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Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior

July 2, 2015 Becky Doyle

Have you ever made a total idiot out of yourself while drunk? Do you want to forgive yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior? Check out these four tips.

Forgiving yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior can be tough. Being drunk is one of the most common reasons behind people embarrassing themselves or being stupid. It’s pretty safe to assume that if you have been drunk, you have embarrassed yourself in some small, minor way. And if you’re an alcoholic, you might have some pretty epic stories of nights that ended in a major embarrassment to you or someone else. In some instances, those stories are laughable and can be shaken off or simply shared in jest. In other situations, these are the ghost and horror stories of our drinking days: embarrassing drunken nights never to be admitted or acknowledged in any way because the shame and embarrassment was too great. Embarrassing drunken stories that fueled me to drink more. If I drank more, it would be easy to forget my shame. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my embarrassing drunken behavior.

Now, as a sober, recovering alcoholic, I don’t have that escape anymore. I still have embarrassing moments and I still remember the most awful nights of my drinking days, but I deal with them differently. This is what I do.

Feeling Embarrassed from Your Drunken Behavior? Let Yourself Swear

Have you ever made a total idiot out of yourself while drunk? Do you want to forgive yourself for embarrassing drunken behavior? Check out these four tips.

If my mind is wandering while walking to my car and I remember a particularly embarrassing drunken moment, I will spontaneously start swearing under my breath. To someone walking next to me, it might be a bit alarming, but for me, it’s an instinctive action that actually makes me feel a little better. Swearing is actually good for you, as proven by a study in the United Kingdom, and helps relieve stress. You can release negative emotions and release emotional pain through swearing, so don’t resist it.

Forgive Yourself for Embarrassing Drunk Behavior by Recognizing Your Shame

Much like with addiction recovery, acknowledging your shame is the first part of accepting and recovering from it. A totally normal human emotion, shame, must be dealt with in order to learn, grow, and move forward from a haunting past.

Don’t Try to Rationalize Embarrassing Drunken Behavior

Alcoholism is not rational. If it were, there would not be so many unanswered questions about the disease of addiction. Therefore, trying to justify or explain your drunken antics is a lost cause. Especially because when active in an addiction, people often behave in ways that do not align with their own moral code. So if you’re dealing with shame, chances are you already know what you did was bad or embarrassing and no level of rational thought will make that go away.

Remember People You Have Forgiven

When all else fails, remember that at some point in your life, someone else had to ask you for forgiveness. How or why did you forgive them?

The highest form of love is forgiveness. The greater the offense, the more love is required to forgive that person. Double the amount of love required when you are forgiving yourself. This may be difficult to do, especially in early sobriety when self-loathing is usually at its peak. If you aren’t able to quickly identify five things you love about yourself, you need to adopt some daily practices to boost our self-esteem.

Shame and embarrassment are good reminders of how our alcoholism shaped our behavior, and not in a good way. But like everything, they are only good in moderation: too much shame hinders us and prevents us from living life fully. Work through the embarrassment to forgive yourself. Only then will the shame of your drunken past begin to fade to a memory devoid of pain.

Creative Commons photo attribution to mloberg.

You can find Becky on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and her website.

APA Reference
Doyle, B. (2015, July 2). Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, October 5 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/07/forgiving-yourself-for-embarrassing-drunken-behavior



Author: Becky Doyle

Idk anymore
September, 11 2022 at 10:15 am

I recently just turned 21 and have been regularly drinking since 15. The last two years I have been drinking so excessively I black out almost everytime. When I do I behave horribly and seem to turn into a different kind of person. I lie badly, I get touchy with people other than my boyfriend, I get loud, start fights, scream, and just act like a fool. I’ve read that personalities do not alter with alcohol so the guilt is so great on my shoulders….
My boyfriend and I went to a wedding for his family last week. And we already got a message ab how I made his brother uncomfortable because I tugged on his pocket and lied ab us liking each other in childhood. I also talked to his mom in the bathroom which ended with me in tears and angry at my boyfriend when he had done nothing wrong…. I’m so embarrassed about my behavior and so scared of what text messages will roll in next over the next few days and weeks. It’s definitely not the worst I have behaved but it was a horribly inappropriate place to get as blasted as I did to not remember anything. I sincerely tried so hard to pace myself and drink plenty of water. But every time I promise myself and everyone around me I won’t get crazy again and every time I fail. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say no to alcohol or why it’s so hard to not drink until obliteration. And I’m so scared that deep down I am this deceptive crazy non-committed person. I’m hurting for myself and for my boyfriend, he’s my favorite person in this world and I feel like I let him down again.

Travis
September, 3 2022 at 6:32 pm

So i am 42 and been a functioning alcoholic basically my entire adult life. Usually drink anywhere from eight to fifteen beers probably about three nights a week. usually just at home on the phone with a couple single girls i know. When im in a relationship i tend to curb that down for the most part but recently me and my long term gf broke up and i have been in the dumps. Well i went out last night with a couple long term friends i hadnt seen in a while. Went to a local bar we were having fun drinking, playing pool and chatting. I was getting pretty loaded toward the end of the night but was having such a good time i decided to stay when they were going to drop me off at my house. Big mistake! I told them i would uber home and was probably there another hour and a half drinking talking to random strangers, flirting with a couple girls. I dont think i really did anything terrible while i was there because i remember about everything. But by the time i left couldnt even figure out how to work the uber app on my phone so i just figured i would walk home. about 2 miles. Somewhere on the walk home at a little after midnight i trip and hit my head on the sidewalk. I am balding so i shave my head completely. Other than that i get home fine and go to bed. Wake up with this big scrape on the top of my head and it looks rediculous. I have three days before i go back to work, praying it will some how heal by then. I feel pretty stupid today and thought this would help. Thinking of getting some makeup to try and cover the scrape before going back to work. Not how i intended to start my long holiday weekend. I really need to stop drinking to say the least. Its when i have the most fun times but always the times i put myself in the worst or imbarrassing situations. Knowing myself, in a week or so the scrape will be gone, last night will be a distant memory and ill be right back to over drinking. such a shame

???
September, 2 2022 at 10:36 pm

I have had a quite confusing relationship with alcohol, almost like a love/hate one. I don't drink very often because i'm not that old, but when i do, i can't seem to stop. I hate it, and i feel so bad for my friends after we go out. I'm struggling a bit with something that happened one night... I got black out drunk, and idk why but apparently some guy and i kissed (when i heard the story, it sounded like i took the initiative). I haven't seen him since and i also didn't know him. I really regret it, because i also have lost my best friend because of it. (He had a crush on me before and didnt take what happened that night well at all.) But now im just feeling really confused, because he is 27 years older than me. Could have been my dad kind of old... I'm pretty sure he wasn't as drunk as me, and i feel that he is partly responsible as an adult. But i blame myself. I know that it is my fault, but i also feel like i've lost my trust in (older) men. Im 99% sure that he was the one behind a recent friend request, because i usually never get those and i didnt know the person at all. I looked up his name, and he has a family and a wife. His oldest child must be around my age. I feel like i possibly ruined a marriage... I don't know how to feel or what to do.

John
September, 1 2022 at 9:51 pm

Drinking with my family and friend at a party, my sis and her boyfriend were there too, I have 10 years on them but the other folks are double my age so i hung out with them as a cool older brother. I cannot drink like them but i tried anyway.. shots, sh1t mixes, wine, beer. It was awful. Things were good.
But at the end of the night everything went south. we were chilling outside and i could see my sis just wanted to go to sleep, I don't remember what he said, something like "sit and stay", i immediately saw red and rushed round the table to sit next to her, i told her to go to bed and then sat in her seat. Context: she (my sis) has severe abandonment issues, self harms when hes not there, threatens suicide and has attempted it before, she is a shell of the girl i grew up with but she is getting much better. throughout the evening he was slapping her (uncomfortably hard) and barking orders at her like some animal, i just had enough. I spewed some of the cruelest scariest things i could muster from me, in an attempt to scare some sense into him, it was like i was possessed. What a mistake. He started recording my monologue seemingly just after i had sat next to him (without my knowledge) my sis then rushed out and took his side, and they both started shaming and goading me into saying some proper horrible things, even challenged me to a fight which i am SO glad i walked away from, when she came out and jumped in with him i had no idea what to do. The next morning he sent the recording to my mother. The recording is terrible, it is the worst version of me imaginable. The whole thing is like a nightmare I can't wake up from. There is a lesson here i have yet to learn.

Borncute
August, 15 2022 at 1:50 am

This past weekend, I was with my maternal family, they went to sleep, I just couldn't sleep, and therefore I drank a full bottle of whisky and some beers,,,I was so drunk to a point I couldn't walk or stand, I fell, embarrassing myself and almost hurting myself. my mum and her sisters (my aunts) were also present, I believe they are very disappointed in me, my cousins maybe a little but I don't know how will i face my aunties after this ordeal i created. some of my cousins had to pick me up and hold me to walk.

VC
August, 10 2022 at 12:13 pm

Just this weekend I had my aunt over to the house for the first time for her birthday weekend and it was a disaster. I don't usually drink vodka, but I bought it for her and I ended up drinking way too much on Saturday into early Sunday morning. My boyfriend has a habit of bringing up past issues we have had when we have company or in a group setting, knowing I don't lie it, but he does it anyway. This one story he talked about with my aunt, he already talked about with two other groups in the past month, even though we discussed it and dealt with it. I was furious and argued with him because he wants to bring these things up just to be right, he doesn't care how it makes me feel.
So I drank more because I was furious. And around 1am Sunday morning, I went to the washroom and fell back against the toilet tank and broke the tank. Water spilled out and seaped through to our ceiling below, causing some water damage. And a little dripped to our neighbors place below us.
I am taking ownership and doing everything to fix it, and have decided to stop drinking completely. But it is important for your significant other to be supportive as well. We talked about everything the next day calmly, but he stills rubs it in my face. I am well aware of what I did and feel bad about it, since it also happened in front of my aunt, who is like a mother to me. I know I did a bad thing, but I don't believe in making someone feel worse than they already do. Show support for those you love and help them through the situation. We feel bad enough as it is.

Ty Winski
August, 3 2022 at 10:01 pm

Hey y'all, reading these drunken horror stories is a bit comforting to me, knowing I'm not the only one!
I have been a hardcore alcoholic for a long time. I am 32 years old and I have lost several jobs due to drinking. I have spent time in jail for DUI, and paid tens of thousands of dollars on drinking and its consequences.
You would think I've learned my lesson, but NO! I keep messing things up! While I have improved drastically with my drinking, I've learned that complete and total abstinence is my only option now. Unless I want to die or get arrested.
I used to get drunk every single night, but now I am taking better care of myself and drink 1X per week max. Convincing myself that all my hard work and personal progress deserves a fun night at the local saloon. I mean I used to guzzle whiskey by myself, so the thought of a few beers with friends/coworkers seems totally normal, right? WRONG!
Once I have a single sip of beer, wine or whiskey, I will keep drinking into oblivion, and I have dozens of scary brownout/blackout stories. But now I would like to share my most recent horror story, hopefully my final painful lesson with alcohol.
So I do seasonal work, which means that I travel around the country to live and work for a "season", usually Summer and Winter. Each seasonal gig lasts about 4-5 months, although every place is different. Right now I am in a small town in North Dakota. Well I started off strong! Exercising instead of drinking, sticking to a healthy daily routine, getting along well with my coworkers. I hadn't felt this great in a long time, which means I let my guard down in regards to alcohol. I convinced myself that I could handle a night of drinking. That I DESERVED a night of drinking. Ugh.
Anyways, all the employees go out for "Ladies Night" on Monday nights. We go to the local saloon, where the ladies drink for cheap. Most of the workers are international people from places like Romania, Poland, Bulgaria, France, Dominican Republic and Mexico. I am one of the few American dudes here, but let me tell you, I have a thing for Spanish speaking women. And the Dominican girls are my favorite, one of whom I have a huge crush on.
So Im really excited for Ladies Night because my crush is going to be there. And since Im pretty shy and introverted, i always think that a few drinks will make me more fun. Well a few drinks turns into pregaming with a pint of whiskey. So Im pretty much wasted by the time I even get to the saloon, where of course I continue to drink.(and I don't have a vehicle. plus this town is so small that you can easily walk everywhere. so thankfully no DUI behavior) At first, I still feel pretty composed, chatting innocently with girls and guys alike. But after I start downing beer (and remember, I drank like a pint of whiskey before hand), I start losing my inhibitions. I get aggressive. I remember going straight up to my crush and saying something flirty in Spanish. But at the same time, Im browning in and out of consciousness. Next thing I know, this big scary looking Hispanic dude is giving me a dirty look. And having been working out recently, and sloshed, I feel pretty cocky and fearless. I square up with this dude, probably talking all kinds of trash, egging him on and what not.
Well the next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with blood trickling out of my month. This guy knocked me out cold, right in front of all my coworkers. Talk about embarrassing! I had some other cringe worthy interactions that night, and being blackout drunk means I don't remember most of it. I think that is the absolute worse, when you black out and don't remember. I have done insane things in this condition, like pull knives on people. I turn into a scary monster. And I fear thats what i did! SO the next morning, I called out of work, although everyone knew it was because I was hungover. I couldnt bear to show my face, which was swollen and aching at that! And the thing about seasonal work is that everyone lives and works together in close quarters. There is like a fishbowl affect in which you cannot really get away from other people. I contemplated just up and leaving, thats how bad I felt. But I decided to man up and face the consequences, look people in the eye and apologize.
Thankfully a lot of other people were pretty drunk that night too, so it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought.
But gosh, I am done with alcohol. All I do is LOSE when I drink. Whether I lose money, friends, respect, or jobs, I sure as hell don't gain anything. Just lose lose lose. And Im done

Trina
August, 3 2022 at 5:42 pm

I humiliated my husband by kicking his coworkers out, whom I had invited to our home. I also accused him of cheating with one of his coworkers and calling her names… I’m so depressed right now. I hardly drink like that, but I hate alcohol ..

Lauren
September, 11 2022 at 10:43 am

I am in this same scenario and continue to do this. I hate myself, I have embarrassed him too many times and I feel like he’d be a fool to stay with me.

Kash
July, 21 2022 at 10:37 am

I’m really embarrassed about the things I do sometimes while being drunk,
I have a crush on my boss’s son and he gave me ride home after I got drunk with my friends, I do not know if he has any feelings for me or not but I was all over him that night, falling, tripping on him I also got my ankle sprained and I was not letting him go from my house but he eventually left and I do not even remember about the things i told him. I was hugging him and asking him not leave. I don’t know how am I gonna face him at work now.

Anon
June, 27 2022 at 8:46 am

I don’t know if I’m ready to tell my story, but I want to get what I can, out. I just moved to a new state and met some new friends. They’re not really my type (I’m active, I don’t drink much, I don’t smoke, I’m outdoorsy and athletic) but this always happens. It’s hard for me to make friends bc I’m socially awkward and I have a lot of mental health stuff. Depression, anxiety, etc…. So I take what I can get and I mirror who they are so that they like me (I always hate myself for that) they’re very nice at least and so that makes it easier. Anyways, my son is best friends with their son, so we got invited to his birthday party at their house. They actually made it a kids party/adult party with Jell-O shots, scotch, vodka mixed drinks and beer. At first, I was smart and said no to the Jell-O shots because I knew better… but they kept on and kept on so I was like ok what the hell. So I took one and we ended up having like 6 shots. Maybe more who knows. I’m tiny, I should’ve never done that. Time goes on and I’m more social and silly but I’m fine. The kids party finally ends at 4 and I decide to sit down and relax and have some beers and talk because I had been helping my friend with her party and I was exhausted, mostly because the night before I only slept 2 hours (couldn’t sleep) when I sat, I probably should’ve eaten and had some water. It was extremely hot and humid, and honestly I should’ve just left right then and there but I hadn’t been out in so long, I haven’t done anything with anyone outside of my family in years. For a second there, I was happy and felt like my old self, when I had friends and fun. But that’s because the shots really hit me and I was drinking beer like it was water bc I was hot. The people on the porch that I was talking to, were not interesting. We had nothing in common, I don’t even know what we were talking about, I guess the music on the Alexa, and our kids? We all have kids. This girl Melissa was there and she was very chatty and I was pretending to be interested in what she was saying but I wasn’t. I’m more of a deep person, and when I’m around like minded people, we don’t have small talk. So I was in a weird headspace having to dumb myself down for a few people I knew weren’t for me. I blacked out. I don’t remember anything after Melissa left. Nothing. I have little flashbacks, but I don’t remember a thing. Apparently I sat outside and talked to some ugly scrawny dude for hours about who knows. He was drinking the worst scotch and literally not my type at alllllllll. He reminded me of an old high school buddy of mine, maybe that’s why I was drawn to him. Everyone there was inside and I guess talking about me. I guess saying I was hot and they wanted to “hit that” but then people said I was married and blah blah. You know how guys can be. I guess they got pissed that the guy I was talking to was making me laugh and smile but I always do that and tbh, even more when I’m drunk. My son was supposed to stay for a sleepover so I guess I realized that it was late and so I just got up and left and drove home. Don’t even know how the night ended. Oh we did go on the big water slide too. So dumb. I should’ve never. Not drunk anyways. Fast forward to the next morning and it’s drama central. Apparently that guy asked about me in their group chat and said he thought something was there between us and they were like “she’s married” and I guess he said he didn’t know that. My friend told me that he was kicked out of the street bike gang thingy they’re in, idk… and My god, so dramatic. I wasn’t feeling it at all. Fast forward. I message the dude on Instagram and he seems fine. He’s like “I knew you were in a relationship. You were loyal and respectful. He’s lucky to have you” very weird. Fast forward to my sons party and I invited them to the party. While she was there, she told me that the guy told them that I said I wasn’t happy in my relationship and THATS why he did what he did (talked to me and followed me around) I don’t think I said that. First of all, I thought he didn’t know I was even in a relationship. Now all of this. Anyways, I told my partner everything. I always do. He didn’t care. But I’m mortified. I’m embarrassed. I feel so much shame and guilt. I had conversations with people and don’t remember ANY OF IT. I told some girl that I thought I was a bad mom??? Why would I say that? Why would I put my kids in danger like that saying stuff that isn’t true. Having strangers worrying or idk. Idk how to feel or what to think. Apparently I told one girl that I thought she was judgmental and that upset her. I have no clue what happened when the adult party really started. I was smoking cigarettes which I never do unless I’m blacked out, and ugh. I hate myself. They all hate me and probably think I’m a flirting lying whore that thinks she’s a bad mother who also calls people names “judgmental” who I don’t even know. It’s so embarrassing, that’s not who I am. I am calm and sweet and playful and fun mom to some awesome kids that are truly my whole life. I am not a flirting cheating dumb bitch. I didn’t cheat, but they all have me feeling like I did by talking to that guy, and I know maybe that’s not my friends intention, but that’s what it feels like. They live up the street and our boys are best friends, and I wish we could just move states lol but we are here forever, so I’ll forever have to live with this embarrassment and awkwardness. I’m afraid that people will always talk about me and always wonder if I’m a bad mom and a cheater. I feel like I embarrassed my partner and my kids, and I don’t know how to stop the thoughts and feelings of dread that I’m having. I just feel so low and alone and depressed. I’m never drinking again. Alcohol ruins lives and friendships. Period. I know my story isn’t as bad as the others, but I can not shake this depression I have from whatever the hell happened. I guess I’ll never really know. I feel like my friend isn’t telling me all the stupid stuff I did bc she wants to protect my feelings because she knows I was drunk and she knows I’m a good person, but idk….. I just feel so alone and like the world hates me.

Bferraio
July, 24 2022 at 9:30 pm

Hey, I get it!! I have no suggestions, just to let you know you are not alone If it is to be rationalized, there is a saying "it is better to be alone than in bad company." Maybe go for a run, bike ride, or hike...and you may meet like minded people. Give yourself a break, it is not easy to move and make new buddies. It takes a while. Good luck!!!

Xxxxx
August, 29 2022 at 9:25 am

I and my husband move another country. I started to learn another language. The other day, there was a fest. And all of the neighbors were there. I was hungry and I drank too much beer. I talked with everyone about the things I cant remember. And there was a guy who is younger than me. I try to talk with him but I cant remember what we were talking about. Last minutes of the conversation he swear me in amother language. I think we were talking about languages and he said "I know Chezch, prostitute!" And everyone heard it. Some girl translated it to me. IDK why he said like this but I cant remember any of it. My husband were emberassed. I wont drink alcohol anymore. I am so sorry. You are not alone. Maybe I told the guy on party about silly sexual jokes IDK. It is really emberassing. Now i cant leave the house because I dont want to see my neighbors.

J
June, 13 2022 at 9:56 am

I have a problem with over drinking. Last night I was on Twitter posting about running for political office in my state. I love politics, and the whole idea of helping people, but I was banging on about running and trying to encourage other people to run. While drinking I fail to remember that most people including myself have zero political experience and funds to actually participate in an election.
Not the most embarrassing story in the world but I'll have a hard time letting that go for a while. I've since deleted the tweets and deactivated my account, I'm on there too much anyway.
I figured I'd share my story to let others know that you're not alone and this happens probably far more frequently than we can imagine.

Daisy
May, 31 2022 at 4:45 pm

Like everyone else here, I'm overwhelmed by reading all of these experiences. I'm terrified by what happened to me this weekend while blackout drunk, and this hasn't been the first time I've found myself in such a situation. I got off of work early and had a few glasses of wine at the bar I work at, as well as the bar next door. I was alone and after drinking more than an entire bottle by myself I was feeling friendly so I popped into the Irish pub on my walk home (this was my big mistake, I should have just gone home). There was only one man sitting at the bar, and he recognized me as he was in the bar I work at earlier in the evening. He greeted me enthusiastically and told me to sit next to him, which I did. I quickly downed a Manhattan which was a mistake (liquor is what gets me in trouble) and when he suggested grabbing an uber to go to a bar a couple of miles away I complied enthusiastically. My memory is spotty from then on but I remember him kissing me at the other bar, I think I wanted to get away from him because I ended up outside sitting on a picnic table at a food truck with a group of sketchy men. I don't know how I was acting or responding to these men but I'm quite sure a few of them were trying to taking advantage of me. Next thing I remember is BOLTING down the street into some neighborhood trying to get away from the man I came here in the uber with. My final memory is being passed out on the sidewalk with these strange men touching me inappropriately and taking full advantage of my helpless state. Thank GOD they left me alone, as I woke up on the sidewalk with the sun coming up and I was able to walk the 20 minutes home with the aid of my phone which I'm so lucky I still had. I cried the whole walk home, partly because I was ashamed and terrified but mostly because I was grateful I made it out of that situation in one piece.

Emz
May, 28 2022 at 1:08 am

Soooo I’ve just started a new job and have only been in the office a few times due to lock down so was looking forward to meeting some other people in other departments but stupid me overdid it like I always do! Blacked out but remember a gay guy pushing me down my head to make it look like I was sucking his d… which I obviously took offence to which must be what set me off, my daughter came to pick me up and said I was yelling and swearing at a lady there (I THINK I know who it was) o feel like trash, reading these comments have helped me a bit so thanks everyone but I’m really dreading Monday and I feel like it will be brought up, I feel worried and scared, don’t know if I should bring up what happened and now feel like a total fool. I usually like to drink alone at home but after this I’m giving up! Good luck with everything everyone 😙

CanadianRhapsody
March, 8 2022 at 3:55 pm

Well, since it helped me reading through these I figure I'd share some of mine
I get really gay and horny when drunk and start making out with friends sometimes. Thanks god they are still my friends. And I always do it in public to make it even worse or in front of other friends and I still remember shocked looks, they actually haunt me and I might have some PDSD from it because I sometimes randomly remember the looks, scream or say the "f" word out of reflex and my muscles move involuntarily, like a small seizure for a second.
I am a regular at a club and am known for being a drunkard. Probably the biggest. One time I could not close my pants and asked the bouncer for help lol
One time, I got wasted, probably one of the worst nights, and I was unable to walk Aline so 2 friends brought me home. I insisted them to write one of the guys I made Out with before to write him I really love him. Haven't heard from him since.
This one is not too bad and it was last week
and I actually decided to quit drinking after. I remember talking to people, apoligizing for misbehaving in the past then I blacked out but stood up again only to be thrown out by the bouncers because I was suddenly bleeding heavily out of a small cut in my finger I somehow got into a emergency car.

G.Alejandro
January, 21 2022 at 3:14 am

Hi everyone. Im 29 years old and engaged to my beautiful fiance who i have a baby daughter that turns 3 months today. My fiance has been a stay at home mom since she had the baby ,i know she wanted to socialize and get out of the house so i told her to go out and have fun while i took care of the baby . She went out with one of my best friends girlfriend and 3 other female coworkers, they all hit it off and had a great time ,also this was the first time some of them met my fiance and hung out with her. I ruined it all , everything.
Two of my friends came to have some drinks at home while we waited for the ladys .I am a drinker ,i drink every day , usually wine or scotch.
All i remeber is i lost control , when my fiance came back home with all the girls i could barely stand straight and she was furious ( i dont blame her one bit) she started screaming at me and i lost it , i called her horrible names and when my friend tried getting in between us i shoved him against the dining room table, i threatened to kill everyone and threw up all over the place .
I woke up confused and with no memory of what happened and i realized i drank a whole bottle of jameson .My fiance was locked in the room and told me she didn't want to see me , i tool the day off from work and i go in tomorrow . i dont know how to show my face , im embarrassed , i feel like a waste of life and i want to die .
Everything i do is for my family, I love them more than anything in rhis world , they are my life.
But i let them down and i dont know how to recover from this.
Its not the first time ive had an angry drunk episode .
I think its time for me to stop drinking completely.
I hate myself right now.
Reading all these stories has helped me get through the day.i have bruses on my body and my wrist some how got cut, i think its from punching a hole in the wall.
Ive been goimg to therapy for my anger issues and now i dont know if i should also go to an AA meeting lol
Its as if i am repeating my childhood except im not the scared child , im the angry man with the bottle.
Well its time change i just dont know where to start fixing this mess i made.

Anon
December, 16 2021 at 12:58 pm

I do have a problem with when to stop, especially when I’m upset.
The other evening I went for a few casual drinks with my partner and she caught an argument with me about a very small thing and really it was blown out of contrast. She stormed out of the Irish pub we live nearby that I go to here and there as it’s very nice and the bartenders are very friendly Irishmen.
After she left I was frustrated and had a few more drinks which threw me into a tailspin brownout. I got very chatty with everyone at the bar and a man was bothering me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I shoved him out of the bar and I feel like I made an ass of myself. I think perhaps the bartender understood but I still do not want to go back there ever again and hopefully won’t see the bartender in the neighborhood as I sometimes so.
Additionally I might have left without paying accidentally. I truly believe I paid but part of me thinks I may not have which makes me feel terrible.
I was thinking of possibly sending a card to the pub with an apology note and some money to cover the cost. I really have no idea if I paid. It is 50/50 but I think worth it likely to just send the money.
Or should I just be done with it and avoid the place altogether?

Keis
November, 14 2021 at 2:41 am

I’m awake lying in bed cringing about my behaviour last night. I was out with work colleagues knocking back brandy’s and it all hit me at once. I always get like this and I promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk with work as I don’t want them to see that side of me. Feel absolutely awful and so embarrassed I only hope that I didn’t make too much of a show.

jacob
December, 24 2021 at 3:06 pm

dont worry haha LAST NIGHT I WAS MAKING OUT AND CUDDLING WITH A GUY AT THE TABLE! and i spent $400 and im a regular at the club lmao, so yeah... i bet they appreciated me buying everyone shots tho but i was so gone. So embarrassed, This has happened to me before tho and i get over it in a week and go out and do the same thing next week then regret that too... LOL. DM me on Insta, jacobyyc_ i wanna hear all about it lol

Anonymous
November, 5 2021 at 4:47 pm

I was blackout drunk on a Saturday afternoon and my husband and I were fighting with everyone and ourselves. I went to his parents to get my son and midsentance forgot what I was going to say and it was so awkward and they knew I was drunk so theater texted my husband that they needed to talk to us so then my husband calls him and they were fighting and my father in law said we were bad parents because our daughter was with a friend and we didn't know where she was so I randomly called this girls mom and flipped out on her but I can't even remember what I said. We talked about it later when I snapped out of it and everything was fine but I can't get over it and I feel like suicidal. I just can't stop having this feeling and I hate myself now. I think this is rock bottom for me.
Help me

Unknown
November, 10 2021 at 10:30 am

I'm sorry this happened. Please don't feel down though. Things happen. You're not a bad parent at all. Things are said all the time but they are forgotten about. It could have been so much worse. They are your family and they love you. The girl's mum will understand too. We are too harsh on ourselves. I too regret so much after drinking and feel low and this story is nothing in comparison to stuff I've done. So don't worry. It will all be forgotten x

Megan
November, 15 2021 at 3:32 pm

Omg how lovely are you! I just came across this comment, but I’m glad people like you exist :) x

X
November, 29 2021 at 6:59 pm

I feel the same. I cut back on drink buy I keep phoning and texting people drunk.some I haven't spoken to in years.i always act so weird and embarrassing .it makes me feel so bad about myself

Manny
May, 24 2022 at 10:50 pm

I just did that 2 days ago. Believe me I'm fkin embarrassed as hell, I even blocked a friend due to it

Anonymous
October, 20 2021 at 4:54 am

I feel a little bit relieved that I am not the only person experiencing blackouts and all the aweful things that come with it even though these stories are quite sad. I am one too to black out easily... I am in need of wanting to talk to someone about the experiences I have been dealing with. Its funny because I never used to black out this easily but this year has been awful every time I have consumed liquor.
I have 3 short stories to tell and one long one.
The first not so bad time was I think in May when I was at my boyfriend's friend's kids birthday party. I ended up mixing a little of cognac and tequila and I was told I was just dancing around silly and what not, so it wasn't all that bad, but my boyfriend wasnt that happy about it.. And mind you he is not a drinker. He just doesn't like it and doesn't choose to drink. Which is good. But I woke up the next morning and forgot how we got home or when we even left.
The second occurrence was a little worse. It was now the next month and we had a graduation celebration for my boyfriend's friend that was at a house. We're all hanging outside, nothing too crazy. Vibes are good or whatever. I feel like sometimes when me and my boyfriend is out together he doesn't really hang out with me much, so wherever he is at the event I always have to go to him just to check in or see what hes doing.. Its kind of annoying sometimes but I wanted to have a good time. Im honestly a homebody, I don't go out much at all and I don't have any friends so I only go to events my boyfriend gets invited to with his friends. I wasn't going to drink that much, but I feel like its hard when everyone around you is just like "shot shot shot" every like 10 mins or so. So Im taking shots and next thing you know I have a little blackout. I was wearing a low tank top that I had to always pull up during the time and I guess I was tryna be funny when my bra was showing to some of the girls I was sitting with drinking, and I slipped out my nipples to them a couple times. I guess I was also being too friendly with some like random fat guys dancing around - not with them - but also taking snapchats with them on their phones or something (which I wanna say they are absolutely not my type and not the least bit attractive to me) anyways I guess I was being a little too "ratchet" and embarrassing my boyfriend so he decided to just drop me off at home and on the way to the car I guess I threw up in the driveway and he ofc had to carry and drag me in the house. I didn't know he went back to the party but when he came back home to wake me up and confronted me about what I did and what had happened I was still drunk. And being confronted I didnt know what to do so I just said "okay don't be with me then" and so he dropped me off to my moms down the street that night and we took a little break.
*SIDE STORY OF OUR RELATIONSHIP*
(this is me venting I guess)
Mind you.. our relationship has been very toxic on and off for 3 years and although this year has been better than all the other years we have been together, there is obviously still things we needed to work on... those 3 years used to always be on him because he used to treat me like crap due to his breakup with his ex wife that he was with since for like ever which he has a kid with and now barely sees only so often.. and when I met and got with him I had to deal with all the damage and all the bad that came with it. I went through literally hell and back with him, but we could never let each other go for some reason. He knew how he treated me, but didn't come to realization of it only when had our breakups. At the time, he had only loved me because I loved him. Because I stuck around and dealt with it all.
The last big breakup that we had was last year probably around the same time as now, he had pushed me to my limits of not understanding how I felt about alot of situations and so we decided to cut it off and I was absolutely heartbroken this time. I was a mess and I was slowly getting over him as time went by. But of course, the usual happened, and he had realized all I have done for him and all the things I wanted good out of the relationship like more quality time spent, simply just doing things together and other things. He was extremely depressed, he wasn't himself, wasn't eating well, wasn't all there. He was smoking weed and casually drinking (which he NEVER does) but because he thought he had finally lost me this time. He even asked for my hand in marriage 🙄. I didnt fall for it but he kept at it for months trying to talk to me and beg for me back. My heart honestly just wasnt there for him at the moment.. I was already slowly healing from the break up and wanted to get over him. But after weeks and a month or so of that, that went by.. I gave in. We promised to make this relationship better and really make it work this time. And so we did. In December when we got back together and it was NYE after the countdown, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. There was still some things that happened shortly after we got back together, but we didn't give up. And I knew he really loved me this time...
*anyways back to my drunk occurrences*
So back when I had the second occurrence of my drinking becoming a problem, I was so sad about what I did, I wanted to try my best to fix it and even though he was very upset still about the situation, he gave me a chance to make it right. I told him "maybe I do have a drinking problem. I will really quit this time and that will be it. I want to be better from it and learn from this." And so every event that we had come to I told everybody no. Im not drinking, I quit. Blah blah.
*SECOND SIDE STORY TO MY VENTING*
(I promise this all connects to my occurrences you just need back story lol)
Now its maybe.. July-August.. and now we're kind of going back to same pattern. Lack of effort with him and me being misunderstood. No quality time spent with each other anymore. He has been going through alot of things that I have always tried to make better about it. Hes been unemployed since February and he hasnt wanted to look for a job because he has now been dealing with plague psoriasis that has taken over his scalp, skin, nails and it all. Hes been depressed for months about it and just kind of sits home and play video games all day. Hes been insecure about it and feels embarrassed if he tried to go back to look for a job and get interviewed and all that. And I feel for him. I understood. I took care of him. I was also unemployed at the time and months before that, actually when we broke up in October last year, I lost my job due to being laid off from the pandemic. I searched around for jobs for months and finally landed a good job at the end of April (just in time for his birthday), for great pay and just about 5-10 mins from me. I was happy, I even started going to the gym and really worked on myself. I even bought him a whole pc setup. The desk, the chair and some new headphones. He had the pc already (which I won for him in a raffle) and monitors he has already. It was great. He loved it. Anyways those few months was great. Everything was going good until our relationship kind of slipped up. I was starting to do everything by myself again. All he would pay attention to was the video games and I was sick of it. Come to find out he was playing with some girl on one of these games. Almost every day that I had no aware of. I confronted him about it and he said "ok fine. Im not gonna argue with you about. If you dont like it then ok". Which means what? I was assuming he wasnt going to play or make conversation with her but he still did continuously. Knowing that I know and how I felt about it along with how i felt about our relationship slowly going sideways again. And so because I felt he didn't care and wasn't taking my feelings into consideration. I slowly started to drink again. I broke my promise. I know. To myself. And him. But I was angry. And so stressed out with our relationship. If he was doing whatever. I was going to do it too. Also during this time I had lost my job again due to my company not having much work to do for me. So now I am behind on bills, and in debt and so much more... anyways,
The third occurrence we had another kids birthday of his friend's to attend. And I decided to take a drink. I wanna say this was sometime beginning of September. I was drinking tequila this time and even though I was sort of drinking a little much, I was able to control my drinking. Towards the end of the night was a litttle fuzzy but I was aware and lasted longer than I usually do lol I was even able to tell my boyfriend I was ready to go home.. either before or after I threw up.. but yeah. The next morning he was showing signs he was upset but it was whatever to me. I wasn't acting crazy or being embarrassing. I thought I handled pretty well.
We had an arguement maybe a few weeks later after I brought something up to him and he had brought up how I broke my promise. But I only did that cos he wasnt taking consideration of my feelings! He was slowly not caring about the relationship anymore. And I just wanted to let loose a little! After that discussion, that was that.
After that last time I drank I only casually drank at home with his family or just by myself. Maybe a truly or some soju, tequila one night. But I wasnt acting like anything. I did fall asleep one night in the bathroom tho so I dont think he was too happy about that.
Ugh now. My last occurrence which was this past weekend on Saturday. (im trying to breathe as I vent this one out...) it was his mothers cultural blessing ceremony. We're asian so we had monks come to the house to bless his parents marriage. I wasnt sure if I wanted to drink because I actually drank the day before with my mom and her friends just a little bit but came back home early so I could wake up early for the ceremony. My stomach was a little uneasy so I didnt really want to. But my boyfriend's sister.. invited his babymother to the house. She had came after the monks had left and the ceremony was kind of already over. But I had to pretend I was okay with her being there. Now Im not bitter, and I don't care for her. But I did feel some type of way about her being there for something that should only be friends and family. Unless it didn't have anything to do with his daughter (which she could have just dropped off if my boyfriend wanted her there), I felt she didn't need to be there. Once again I felt I wasnt taken into consideration. And even though he wasn't the one to invite her and I really don't have a say in who should be invited because that is his family, why wasn't I slightly even considered about? Anyways, she left after staying for a couple hours. And we started drinking. Everything was fine and dandy. I checked on him like I usually do since he doesn't really hang around with me.. I was fine one minute, the next.. everything terrible has gone wrong. I completely blacked out. I guess his babymother had came back that night to hang out. Mind you this is all just friends and family. I was now bothered by it because why is she even here lol. And because of all the stress that I have been bottling in for so long, with our relationship, and things I have been dealing with on my own in my life, and how I felt about her being there.. I went absolutely crazy. I didnt know anything of what I did or what I woke up from my blackout. Heres what happened..
I guess it all started with me seeing or finding out that his babymother came back to hang out. I was told I was crying and tripping about her and making it a big deal that she was there even tho they weren't doing anything or really making contact at all. I was being drunk and aggressive. I knocked over drinks on the table on purpose and so some teenage kids that was there, his niece's they went to bring me upstairs and from what I remember thats when I slightly woke up from my blackout. I was changed out of my dress and in sweatpants and a tanktop so I dont remember changing but they weren't letting me out of the room. They were keeping me from going back downstairs because I guess I was so drunk they just wanted me to stay in my room so I don't cause trouble. (Oh yeah I forgot to mention that we live with his family) But anyways I was still so upset I guess about his babymother being there and was even more upset that they wouldnt let me go downstairs.. (his neices are about 13-14 years old) I guess I hit one of them trying to get out the way, I was saying something nasty and inappropriate to them, I told them I was going to jump out the window if they wouldnt let me go. I guess one of them used my phone to call my mom to pick me up and they called his sister to come because I was acting crazy. Like literally crazy. And so I guess I finally was able to go downstairs and (oh I also forgot to mention that he was also drinking. And he doesnt drink, so he was also very drunk at the time), I guess I got into his face, and he pushed me and I fell and tripped over something. Mind you this is all in front of everyone and his friends. I guess I tried to take my karaoke machine that they were using but failed to. Now I don't remember how I got outside but I was outside barefoot and I was so angry that I climbed on top of his car, in the rain, trying to smash his windshield with my hand and my arm as hard as I could saying, "Why why why." Thats when I ran into his sister and her friend, which is the mother of one of the girls that was also upstairs. My mom got there when all this happened outside and his sister dragged me to her to get into the car. I was sobbing and still screaming about whatever I was feeling. I finally got home to my moms house and I was sitting there balling my eyes out questioning myself. Repeating out to her saying that I loved him, why doesnt anybody care, why doesnt he love me, why am I always the bad person. All this stuff.
The next morning.. I felt like absolute, complete crap. I was hungover, my hand and arm was bruised and I only remember slightly what happened. I didn't know all of what I did until Monday when I decided to gain clarity from his sister. After she had told me, my heart sank.
What is wrong with me. Seriously!! This is probably the worst of the worst blackout drunk experiences I have ever had. And I would have NEVER thought I would ever act like how I did. Doing that to the kids, saying inappropriate stuff to them, trying to go out the window, going downstairs to make a fool out of my self some more. I guess I even threw fish sauce at someone. Like ugh. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I havent been able to sleep or eat. And if I do sleep my sleeping schedule is all messed up so Im mostly up at night and sleeping during the day. I been depressed ever since this happened and once again I have made made a fool out of myself because of not being able to control my drinking. Fine one min, doing something crazy while blacked out the next. And I just wanna say I was never like this beforehand, last year and so on. I used to be able to drink and be able to hang but no matter how many times I have tried to limit myself and tell myself to just have a good time dont push it, it never works out. Along with so much happening in my life already- losing my job once again, being so behind on my bills, and in debt, my credit score going down, not to mention that now that my boyfriend and I have broken up because of this, I am back at my moms but It don't feel the same. It doesn't feel like home. She made my room into a stroage room/her closet, and moved the furniture around. All of my things are still currently at his house along with my cats that I cant bring to my moms because she had just gotten rid of the fleas that my cats had when I brought them over to visit, and I don't know if they're fully gone to bring them back over. Not to mention that my mom has been using my car since February because shes been without a car since and I let her use mine while I was using my boyfriends because he didnt need it for work or anything so I was using his car when I was working at the time. But now she wants to fully take over my car in no regards that the car is mine? Like.. Im obviously going to need my car back for a job I been trying to get. I am just going crazy and don't know what to do with myself. I won't forgive myself this time and Im sure my boyfriend won't either. We actually havent spoken at all since the occurrence, until I decided to send him a long voice memo yesterday (tuesday) apologizing and some other stuff. All he replied was "You’re not allowed here anymore. I’ll drop off your stuff when I have time." My heart hurts. His family probably hates me. I never thought I would become aggressive like I did and let something like that bother me. I don't want to blame the alcohol but you how could I have known what I was doing. When your so drunk like that and have your emotions take control of you, how can you stop somebody. And what Im even more hurt about is the fact that they just had some kids to bring me upstairs instead of my boyfriend himself or a family member. I wish somebody could have just pulled me aside to calm me down and talk to me instead of making feel and look even crazier. I just don't know what to do and honestly.. what I did is hurting me more than the breakup. I have never regretted anything more than this. Its absolutely killing me. I love my boyfriend more than ever, I can't picture being with anyone else, I would do anything and take a bullet for him. And as much as our relationship has been toxic, I go crazy not being able to be with him right now. But this is really all on me now. This is my fault. But in my heart I wish it would have been different if someone just cared enough. I will seem like the villain and the bad guy for now because of what I have done. But I was misunderstood... no one cared... No one will see how I felt or what I was going through to begin with....
Thank you for reading - if you did read. I know it was alot. I needed to vent because I have literally no one. No friends, no one to turn to for a shoulder to cry on... but I will continously beat myself up about this situation and I will never feel okay. And not having my boyfriend right now in my arms along with everything else happening in my life.. I don't know how I will feel okay. I don't know what to do with myself...
s.o.s. I been feeling like maybe it would be easier to end my life.

October, 20 2021 at 11:49 am

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to vulnerably share what you're dealing with currently—that is a brave first step. I am so sorry to hear that you're in such pain right now, but I would encourage you to seek help. HealthyPlace's list of mental health resources and hotline numbers is a helpful place to start. You can access it here: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer…. I know it can be difficult, but please continue to reach out.
Sincerely,
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
Comment Moderator

Jane
January, 22 2022 at 3:41 am

Hi, I am completely and utterly ashamed and my situation has taken over my whole life. I am not a big drinker at all and rarely drink. A few years ago I was going through a rough time dealing with a death of someone very close to me (who ironically died from alcoholism at a young age). I went on a girls holiday with the wrong person and spent night times alone whilst she was ‘finding herself’ after a broken down relationship. I bet so nervous in social situations and has way too much to drink and start dancing in middle of dance floor. I was chatting to a guy and Dancing in a silly way just messing about. Another guy who I had met earlier (a friend of the person my so called friend had left me alone abroad for) had been watching and following me around. I carried on drinking and dancing like an idiot with group on dance floor when one turns to me and says that my boyfriend does not look happy with them- I explained he was not my boyfriend, my partner is at hom. anyway I continue to drink and dance, at end of night when it was time to leave I went and found the guys had been dancing with and leaned up to one had been chatting most with and apologised if had ruined his night due to the evil glares etc, I remember leaning up and kissing him
On face but needed up kissing him for a second on mouth before quickly rushing out of the bar and home - I was mortified!! I have never kissed anyone or anything else other then my partner. Anyway, the next day the whole holiday place we’re staring at me and one lady was staring and ranting staring in my direction rallying everyone around her pointing at me - they also did this at airport and oh joy they were there when got back to local airport too. As someone who gets extremely anxious this was my worst nightmare. She loudly announced she would post it over the internet etc etc . I have never met this person and she doesn’t know me, from what I can gather it is linked to the dancing and mistaken kiss. Nobody has ever directly confronted me about it but I feel like people talk about me at times - this is 5 years later! I don’t know exactly what I did and every single possible worst case scenario has entered my head and my anxiety and paranoia and from snippets I have overheard I worry that the person I kissed was much younger than me (like 17/18!). This has ruined my whole life for 5 years, i stopped going out anywhere, socialising, rarely drink which isn’t a bad thing, I do not talk to people I don’t know and struggle socially. It has affected my home life, marriage, my children as I struggle to go anywhere with large groups. I won’t go out for an evening meal for fear or people looking at me talking about me and judging me and at my very worst I lost weight and tried ending everything. I feel people talking about me and dread that somewhere there are videos online of me dancing /acting like an idiot. I have spoken to confirm councillors and have flashbacks on the events. I will never find out the whole truth as the person who spread the rumours remains unknown to me and I have no way of finding her. This is going to haunt me forever.
Alcohol ruins lives. It makes u make stupid decisions and impulses. Don’t drink unless you are with someone you trust and support to guide you and tell you to stop drinking when you have had enough. Don’t let it ruin your life too.

Martin
November, 14 2021 at 5:34 pm

Waoooo ! I read all your story and I feel kind of related ! I have a couple and I know she loves me! We went on vacations to my hometown ! She got really drunk that night ! My cousin was there but for some reason he didn’t know we were together, he thought we were just friends ; so we were hanging out and drinking and my cousins took him away for a bit and gave her a kiss … she didn’t do anything about it , at the end of the night she told me that happend and her lips had a bruised from the kiss! Interesting…. I got really upset for about a week and thought that wasn’t gonna happen again! Anyways . A week later we go back to the same place and they are talking , she is really really drunk ! When she is drunk she starts dancing like crazy and kind of flirt with guys and love to Dance with other people ! ( I honestly don’t like to dance , so I let her dance with people) so my cousin that still thinks she is my friend … they go away ! I see they are going to his room , I don’t do anything cause I’m so upset about her and cause I wanted to see how far is she gonna go and if she really gonna have sex or do something with him! I think I don’t have to tell her how to behave or act , we all adults ! So she comes back after almost 2 hours , but before that I want to leave the place and she hasn’t come back so somebody else go and check and tell me that whatever is happening inside there is really intense so don’t want to interrupt . So I wait until she comes back , I didn’t say a word , especially cause i didn’t want to make a drama with all the people there so I waited till we got home! I said I didn’t want to be with her anymore , that I felt like a piece of crap and she left with him and more… she was so drunk that she couldn’t remember all the things that happened that night ! She went outside and took some pills into her purse … like maybe she wanted to suicide because all the embarrassing things she did that day ! We talked about it and said that if she were sorber that night that never would happened!
It took me days and lots of tears to “forgive her” cause that happened almost a year ago and I still think about it and cry ! I know she feels really embarrassed and regrets about it and I know she loves me ! But when she drinks that much ,she becomes another person ! She does things that sorber she wouldn’t do ! She suffered from depression, anxiety , adhd, she was molested when was a kid ,tried to suicide before and had many family dysfunctional situations , so I think all this problems are the results of her childhood and past relationships, that’s the reason why I forgave her ! I ve thought that her behaviour and alcohol problem it’s because of all this reasons ! Anyways , because of work , I have been away from home for some months so we’re not together at the same city , and to be honest , everytime she goes out with her friends I feel that I don’t trust her enough, she gets really drunk , and takes long time to reply the phone when I text her ! Cause maybe she is doing something that she is not supposed to or she is really drunk! I don’t know what to do! If I tell her what I have been thinking lately about her , she will say that I’m wrong and that she will never cheat on me or do something stupid like last time ! It’s been really hard for to trust her , even though I know she loves me and has alcohol problems ! Don’t know if I should sacrifice and help her or she let her go even though we love each other !
Going back to your story! Life is so beautiful and amazing that no situation , person or problem can take you down ! Don’t take your life away! You will find a reason to be happy and a reason to be alive !

Anonymous
September, 1 2022 at 8:58 am

So you did not help your girlfriend and take her home or something even if you knew she was blacked out drunk and had an alcohol problem. And on top of this you let her leave with another guy in her state of mind because you „wanted to know how far she would go“? That’s kind of cruel….

Aa
September, 20 2022 at 9:02 pm

I’m sorry that you went through all that. Addiction goes hand in hand with mental health disorders. I know I have a hard time regulating my emotions too especially anger. And then I drink… everything goes wrong. I have literally done it all and some. I was out to a meal with my family and a woman yelled out “omg that’s her! They all start laughing” I’m mortified. I go back home and climb in a fetus position for rest of the night. I didn’t know who she was or what she was talking about but I knew I must’ve done something when I was drunk.
I’ve woken up with my hand bleeding, bruises all over my body, clothes missing (signs of rape) along with handprint bruises, a black eye and my long hair cut to my ears. I’ve run off all my friends bc of my toxic drinking behavior. I’ve lost countless of jobs and opportunities. Even been arrested for domestic violence during a drunken fight. I have been hospitalized twice for ODing and one was admitted into a 72 hour hold. They say people commit suicide to a temporary problem but alcoholics commit Suicide to a permanent problem. Sometimes it’s too hard to pick myself back up and face the humiliation again and again. I know people fear is too be forgotten my wish is to be forgotten. I wish no one could have any memories of me and all the awful things I’ve done.
My daughter is older now and my drinking is starting to hurt her life. I completely made a fool of myself to her friends. Now I just want to hide and never leave my house. I wish I had hope.

Anonymous
October, 4 2021 at 8:16 pm

I very rarely have got blackout drunk in the recent years, i kind of got control over my alcohol consumption over the pandemic, and i thought that my relationship with alcohol was getting better, and it was, but sometimes i just loose control over how many drinks i take, and wether i sould keep drinking or not. I got extremely drunk on my birthday party recently, and i wish i had a time machine for a do over. I told pretty nasty things to my sister who just wanted to help me, i told my friends to leave me alone, i dont really remember or know the reason why i was acting so badly. There was this guy (which im into but NO ONE KNEW) and i really went for it, we made out two times (my friends had to tell me since i obviously dont remember), i feel so embarassed because everyone saw and i didnt wanted everyone to know my bussiness, at leat they said it was mutual but still im extremely embarassed. Also i spent so little time with the rest of my guests and i think that was very wrong on my part. They told me they still had a good time but still i have SO MANY regrets, im finding ways to forgive myself and i guess this is one of the ways, just telling my story.

Anonymous
September, 20 2021 at 5:23 pm

I hate myself. I always drink way too much. I'm literally known by all my friends and family as being the one who can't handle their liquor. I need to stop drinking, but it's just so hard because everyone around me is able to drink without abusing it. I seem to be the only one who is struggling with this and I just feel so alone. I have done so many things that haunt me, they literally play in my mind every time there is a moment of silence. For a while, I thought I was done drinking because of all my bad experiences and the thoughts of a hangover killed me. But once again a few days ago, I go to a party and get wasted. The end of the night is what's blurry. I did a lot of stuff I regret but what stood out to me are these things. I first said I said something really messed up to my friend's crush. I said I was sorry but I honestly am so dumb for that and I feel horrible. Then I went up front waiting for my ride and literally was on the floor, people were picking me up. I went to the neighbor's house and have no idea what I was doing there but I didn't go inside luckily. I don't even know how I got to the place where I slept. I just don't know what happened in some parts and that drives me crazy. I don't know what I did or said. I also don't know what happened to my body. It's been a few days but I am going insane just playing this night in my head. I overanalyze every single situation in my life already, but the fact that I don't know what happened is making me livid. I'm trying to forgive myself for this and all those other times but honestly, all these embarrassing drunken moments make me want to end it.

Kate
September, 19 2021 at 12:42 pm

I’ve been hitting drinking pretty hard over the last few years…. Maybe even more! I ended up in Hospital two days ago after drinking half a bottle of gin and a bottle of wine in the space of about 2 hours! I fell over and knocked myself out, I managed to call an ambulance myself and then refused to go with them. When they got me to hospital I discharged myself without the head injury being stitch up. I feel so embarrassed and this was all done when my two little ones were in bed. I’m so ashamed of myself right now :-(

Anonymous
September, 8 2021 at 6:59 am

Well I don't have a drinking problem per say but I do have a relationship problem. I am 37 and have had an almost lifetime history of dating and getting completely wasted on the first night. It had been a year since my last relationship which ended up being one of my longest which was a year and half and yes, I drank so much the first night while he remained pretty sober embarrassing myself in the process however, he stuck by my side even bringing me soup the next day. but the other night I met someone after like I mentioned a year of not dating anyone who I met on a dating site he's ten years younger and I guess pretty immature. He came over to my place and before he had even arrived I had already chugged half of half a (medium size) bottle of vodka . next thing I know I am wasted and we have sex and its probably the most awful sex he has had since I get super insecure and I talk a lot about nonsense, my problems and my past and usually lecture a lot. anyways, he finished his business( after a bit of time where I wasn't going to get anything out of it due to my current state ) and immediately left not even saying good bye. Not only did I feel like crap the next day but i felt like a loser, ugly, pathetic, and you name it. I just want companionship but I dont know why I feel I have to drink to be comfortable to make bonds with men.

Nessie
August, 6 2021 at 11:13 pm

So I tend to have this problem every once in a while when I over do my alcohol intake (especially when weed is involved) and I’ve noticed I’ve gotten worse since the pandemic. I tend to get upset at my boyfriend for not spending time with me or for not wanting to stay out drinking. He is a PC gamer and I usually don’t get mad at him for playing but sometimes when I’m drunk everything goes downhill. I’m guessing it’s the fact I rather not drink alone but at the same time I somehow wish I had a voice of reason in my mind telling me to take it down a notch. We don’t ALWAYS have to drink together and he doesn’t ALWAYS have to tell me everything etc etc. But when I get drunk I start thinking of the things he’s not doing versus the things I wish he was doing. In a way it’s a very selfish mindset and it’s as if I forget all the good things he’s done for me. It scares me when I get like this because it’s almost like playing roulette and never know what kind of drunk I’ll be that night. I’m either happy and chill drunk or crazy girlfriend drunk. For example last night when I accidentally played with the breaker box and turned off his PC (I actually didn’t know that the first switch was gonna do that but I also don’t know why I even thought of it? It’s as if the personality of a crazy girlfriend took over me . I don’t know what came over me but I’m still in disbelief as to why I did that. me and my bf made up and I told him I’ll work on it but im afraid of it happening again. I just wish I was always that chill drunk but like I said it’s like a game of roulette and I can’t predict my drunk emotions. I really hope the next time I can control my emotions better. Because I like to drink and I don’t want to have to stop because I can’t control my emotional behavior. I’m sure it has something to do with my overall health, the potency of the alcohol and how crossfaded I get but I hate replaying my embarrassing moments in my head and wishing I can go back in time and never do them. I just want to move on and forgive myself. But It’s so hard especially when I keep repeating them. As a tomboy growing up, I really don’t want to turn into a nightmare girlfriend lol

MillieP
August, 24 2021 at 6:29 am

Hey Nessie,
You’re certainly not alone! The relationship element really struck a cord with me as I do exactly the same. I have the loveliest partner but yet always seem to take things one step too far because of my drink intake. I had to apologise to him only yesterday for just always lashing out at him when I’m drunk but he’s literally loved by everyone and an absolute angel. He’s a gamer and I think my only fault I have with him is that he can be a bit lazy… but honestly it’s nothing. I think I just crave having someone to talk to on a deeper emotional level and that’s what I think I’m doing when I’m drunk right .. but actually most of the time I make no sense. I’ve lashed out at him in front of his family, at parties, on our own and I know it’s not fair.
I’ve always had an addictive personality.. but this part of my personality always makes me ashamed. I don’t know about you but I think for me the first step is admitting this isn’t good for me or others around me. I’m lucky with how they’ve responded until now.. but that might not always be the case. I don’t want it to be as serious as to admit I think I have a drinking problem, because I think of alcoholism as something severe and extreme. I actually think it’s just when it effects your life, even if it’s once a month or a week or a year.
I hope you can work it out and find a more stable pattern. My other half is bad at opening up, but I know he cares, so maybe they just need a little nudge to know how to help? Sending my thoughts to you x

CP
July, 7 2021 at 5:17 pm

Hi all. I am currently struggling with something extremely embarrassing that I did on Friday. I'm currently going through a divorce. Last week, I went on an amazing date with this incredibly hot guy I had great chemistry with. Unfortunately, I got blackout drunk with my sisters on Friday after a particularly rough week and apparently texted or called this guy. All I remember is him texting me that I was scaring him. I deleted everything from my phone while I was still drunk and don't know what I did or said. I apologized the next morning but I know I'll never see him again. I'm such an idiot and feel so stupid and ashamed and mad at myself for ruining what could have been a fun thing. Need some help with self forgiveness.

Susanne
May, 26 2021 at 9:38 pm

I'm so thankful for all the posts on here, it helped me a lot. So I wanted to share my story. I'm an alcoholic for two years now. I recently moved into a new flat with two other people. They are really nice and I'm feeling really welcome. Just four days after me moving in we went to a party. I got so drunk... I can't remember anything. But, as it turned out, I told my new flatmates about my addiction. We had a really honest but also embarrasing talk. They now know about my addiction. I still don't know what went down that evening. I'm afraid of all the embarrasing things I did or if I might sexually harassed someone. I begged my romemates not to tell me anything, it would have ruined me. Even though I don't know what happened, I'm feeling so guilty and bad. I ruined my whole life because of alcoholism. Please don't do what I did. Please get help
English is not my first language by the way, so please bare with me

C
May, 30 2021 at 6:29 pm

These stories really hit home. Ive dealt with binge drinking and embarrassment from it most of my life. Mainly blacking out a couple times a year. Starting as a teen now 36. Im so grateful much worse hasn’t happened to me when i was in those conditions. Im haunted from those moments, i rethink the blurs of those nights in my head all the time. I cant count how many times ive embarrassed myself and others, especially significant others and family. There isnt a day that i dont hate myself for my drunken mistakes. I may go a week or more without drinking and live relatively healthy life but im beginning to wonder if there’s permanent damage from this. I hope maybe if i have a family one day it will help me look past what ive done. I have a very loving family that is always there for me. I pray i dont screw up my marriage or life in tge future. I believe quitting drinking would help me but its very hard to see people and think about not drinking and explaining why im not.

kiki
May, 20 2021 at 4:14 pm

I really had a embarrassing drunk night , it was a official party with many architects , planners and so on , I am a fresher 21 yrs female it was my first official party with many people , and I did a big mistake , Since the drinks were free I drank a lot till I was totally blank out , in my memory i see a little bits of myself in gents toilet asking some of the officials to help me with the dress , I wore a jump suit that day , I asked someone to call my friends to take me home , I was feelin soo hot , I thought of watchin a porn to masturbate , I don't remember whether i masturbated in public what if i had , It haunts me everyday . I was talking to one of the official whose company I interned , and while we were talkin I passed gas , which was soo loud . There is also a piece of image were i removed my underwear when it got wet and i carried it and talked about it to someone , I slept on the floor some people helped me . I was running for some tissues and puked ,a lot .
I ruined myself because of alcohol that day , I cant forget it has been more than a year ,sometimes i feel to end my life , it was my fault , it was me , i am ashamed of myself , i am a total idiot.

Gus
May, 26 2021 at 4:22 pm

Hi, kiki
I have had many such instances and have even made plans to off myself because of the shame. I am not a therapist so I won't risk giving advice that might hinder or hurt. I will say there are times I find peace with my memories, and give myself some forgiveness. I feel I have become a better person by being aware of the dangers concerning addiction and substances. I hope you can turn this around and understand you were in a black out. It's no reflection of your morals, values, or personality. Sometimes, people will say things like, alcohol shows the truth, blah blah blah. You never hear science or therapists say things like this, because it's not at all true.
I have masturbated in public, led police on a high speed chase for over 30 minutes, and often times lost my money or bank card. All of these things happened in a black out, without any motivation other than I was that drunk. You can softly blame yourself for the mistake of drinking at a company party. (many have done this) But know that the alcohol is often the villain, and people who are wonderful human beings can do things completely out of their control and character. I hope you begin to heal and can rest easy soon. I still have moments that haunt me, which is why I'm here in the first place. Be kind to yourself, and I hope you get through this and become stronger. Love and peace to you.

Aj
May, 12 2021 at 3:02 pm

I have been struggling with forgiving myself for awhile for the drunk behavior I did a couple months back. My boyfriend and I were drinking one night and I had a curfew but was to messed up to make it home, so he took me inside his house to meet his mom to see if I could stay the night and mind you he’s never brought anyone to meet his mom besides me which makes me feel even worse for this but anyways I blacked in and out when I met her and I don’t wear underwear(personal choice) so apparently I pulled my pants down to show her the tattoo on my thigh. She along with his auntie saw my private area, I don’t remember doing that, i still got to stay the night but I embarrassed myself and my boyfriend that night. I talked to her the next day sober and apologized, she appreciated that and we were okay. Then a couple weeks later me and him were drinking again and we decided to spend the night at his house, I remember pulling up to his house and we were parked outside for awhile, I wanted to go in and sleep but my boyfriend still wanted to sip on his drink and that’s the last I remember. The next morning I woke up in his house with no pants and a blanket on me. Now, his bed is in the living room out in the open where everyone goes. I find my pants outside on the truck and I put them on and go back in. His mom is in there this time though and she tells me that his dad along with his auntie and brother seen me half naked that morning as they were going to work, remember I don’t wear underwear so they saw everything! I was completely ashamed.. I talked to her again later that day and she was furious, she forgave me but it wasn’t the same. Let’s just say one more thing happened to where as I was sober but still got the blame. My boyfriend laid his hands on me one night while he was blacked out at her house, she was telling me that it wasn’t who he is, this and that (although she tells me the drunk stuff I did to her is who I am and I don’t blame her but it’s not true, I never liked alcohol 6 months ago and I never meant to harm anyone, I always apologized.) and she called the cops on him, they couldn’t find him so they left (he was under the bed that whole time lmao) but anyways I didn’t wanna be there when he woke up so I called my cousin to pick me up, I told her what happened and told her not to tell anyone. She told her boyfriend and he got mad mine laid my hands on me so he went up and hit my boyfriends moms car! I told him to get in wtf was he doin that wasn’t my boyfriends car.. even made him go back and apologize but she was mad. She thought we were trying to bash out her car windows but he didn’t and I had no idea he was gonna do that. I am no longer allowed near her house and I know her dislike for me is strong. I’m a good person, his family thinks that I’m just a drunk and always blames me for my boyfriends drunk behavior also but that’s not the case. I got a job again, quit drinking but it don’t do any good with them, they don’t care. Just sucks it had to be like that. Sucks I had to drink. Anyways drinking led to those embarrassing and shameful events, I regret it a lot. I wish they knew that wasn’t who I am. I wish I never done those things. I still feel so shitty.

D
May, 19 2021 at 3:06 pm

Keep hanging in there. It is cliche, but time will heal. Everybody makes mistakes and there is a good chance it was not even remotely close as a big deal to them as it was to you. Stuff happens when people are drunk and people realize that. There is so much worse that could have happened than you being naked. First of all, your boyfriend should never have brought you to meet his mom if you were that noticeably drunk. He did not put you in the best situation. Just keep moving forward and don't ever let him hit you...that is the biggest issue throughout this whole deal. A mother who has a son that hits women is more embarrassing than somebody accidently getting naked while black out drunk, remember that. YOU are not the problem in this equation. Keep hanging in there.

Shameful In Idaho
April, 6 2021 at 3:29 pm

Need some help and someone to calm me down...I drink moderately with friends on weekends and rarely have issues. I don't see myself as a heavy drinker, sometimes I go months without drinking, and sometimes I drink 3 days in a row. It is very spotty and depends on occasion (weddings, friends in town, etc.) Once in a while (about once a year) I brown out while downtown in my hometown. I live in a small town so I say and do things I typically regret because everyone knows me and my family. Anyways, recently I was very drunk downtown and can only remember moments. I recall having a conversation with an older lady who is a family friend that I do not know that well. I recall being so drunk I kept asking the same questions over and over again to the point where she told me to leave her alone and she told me that I was an idiot. I cant remember what I said/did to make her so upset but I know she wasn't that drunk which makes it that much worse. I really hope I didn't do anything inappropriate towards her, as that is not like me in any way. But I cant remember fully. My girlfriend was in the same bar, but across the way so I feel like if it was something inappropriate it would have caused a scene and my girlfriend would have been mad at me. After I got yelled at I went up to another couple and was in this girls face and she kept backing up and I kept trying to talk to her and she told me to back away. The music was super loud and I was just trying to talk but I think she thought I was the weirdest guy in the planet as my face inched closer as she kept backing away. Turns out we have mutual friends and this was the first time they met me...great. I can't function for some time when this happens. It replays in my head for days and weeks after. I am banking on the fact that they know deep down I don't typically act like that and that I am a good person, but I just don't know. I can't get over it and I'm afraid to bring it up to anyone just incase they end up revealing more bad things I did and then I have to start all over with the shame and guilt. Thanks in advance...

Camille
April, 9 2021 at 12:10 am

Hey, don't worry. The things you did are absolutely standard for drunken people. So the people in your town laughed about it the next day but now it is forgotten and they continue with their own problems. You did nothing spectacular. You were just drunken with standard drunken actions.
Don't think too much about this older lady. She was annoyed and just tried to stop your questions. What would you say to someone who are annoying you with the same questions over and over again?
But this woman knows that you were just drunken.
You have to know that this hangover shame spiral let us think that we are the center of the universe with our actions. But we are just humans and other people know that and don't give our drunken actions so much attention as we do.

Nicole
March, 30 2021 at 10:12 pm

Urgh, just wanted to share here as I've been feeling so mortified and sick with what I did drunk. I had just got a fresh start, moved house and a new job, things were going well until I started getting bullied at work. I tried to keep my head down and not say anything, but it go so bad I got signed off sick. I was just a mess about it as I really thought I had a job for life, it was with the local council, but things were not working out. They had got me to make a Facebook to stay in touch with them all. I deleted the messenger as it was just constant and I couldn't escape. Well the other night, the ring leader tried to friend me, I ignored it and next min her family members tried to friend me. I got really wound up as just wanted to be left alone, I ended up hitting the drink, it was just beers but I got wrecked, I started posting things about the bullying drunk, saying how my daughters dad was dead and wishing people would stop asking if she had a Dad, other things saying I was off sick and wanted to be left alone, I'm just to embarrassed to look at what I said. When I woke up in the morning I was so embarrassed, I feel like I was being pushed and I took the bait, and now have made a complete ass of myself and look like a total nut job. I never wanted an account. I quickly deleted the account, wrapped up my work stuff, posted it with my notice saying my health couldn't take it. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so can get really triggered and alcohol makes it so much worse I don't know why I drink. I basically ran away I was so embarrassed. I can't believe I let it get to me and now I look like a total fool because of my drinking. I'm 36 and I'm. So embarrassed what I am going to tell people why I left my job. My so called friend must've seen the posts (I didn't put many people due to management on there) he was so abrupt the next day and cancelled to see me. Most friends were supportive and said to just leave. But because of the job, alot of so called friends said I was being sensitive and to stick it out. Well I tried that and then made an ass of myself. Just wish I could run away

Mary
April, 5 2021 at 1:51 pm

Hello Nicole,
I know exactly how you feel. When I still had Facebook my fingers were so fast when I was drunken. Every morning after a boozy night I've been waking up with this strong anxious feeling and I knew exactly that I've been writing everything which bothers me on Facebook. It was so horrible. No I use Instagram instead and I don't write drunken long texts anymore. But if you think I have myself better under control now you are wrong. I discovered my drunken passion for videos now. 🤦
I'm spending drunken hours of making videos during the night. Hardly trying not to look drunken in them. The last videos which I'm discovering on my phone next morning are without my face. Just a candle and my fucking stupid drunken voice talking about politics, the deeper sense of life, gratefulness and other stuff people don't wanna listen during the night. After such nights I'm always counting the days until the point I think people have forgotten my embarrassing moments.

Ugh
March, 15 2021 at 11:24 pm

So the other night it was my friends birthday party and they got a party bus that went to different bars and it was really fun! I had a blast my boyfriends had a blast but... I was drinking my drinks and taking shots and mixing too many drinks so I basically blacked out. We got to their house and we were maybe there for 10 minutes and I started bawling my eyes out for some reason I don’t know. This happens a lot when I get drunk and is really embarrassing.. I only remember going outside to get air w my friend and that’s it. My boyfriends says he thinks only a few people saw me but I don’t know if that’s completely true, I think he’s trying to spare my feelings. But I’m super embarrassed about it and I feel like I possibly ruined the night. And on top of it his mom saw me bawling as well.... ugh I hate this feeling and I never want to drink AGAIN!

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