitive relabeling, or other methods). The Narcissist must learn that his past experiences are NOT laws of nature, that not all adults are abusive, that relationships can be nurturing and supportive.

5. Traumas and Personality Disorders

A personality disorder rarely develops following a SINGLE, isolated event. Personality disorders are the result of a PATTERN of abuse. The abuse can be emotional, verbal, physical but asexual, or sexual. Depending on the severity of the traumatic event, certain dissociative reactions develop as a result of a single event of abuse. However, dissociation - even severe (such as DID) - does not constitute a "classical" personality disorder. Recurrent, deliberate, traumatizing abuse is a pre-requisite.

The issue of "false memories" induced by therapists using highly specific therapeutic techniques (such as regressive hypnosis) - is so far from being concluded and it relates to such a narrow part of the spectrum of mental disorders (mainly DID and BPD) that I don't see much point in going into it here.

NPD is the result of very real, recurrent abuse (usually NOT sexual but emotional). It rarely involves dissociation. And the abuse occurs well into early adulthood - when cognitive skills are sufficiently developed to screen out "false or severely modified" memories.

6. Narcissists and Medication

Narcissists generally are averse to medication. It is an implied admission that something is wrong with them. Narcissists are control freaks and afraid to lose control. Additionally, many of them believe that medication is the "great equalizer" - it will make them lose their uniqueness, superiority, and so on. That is UNLESS they can convincingly present taking the medication as an "act of heroism", part of a daring enterprise of self exploration, a distinguishing feature of the narcissist and so on. They will often claim that the medicine affects them differently than it does other people, or that they have discovered a new, exciting way of using it, or that they are part of someone's (usually themselves) learning curve ("part of a new approach to dosage" "part of a new cocktail which holds great promise"). Narcissists MUST dramatize their lives to feel worthy and special. Aut nihil aut unique - either be special or don't be at all.

Very much like in the physical world, change is brought about only through the incredible powers of torsion and breakage. Only when our elasticity gives way, only when we are wounded by our own intransigence - only then is there hope.

Most narcissists have simply not suffered enough. When they do - you find them courting therapists, studying their self, taking medicines, and changing. It takes nothing less than a real crisis. Ennui is not enough.

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7. NPD Son

An NPD son is no different to an NPD husband. You MUST devise and design survival strategies. Try to split his good sides from his less agreeable ones and avoid the latter to the best of your ability. Involve professional help. Being protective of him may be to his detriment.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. Be you, don't be fake, or play a part for his sake, or for the sake of domestic peace. Employ a balanced, just and predictable set of rewards and punishments. Educate him. If he becomes too onerous - get rid of him before he get rids of you. I am sorry to be so blunt but it is reality - not a textbook scenario.

8. The Narcissist - a Gift to Humanity

The narcissist is a gift to humanity. His life carries a cosmic significance. His achievements are never less than earth shattering or paradigm shifting. His intelligence is forever penetrating and superior.

People around him are always pathologically deficient or simply refuse. Everything and everyone should succumb to his demands. His special rights are self proclaiming. His very existence is sufficient warrant. He is entitled by his very being. She who wants more from him is either mentally sick or mentally retarded for being unable to grasp all the above.

9. Co-Dependents and Narcissists

Narcissism is a RIGID, systemic pattern of responses. It is so all-pervasive and all-encompassing that it is a PERSONALITY disorder. If the non-narcissist in the couple is co-dependent, for instance, then the narcissist is a perfect match for her and the union will last till death them do part. Such co-dependents SEEK out narcissists and feels fulfilled ONLY in the presence of narcissists.

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10. Forms of Aggression

Cynical humour, brutal honesty, scathing remarks, boredom, detachment, rage, pathological envy, suicidal ideation, self-berating and self-effacement - are all forms of aggression transformed and directed inwardly or outwardly. A narcissist ignored is a narcissist whose very existence is cast in doubt. He feels threatened. He reacts with fear and its attaching drive, aggression (a "fight or flight" response).

11. Narcissist the Sadist

There are many ways of being sadistic. A resounding silence is one of them. Often the voice of the narcissist is so well embedded in his victims that he no longer needs to say anything. His voice is internalized (very much as the voices of our parents and other meaningful caregivers and adults are supposedly internalized in our superego during our formative years).

12. Somatic versus Cerebral Narcissists

A somatic narcissist uses his/her body to seduce. It is the act of seduction that matters, not the actual physical sex that sometimes follows. In other words: the somatic narcissist derives his/her narcissistic supply more from his ability to discernibly influence others (=tease) than from actual sex (let alone, from a romance, or a relationship). This is so much like histrionic PD (HPD) that I once suggested that HPD was, in effect, NPD where the source of Narcissistic Supply was the body.

(In the following sentences male=female)

A somatic narcissist might also derive his NS from cultivating his body, observing his nutrition and health (up to the point of developing an eating disorder - see FAQ 65- and hypochondriasis), exercising, competitive sports. In short: anything related to the body.

Somatic narcissists are often infidel and serial lovers.

13. The Narcissist and the Therapist

The Narcissist thinks (and often says aloud):

"I know best, I know it all, my therapist is bound to be less intelligent than I, I can't afford the top level therapists who are the only ones qualified to treat me (as my intellectual equals), I am actually a therapist myself...."

This is a litany of self delusion and fantastic grandeur (really, the manifestation of defences and resistances).

"He should be my colleague, in certain respects HE should accept my professional authority, why won't he be friends with me, after all I can use the lingo (psycho-babble) even better than he can? It's US (I and he) against the ignorant world."

Then there is:

"Just who does he think he is asking me all these questions?"

"What are his professional credentials? I am a success and he is a nobody therapist in a dingy office, he is trying to negate my uniqueness, he is an authority figure, I hate him, I will show him, I will humiliate him, prove him ignorant, have his licence revoked (transference)."

"Actually, he is pitiable, a zero, a failure ..."

And all this - in the first three therapy sessions...

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14. Being Nice to Others

Narcissists (full fledged, etc.) are nice to others if:

1. They want something - narcissistic supply, help, support, votes, money... They prepare the ground, manipulate you, and then come out with the "small favour" they need, or ask you blatantly or surreptitiously for narcissistic supply ("what did you think about my performance .." "do you think that I really deserve the Nobel Prize?").

1. They feel threatened and they want to neuter the threat by smothering it with oozing pleasantries.

1. They have just been infused with an overdose of narcissistic supply and they feel magnanimous and generous and magnificent and ideal and perfect. To show magnanimity is a way of flaunting one's impeccable angelic credentials. It is an act of grandiosity. The recipient are not relevant, a mere receptacle of the narcissist's overflowing, self contented infatuation with his False Self.

It is transient. Victims tend to "thank God for little graces" (God being the narcissist). This is the Stockholm syndrome: hostages tend to emotionally identify with the terrorists rather than with the police. We are grateful to our abusers and tormentors for ceasing their hideous activities and letting us breathe for awhile.

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15. Prostituting our Selves

Women who, otherwise, have struck me as charming, witty and emotionally delectable often engage in berating themselves and upbraiding their own behaviour. A random selection: "slut", "dirt" and "tramp".

It is one thing to feel bad about indiscriminate, short term, unfulfilling relationships - and another thing to mislabel oneself.

Our society is still male chauvinistic. We still maintain the infamous double standard. To engage in sex with many women is an achievement (for a man) - to do the same with men is prostitution (for a woman). To allow others to make use of your BRAIN for money is to be a consultant - to allow them to make use of your GENITALS for cash is to be a whore. To enjoy sex in the framework of an exclusive arrangement is almost mandatory - to enjoy the same with many men is considered degrading.

To sell your sexual services on an exclusive basis to one man (no matter how abusive) is to be a respectable wife - to do so serially with more than one, no matter how empathic and helpful - is to be a sinful slut.

My training is in philosophy. Each of the statements above and all of them put together are INDEFENSIBLE. No rigorous, rational and culturally independent argumentation and reasoning can yield the above conclusions. Men instilled and embedded in women these insidious control mechanism to protect their sexual exclusivity and to maintain it and to ascertain that their progeny was indeed theirs. It is moral hypocrisy to call a sexually active woman "dirt" or "whore" or "slut".

The very definition of promiscuity is highly dependent on the specific period, society or culture. In many societies and cultures in history, prostitutes officiated in RELIGIOUS rites. In others, they were considered sacred and privy to divine information. Unlimited sex constituted an integral part of many religions. In some cultures uninhibited sex was encouraged among women and taught to them from an early age. In others, guests were invited to share the host's female folk (never against their will, by the way).

Feel GOOD about your body and your sexuality. I have yet to come across something more aesthetically elating than an excited and exciting sexual woman. Don't let society, culture and the men in your life tell you what you are.

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next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 13

A step-by-step guide on how to recognize the signs of stress and how to effectively deal with stress.

Contents

• Recognize your signs of stress
• Dealing with stress (your reactions)
• Positive self-talk
• Relaxation
• Stress-relieving relaxation
• Meditation
• Exercise
• A balanced lifestyle
• Dealing with anger
• Drugs, alcohol and smoking
• Changing your life

If you are feeling stressed, then you may be having trouble with sleeping and concentrating, and with being positive and hopeful. Your body may be trying to get you to recognize that it is feeling stressed by giving you headaches, making you feel sick, giving you indigestion, a fluttery feeling in the tummy, or any one of a number of other signs that are trying to show you that you need to relax.

Here are some ideas to help you deal with stress.

Recognize your signs of stress

Think of a time that was stressful for you - it might have been an exam or a disagreement with a friend, or maybe you needed to tell someone something really important and didn't know how they'd react.

Try to remember how your body felt

• Did you have butterflies in the tummy before the exam?
• Did you get a headache when arguing?
• Did you find it hard to sleep before telling that person the news?

Stop now and have a think about how it felt for you. Perhaps you could write those signs down so you'll remember later.

Dealing with stress (your reactions)

• How did you deal with the stress in the situation you thought about before? Was it helpful?
• Was there another situation where you dealt with stress really well?

Perhaps you could write those strategies down to remember for times you need them. There are many choices in the way that you can deal with stress. Talk to friends about good ways they use to deal with stress to increase your choices.

Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk helps you tap into your inner strengths. We all have inner strengths. Positive self-talk is about using your mind in the way you want, to help yourself. It helps us to decide how we'll react to stress. When we do the opposite (negative thinking) we create more stress for ourselves. Here are some ways to use Positive self-talk.

• Tell yourself positive statements every day (examples: "I am good at ....", "I have inner strength", "I have true beauty within", "All is well", "I feel peaceful now").

• Picture seeing yourself in a positive situation - one that you want to move towards (eg. see yourself doing that school test and being relaxed about it and doing well, picture the teacher reading your test and being impressed on how well you did).

• Remind yourself of things you've done well in the past ("I did well on that school project last year - this means I can do it again").

• Look at the big picture - will it really matter in 5 years? Will the world stop turning if it does or doesn't happen?

• Work on what you can control, accept the rest and let it go.

• You can even make a tape of your own voice saying positive, relaxing, supportive things.

Relaxation

What do you find relaxing?

• Is it dancing, art, meditation, fishing, going for a walk with friends, reading a book, listening to music, shopping, a gym work-out, talking to a friend or playing sport?

Think about things you can do that relax you, and find ways to build them into your weekly routine. These are ways both to prevent stress and to deal with stress.

There are other ways to relax and unwind.

• How about a massage? You could give a friend a neck and shoulder massage or a hand massage and ask for one back.

• Perhaps a yoga or tai chi class is for you.

• Herbal teas like chamomile can help and so can a warm bath or aromatherapy oils like lavender oil.

There are quick relaxation techniques that take just a few minutes. You can use these in many places. For example take a few minutes to relax in the middle of an exam if you find yourself getting stressed and not thinking clearly.

• Deep breathing - breathe in through the nose and let the air fill the bottom of your lungs first, breathe right down to your stomach, then breathe out slowly, concentrating on letting the muscles of your body relax.

• Focus breathing - breathe in through the nose and as you breathe out say a positive statement to yourself like relax or calm down.

• Stretching - stretch out muscles, reach the arms above the head and stretch, or just stretch whatever part of the body you feel needs it. Visualization - this is where you picture a pleasant place and use slow breathing through the nose - you can make the place anywhere you want to and you can change anything in the picture to see, feel, sound or smell just as you wish.

Stress-relieving relaxation

This kind of relaxation takes a little longer.

• You start by sitting or lying down comfortably. A quiet place or relaxing music to listen to is nice.

• Close your eyes.

• Tighten then relax your muscles in order - for example, start at the feet, work your way up through the legs, the middle, your chest and your face muscles.

• One at a time scrunch each set of muscles up tightly for about 30 seconds, then let them go loose.

• Feel which parts of your body are tight and need more work.

You can get tapes to help you do this. This is also good to help you feel the difference between when you are relaxed and when you are tense. This raises your awareness of when you're getting tense and stressed.

Meditation

There are various ways to meditate.

• You can learn by listening to meditation tapes and CDs, by going to a meditation class or by learning from a friend.

• Or you could teach yourself - try this simple meditation.

  • Prepare by getting comfortable and becoming aware of your breathing.

  • Start to count after each breath. Breathe in, breathe out, one, breathe in, breathe out two ... up to ten then start again. If you lose count, go back to one. Just do this for a few minutes. Later you might want to do it for longer and concentrate more and more on your breathing and the feel of your breath going into and out of your body.

  • If any thoughts or noises enter your mind, notice them, let them go and gently return to your meditation.

Exercise

Many people find physical activity helps burn up some of that stress. It can be fun too.

A balanced lifestyle

This is another key to coping well. Make time for:

• yourself - rest, relaxation, thinking time, exercise, and healthy eating
• your relationships
• your social life
• your spiritual needs (this could be religion, nature or whatever is right for you)
• work or study.

To do all this you need to:

• manage your time, eg. make lists, prioritize - there are many books around on time management, or friends may be able to help you with this

• take time out to enjoy your life

• set goals and work towards them - smaller goals are important to have as well as longer term goals

• at work or study, keep in mind that you can only do so much, and that you should take regular breaks.

If it's all getting too much, ask for support. Talk to a friend or family member, or someone supportive at school, or college.

Above all, keep your sense of humor.

Dealing with anger

Anger can lead to stress.

• You might try something physical like going for a run or a bike ride.

• Some people write letters and put in everything they feel angry about, then burn them.

• Other people turn the music up loud and say out loud whatever it is they'd really like to tell someone.

It's OK, in fact it's good, to express anger. We all get angry. We can choose what we do about it and how we express it. Do what's right for you as long as you don't hurt anyone or anything.

Drugs, alcohol and smoking

Some people try drugs, like alcohol (see our topic on 'Alcohol - the facts') and they smoke more.

• This is likely to be more harmful than helpful when you consider the health risks.
• Importantly, they won't change whatever is causing the stress.
• Sometimes doctors prescribe medication like antidepressants for a short time. This could help, but on its own doesn't change whatever is causing the stress.

It's important to look at the causes and ways to deal with the causes - whether that be by increasing your own coping capacities or making changes to your lifestyle.

Changing Your Life

Sometimes changes in your life are the only way to really reduce stress.

• If it's hard to decide how to do that, talk to a trusted friend.
• You could go to counseling to find ways to make changes.

It might mean that you do less for now. For example, if you're studying full time and working and have a relationship and a social life, you may need to cut down somewhere or cut down a bit everywhere.

Source: Child and Youth Health

Research reveals that regular exercise and healthy eating can prevent or delay the onset of Alzheimer's Disease and other dementias.

Physical exercise is very important for maintaining good blood flow to the brain. It also encourages the development of new brain cells and reduces the risk of heart attack, stroke and diabetes which are all risk factors for Alzheimer's and other dementias.

Growing evidence shows that physical exercise does not have to be strenuous or even require a major time commitment. It is most effective when done regularly, and in combination with a brain-healthy diet, mental activity and social interaction.

Aerobic exercise improves oxygen consumption, which benefits brain function; aerobic fitness has been found to reduce brain cell loss in elderly subjects. Walking, bicycling, gardening, tai chi, yoga and other activities of about 30 minutes daily get the body moving and the heart pumping.

Physical activities that also involve mental activity - plotting your route, observing traffic signals, making choices - provide additional value for brain health. And doing these activities with a companion offers the added benefit of social interaction.

Avoid head trauma when exercising

• Use protective headgear when engaged in physical activities, such as bicycling, horseback riding, bouldering, skating and so on.
• Wear a seat belt.
• Guard against falls by using handrails, watching out for tripping hazards and taking other precautions.

Severe head injuries have been associated with increased risk for later development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.

Adopt a Brain-Healthy Diet

According to the most current research, a brain-healthy diet is one that reduces the risk of heart disease and diabetes, encourages good blood flow to the brain, and is low in fat and cholesterol. Like the heart, the brain needs the right balance of nutrients, including protein and sugar, to function well. A brain-healthy diet is most effective when combined with physical and mental activity and social interaction.

Manage your body weight for overall good health of brain and body. A long-term study of 1,500 adults found that those who were obese in middle age were twice as likely to develop dementia in later life. Those who also had high cholesterol and high blood pressure had six times the risk of dementia. Adopt an overall food lifestyle, rather than a short-term diet, and eat in moderation.

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Reduce your intake of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Studies have shown that high intake of saturated fat and cholesterol clogs the arteries and is associated with higher risk for Alzheimer's disease. However, HDL (or "good") cholesterol may help protect brain cells. Use mono- and polyunsaturated fats, such as olive oil, for example. Try baking or grilling food instead of frying.

Increase your intake of protective foods. Current research suggests that certain foods may reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, and appear to protect brain cells.

• In general, dark-skinned fruits and vegetables have the highest levels of naturally occurring antioxidant levels. Such vegetables include: kale, spinach, brussels sprouts, alfalfa sprouts, broccoli, beets, red bell pepper, onion, corn and eggplant. Fruits with high antioxidant levels include prunes, raisins, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, plums, oranges, red grapes and cherries.
• Cold water fish contain beneficial omega-3 fatty acids: halibut, mackerel, salmon, trout and tuna.
• Some nuts can be a useful part of your diet; almonds, pecans and walnuts are a good source of vitamin E, an antioxidant.

Not enough information is available to indicate what quantities of these foods might be most beneficial for brain health. For example, it is not clear how much fruit would have to be consumed to have a detectable benefit. However, a study of elderly women showed that those who ate the most green, leafy and cruciferous vegetables in the group were one to two years younger in mental function than women who ate few of these vegetables.

Vitamin supplements may be helpful. There is some indication that vitamins, such as vitamin E, or vitamins E and C together, vitamin B12 and folate may be important in lowering your risk of developing Alzheimer's. A brain-healthy diet will help increase your intake of these vitamins and the trace elements necessary for the body to use them effectively.

Disease and risk factors you can't control

Alzheimer's disease is the most common form of dementia - brain disorders that affect your ability to function effectively in daily living. Well-established risk factors for Alzheimer's disease are genetics and aging (10 percent of those over age 65 and 50 percent of those over 85 have Alzheimer's). Unfortunately, aging and genetics are two risk factors you can't control.

It's not known what causes Alzheimer's disease or what role genetics plays in most cases of Alzheimer's, though having parents or siblings with the disease increases your risk. A small percentage of cases is known to be caused by inherited mutated genes. In other cases, variants of specific genes increase risk, but even people who inherit such variants from both parents still may not get the disease. These risk factors that you cannot change will set a starting point for you, but there is hope that adopting the healthy brain life habits might delay or prevent the appearance of Alzheimer's disease.

Sources:

• Science Daily, "Serious Head Injuries Linked To Alzheimer's Disease," October 24, 2000.
• Luchsinger JA, Tang MX, Miller J, Green R, Mayeux R. Relation of higher folate intake to lower risk of Alzheimer disease in the elderly. Arch Neurol. 2007 Jan;64(1):86-92.
• Alzheimer's Association

next: Alzheimer's Disease: From Symptoms to Treatments

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 11

1. The Productive Narcissist
2. Abandoning the Narcissist
3. Unloving the Sick or Needy Spouse
4. Moving On
5. Inspirational Messages
6. The Phases of Mourning
7. Forgiving Enemies, Forgetting Friends
8. Self-Confidence and Real Achievements
9. Communicating Emotions
10. Possessive Jealousy
11. Pessimism versus Realism in the Treatment of Narcissists

1. The Productive Narcissist

A good feeling is also a kind of narcissist supply. This insight - that a narcissist can gain narcissistic supply by HELPING others - was instrumental in my transformation. Narcissists have been rejected and abused early on in their lives, so they became defensive. Their personality disorder makes them the target of scorn, hate and contempt. It is a vicious circle. It makes them even more defensive. So they ignore or deny the possibility of GETTING ALONG with people, of engineering positive emotions, of being loved.

To survive, we all MUST give love. But so very few of us know how to ACCEPT it. Narcissists wouldn't recognize love if it hit them on the head. Their world is inhabited by dependency, control, power and fear, not by love.

I do good things but I am not a good person in the sense that, to me, people are bi-dimensional, instruments for my satisfaction, the fountains of my narcissistic supply, objects.

Since I derive most of my narcissistic supply from constructive and productive sources - there is no need for me to go to the negative extremes that I did go to previously. But I still do sabotage myself incredibly.

2. Abandoning the Narcissist

The narcissist INITIATES his own abandonment BECAUSE of his fear. He is so afraid of losing his sources (and, unbeknownst to him, of unconsciously being emotionally hurt) - that he would rather "control", "master", "direct" the potentially destabilizing situation - than confront its effects if initiated by the meaningful other. Remember: the personality of the narcissist has a low level of organization. It is precariously balanced.

Being an abandoned could constitute a narcissistic injury so grave that the whole edifice comes crumbling down. Narcissists usually entertain suicidal ideation in such cases. BUT, if the narcissist did the initiation, if HE directed the scenes, if the abandonment is perceived by him to be a goal HE set to himself to achieve - he can and does avoid all these untoward consequences. See the section about Emotional Involvement Prevention Mechanisms here.

3. Unloving the Sick or Needy Spouse

The Narcissist lives in a world of ideal beauty, incomparable (imaginary) achievements, wealth, brilliance and unmitigated success. The narcissist denies his reality constantly. This is what I call the "Grandiosity Gap" - the abyss between the narcissist's sense of entitlement and his inflated grandiose fantasies - and his incommensurate reality and achievements.

The narcissist's partner is perceived by him to be a source of narcissistic supply, an instrument, an extension of himself. It is inconceivable to the narcissist that - in his blessed presence - such a tool should malfunction. The needs of the partner are perceived by the narcissist as THREATS and INSULTS. He considers his very existence as sufficiently nourishing and sustaining. He feels entitled to the best without investing in maintaining the relationship or in catering to the well-being of his spouse. To rid himself of deep-set feelings of (rather justified) guilt and shame - he pathologizes the partner. He projects sickness unto her. Through the intricate mechanism of projective identification he forces her to play an emergent role of "the sick" or "the weak" or "the naive" or "the dumb" or "the no good". What he denies in himself, what he is terrified of facing in his own personality - he attributes to others and moulds them to conform to his prejudices against himself.

The Narcissist MUST have THE best, the MOST glamorous, stunning, talented, head turning, mind boggling spouse in the WORLD. Nothing short of this fantasy will do. To compensate for the shortcomings of his real life spouse - he invents an idealized figure and relates to it instead. Then, when reality conflicts too often and too roughly with the ideal figure - he reverts to devaluation. His behaviour turns on a dime and becomes threatening, demeaning, contemptuous, berating, reprimanding, destructively critical, and sadistic - or cold, unloving, detached, "clinical". He punishes his real life spouse for not living up to his standards as personified in his Galathea, in his Pygmalion, in his ideal creation. The Narcissist plays God.

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4. Moving On

There is always a risk of judging harshly when we are in pain.

Moving on is a process, not a decision or an event. First, we have to realize what happened and acknowledge the facts. It is a volcanic, shattering, agonizing series of little, nibbling, thoughts countered by strong resistances. The battle won, we can move on to learning.

We attach a label to what bothers us. We assemble material. We gather knowledge. We compare experiences. We digest.

Then we decide and we act. This is "to move on". The success of this list is measured by the numbers of its deserters. Having gathered sufficient sustenance, support and confidence - they leave to face the battlefields of their relationships, fortified and nurtured. This stage is reached by those who come here not to mourn - but to fight; not to grieve - but to replenish their self esteem; not to hide - but to seek; not to freeze - but to move on. This list should be a safe house, a library, an arsenal - in short: a home.

5. Inspirational Messages

What matters is not necessarily the content. What matters is the timing and the music and the meaning attributed by the listener/reader to the content. The same speech that aroused millions yesteryear, looks quaint, even ridiculous today. The same message might revolt you - and motivate another. The pertinent questions are: WHO reads it, WHEN does he read it, WHAT are the circumstances (context), WHAT meaning does he attribute to it, DOES it motivate him. If it is sugar-coated, sentimental, Polyannish but it WORKS - this is IT. In matters of the heart perhaps it is best not to look for the truth - but to seek the heart.

6. The Phases of Mourning

After being betrayed and abused - we grieve. We grieve for the image we had of the traitor and abuser that we will never have again. We mourn the damage he did to us. We experience the fear of never being able to love or to trust again - and we grieve this incapacitation. In one stroke, we lost someone we trusted and even loved, we lost our trusting and loving selves, and we lost the trust and love that we felt. Can anything be worse? I should think not.

The emotional process of grieving is multi-phased. At first, we are dumbfounded, shocked, inert, immobile. We hope that our monsters will let go if they can't find us. So, we remain immobile and frozen. We die. Ossified in our pain, cast in the mould of our reticence and fears. Then we feel enraged, indignant, rebellious and hateful. Then we accept. Then we cry. And then - some of us - learn to forgive and to pity. And this is called healing.

ALL stages are absolutely necessary and good for you. It is bad NOT to rage back, not to shame those who shamed us, to deny, to pretend, to evade. But it is equally as bad to stay like this forever. It is the perpetuation of our abuse by other means. By endlessly recreating our harrowing experiences, we unwillingly and defiantly collaborate with our abuser to perpetuate his or her evil deeds. It is by moving on that we defeat our abuser, belittling him and his importance in our lives. It is by loving and by trusting that we annul that which was done to us. To forgive is never to forget. But to remember is not necessarily to re-live.

7. Forgiving Enemies, Forgetting Friends

Forgiving is an important capability. It does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. But, to my mind, it should not be a universal, indiscriminate behaviour. I think it is legitimate not to forgive sometimes. It depends, of course, on the severity or duration of what was done to you. In general, it is unwise and counter-productive, in my view, to establish "universal" and "immutable" principles in life. Life is too varied to succumb to rigid principles. Sentences which start with "I never" are either not very credible or, worse, they lead to self defeating, self restricting and self destructive behaviours.

How can the worst enemy suddenly become a friend?

Your friendship must not mean much to you if you give it away so easily and so profusely. Friendship is a gradual thing, based on many trials and errors. It is profound and, at its best, it is nourishing and supportive. How can you get all this from a former worst enemy? And how can you become "instant" friends with anyone, let alone your worst adversary?

Conflicts are an important and integral part of life. One should never seek them out willingly - but when confronted with a conflict, one should not avoid it. It is through conflicts and adversity inasmuch as through care and love that we grow.

Some people will always dislike you. It is inevitable and a good thing it is because it allows you to separate the wheat (your true friends) from the chafe (those who dislike you). That someone dislikes you says a lot about HIM or HER - not necessarily about you. People are not objects to be manipulated. They have their own emotions, opinions, judgements, fears, hopes, dreams, fantasies, nightmares, role models and associations. What are the chances for a perfect fit every time? Nil.

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Human relationships are dynamic. We must assess our friendships, partnerships, even marriages periodically. The past is insufficient to sustain a healthy, nourishing, supportive, caring, and compassionate relationship. It is a good pre-condition, perhaps a necessary one - but not a sufficient one. We must gain and regain our friendships on a daily basis. Human relationships are a constant test of allegiance and empathy.

8. Self-Confidence and Real Achievements

This is how we go about life: we find out what we excel at, we develop these talents and gifts, we show the results to people, we secure their appreciation, and this adds to our self confidence. We should be proud of our REAL achievements and qualities.

9. Communicating Emotions

Impressive "emotional intelligence" is typical of people who were hurt in the past. They are more attuned to the emotional needs of others. But there is a big difference between "being mean" and expressing emotions, even negative emotions. I think you should communicate your emotions. If you are angry you should say so and explain both what made you angry and how it can be avoided in the future. If you are jealous, you should express your jealousy in a constructive way. Suppressed emotions are bad. They are like an untreated infection. They poison you. They are likely to bring about short depressive episodes.

10. Possessive Jealousy

If you have a work of art at home - would you hide it behind a curtain and peak at it only secretly or would you share it with family and friends and maybe with the public?

If you have a friend and you can make her happy - would you still qualify as a friend if you prevented this happiness from her by withholding the knowledge necessary for its attainment?

If you see two imperfections which complement each other and in thus doing can reach perfection - would you not sin by preventing their encounter?

And if all this were to involve an intercourse of the body as well as of the mind - should this technical detail derail your resolve to increase the welfare of others rather to decrease it through greed and envy?

11. Pessimism versus Realism in the Treatment of Narcissists

I personally opt for "realism" rather than "optimism" or "pessimism".

Here are some hard facts which I think could serve as an undisputed basis for discussion:

• There are gradations and shades of narcissism. Lacking grandiosity and possessing empathy are not minor variations. They are serious predictors of future dynamics. The prognosis is much better if they do exist.
• There are cases of spontaneous healing and of "short term NPD" (Gunderson and Roningstam, 1996).
• The prognosis for a classic NPD case (grandiosity, lack of empathy and all) is decidedly not good IF we are talking about LONG TERM and COMPLETE HEALING. Moreover, NPDs are intensely disliked by therapists.

BUT

• Side effects, associated disorders (such as OCD), and SOME aspects of NPD (certain behaviours, the dysphorias, the paranoiac dimensions, the outcomes of the sense of entitlement, the pathological lying) CAN be modified (using talk therapy and, depending on the problem, medication). We are not talking about SHORT term solutions - but there are partial solutions and they do have long term effects.
• The DSM is billing and administration oriented. It is intended to "tidy" up the psychiatrist's desk. The PDs are ill demarcated, they tend to intermingle and be cross referenced. The differential diagnoses are vaguely defined, to use a gentle understatement. There are some cultural biases and judgements (see the Schizotypal PD). The result is sizeable confusion and multiple diagnoses. NPD was introduced in 1980 (in the DSM III). There isn't enough research to substantiate one view or another. The DSM V might abolish it altogether within the framework of a cluster or a single "personality disorder" diagnosis. As it is, the difference between HPD and somatic NPD is, to my mind, rather blurred in the extreme cases. So, when we discuss the question: "can NPD be healed?" we need to realize than we don't know for sure what is NPD and what constitutes long term healing in the case of an NPD. There are those who seriously claim that NPD is a CULTURAL disorder with a massive societal determinant.

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next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 12

During graduate school, I had the privilege of getting to know Dimitri Mihalas, then a distinguished professor of astronomy at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (and a member of the National Academy of Sciences). Though he suffers from the bipolar illness (manic depression), he feels that he has actually "gained" from it instead of "losing" to it. He has also been, in my opinion, a pioneer in attempts to increase public awareness of (and therefore decreasing the stigma associated with) the bipolar illness by the act of being completely open about it.

Soon after a major life-threatening episode of depression (which was successfully treated with medication), he set upon himself the task of composing what I consider to be an excellent primer on manic depression. Because it is quite personal, it has been found by many to be extremely useful in gauging their own experiences. It also contains a great deal of useful information about the illness, about the spiritual aspects of recovery, and contains a bibliography for those who want to learn more. Someone who read it described it as a potential "life saver"!

next: Mood Disorders as Physical Illnesses
~ back to Manic Depression Primer homepage
~ bipolar disorder library
~ all bipolar disorder articles

A look at effectiveness of self-help measures and alternate therapies for treating depression.

There are a wide range of self-help measures and alternate therapies which can be useful for some types of depression, either alone or in conjunction with physical treatments (such as antidepressants) or psychological treatments .

However, the more biological types of depression (melancholic and psychotic depression) are very unlikely to respond to self-help and alternative therapies alone although these can be valuable adjuncts to physical treatments.

What follows is not intended to be an exhaustive list, but includes those which are more commonly found helpful. We provide brief information and links to other sources of information. Other self-help measures such as meditation, diet, exercise and relaxation are covered in Ways of Staying Well.

• Bibliotherapy
• Omega-3
• St John's Wort
• Light therapy
• Yoga
• Aromatherapy
• Massage therapy
• Acupuncture

Bibliotherapy

Bibliotherapy involves, essentially, reading books or other materials (such as those available via the Internet) on how to overcome depression and applying the practices oneself. (Recommended Australian books are 'Beating the Blues: A Self-help Approach to Overcoming Depression', by S Tanner and J Ball and 'Dealing with Depression: A common sense guide to mood disorders', by Gordon Parker.) The person works independently (or with some supervision) through the material, applying the techniques outlined in it. Bibliotherapy usually uses the cognitive behavior therapy approach.

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Omega-3 for Treatment of Depression

There is some evidence that Omega-3 oils, commonly found in fish such as salmon, tuna, mackerel and swordfish, play a role in mental well-being, particularly in cases of bipolar disorder, but some studies also demonstrate antidepressant properties.

St John's Wort for Treatment of Depression

St John's Wort is a popular herbal remedy for depression. It is a flower with many chemical compounds, some of which are believed to help depression by preventing nerve cells in the brain from reabsorbing the chemical messenger serotonin, or by reducing levels of a protein involved in the body's immune system functioning.

Studies have shown that St John's Wort is an effective antidepressant in cases of people with mild non-melancholic depression but ineffective for people with melancholic (biological) depression.

St John's Wort can have side-effects however. There are several reports suggesting that it may have some toxic effects on reproductive functioning. There are other possible problems with St John's Wort, including possible interactions with certain medications.

Light therapy for Treatment of Seasonal Affective Disorder

Light therapy involves exposing someone to bright light for around a half an hour each day. The bright light can be either in the form of conventional fluorescent lamps or bright sunlight.

Light therapy has been shown to have particular benefit for people who suffer from a form of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), where depression occurs on a regular basis in particular seasons (especially autumn and winter) and then goes away in the alternate seasons (spring and summer). This condition is more common in the northern hemisphere, but it does exist in Australia.

Yoga for Treating Depression

Yoga is an ancient Indian exercise philosophy that provides a gentle form of exercise and stress management. It consists of postures or 'asanas' that are held for a short period of time and are often synchronized with the breathing. It is very helpful for reducing stress and anxiety which are often precursors to depression. A number of studies have shown that yoga breathing exercises are beneficial for depression.

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Aromatherapy for Treating Depression

Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils to produce different emotional and physiological reactions. There is some evidence that aromatherapy can be helpful in alleviating mental disorders including depression.

A Study at Yale University found that some essential oils affect the nervous system, can help relieve tensions and anxieties, and even reduce blood pressure. A number of essential oils are believed to be especially beneficial in the treatment of depression as they help to balance and relax the nervous system.

Massage therapy for Treatment of Depression

Massage therapy is believed to be helpful for people with depression, although further studies are needed to conclusively prove this. Massage produces chemical changes in the brain that result in a feeling of relaxation, calm and well-being. It also reduces levels of stress hormones - such as adrenalin, cortisol and norepinephrine - which in some people can trigger depression.

Acupuncture for Treating Depression

Acupuncture is an ancient form of healing developed within the traditional medicine China , Japan and other eastern countries. Acupuncture is based on the principle that stimulation of specific areas on the skin affects the functioning of certain organs of the body. Fine needles are inserted into specific points (called acupuncture points) just below the surface of the skin. It is believed that acupuncture can help to relieve depression, along with anxiety, nervous tension and stress.

A small number of studies support the view that acupuncture plays a valuable role in alleviating depression.

Other self-help measures include: meditation, relaxation, a healty diet, alcohol and drug avoidance, and exercise.

Sources: Office of Dietary Supplements - NIH, National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine

 

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back to: Alternative Medicine Home ~ Alternative Medicine Treatments

Contents of Psychology of Sex Website:

Introduction
How to Have Good Sex
Sex and Intimacy
Sexual Fantasies
Sexual Problems: Men's, Women's, Everyone's
Sexual Health
Sex Therapy
Women and Sex, Men and Sex
Teens and Sex: Information for Teens, Parents

Introduction

• Psychology of Sex Homepage
• About Me

How to Have Good Sex

• How to Have Good Sex Table of Contents
• How to Have Good Sex Home
• Secrets of Women Who Love Sex
• Secret to Good Sex
• Conditions for Good Sex
• Good Sex is Good for You
• Good Sex Is Learned - Not Natural
• Knowing What You Want in Bed
• The Requirements for Great Sex
• The Secret to Good Sex in Marriage
• Good Sex Is Not Just for New Lovers
• Good Sex in Long Term Relationships
• Sex Tips For Men: On Being Good In Bed
• Why Single Women Want Good Sex and Romance
• Seven Magnificant Sex Tips For Women
• More Sex Tips for Women

Sex and Intimacy

• Sex and Intimacy Table of Contents
• Sex and Intimacy Home
• Intimacy Issues - What's That?
• What is Intimacy?
• Intimacy Not Just Sex
• The Relationship Between Sex and Intimacy
• Understanding Intimacy
• Fear of Intimacy
• Clearing the Roadblocks to Intimacy
• Why Men Pay For Sex
• How To Develop Intimacy With Your Partner
• Tips for Showing You Care
• Starving for Emotional Intimacy - Why Wait For Sex?
• Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Sexual Fantasies

• Sexual Fantasies Table of Contents
• Sexual Fantasies Home - Are Sexual Fantasies Good for Us?
• Sexual Fantasies: Are They Dangerous?
• The Science of Sexual Fantasies
• Sexual Fantasies: Friend or Foe
• The Differences Between The Sexual Fantasies of Men and Women
• Interview on Sexual Fantasy w/ 2 Philosophy Experts
• Perverse Fantasies: More Common Than We Thought
• Perverse Fantasies: You're Not Alone
• The Gardener of Desire: Women's Sex Fantasies
• Women's Top 10 Sexual Fantasies
• Male Sexual Fantasies: Fantasy, Masturbation, and Sexual Attitudes
• Indian Men and Their Wives' Sexual Fantasies
• Sexual Fantasies of Child Molesters
• Thinking About Sexual Fantasies Lessens Pain
• Understanding Male and Female Sexual Fantasies - Transcript
• Men's Sexual Fantasies: Visitor Input

Sexual Problems

• Sexual Problems Table of Contents

Everyone's Problems

• Types of Sexual Problems
• Range of Sex Problems Stuns Even Researchers
• Me? Have Sexual Problems?
• Four Perspectives on Sex Problems
• No Interest in Sex
• Addictive Sexual Behaviors
• New Antidepressants Depress Libido
• Am I Gay or Lesbian?

Men's Sexual Problems

Impotency

• Male Erection - Penis Erection Problems
• Me? Have Sexual Problems?
• Impotency Basics
• About Male Impotency
• Medications Cause Impotence
• Impotence Treatment
• The Truth About Impotence: Interview with Dr. Irwin Goldstein
• Is Impotence Only a Biological Problem?
• Impotence Related Problems
• The Psychology of Impotence
• How Impotency Affects Relationships
• For the Wife or Partner
• Male Anorgasmia: Inability to Have a Climax
• NIH Report on Impotence

Performance Anxiety

• The Details of Performance Anxiety
• Treating Performance Anxiety

Women's Sexual Problems

• Types of Sexual Problems Women Experience
• Causes of Women's Sexual Problems
• What is an Orgasm?
• Women and Orgasm: The Straight Facts
• What Can You Do About Orgasm Problems?
• Exercises for Achieving the Big O
• Frigidity - Sexual Unresponsiveness
• Why are Women Sometimes Unresponsive to Sex?
• Treatment for Sexual Unresponsiveness
• Vaginal Dryness
• Vaginismus

Sexual Health

• Sexual Health Table of Contents
• Sexual Health Home
• Learn How To Love Yourself
• Your Sexual Health and Attitude
• Make Peace With Your Sexuality
• Opening Up To Sex

Sex Therapy

• Sex Therapy Table of Contents
• Sex Therapy Home - The Basics of Sex Therapy
• Definition of Sex Therapy
• Introduction to Sex Therapy
• Sexuality and Sex Therapy
• Sex Therapy When There is Sexual Dysfunction
• Relational and Sex Therapy
• Thought Field Therapy for Sex Problems
• Self-Help Sex Therapy
• Looking for Sex Therapists Online
• Sexual Surrogates
• Sex Therapy for Abuse Survivors
• Sex Therapy Helps Boomer Couple Renew Their Relationships

Women and Sex

• Women and Sex Table of Contents
• Women and Sex Home
• Men, Sex, and Emotional Connection
• Men Relate Through Sex - Sex As A Measure of Love
• Men View Sex and Feelings As Solution To Male/Female Problems
• Sex Truths About Men That Women Rarely Understand
• More Sex Truths About Men
• Men and Sexual Rejection

Men and Sex

• Men and Sex Table of Contents
• Men and Sex Home
• What Women Want: Intimacy First, Then Sex
• Don't Push Me So Hard For Sex
• Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes
• The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women
• Men and Sexual Rejection
• Male Sexual Assault

Teens and Sex

• Teens and Sex Table of Contents

Information for Teens

• Teens and Sex Homepage
• Sexual Communication: Talking to Your Parents About Sex
• How Do You Know When You're Ready for Sex?
• Virginity
• Okay to say "NO"
• Self-Esteem and How to Improve Your's
• Difference Between Sex and Love
• Does Having Sex Mean Falling in Love
• Date Rape / Acquaintance Rape
• Specific Drugs Used in Sexual Assault
• Dating an Older Guy
• How Can I Tell If My Sexual Activities Are Healthy and Normal?
• Sex Risks: Preventing Pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Diseases
• Birth Control Options
• What Teens Want Other Teens to Know About Preventing Pregnancy
• STDs
• Sexual Orientation: "Am I Gay (Lesbian) because I think about it?"
• Erection Problems

Information for Parents of Teens

• Teen Sexual Behaviors
• Coercion and Sexual Abuse of Teens
• Teens and Sex: The Big Talk Isn't Enough
• Talking with Kids About Sex and Relationships
• Sexual Abuse and Coercion

the web site of Adrian Newington

Still My Mind offers you a variety of resources designed to uplift you spiritually & personally through discourses on philosophy, meditation, prayer, faith, as well as the power of Music.

The songs on here are the written directly from the experience of my own journey. They are written with the intent of providing a window into your own spirituality. It is true that this world is a world of struggle, and the struggle of things both worldy and heavenly is eased greatly when we exercise faith. But!... faith in itself can be a struggle, so to be able to exercise it in confidence we need to transcend the powerful Mind which wants to continually protect us, (our natural survival mentality). This can be achieved when we give ourselves an 'experience' of the inner self. This self is realized through meditation, prayer, humility, love of self, and a willingness to walk a journey of discovery to make yourself new.

The revelation of God's love arising from your own heart is a milestone you should anticipate and expect on such a journey. Pray for, and seek guidance... live with hope, for a darkened mind can never illuminate its own way. Strive to be happy.

It is my wish that would be able to know yourself, and have your greatness revealed to yourself. You Are Great!

Be Peaceful,

Adrian

 

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next: About Adrian Newington

Find out about ADHD coaching, how it works and how an ADHD coach might help you.

• What is an ADHD Coach?
• How to tell if you are ready for coaching
• Why you would want to hire an ADHD coach
• How ADHD coaching works

What is an ADHD coach?

An ADHD coach is similar to other Professional Coaches, but with an emphasis on helping clients and their families with issues related to ADHD. Coaches, like myself, who specialize in this area, help you understand how inattention, impulsivity or low self-esteem has played a role in your life. As an ADHD Coach, I bring to the relationship a unique understanding and appreciation for the challenges and talents of ADHD. Whether your goals are to become more organized, focused or achieve more successes, as your ADHD coach, I am there to encourage and support you every step of the way!

How can I tell if I'm ready for coaching?

If you are not sure if you are ready for coaching, you may want to ask yourself the following questions:

• Have your tried everything you can think of to make changes on your own and are still struggling with ADHD?
• Are your exhausted from the repeated struggles to make positive changes in your life, without any results?
• Do you feel at times as though you are walking on eggshells?
• Are you tired of disappointing others?
• Do you feel as though you have no control over your life?
• Do you often feel alone and isolated?
• Do you feel that things will be even worse in a year from now if you do nothing to change it?
• Are you ready to make the necessary changes in order to redirect your life towards more balance and happiness?

If you answered "yes" to at least six of the eight questions you are ready for the Change of Focus Coaching Programs which will support you towards taking the next steps towards having the life you deserve.

Why you would want to hire an ADHD coach?

People hire me when they are ready to make changes in their lives. Typically, my clients are feeling overwhelmed by the demands of daily life. They want their life to be different, but are unsure about where to start. I believe that you already have all you need to succeed in life...what you don't have is someone to show you how to access it and put it to use. I will help you to clarify and break down seemingly impossible and overwhelming goals into manageable and achievable steps. I will help you develop skills, strategies and provide the structure necessary for you to discover previously buried talents and strengths. By working with me and the Change of Focus Coaching Program, you will find yourself doing more than you would on your own. You will set goals and accomplish them! With coaching, you will begin to feel more focused, productive, organized, fulfilled and balanced.

How ADHD Coaching Works

Coaching is usually done one-on-one either in person or over the phone. ADHD Coaching involves a series of sessions that combine learning about your own ADHD traits, developing the ability to create strategies that work and taking action towards reaching your desired goals. During the coaching meeting, I help to facilitate the processes through questioning, perspective changes, and accountability. Between the coaching sessions, you further your learning by accomplishing personal challenges that have been jointly designed between you and me. Essential to coaching, is the understanding that you are in charge of determining what is best for you. My role is to keep alive your enthusiasm and commitment to successfully make the changes you desire in your life.

About the author:Laurie Dupar is a Certified Professional AD/HD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Coach and Educator with over twenty-five years experience working in the mental wellness field.

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next: ADHD Adults Struggle to Focus
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