Trusting Again After Abuse in a Relationship
Trusting again after abuse in a relationship can be frightening, but there comes a time when you’ll want to open yourself up to others. You want to believe that the people you love won’t hurt you, but wasn’t trusting implicitly why you wound up being abused in the first place? Are you partly to blame for being susceptible to narcissists and perpetrators of abuse? This isn't a simple question to answer, but it is crucial to trusting again after abuse.
While abusive personalities are drawn to trusting people, abuse is always the fault of the abuser. You are not to blame. However, abuse wreaks havoc on your self-esteem and ability to trust, and that, unfortunately, is your job to fix.
What Does It Mean to Trust After an Abusive Relationship?
Trusting yourself after an abusive relationship means you have to relearn your own value after someone else has systematically destroyed it. This is not an easy process, and you will learn that while some people are worth opening your heart to, not everyone deserves your trust. This is a key lesson in trusting again after abuse, but it's tough to change the habit of a lifetime.
It takes time to trust other people again after abuse, whether romantically or platonically, but it takes even longer to trust yourself. Self-trust is still very much a work in progress for me, despite being in a happy long-term relationship, but there's a lot I've learned along the way. Watch this video to find out how to gain back your trust in others (and most importantly, yourself) after relationship abuse.
Smith, E. (2018, April 27). Trusting Again After Abuse in a Relationship, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, December 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2018/04/trusting-again-after-an-abusive-relationship
Author: Emma-Marie Smith
My ex partner told me no one would employ me, I have teaching experience, he used to say no one with any sense would bother with you and when I had depression called me a nutter. Due to this been very negative cohesive bullying it still pops into my mind when others are treating me very positively. I write it down and at the side write down who I am and rid these bullying words. I believe he is so insecure he had to project this on to me. It is his responsibility to change and sort his insecurity's out not mine.
Yes, abusers do suck the energy out of people as they very negative sentences about you, I could not understand it, thought it would get better and it never did it got worse. He even misheard what I said and turned it into something else. He was fine until he had alcohol and then turned into an abuser, he hid what he was doing so would say negative things to me so he could have me remove myself out of his way then drink alcohol denied it then was abusive after wards. I learnt his smoke screens of abuse.
Malignant narcissists have all of these behaviors and more. They manipulate, gaslight, project, blameshift, steal your most treasured things and then tell you you're a dumb ass for losing them, they abuse you, mentally, verbally, physically and spiritually, they are pathological liars and cheaters, they are energy vampires that leave you exhausted and nuts, if you allow them to continue their evil, hateful ways. Get far away from them and never look back.
Hi Marma Duke,
Thanks for your comment. I totally agree with what you say; there is seemingly no end to the distress and confusion an abusive narcissist can cause. Sometimes the only solution is to walk away.