Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques

Many with depression don't stand up for themselves. Are you having difficulty with being assertive? Here's how to be more assertive, deal with aggressiveness and improve the communication process.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Having difficulty with being assertive? Here's how to be more assertive, deal with aggressiveness and improve the communication process.Difficulty with being assertive has stereotypically been a challenge ascribed to women. However, research on violence and men's roles demonstrated that many physical altercations result from poor communication which then escalates into larger conflicts.

Many men feel powerless in the face of aggressive communication from men or women in their lives; conversely, passivity in some situations can arouse frustration and anger for many men. As such, assertiveness can be an effective tool for men who are seeking to proactively alleviate violence in their lives, as well as a tool for fostering healthier, more satisfying lives.

Sociologists and mental health professionals are finding that assertiveness is usually displayed in certain circumstances. That is, assertiveness is not a personality trait which persists consistently across all situations. Different individuals exhibit varying degrees of assertive behavior depending on whether they are in a work, social, academic, recreational or relationship context. Therefore, a goal for assertiveness training is to maximize the number of context in which an individual is able to communicate assertively.

Non-Assertiveness

A non-assertive person is one who is often taken advantage of, feels helpless, takes on everyone's problems, says yes to inappropriate demands and thoughtless requests, and allows others to choose for him or her. The basic message he/she sends is "I'm not OK."

The non-assertive person is emotionally dishonest, indirect, self-denying, and inhibited. He/she feels hurt, anxious, and possibly angry about his/her actions.

Non-Assertive Body Language:

  • Lack of eye contact; looking down or away.
  • Swaying and shifting of weight from one foot to the other.
  • Whining and hesitancy when speaking.

Assertiveness

An assertive person is one who acts in his/her own best interests, stands up for self, expresses feelings honestly, is in charge of self in interpersonal relations, and chooses for self. The basic message sent from an assertive person is "I'm OK and you're OK."

An assertive person is emotionally honest, direct, self-enhancing, and expressive. He/she feels confident, self-respecting at the time of his/her actions as well as later.

Assertive Body Language:

  • Stand straight, steady, and directly face the people to whom you are speaking while maintaining eye contact.
  • Speak in a clear, steady voice - loud enough for the people to whom you are speaking to hear you.
  • Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with assurance and confidence.

Aggressiveness

An aggressive person is one who wins by using power, hurts others, is intimidating, controls the environment to suit his/her needs, and chooses for others. An aggressive says, "You're not OK."

He/she is inappropriately expressive, emotionally honest, direct, and self-enhancing at the expense of another. An aggressive person feels righteous, superior, deprecatory at the time of action and possibly guilty later.

Aggressive Body Language:

  • Leaning forward with glaring eyes.
  • Pointing a finger at the person to whom you are speaking.
  • Shouting.
  • Clenching the fists.
  • Putting hands on hips and wagging the head.

Remember: ASSERTIVENESS IS NOT ONLY A MATTER OF WHAT YOU SAY, BUT ALSO A FUNCTION OF HOW YOU SAY IT!

How To Improve the Communication Process

  • Active listening: reflecting back (paraphrasing) to the other person both words and feelings expressed by that person.
  • Identifying your position: stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.
  • Exploring alternative solution: brainstorming other possibilities; rating the pros and cons; ranking the possible solutions.

Making Simple Requests:

  • You have a right to make your wants known to others.
  • You deny your own importance when you do not ask for what you want.
  • The best way to get exactly what you want is to ask for it directly.
  • Indirect ways of asking for what you want may not be understood.
  • Your request is more likely to be understood when you use assertive body language.
  • Asking for what you want is a skill that can be learned.
  • Directly asking for what you want can become a habit with many pleasant rewards.

Refusing requests:

  • You have a right to say NO!
  • You deny your own importance when you say yes and you really mean no.
  • Saying no does not imply that you reject another person; you are simply refusing a request.
  • When saying no, it is important to be direct, concise, and to the point.
  • If you really mean to say no, do not be swayed by pleading, begging, cajoling, compliments, or other forms of manipulation.
  • You may offer reasons for your refusal, but don't get carried away with numerous excuses.
  • A simple apology is adequate; excessive apologies can be offensive.
  • Demonstrate assertive body language.
  • Saying no is a skill that can be learned.
  • Saying no and not feeling guilty about it can become a habit that can be very growth enhancing.

Assertive Ways of Saying "No":

  • Basic principles to follow in answers: brevity, clarity, firmness, and honesty.
  • Begin your answer with the word "NO" so it is not ambiguous.
  • Make your answer short and to the point.
  • Don't give a long explanation.
  • Be honest, direct and firm.
  • Don't say, "I'm sorry, but..."

Steps in Learning to Say 'No'

  • Ask yourself, "Is the request reasonable?" Hedging, hesitating, feeling cornered, and nervousness or tightness in your body are all clues that you want to say NO or that you need more information before deciding to answer.
  • Assert your right to ask for more information and for clarification before you answer.
  • Once you understand the request and decide you do not want to do it, say NO firmly and calmly.
  • Learn to say NO without saying, "I'm sorry, but..."

Evaluate Your Assertions

  • Active listening: reflecting back (paraphrasing) to the other person both words and feelings expressed by that person.
  • Identifying your position: stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.
  • Exploring alternative solution: brainstorming other possibilities; rating the pros and cons; ranking the possible solutions.

Assertive Techniques

  1. Broken Record - Be persistent and keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. Stick to your point.
  2. Free Information - Learn to listen to the other person and follow-up on free information people offer about themselves. This free information gives you something to talk about.
  3. Self-Disclosure - Assertively disclose information about yourself - how you think, feel, and react to the other person's information. This gives the other person information about you.
  4. Fogging - An assertive coping skill is dealing with criticism. Do not deny any criticism and do not counter-attack with criticism of your own.
  • Agree with the truth - Find a statement in the criticism that is truthful and agree with that statement.
  • Agree with the odds - Agree with any possible truth in the critical statement.
  • Agree in principle - Agree with the general truth in a logical statement such as, "That makes sense."
  • Negative Assertion - Assertively accepting those things that are negative about yourself. Coping with your errors.
  • Workable Compromise - When your self-respect is not in question offer a workable compromise.

Method of Conflict Resolution

  • Both parties describe the facts of the situation.
  • Both parties express their feelings about the situation, and show empathy for the other person.
  • Both parties specify what behavior change they would like or can live with.
  • Consider the consequences. What will happen as a result of the behavior change? Compromise may be necessary, but compromise may not be possible.
  • Follow up with counseling if you need further assistance.

Every Person's Bill of Rights

  1. The right to be treated with respect.
  2. The right to have and express your own feelings and opinions.
  3. The right to be listened to and taken seriously.
  4. The right to set your own priorities.
  5. The right to say NO without feeling guilty.
  6. The right to get what you pay for.
  7. The right to make mistakes.
  8. The right to choose not to assert yourself.

Source: This page complements of Louisiana State University Student Health Center

next: Depression and Suicide Crisis Centers and Hotlines
~ back to Apocalypse Suicide homepage
~ depression library articles
~ all articles on depression

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/articles/assertiveness-non-assertiveness-and-assertive-techniques

Last Updated: June 18, 2016

Adult Women and the Development of Eating Disorders

Eating disorders continue to spread on today's society and not just among teenage girls but also among adult women and males.Eating disorders continue to be on the increase in today's society and not just among teenage girls. Many people believe that eating disorders affect only teenage girls, but that could not be further from the truth. Women are under just as much pressure to be thin as teenagers are. We are seeing more and more women developing eating disorders in their twenties, thirties, forties, and beyond. The onset on anorexia, bulimia and compulsive eating can occur at any time in a person's life.

Even though the reasons for the development of an eating disorder may vary, the feelings about oneself are usually the same. The women suffer with feelings of self-hate, worthlessness, low self-esteem, and they usually feel that in order to be happy, they must be thin. Some may feel their lives are out of control and they turn to the one area of their lives that they can control, their weight. Others may believe that once they attain the "ideal" body image, then their lives will become perfect.

There are many reasons why eating disorders may develop later in one's life. With the high rate of divorce, many women are finding themselves back in the dating game in their forties and fifties. They many begin to believe that in order to find another man, they must be thin. If they are in a marriage and find out that their husband has been having an affair, they may blame themselves for that. The woman might feel that her husband has strayed because he no longer finds her attractive. She will then focus her attention on her weight and feel that if she had only been thin, her husband would not have been unfaithful. Usually when affairs happen in a marriage, weight is not the problem. There are deeper problems in the marriage that probably caused the affair to happen. Women need to stop blaming themselves for their husband's infidelity. Sometimes blaming themselves and their weight for the affair is easier than dealing with the deeper problems that caused the marriage to crumble. In other situations, eating disorders may develop once the children are grown and out on their own. A women who has dedicated her life to raising her children, may all of a sudden find herself alone and start to feel like she has no real purpose anymore. She may start focusing on her weight, believing that she will be happy, once she becomes thin. She may also turn to food for comfort to try and fill the void she feels inside.

Society also puts women under a lot of pressure to be thin. Women are constantly being told that we must have a perfect marriage, be a perfect mother, and have the perfect career. We are given the message that in order to obtain all that, we must have the perfect body. Growing older in today's society is much different for women than it is for men. If a man's body changes or his hair starts to turn gray, he is considered to be "distinguished". If a woman's body changes and her hair starts to turn gray, she is considered to be "letting herself go". Eating disorders become a woman's way of escaping the daily pressures of life. We can no longer enjoy food or allow ourselves to provide our bodies with the nutrition it needs and deserves, because society and the media makes us feel guilty for eating.

A while back I read a quote by Pauline Frederick, it went, "When a man gets up to speak, people listen then look. When a woman gets up, people look, then, if they like what they see, they listen". Unfortunately that statement is very true. Women aren't yet taken seriously enough in the business industry and in their careers. A woman trying to advance in her career may feel that in order to be taken seriously and have her ideas listened to, she must be thin. People today need to realize that someone's appearance has nothing to do with their ability to function in their career. Weight has no effect on someone's intelligence, abilities and job performance. It's time the world started respecting women for their accomplishments and stop judging us by our appearance.

Women need to take a stand and stop trying to live up to the standards that society has set for us. We need to stop buying those fashion magazines and diet products. We need to constantly remind ourselves that we are a person of great value and our weight should not play a part in how we feel about ourselves. We spend to much time and money focusing on losing weight and trying to attain the "ideal" body. Instead, we need to focus on ourselves. We need to get off the diet roller coasters. Diets just don't work and losing weight will never bring you true happiness. Be proud of yourself for who you are and for your accomplishments. Don't allow a scale to rule your life anymore.

If you are suffering with an eating disorder or think you are, I would urge you to seek help immediately. There is no shame in having an eating disorder. Older women sometimes find it hard to reach out and ask for help, because eating disorders are still very much associated as being an illness that only affects teenage girls. The fact is, eating disorders can affect any woman or man at anytime in their lives, age has nothing to do with it. Eating disorders can be beaten and there is help available. You don't need to continue to live this hell everyday. You can free yourself and you can start living the happy, healthy life that you deserve to live.

next: Eating Disorders: Analyzing Female Bulimics
~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Adult Women and the Development of Eating Disorders, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/adult-women-and-the-development-of-eating-disorders

Last Updated: January 14, 2014

Eating Disorders and Family Relationships

Systems theory and object relations theory correspond in the study of eating disorders. Theorists propose that the dynamics of the family system maintain the insufficient coping strategies seen in eating disordered individuals (Humphrey & Stern, 1988).

Humphrey and Stern (1988) contend that these ego deficits are the result of several failures in the mother-infant relationship of an eating disordered individual. One failure was in the mother's ability to consistently comfort the child and care for her needs. Without this consistency, the infant is unable to develop a strong sense of self and will have no trust in the environment. Furthermore the child cannot discriminate between a biological need for food and an emotional or interpersonal need to feel secure (Friedlander & Siegel, 1990). The absence of this secure environment for the infant to gets her needs met inhibits the individuation process of being autonomous and expressing intimacy (Friedlander & Siegel, 1990). Johnson and Flach (1985) found that bulimics perceived their families as emphasizing most forms of achievement except recreational, intellectual or cultural. Johnson and Flach explain that in these families the bulimic has not sufficiently individuated to be able to assert or express herself in those areas. These autonomous activities also conflict with their role as the "bad child" or scapegoat.

The eating disordered individual is a scapegoat for the family (Johnson & Flach,1985). The parents project their bad selves and their sense of inadequacy on the bulimic and anorexic. The eating disordered individual has such a fear of abandonment that they will fulfill this function. Although the parents also project their good selves onto the "good child", the family may also see the eating disordered individual as the hero since they ultimately lead the family to treatment (Humphrey & Stern, 1988).

The eating disordered individual is a scapegoat for the family. The parents project their bad selves and their sense of inadequacy on the bulimic and anorexic child.Families that maintain eating disorders are often very disorganized as well. Johnson and Flach (1985) found a direct relationship between the severity of symptomology and the severity of disorganization. This coincides with Scalf-McIver and Thompson's (1989) finding that dissatisfaction with physical appearance is related to a lack of family cohesion. Humphrey, Apple and Kirschenbaum (1986) further explain this disorganization and lack of cohesion as the "frequent use of negativistic and complex, contradictory communications" (p. 195). Humphrey et al. (1986) found that bulimic-anorexic families were ignoring in their interactions and that the verbal content of their messages contradicted their nonverbals. Clinicians and theorists propose that these individuals' dysfunction is in regards to food for certain reasons. The rejection of food or the purging is likened to the rejecting of the mother and is also an attempt to get the mother's attention. The eating disordered individual may also choose to restrict her caloric intake because she wants to postpone adolescence due to her lack of individuation (Beattie, 1988; Humphrey, 1986; Humphrey & Stern, 1988). Binges are an attempt to fill the emptiness from a lack of internalized nurturance. The binging is also related to the eating disordered individual's inability to determine whether they are hungry or need to soothe their emotional tensions. This inability is a result of the inconsistent attention to their needs as a child. This care effects the quality of attachment between mother and child as well (Beattie, 1988; Humphrey, 1986; Humphrey & Stern, 1988).

The research has not significantly focused on attachment and separation theories to explain eating disorders because it did not view the theories as predictive or explanatory. However, Bowlby (as cited in Armstrong & Roth, 1989) proposes that eating disordered individuals are insecurely or anxiously attached. According to his attachment theory, an individual draws close to an attachment figure to feel secure and soothe their anxieties. Bowlby believes that the eating disordered individual diets because she thinks that will create more secure relationships which will help alleviate the tensions she cannot handle herself (Armstrong & Roth, 1989). This coincides with Humphrey and Stern's (1988) belief that eating disorders function in varying ways to alleviate the emotional tension that they are unable to alleviate themselves. Other research has supported Bowlby's theory as well. Becker, Bell and Billington (1987) compared eating disordered and non-eating disordered individuals on several ego deficits and found that fear of losing an attachment figure was the only ego deficit that was significantly different between the two groups. This again supports the relational nature of eating disorders. Systems theory and object relations theory also explain why this disorder occurs predominately in females.

Beattie (1988) contends that eating disorders occur much more frequently in females because the mother often projects her bad self onto the daughter. The mother frequently sees her daughter as a narcissistic extension of herself. This makes it very difficult for the mother to allow her daughter to individuate. There are several other aspects of the mother-daughter relationship that impedes individuation.


The daughter's relationship with her primary caretaker, the mother, is strained regardless of any family dysfunction. The daughter has to separate from her mother in order to develop her separate identity, but she also needs to remain close to her mother to achieve her sexual identity. Daughters also perceive themselves as having less control over their bodies because they do not have the external genitalia that lead to a sense of control over their bodies. Consequently daughters rely on their mothers more than their sons (Beattie, 1988). Researchers have used several different strategies to collect the data of eating disordered individuals. These studies have used self-report measures and observational methods (Friedlander & Siegel, 1990; Humphrey, 1989; Humphrey, 1986; Scalf-McIver & Thompson, 1989). Studies on eating disordered individuals have also used several different sampling procedures. Clinical populations have frequently been compared to non-clinical populations as controls. However, studies have classified female college students with three or more eating disordered symptoms as a clinical population. Researchers have studied the parents of bulimics and anorexics as well as the entire family (Friedlander & Siegel, 1990; Humphrey, 1989; Humphrey, 1986 & Scalf-McIver & Thompson, 1989). Separation-Individuation Process and Related Psychiatric Disturbances. There are several ways that an unhealthy resolution of the separation-individuation process is manifested. The child attempts to individuate from the mother figure when the child is around two years of age and again during adolescence. Without a successful resolution as a toddler, there will be extreme difficulties when the adolescent attempts to individuate. These difficulties often lead to psychiatric disturbances (Coonerty, 1986).

Individuals with eating disorders and borderline personality disorders are very similar in their unsuccessful attempts to individuate. This is why they often present as a dual diagnosis. Before explaining their specific similarities, it is necessary to explain the stages of the first separation-individuation process (Coonerty, 1986).

The infant becomes attached to the mother figure during the first year of life, and then the separation-individuation process begins when the infant realizes that they are a separate person from the mother figure. The child then begins to feel as though the mother figure and herself are all powerful and does not rely on the mother figure for security. The final stage is rapprochement (Coonerty, 1986; Wade, 1987).

During rapprochement, the child becomes aware of her separation and vulnerabilities and seeks security again from the mother figure. Separation and individuation does not occur when the mother figure cannot be emotionally available to the child after she separated. Theorists believe this originates with the mother figure's only initial attempt at individuation which was met with emotional abandonment from her mother (Coonerty, 1986; Wade, 1987). When the child becomes an adolescent her inability to individuate again can result in eating disorder symptomology and borderline personality disorder symptomology such as attempts at self-harm. The child felt self-hatred for wanting to separate from the mother figure; therefore, these self-destructive behaviors are ego syntonic. These acting out behaviors of adolescence are attempts to regain emotional security while exercising dysfunctional autonomy. Furthermore, both sets of symptoms result from the lack of self-soothing mechanisms that make individuation impossible (Armstrong & Roth, 1989; Coonerty, 1986; Meyer & Russell, 1998; Wade, 1987).

There is a strong connection between eating disordered individuals' and borderlines' failed separation and individuation, but other psychiatric disturbances are related to separation-individuation difficulties as well. Researchers have found adult children of alcoholics and codependents in general to have difficulties individuating from their family of origin (Transeau & Eliot, 1990; Meyer & Russell, 1998). Coonerty (1986) found schizophrenics to have separation-individuation problems, but specifically they do not have the necessary attachment with their mother figure and they differentiate too early.

next: Family Members of the Eating Disordered Patient
~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

APA Reference
Gluck, S. (2008, December 5). Eating Disorders and Family Relationships, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/eating-disorders-and-family-relationships

Last Updated: January 14, 2014

Cutting: Self-Mutilating to Release Emotional Stress

One reason teens are cutting themselves, engaging in self-injury, is to deal with depression and release emotional stress. Read this story.

Doctors call it the new anorexia -- a dangerous addiction that's catching on with large groups of local teens. It's called, Cutting. Teens taking blades to their bodies trying desperately to take their minds off emotional stress. Kids First reporter Kendall Tenney talked with one teen who almost lost her life because she was trying to cut away the pain.

Warning: graphic/disturbing text follows

"I was with that razor in the bathroom cutting and slicing away."

"I had these feelings and depression and I didn't know how to deal with it."

"I needed a release and that's what it was."

A release that almost took Marie's life last September when she cut too deeply and almost bled to death. "When you're cutting and you go into that trance you don't feel the pain you don't realize how deep you're going."

"How often were you doing this?"

"Once every other month I'd hit bottom for myself and I'd break out the razor."

"It helps take their mind away from the fact that they're depressed."

Doctor Mark Chambers has treated several local teen cutters. "It's almost always the result of depression and very often these kids don't know how to deal with it."

It's something they discover on their own. It might start with just the scratching of the skin and then they realize hey that feels better than what I'm feeling and then it tends to build and magnify from there.

"There can be cases where the cutting is done multiple times, every day."

"How were you able to hide this from people?"

"I did it in places where they couldn't see it like my upper arms."

That lasted 3 years, until Marie's boyfriend told her mother what was going on.

"I was just devastated because I couldn't understand why she would do something like that."

"You feel remorse, you feel guilt, you feel like a freak, you're not supposed to be doing this."

Twice a week, the 23 year old goes to support groups at her church and mental health facilities to control those urges. "I've had setbacks. I'm still going through it, I still cut."

"The thoughts go through my head. This isn't working out... go and cut yourself. You can't deal, go and cut yourself. I don't want to go through life with all these scars on my body."

Marie and her mom are trying to start a local support group for cutters. "Kids First" logged on to teen cutting websites. We found several teens in Nevada admitting to self-mutilation -- all looking for help to stop their addiction.

Psychologists encourage parents to help teens find healthy ways to deal with frustration. Many teens feel like there's something wrong with them and don't understand why they're depressed. Doctors say parents should tell teens feelings like that are natural and consider counseling to help them.

next: Common Characteristics of the Self-Injurer

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Cutting: Self-Mutilating to Release Emotional Stress, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/cutting-self-mutilating-to-release-emotional-stress

Last Updated: June 24, 2011

Time to Turn the Tables

Turning the tables on your abuser. How to take yourself back from the control and manipulation in a verbally abusive relationship.

Okay, my friend, this page might just be what you need! But be careful with the information here. Let me say it again -

BE CAREFUL

I say that because if you handle it right, he won't catch on. This info is designed to help you begin to take yourself back from his control and manipulation. It will be a long, hard road, but if you follow these instructions EXACTLY and be STRONG, you will BREAK FREE of his control.

Are you ready?

Okay, first of all, let me tell you that all the techniques I am describing here are in THE BOOK - The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. They work. How do you think I got here? I encourage you to GET THE BOOK!!! It would be the best $10 or so you'll ever spend.

Here we go...

Whatever you are talking about at the time, the abuser is good at "turning it around" on you. You know what I mean:

YOU: Where is the money in the savings account?

HIM: You just don't trust me - you've NEVER trusted me.

YOU: Yes, I do.

HIM: No, you always accuse me of stuff I didn't do.

YOU: I didn't accuse you of anything.

HIM: And you always think I'm up to something.

Sound familiar? That's called "diverting." You start one conversation, then all of a sudden YOU are on the defense! And later you think, "how did that happen?!"


 


This is what you do: whatever your question, ask it. Then, when he starts his diversion tricks, ASK THE SAME QUESTION EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AGAIN. No matter what he says, no matter where he tries to take you, EXACTLY AS BEFORE.

YOU: Where is the money in the savings account?

HIM: You just don't trust me - you've NEVER trusted me.

YOU (calmly): Where is the money in the savings account?

HIM: It's my money! You didn't work for it!

YOU (still calm): Where is the money in the savings account?

After a few minutes, he will become confused, which will be a small victory for you, since you are usually the one confused by now. DO NOT LET HIM DIVERT YOU! If you practice this technique, after a while it will get easier and easier. BE WARNED: once he sees that this doesn't work anymore, he may try something new.

Another thing that I noticed I was doing was trying to defend myself against his accusations. If he accused me of having a boyfriend (which was one of his favorites), I'd deny it. DON'T DENY ANYTHING TO DEFEND YOURSELF. Check this out:

HIM: You've been gone too long. Have a good time with your boyfriend?

YOU: I don't have a boyfriend. The grocery store was just busy.

HIM: Oh, sure. The meat is probably gone bad. You were in some motel.

YOU: No, I wasn't. I told you, it was crowded and the cashier was really slow.

Been there? Okay, try this next time:

HIM: You've been gone too long. Have a good time with your boyfriend?

YOU (calmly): I do not have to listen to this. I'm leaving.

[at this point, leave the room - chances are, he'll follow you]

HIM: Your boyfriend must be really good in bed. Where did you meet this time?

YOU (still calm): I do not have to listen to this. I'm leaving.

[leave the room again - sometimes I ended up leaving the HOUSE - go for a walk!]

Again, just stay calm, and keep repeating. DO NOT DIGNIFY HIS ACCUSATION WITH DENIAL. After a while, as before, it'll get easier.

WARNING! After some time, this becomes FUN. Yes, you will begin to think of it as a game, how do I get him this time? This is sad, in a way, but it's true. I will be saying "I told you so."

next: For Friends and Family of Domestic Violence Victims
~ all Break Free! articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Time to Turn the Tables, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/verbal-abuse-dealing-with-the-abuser

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Self Mutilation: Self-Injurers Often Suffered Sexual or Emotional Abuse

Detailed information on self-mutilation. Definition, reasons for self-mutilating behavior, misconceptions, treatment for self-mutilation.

Individuals who self-injure often have suffered sexual, emotional, or physical abuse

Introduction

Suyemoto and MacDonald (1995) reported that the incidence of self-mutilation occurred in adolescents and young adults between the ages of 15 and 35 at an estimated 1,800 individuals out of 100,000. The incidence among inpatient adolescents was an estimated 40%. Self-mutilation has been most commonly seen as a diagnostic indicator for borderline personality disorder, a characteristic of Stereotypic Movement Disorder (associated with autism and mental retardation) and attributed to Factitious Disorders. However, practitioners have more recently observed self-harming behavior among those individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, and most recently, with adolescents and young adults. The increased observance of these behaviors has left many mental health professionals calling for self-mutilation to have its own diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Zila & Kiselica, 2001). The phenomenon is often difficult to define and easily misunderstood.

Definition of Self-Mutilation

Several definitions of this phenomenon exist. In fact, researchers and mental health professionals have not agreed upon one term to identify the behavior. Self-harm, self-injury, and self-mutilation are often used interchangeably.

Some researchers have categorized self-mutilation as a form of self-injury. Self-injury is characterized as any sort of self-harm that involves inflicting injury or pain on one's own body. In addition to self-mutilation, examples of self-injury include: hair pulling, picking the skin, excessive or dangerous use of mind-altering substances such as alcohol, and eating disorders.

Favazza and Rosenthal (1993) identify pathological self-mutilation as the deliberate alteration or destruction of body tissue without conscious suicidal intent. A common example of self-mutilating behavior is cutting the skin with a knife or razor until pain is felt or blood has been drawn. Burning the skin with an iron, or more commonly with the ignited end of a cigarette, is also a form of self-mutilation.

Self-mutilating behavior does exist within a variety of populations. For the purpose of accurate identification, three different types of self-mutilation have been identified: superficial or moderate; stereotypic; and major. Superficial or moderate self-mutilation is seen in individuals diagnosed with personality disorders (i.e. borderline personality disorder). Stereotypic self-mutilation is often associated with mentally delayed individuals. Major self-mutilation, more rarely documented than the two previously mentioned categories, involves the amputation of the limbs or genitals. This category is most commonly associated with pathology (Favazza & Rosenthal, 1993). The remaining portion of this digest will focus on superficial or moderate self-mutilation.

Additionally, self-injurious behavior may be divided into two dimensions: nondissociative and dissociative. Self-mutilative behavior often stems from events that occur in the first six years of a child's development.

Nondissociative self-mutilators usually experience a childhood in which they are required to provide nurturing and support for parents or caretakers. If a child experiences this reversal of dependence during formative years, that child perceives that she can only feel anger toward self, but never toward others. This child experiences rage, but cannot express that rage toward anyone but him or herself. Consequently, self-mutilation will later be used as a means to express anger.

Dissociative self-mutilation occurs when a child feels a lack of warmth or caring, or cruelty by parents or caretakers. A child in this situation feels disconnected in his/her relationships with parents and significant others. Disconnection leads to a sense of "mental disintegration." In this case, self-mutilative behavior serves to center the person (Levenkron, 1998, p. 48).

Reasons for Self-Mutilating Behavior

Individuals who self-injure often have suffered sexual, emotional, or physical abuse from someone with whom a significant connection has been established such as a parent or sibling. This often results in the literal or symbolic loss or disruption of the relationship. The behavior of superficial self-mutilation has been described as an attempt to escape from intolerable or painful feelings relating to the trauma of abuse.

The person who self-harms often has difficulty experiencing feelings of anxiety, anger, or sadness. Consequently, cutting or disfiguring the skin serves as a coping mechanism. The injury is intended to assist the individual in dissociating from immediate tension (Stanley, Gameroff, Michaelson & Mann, 2001).

Characteristics of Individuals Who Self-Mutilate

Self-mutilating behavior has been studied in a variety of racial, chronological, ethnic, gender, and socioeconomic populations. However, the phenomenon appears most commonly associated with middle to upper-class adolescent girls or young women.

People who participate in self-injurious behavior are usually likable, intelligent, and functional. At times of high stress, these individuals often report an inability to think, the presence of inexpressible rage, and a sense of powerlessness. An additional characteristic identified by researchers and therapists is the inability to verbally express feelings.

Some behaviors found in other populations have been mistaken for self-mutilation. Individuals who have tattoos or piercings are often falsely accused of being self-mutilators. Although these practices have varying degrees of social acceptability, the behavior is not typical of self-mutilation. The majority of these persons tolerate pain for the purpose of attaining a finished product like a piercing or tattoo. This differs from the individual who self-mutilates for whom pain experienced from cutting or damaging the skin is sought as an escape from intolerable affect (Levenkron, 1998).

Common Misconceptions of Self-Mutilation

Suicide

Stanley et al., (2001) report that approximately 55%-85% of self-mutilators have made at least one attempt at suicide. Although suicide and self-mutilation appear to possess the same intended goal of pain relief, the respective desired outcomes of each of these behaviors is not entirely similar.

Those who cut or injure themselves seek to escape from intense affect or achieve some level of focus. For most members of this population, the sight of blood and intensity of pain from a superficial wound accomplish the desired effect, dissociation or management of affect. Following the act of cutting, these individuals usually report feeling better (Levenkron, 1998).

Motivation for committing suicide is not usually characterized in this manner. Feelings of hopelessness, despair, and depression predominate. For these individuals, death is the intent. Consequently, though the two behaviors possess similarities, suicidal ideation and self-mutilation may be considered distinctly different in intent.

Attention-seeking behavior

Levenkron (1998) reports that individuals who self-mutilate are often accused of "trying to gain attention." Although self-mutilation may be considered a means of communicating feelings, cutting and other self-harming behavior tends to be committed in privacy. In addition, self-harming individuals will often conceal their wounds. Revealing self-inflicted injuries will often encourage other individuals to attempt to stop the behavior. Since cutting serves to dissociate the individual from feelings, drawing attention to wounds is not typically desired. Those individuals who commit self-harm with the intent of gaining attention are conceptualized differently from those who self-mutilate.

Dangerousness to others

Another reported misconception is that those individuals who commit self-harm are a danger to others. Although self-mutilation has been identified as a characteristic of individuals suffering from a variety of diagnosed pathology, most of these individuals are functional and pose no threat to the safety of other persons.

Treatment of the Individual Who Self-Mutilates

Methods employed to treat those persons who self-mutilate range on a continuum from successful to ineffective. Those treatment methods that have shown effectiveness in working with this population include art therapy, activity therapy, individual counseling, and support groups. An important skill of the professional working with a self-harming individual is the ability to look at wounds without grimacing or passing judgment (Levenkron, 1998). A setting that promotes the healthy expression of emotions, and counselor patience and willingness to examine wounds is the common bond among these progressive interventions (Levenkron, 1998; Zila & Kiselica, 2001).

Sources:

  • Favaro, A. & Santonastaso, P. (2000). Self-injurious behavior in anorexia nervosa. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 188(8), 537-542.
  • Favazza, A.R. & Rosenthal, R. J. (1993). Diagnostic issues in self-mutilation. Hospital and Community Psychiatry, 44, 134-140.
  • Levenkron, S. (1998). Cutting. New York, NY: W. W. Norton and Company.
  • Stanley, B., Gameroff, M. J., Michalsen, V., & Mann, J. J. (2001). Are suicide attempters who self-mutilate a unique population? American Journal of Psychiatry, 158(3), 427-432.
  • Suyemoto, K. L. & MacDonald, M. L. (1995). Self-cutting in female adolescents. Psychotherapy, 32(1), 162-171.
  • Zila, L. M. & Kiselica, M. S. (2001). Understanding and counseling self-mutilation in female adolescents and young adults. Journal of Counseling & Development, 79, 46-52.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Self Mutilation: Self-Injurers Often Suffered Sexual or Emotional Abuse, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/self-mutilation-from-why-to-treatment

Last Updated: June 21, 2019

Child Abuse And Multiple Personality Disorder

Department of Psychiatry, Indiana University School of Medicine

Abstract: The syndrome of multiple personality is associated with a high incidence of physical and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Occasionally those with multiple personality abuse their own children. Multiple personality is difficult to diagnose both because of the nature of the syndrome and because of professional reluctance. Although multiple personality is most difficult to diagnose during childhood because of the subtlety of the syndrome. The much higher morbidity found in adult cases makes it imperative that it be diagnosed and treated early in order to avoid further abuse and greater morbidity and to shorten treatment time. This review describes the history, clinical features and treatment of multiple personality, particularly in children, in addition to exploring the professional reluctance to make the diagnosis.The syndrome of multiple personality is associated with a high incidence of physical and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Occasionally those with multiple personality abuse their own children. Read more.

Introduction: MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER is of special interest to clinicians interested in child abuse and neglect because patients with multiple personality were almost invariably abused either physically or sexually when they were children. Like other victims of child abuse. sometimes those with multiple personality abuse their children. Also. like child abuse. there is a professional reluctance to diagnose multiple personality. Perhaps most importantly, clinicians working in the area of child abuse have the opportunity of diagnosing incipient multiple personality in children and initiate early intervention leading to successful treatment.

History Of Multiple Personality

The history of the dissociative disorders, which include multiple personality, extends back into the New Testament times of the first century when numerous references to demon possession, a forerunner of multiple personality, were described [1, 2]. The phenomenon of possession continued to be prevalent until well into the 19th century and is still prevalent in certain areas of the world [2, 3]. However, beginning in the 18th century, the possession phenomenon began to decline and the first case of multiple was described by Eberhardt Gmelin in 1791 [2]. The first American case, that of Mary Reynolds, was first reported in 1815 [2]. The late 19th century saw a flurry of publications about multiple personality [4], but the relationship of multiple personality to child abuse was not generally recognized until the publication of Sybil in 1973 [5]. The growth of interest in multiple personality has paralleled that of incest with which it is closely related. The reports of both incest and multiple personality have greatly increased since 1970 [6].

Clinical Description Of Multiple Personality

Multiple personality is defined by the DSM-III as:

  1. The existence within the individual of two or more distinct personalities. Each of which is dominant at a particular time.
  2. The personality that is dominant at any particular time determines the individual's behavior.
  3. Each individual personality is complex and integrated with its own unique behavior patterns and social relationships [7].

Unfortunately the description of multiple personality in the DSM-111 has led, in part, to frequent misdiagnosis and under diagnosis [8]. Multiple personality most often presents with depression and suicidality rather than personality changes and amnesia which are obvious clues to dissociation |3, 8]. The amnesia in multiple personality includes amnesia for traumatic experiences in the remote past and amnesia for recent events which occurred while the individual was dissociated into another personality. Often emotional stress precipitates dissociation. The amnesiac episodes generally last from a few minutes to a few hours but occasionally may last from a few days to a few months. The original personality is usually amnesiac for the secondary personalities while the secondary personalities may have varying awareness of one another. Sometimes a secondary personality may exhibit the phenomenon of co-consciousness and be aware of events even when another personality is dominant. Generally the original personality is rather reserved and depleted of affect [5]. The secondary personalities usually express affects or impulses unacceptable to the primary personality such as anger, depression, or sexuality. Differences between personalities may be quite subtle or quite striking. Personalities may be of different age, race, sex, sexual orientation, or parentage from the original. Most often the personalities have chosen proper names for themselves. Psychophysiologic symptoms are extremely frequent in multiple personality [9]. Headaches are extremely common as are hysterical conversion symptoms and symptoms of sexual dysfunction [3, 10].




 

Transient psychotic episodes may occur in multiple personality [11]. Hallucinations during such episodes are usually of a complex visual nature indicating an hysterical type of psychosis. Sometimes a personality will hear the voices of other personalities. These voices, which occasionally are of a command type, appear to come from inside the head, and should not be confused with the auditory hallucinations of the schizophrenic which usually come from outside the head. Most often stress precipitates the transition between personalities. These transitions may be dramatic or quite subtle. In a clinical situation the transition may be facilitated by asking to speak to a particular personality or by the use of hypnosis. The switching process usually takes several seconds while the patient closes the eyes or appears to look blank, as if in a trance.

The onset of multiple personality generally occurs in childhood, although the condition is not usually diagnosed until adolescence or early adulthood. The sex incidence is about 85% female [11]. This increased incidence of multiple personality in women may occur because sexual abuse and incest, which are strongly associated with multiple personality, occur predominantly in female children and adolescents. The degree of impairment in multiple personality may vary from mild to severe. Although multiple personality was thought to be quite rare, recently it has been reported to be more common [8].

Types Of Child Abuse Experienced By Multiple Personality Victims

Trauma has long been recognized as an essential criterion for the production of dissociative disorders including multiple personality [12]. The various types of trauma include childhood physical and sexual abuse. rape, combat, natural disasters, accidents, concentration camp experiences, loss of loved ones, financial catastrophes. and severe marital discord [12]. As early as 1896, Freud recognized that early childhood seduction experiences were responsible for 18 female cases of hysteria, a condition closely associated with dissociative disorders [13]. In the famous case of Dora. the patient's complaint of a sexually seductive adult was corroborated by other family members [14. 15]. In another famous case of hysteria, Anna O, who suffered from dual personality, the initial trauma was the death of Anna O's father [16. 17].

It was not until the publication of Sybil in 1973 that childhood physical and sexual abuse became widely recognized as precipitants of multiple personality [5]. Since 1973 numerous investigators have confirmed the high incidence of physical and sexual abuse in multiple personality [6, 18, 19]. In 100 cases Putnam found an 83% incidence of sexual abuse, 75% incidence of physical abuse, 61% incidence of extreme neglect or abandonment. and an overall 97% incidence of any type of trauma [20]. In Bliss' series of 70 patients, of whom only 32 met the DSM-111 criteria for multiple personality, there was a 40% incidence of physical abuse and a 60% incidence of sexual abuse in the female patients [21]. Coons reports a 75% incidence of sexual abuse. a 55% incidence of physical abuse, and an overall 85% incidence of either type of abuse in a series of 20 patients [10]. The types of child abuse experienced by victims of multiple personality are quite varied [22]. Sexual abuses include incest, rape, sexual molestation. sodomy. cutting of the sexual organs, and inserting objects into the sexual organs. Physical abuses include cutting, bruising. beating, hanging. tying up, and being locked in closets and cellars. Neglect and verbal abuse are also common.

The abuse in multiple personality is usually severe, prolonged. and perpetrated by family members who are bound to the child in a love-hate relationship [IO, 22, 23]. For example, in one study of 20 patients. abuse occurred over periods ranging from 1 to 16 years. In only one instance was the abuser not a family member. The abuses included incest. sexual molestation, beating, neglect, burning and verbal abuse.




 

Multiple Personality Disorder In Children

No cases of childhood multiple personality disorder were reported between 1840 and 1984 [24]. In 1840 Despine Pete reported the first case of childhood multiple personality in an Il-year-old girl [2]. Since 1984 at least seven cases of childhood multiple personality disorder have appeared in the literature [24-27]. The reported cases range in age from 8 to 12 years.

From these first few reported cases the symptoms characteristic of childhood multiple personality begin to emerge and reveal some marked differences when compared to adults [25]. In the childhood form of multiple personality the difference between personalities are quite subtle. In addition the number of personalities is fewer. So far an average of 4 (range 2-6) personalities have been reported in children. while the average number of personalities reported in adults is about 13 (range 2 to 100+). Symptoms of depression and somatic complaints are less common in children but the symptoms of amnesia and inner voices are not decreased. Perhaps most importantly, the therapy of children with multiple personality is usually brief and marked by steady improvement. In adults therapy may last anywhere from 2 to over 10 years. while in children therapy may only last a few months. Kluft believes this shorter therapy time is due to the lack of narcissistic investment in separateness [25].

Kluft and Putnam have derived a list of symptoms characteristic of childhood multiple personality disorder [24]. The main characteristics include the following:

  1. A history of repeated child abuse.
  2. Subtle alternating personality changes such as a shy child with depressed. angry. seductive. and/or regressive episodes.
  3. Amnesia of abuse and/or other recent events such as schoolwork. angry outbursts, regressive behavior. etc.
  4. Marked variations in abilities such as schoolwork. games. and music.
  5. Trance-like states.
  6. Hallucinated voices.
  7. Intermittent depression.
  8. Disavowed behaviors leading to being called a liar.

Childhood Abuse Perpetrated By Adults With Multiple Personality

Relatively little is known about multiple personality parents who abuse their children. In the only study to date. the children of parents with multiple personality disorder tend to have a higher rate of psychiatric disturbance when compared to a control group of children with parents having other psychiatric disturbances.. where. the incidence of child abuse between the two groups was not significant [28]:In this 'study child abuse occurred in 2 of 20 families which included at least one multiple personality parent. In one family the son of a multiple personality mother was severely neglected secondarily to the mother's frequent dissociation and the severe drug abuse by both parents. This child was subsequently removed from the home. In the second family the father. who was not a multiple personality. sexually abused his son. The abuse ceased when the parents divorced but began again when the father regained custody secondarily to the mother's inability to control her teenage son. Most of the multiple personality parents in this series tried to be very good parents in order to insure that their children did not suffer child abuse as they had.

In another reported case an 18-month-old girl was physically abused by her stepfather who was a multiple personality [29]. The abuse ceased when the parents divorced subsequent to the episode of physical abuse which left the child in a transient coma and a retinal hemorrhage.

The management of parents with multiple personality who abuse their children should be handled like any other case of child abuse. The child abuse should be reported to the appropriate child protective services and the child should be removed from the home if necessary. Obviously the parent with multiple personality should be in therapy and attempts to help the abusive personality should be of paramount importance. Management should then proceed on a case by case bases [30, 31].

Professional Reluctance To Diagnose Multiple Personality

Like child abuse, particularly incest, there is a professional reluctance to diagnose multiple personality disorder. In all likelihood this reluctance stems from a number of factors including the generally subtle presentation of the symptoms, the fearful reluctance of the patient to divulge important clinical information, professional ignorance concerning dissociative disorders, and the reluctance of the clinician to believe that incest actually occurs and is not the product of fantasy.

If the patient with multiple personality presents with depression and suicidality and if the differences between personalities is subtle, the diagnosis may be missed. The changes in personality may be attributed to a simple mood change. for instance. In other cases individuals with multiple personality may go through prolonged periods without dissociation, and, therefore, the diagnosis is missed because a "window of diagnosibility" did not exist at the time of the clinical examination [8].

In addition to the subtle presentation of multiple personality, most individuals with this disorder consciously withhold vital clinical information about memory loss, hallucinations, and knowledge of other personalities in order to avoid being labeled "crazy." Others withhold information out of distrust. Still others are totally unaware that they are symptomatic. For instance, they may be completely unaware of alter personalities, and the time loss or time distortion which they experience may have occurred for such a long time that they consider it to be normal.

Professional ignorance about multiple personality is likely to be due to several factors. Because multiple personality was thought to be a rare disorder, many clinicians assumed that they would never see one in their practice. This false assumption caused many clinicians not to consider multiple personality in their differential diagnosis. In addition multiple personality did not appear as an official disorder until the publication of DSM-111 in 1980. Finally. until the past ten years, many psychiatric journals refused to publish articles about multiple personality because the disorder was felt to be rare or nonexistent and of little interest to their readers.

The reluctance of the clinician to believe that incest occurred in their patients is perhaps the most troubling aspect regarding the misdiagnosis of multiple personality. In many cases stories of incest have been assumed to be fantasies or outright lies. This practice of nonbelief has occurred despite examples where sexual abuse has been carefully confirmed with collateral sources [5, 32]. A number of authors [33-35] have written about this problem of clinician disbelief which is thought to be a counter transference reaction to the traumatized victim [34].

Undoubtedly Freud's renunciation of his earlier belief in the seduction theory was a setback to understanding incest [36]. For many years after Freud's renunciation, clinicians assumed stories of incest to be fantasy. Benedek pointed out that the counter transference reactions to victim's traumatic abuse included extreme anxiety about the abuse and resultant avoidance of the topic, a conspiracy to maintain silence about the abuse, and blaming the victim for the abuse [34]. Goodwin suggested that the clinician's incredulity regarding the abuse functions to make one believe that the patient and her family are not as sick as they seem, and, therefore, the uncomfortable reality of having to report abuse or appear in court is unnecessary [35]. Goodwin also suggested that disbelief shields the clinician from the powerful rage expressed by the victim and her family if confrontation about the abuse occurs.




 

Treatment Of Multiple Personality Disorder

Since several excellent reviews of the treatment of multiple personality disorder exist [6, 37-40], treatment will only be summarized here. Particular emphasis will be placed on treatment of multiple personality in children. In the initial phase of treatment, trust is an extremely important issue. Trust may be very difficult to obtain because of the previous childhood maltreatment. Trust may also be difficult to obtain because of previous misdiagnosis and disbelief. Once the patient feels understood and believed, however, the patient becomes a steadfast and willing partner in the treatment process.

In adults the making of the diagnosis and the sharing of the diagnosis with the patient is an important part of the initial therapy. This sharing process must be done in a gentle and timely manner to avoid the patient fleeing therapy after becoming fearful of the implications of dissociation. This particular step in therapy with children is relatively unimportant because of their relative lack of abstractive ability and the lack of narcissistic investment in separateness by the alter personalities.

A third task in the initial phase of treatment is to establish communication with all of the alter personalities in order to learn their names, origins, functions, problems, and relationships to the other personalities. In case any of the personalities are dangerous to themselves or others, contracts should be made against acting out in any harmful manner.

The initial phase of therapy may occur very rapidly or may take several months depending on the amount of trust present. The middle phase of treatment is the most lengthy phase and may extend into years of work.

The middle phase of treatment involves helping the original personality and the alter personalities with their problems. The original personality needs to learn how to cope with dissociated affects and impulses such as anger, depression, and sexuality. The traumatic experiences should be explored and worked through with all of the personalities. The therapeutic use of dreams, fantasies, and hallucinations can be very helpful in this working through process. Amnesiac barriers should be broken down during this middle phase. This may be accomplished through the use of audio tapes, videotapes, journal writing, hypnosis, and direct feedback from the therapist or significant relations. Intrapersonality cooperation and communication should be facilitated during this phase of treatment.

The final phase of therapy involves fusion or integration of the personalities. Although hypnosis may facilitate this process, it is not absolutely necessary. Therapy does not end with integration, however, as integrated patients must practice their newfound intrapsychic defenses and coping mechanisms or the risk of renewed dissociation is great. The patient's transference, especially the dependence, hostility, or seductiveness towards the therapist, may sorely test the therapist's patience. Likewise the therapist's counter transference feelings, which may include over fascination, over investment, intellectualization, withdrawal, disbelief, bewilderment, exasperation, anger, or exhaustion, should be closely monitored. Hospital treatment may be useful to protect the patient from self-destructive urges, treat psychotic episodes, or to treat a severely dysfunctional patient who is unable to provide for basic needs. Psychotropic medication does not treat the basic psychopathology of multiple personality. Antipsychotic medication may be useful temporarily to treat a brief psychosis. Antidepressants are occasionally useful for an accompanying affective disorder. Minor tranquilizers should be avoided except for temporary use to decrease massive anxiety because of the significant abuse potential in multiple personality. Alcohol and drugs are frequently used and abused by the patient to avoid painful affects and memories. The treatment of a child with multiple personality takes far less time than treatment of an adult. In the treatment of children Kluft and Fagan and McMahon utilized various techniques including play therapy, hypnotherapy, and abreaction in order to bring about integration [25, 26]. Kluft placed particular emphasis on family intervention and agency involvement both to prevent further abuse and to alter pathological patterns of interaction.

Conclusions

The psychiatric syndrome of multiple personality is associated with an extremely high incidence of physical and/or sexual abuse during childhood. The abuse is usually severe, prolonged, and perpetrated by family members. Multiple personality may be difficult to diagnose because of the subtlety of the presenting symptoms. the patient's fear of being labeled crazy and the clinician's mistaken belief that multiple personality is a rare condition. Currently multiple personality is usually diagnosed in adults who are in their late 20s or early 30s. The diagnosis of multiple personality in children is even more difficult because of the subtlety of symptoms and the ease with which these symptoms are confused with fantasy. Although individuals with multiple personality do not usually abuse their own children, the incidence of psychiatric disturbance in their children is high. Multiple personality is much easier to treat if diagnosed early in childhood or adolescence. Therefore, in order to decrease the morbidity of multiple personality and decrease the psychiatric disturbance in children of multiple personality parents, it behooves the clinician to become well acquainted with the syndrome of multiple personality, to diagnose multiple personality as early as possible, and to insure that the individual with multiple personality obtains effective treatment.



next:Multiple Personality Mirrors of a New Model of Mind?


 

REFERENCES

1. OESTERREICH, T.C. Possession and Exorcism. Causeway Books. New York (1974).

2. ELLENBERGER. H. E The Discovery of the Unconscious. Basic Books. New York

3. COONS. P.M. The differential diagnosis of multiple personality: A comprehensive review. Psychiatric' Clinics of North America 7:51-67 (1984).

4. TAYLOR, W.S. and MARTIN. M. E Multiple personality. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 39:281-300 ( 1944].

5. SCHREIBER. E R. Sybil. Regnery. Chicago (1973).

6. GREAVES, G.B. Multiple personality 165 years after Mary Reynolds. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease 168:577-596 (1980).

7. AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION. Diagnostic' and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (3rd ed.). Amencan Psychiatric Association. Washington. DC (1980).

8. KLUFT. R.P. Making the diagnosis of multiple personality (MPD). Directions in Psychiatr*.' 5:1-11 (1985).

9. BLISS, E.C. Multiple personalities: A report of 14 cases with implications for schizophrenia. Archives of General Psychiatry 257:1388-1397 (1980).

10. COONS. P.M. Psychosexual disturbances in multiple personality: Characteristics. etiology. and treatment. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. (In press). 1. COONS. P.M. Multiple personality: Diagnostic considerations. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.' 41: 1980).

11. COONS.P.M. Multiple personality: Diagnostic consideration. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry 41:330-336 (1980).

12. PUTNAM. F W. Dissociation as a response to extreme trauma. In: Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality, R.P. Kluft (Ed.). pp. 65-97. American Psychiatric Association. Washington. DC (1985).

13. FREUD. S. The etiology of hysteria. In: The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works. (Vol.3). T. Strachey (Ed.). Hogarth Press. London (1962).

14. FREUD. S. Dora: An Analysis of a Case of Hysteria. C. Rieff(Ed.). Collier Books. New York (1983).

15. GOODWIN. J. Post-traumatic symptoms in incest victims. In: Post-Trattmatic Stress Disorder in Children. S. Eth and R.S. Pynoos (Eds.). pp. 157-168. American Psychiatric Association. Washington. DC (1985).

16. BREUER. J. and FREUD. S. Slitdies in Hysteria. J. Strachey [Ed.). Basic Books. New York (1983).

17. JONES. E. The Life and Work of.Sigmund Freud. (Vol. 1). New York. Basic Books 11953).

18 .BOOR. M. The multiple personality epidemic: Additional cases and inferences regarding diagnosis. etiology and treatment. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease 170:302-304 [1982).

19. SALTMAN, V. and SOLOMON. R.S. Incest and multiple personality. Psychological Reports 50:1127-1141 (1982).

20. PUTNAM. E W.. POST. R.M., GUROFF. J., SILBERMAN. M.D. and BARBAN. L. IOO cases of multiPleDC (1983).Personality disorder. New Research Abstract #77. American Psychiatric Association. Washington.

21. BLISS. E.L. A symptom profile of patients with multiple personalities including MMPI results. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease 172:197-202 (1984).

22. WILBUR. C.B. Multiple personality and child abuse. Psychiatric Clinics of North America 7:3-8

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Child Abuse And Multiple Personality Disorder, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/wermany/child-abuse-and-multiple-personality-disorder

Last Updated: September 25, 2015

Depression is Common in People Who Self-Injure: Therapist's Comments

Depression is common in people who self-injure

Juliet is suffering silently from self-injury syndrome, something that most sufferers suffer alone, and in shame. While some experts have seen self-injury as similar to suicide, just stopping short of it, most see self-injury as a distinct entity. Why do people, and especially women and young women, engage in such activities ranging from hair pulling and cutting one's self to much more severe forms of self-mutilation?

For those of us who don't engage in this kind of activity, it seems bizarre bordering on crazy. The fact is, most people who self-injure are not "crazy" but they often do suffer from psychological problems. Depression is common in people who self-injure. People who self-injure have often suffered physical, emotional or sexual abuse as children.

So why is Juliet going to cut herself again? Self-abusers report feeling calm and peaceful after a certain amount of injury. Many report feeling little or no pain. Is she doing it for the attention that she will get after injuring herself? Perhaps.

Some experts suggest that self-injurers pursue this activity as a way of escaping severe emotional pain. The physical pain they inflict upon themselves allows them to escape, at least for a while, the emotional pain they are experiencing.

The feeling of control that some self-abusers experience can explain in part, the motivation behind self-mutilation. Many self-abusers, like Juliet, are perfectionists, demanding a lot of themselves.

Juliet's your friend-how do you help her?

It's important to recognize that people who self-injure themselves on a regular basis need to get professional help. The first therapist you turn to is not always the right one for you. If Juliet feels that Doug is not a good therapist for her, it may pay to try a different one.

One of the things that both therapists and friends can help Juliet with is letting her know that she is okay, even if she isn't perfect. It sounds like she is setting up tremendously high standards for herself, and ends up creating a lot of tension and self-induced pressure. Learning how to let go a bit, relax, and unwind might be very helpful for Juliet.

As Juliet's friend, you could try to distract her when she begins to talk about self-injuring. Go for a walk, or see a movie together. Often the urge to self-injure will pass with time. But remember, you are not her therapist, you are her friend.

If you have a child that self-injures it is imperative to consult with a mental health professional, both to get a better understanding of what is going on and to get some help for your child. This is one symptom that cannot be overlooked and shrugged off.

There are many treatments available for self-mutilators, and their families. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

About the author: Dr. Naomi Baum has been a child and family psychologist for the past 15 years.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Depression is Common in People Who Self-Injure: Therapist's Comments, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/self-injurer-depression

Last Updated: June 21, 2019

Depression: Suicide and Self Injury

Many people who self-injure are depressed and consider suicide. Here are some suicide warning signs.

Suicide is a scary word, but here's what you should know about it. Most people who are clinically depressed do not commit suicide, but they are more at risk for it. You may have heard people say things like, "Someone who talks about killing himself or herself will never actually do it."

This is important: thinking about, talking about, or trying suicide is ALWAYS SERIOUS. If you or a friend is doing any of these, talk to a trusted adult IMMEDIATELY. If you're worried that someone close to you may be thinking about suicide, watch for these warning signs:

  • Talking, reading, or writing about suicide or death.
  • Talking about feeling worthless or helpless.
  • Saying things like, "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I were dead," or "I shouldn't have been born."
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
  • Giving things away or returning borrowed items.
  • Organizing or cleaning bedroom "for the last time."
  • Hurting oneself or purposely putting oneself in danger.
  • Obsessed with death, violence, and guns or knives.
  • Previous suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts.

Once again: if you notice one or more of these signs in someone you know, get help right away.

Self-injury is when a person physically hurts himself or herself on purpose. When someone who is clinically depressed does this, it might be because:

  • He's trying to change the way he's feeling.
  • She's desperately trying to get the attention she needs.
  • He wants to express how hopeless and worthless he feels.
  • She is having suicidal thoughts. Self-injury can be just as dangerous as suicidal talk and thoughts, so don't hesitate to seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing this.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Depression: Suicide and Self Injury, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/depression-suicide-and-self-injury

Last Updated: June 21, 2019

Birthquakes Excerpts

Foreword from BirthQuake: A Journey to Wholeness

"If you will dive long enough, deep enough, some great sea change takes place - bringing bounty forever. I do not know if we can choose this path. More so, I would say certain ones are chosen."
-- Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Time to move forwardMy office clock stopped running on the day I closed my psychotherapy practice in Maine. I walked into the room on that final morning to see its hands frozen. I stood before it for a moment and waited for it to resume its slow and deliberate march. Then I was struck by the irony of the clock's demise on this of all days, as I acknowledged it's final message. "We're finished for now. It's time to go." Time to go...

I was unsteady on my feet as I moved around the room. I looked long and hard at my desk, at my old rockers, at my beloved sectional couch, and at the sunlight coming through the stained glass just above it. I'd lived so much of my life in this room and yet it, along with so much else that belonged to me, would be dismantled very soon. I felt empty and sad. I wasn't prepared for this. I was exhausted already by the good-byes I'd struggled through the past few weeks, and I wanted to reject this day even as I got ready for it

It wasn't supposed to end this way. (How many times have you heard that?) I'd told Lori long ago that she would choose when our work together was completed. It would be she who would tell me that we wouldn't be making another appointment. Instead, it was I who was leaving her.

When she walked through the door, she immediately moved into my arms and began to cry. As I held her, the guilt inside of me rose up to meet her grief. I wasn't supposed to leave her. I wasn't supposed to abandon my family, my friends, my partner, my practice, and my home either. And yet, it was in part, through my leaving, and loss, and letting go that I began to attempt to put into words the culmination of many years of research, clinical experience, and most importantly - critical life lessons.

This book is about a phenomenon which is presently challenging numerous members of my generation in particular. It's about the "Birthquakes" so many of us are struggling with and through. Where everything is rocked and shifted, where foundations crack, and treasures lie buried beneath the rubble.

At a glance, Birthquakes can understandably be confused with what has been identified for decades as the "midlife crisis," as they, too, appear in almost all cases during the second half of life. They also are, at least initially, profoundly difficult experiences. Being caught up in the confusion of a mid-life crisis, however, doesn't always lead to a desirable destination. Those who brave the mighty storms of a Birthquake on the other hand, are in every case ultimately transformed.

I have been a witness to its power and its fury. I have experienced the anguish, and I have stood in the center of its triumph. How do I tell you about what that feels like? I don't tell you. I attempt to explain it to you to the best of my ability, and if you have been there, you immediately recognize it. If you haven't, I'll try to be clear enough for you to grasp it in your imagination. I will also remind you that what you envision is not the same as what you actually experience. It may in part be less, while at the same time it is most certainly also significantly more.

The Quake arrives for most of us when we're standing at a crossroad. When the forces inside of us which contain a vast amount of wisdom erupt, pushing us forward towards growth and opportunity, we often push back. In spite of how uncomfortable our present situation may be, it's familiar. We know for the most part what to expect, and so we often attempt to distract ourselves from this inner voice which calls upon us to venture into foreign territory. Still, the voice refuses to be silenced. It taunts us, it haunts us, and it will not go away.

Encountering the Quake is much like the process of giving birth. Initially, there are feelings of inadequacy and fear delicately linked with anticipation and hope. As the process unfolds, the pain often intensifies until it can seem unbearable. As this period of transition is entered into, many want to turn back. Later, while engulfed in the agony, they become aware that in spite of the pain, they must not surrender. Instead, they must push on until the end - when they are finally delivered.

A Birthquake generally occurs when you're confronted with a significant challenge in your life. It may be the loss of a significant relationship, a job, your health, or your dream. It may evolve from a growing awareness that you're not satisfied with your present situation, or that you feel lost and confused. During this troubling period, you're often confronted with difficult choices. Will you attempt to ignore your inner voices by retreating to the familiar? Or will you brave the unknown, make the necessary changes, and take the risks that a Birthquake demands?

I want to make it perfectly clear that the intent of this book is not to propose that a crisis or painful episode in one's life is always ultimately a positive experience from which one learns and grows. A crisis can be devastating, and can wound so deeply that complete healing never occurs. I can't think of a time in my life that I've ever welcomed one, nor would I for a moment suggest that you consider yourself fortunate for having the opportunity to become stronger and wiser when having a painful experience. More often then not, I suspect I would choose to gladly give up the gains of my pain, if I could just be spared the hurt.

The reality though, as we all know, is that ready or not - difficulty, confusion, loss, risk, and potential danger befalls us all. Ultimately, at some point in each of our lives, a crisis becomes unavoidable. What differentiates a Birthquake from a typical life crisis is not what triggers the journey, instead, it's the choices one makes and the lessons one learns along the way. In the simplest terms, a Birthquake is a painful experience which eventually leads an individual to significant emotional and spiritual growth.


If you've found yourself at a turning point, or are attempting to find meaning and purpose in your life, then Birthquake was written for you. It will assist you in looking at several very important aspects of yourself and your world. It will offer you hope, guidance and insight. It's not a book that will provide you with easy solutions to your present dilemma. It's not that simple - emotional and spiritual growth never is.

In order to achieve maximum benefits from Birthquake, I recommend that you take your time reading, pausing periodically to reflect upon your own experiences. You'll find that this book is as much about you as it is about anybody. At the end of each chapter, I've incorporated a workbook that was designed to accompany the text. When you finish a chapter, before moving on to the next, I suggest that you answer the workbook questions. Take your time. In doing so, you'll find that you are discovering a tremendous amount about yourself. I also suggest that you keep a journal while reading this book.

Each of our lives contains a sacred purpose. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of day to day living, it's easy to get so caught up in the details that we completely lose touch with the meaning and purpose of our lives. Birthquake will assist you in uncovering aspects of yourself that have become hidden. It will also provide you with important tools that will enable you to identify your needs and guide you in developing a plan to most effectively meet them.

Most importantly, Birthquake offers you an opportunity to discover the value and significance of your own unique journey.

Virginia's Journey

Virginia's JourneyIn a small coastal village in eastern Maine, there lives a woman who is as at peace with her life as anyone I've ever met. She is slender and delicately boned with innocent eyes and long gray hair. Her home is a small, weathered, gray cottage with big windows that look out over the Atlantic Ocean. I see her now in my mind's eye, standing in her sunlit kitchen. She's just taken molasses muffins out of the oven, and the water is warming on the old stove for tea. Music is playing softly in the background. There are wild flowers on her table and potted herbs on the sideboard beside the tomatoes she's picked from her garden. From the kitchen, I can see the book- lined walls of her sitting room and her old dog snoozing on the faded Oriental rug. There are sculptures scattered here and there of whales and dolphins; of the wolf and coyote; of the eagle and the crow. Hanging plants grace the corners of the room, and a huge yucca tree stretches up towards the skylight. It is a home that contains one human being and a multitude of other living things. It's a place that once entered, becomes difficult to leave.

She first came to coastal Maine in her early forties, when her hair was deep brown and her shoulders stooped. She has remained here walking straight and tall for the past 22 years. She felt defeated when she first arrived. She had lost her only child to a fatal automobile accident, her breasts to cancer, and her husband four years later to another woman. She confided that she'd come here to die and had learned, instead, how to live.

When she first arrived, she hadn't slept a whole night through since the death of her daughter. She would pace the floors, watch television, and read until two or three in the morning when her sleeping pills finally took effect. Then she would rest at last until lunchtime. Her life felt meaningless, each day and night just another test of her endurance. "I felt like a worthless lump of cells and blood and bone, just wasting space," she remembers. Her only promise of deliverance was the stash of pills that she kept tucked away in her top drawer. She planned to swallow them at summer's end. With all of the violence of her life, she would at least die in a gentle season.

"I would walk on the beach every day. I'd stand in the frigid ocean water and concentrate on the pain in my feet; eventually, they'd go numb and wouldn't hurt anymore. I wondered why there was nothing in the world that would numb my heart. I put on a lot of miles that summer, and I saw how beautiful the world still was. That just made me more bitter at first. How dare it be so beautiful, when life could be so ugly. I thought it was a cruel joke -- that it could be so beautiful and yet so terrible here at the same time. I hated a great deal then. Just about everybody and everything was abhorrent to me.

I remember sitting on the rocks one day and along came a mother with a small child. The little girl was so precious; she reminded me of my daughter. She was dancing around and around and talking a mile a minute. Her mother seemed to be distracted and wasn't really paying attention. There it was, the bitterness again. I resented this woman who had this beautiful child and had the indecency to ignore her. (I was very quick to judge back then.) Anyway, I watched the little girl playing and I began to cry and cry. My eyes were running, and my nose was running, and there I sat. I was a little surprised. I had thought I'd used up all of my tears years ago. I hadn't wept in years. Thought I was all dried up and out. Here they were though, and they began to feel good. I just let them come and they came and came.

I started meeting people. I didn't really want to because I still hated everybody. These villagers are an interesting lot though, awfully hard to hate. They're plain and simple- talking people and they just sort of reel you in without even seeming to pull at your line. I started to receive invitations to this and that, and finally I accepted one to attend a potluck supper. I found myself laughing for the first time in years at a man who seemed to love to make fun of himself. Maybe it was the mean streak I still had, laughing at him, but I don't think so. I think I was charmed by his attitude. He made so many of his trials seem humorous.


I went to church the following Sunday. I sat there and waited to get angry as I heard this fat man with soft hands talking about God. What did he know of heaven or of hell? And yet, I didn't get mad. I started to feel kind of peaceful as I listened to him. He spoke of Ruth. Now I knew very little about the Bible, and this was the first time I had heard about Ruth. Ruth had suffered greatly. She had lost her husband and left behind her homeland. She was poor and worked very hard gathering fallen grain in the fields of Bethlehem to feed herself and her mother-in-law. She was a young woman with a very strong faith for which she was rewarded. I had no faith and no rewards. I longed to believe in the goodness and existence of God, but how could I? What kind of a God would allow such terrible things to happen? It seemed simpler to accept that there was no God. Still, I kept going to church. Not because I believed. I just liked to listen to the stories that were told in such a gentle voice by the minister. I liked the singing, too. Most of all, I appreciated the peacefulness I felt there. I began to read the Bible and other spiritual works. I found so many of them to be filled with wisdom. I didn't like the Old Testament; I still don't. Too much violence and punishment for my taste, but I loved the Psalms and the Songs of Solomon. I found great comfort in the teachings of the Buddha, too. I began to meditate and to chant. Summer had led to fall, and I was still here, my pills safely hidden away. I still planned to use them, but I wasn't in such a hurry.

I had lived most of my life in the southwest where the changing of seasons is a very subtle thing compared to the transformations that take place in the northeast. I told myself that I would live to watch the seasons unfold before departing from this earth. Knowing I would die soon enough (and when I chose) brought me some comfort. It also inspired me to look very closely at things I had been oblivious to for so long. I watched the heavy snowfalls for the first time, believing that this would also be my last, as I would not be here to see them the next winter. I had always had such beautiful and elegant clothes (I had been raised in an upper middle-class family where appearances were of the utmost importance). I cast them off in exchange for the comfort and warmth of wool, flannel and cotton. I began to move about in the snow more easily now and found my blood invigorated by the cold. My body grew stronger as I shoveled snow. I began sleeping deeply and well at night and was able to throw my sleeping pills away (not my deadly stash though).

I met a very bossy woman who insisted that I help her with her various humanitarian projects. She taught me to knit for the poor children as we sat in her delicious smelling kitchen surrounded often by her own 'grandbabies'. She scolded me into accompanying her to the nursing home where she read and ran errands for the elderly. She arrived one day at my home armed with a mountain of wrapping paper and demanded that I help her wrap gifts for the needy. I usually felt angry and invaded by her. Whenever I could, I pretended at first not to be at home when she came calling. One day I lost my temper and called her a busybody and stormed out of the house. A few days later she was back in my dooryard. When I opened my door, she plopped down at the table, told me to make her a cup of coffee, and behaved as if nothing had happened. We never did speak of my temper tantrum in all of our years together.

We became the best of friends, and it was during that first year that she rooted herself into my heart, that I began to come alive. I absorbed the blessings that came from serving others, just as my skin had gratefully absorbed the healing bag of balm I had been given by my friend. I began to rise early in the morning. All of the sudden, I had much to do in this life. I watched the sunrise, feeling privileged and imagining myself to the one of the first to see it appear as a resident now in this northern land of the rising sun.

I found God here. I don't know what his or her name is, and I don't really care. I only know that there is a magnificent presence in our universe and in the next one and the next after that. My life has a purpose now. It's to serve and to experience pleasure - it"s to grow, and to learn and to rest and to work and to play. Each day is a gift to me, and I enjoy them all (some certainly less than others) in the company of people whom I've come to love at times, and at other times in solitude. I recall a verse I read somewhere. It says, 'Two men look out through the same bars: one sees mud, and one the stars.' I choose to gaze at the stars now, and I see them everywhere, not only in the darkness but in the daylight too. I threw out the pills that I was going to use to do myself in long ago. They'd turned all powdery anyway. I will live as long and as well as I am permitted to, and I will be thankful for every moment I am on this earth."

I carry this woman in my heart wherever I go now. She offers me great comfort and hope. I would dearly love to possess the wisdom, strength and peace which she has acquired during her lifetime. We walked, she and I, on the beach three summers ago. I felt such wonder and contentment at her side. When it was time for me to return home, I glanced down and noticed how our footprints had converged in the sand. I hold that image within me still; of our two separate sets of footprints united for all time in my memory.

Get the BirthQuake: A Journey To Wholeness printed version.

next: Virginia's Journey

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, December 5). Birthquakes Excerpts, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, April 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/alternative-mental-health/sageplace/birthquakes-excerpts

Last Updated: July 21, 2014