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About Kellie Holly, Author of Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog

I am Kellie Jo Holly, and I participated in the cycle of verbal abuse with my soon to be ex-husband for almost 18 years. I retain the relationship with him because we have two sons together who are now teens. Leaving the marriage did not end the abuse. Stopping verbal abuse has more to do with my reaction to it than convincing him to stop!
I spent years trying to anticipate and thereby control his moods (especially his angry moods) with no success. Even though my intentions were good, the outcome was very bad.

Verbal Abuse and How I Lost Myself

Kellie Jo HollyDuring the course of my marriage, I let go of myself and my own reality in the effort to understand his way of looking at things, his perception of the world, his reactions to events. With so much concentration on him, is it any wonder how I ceased being myself? Under extreme pressure to control my environment (him), I let my own soul fall by the wayside.

Now, a short time from leaving the relationship as it was, I struggle to separate my own identity from the person I came to be while living in the battleground of our marriage. Some days are easier than others, but I see dramatic progress in my ability to detach from and accept the role I played in our abusive cycle; I am healing, and I want to share that journey with you.

The Point of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog

You can also find Kellie on her website at Verbal Abuse JournalsGoogle+, Facebook PageTwitter and Amazon Authors.

44 thoughts on “About Kellie Holly, Author of Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog”

  1. I am so grateful I found your site. I am currently in an abusive marriage and have a 2 month old baby with him. I am working on getting an order of protection, a safety plan and a divorce lawyer lined up…all behind his back. Everything is “fine” in his eyes, like we are doing just fine…so I have to keep up this attitude like I love him…but love doesn’t hurt, love doesn’t respect you….

  2. Hi Kellie. I was excited to see your blog. I went looking in continued preparation of a support group I will begin next month for abused & battered women. I was married for 31 years. It wasn’t until I left & began counseling that I was aware that I had lived all those years in verbal abuse. I left the evening he tried to take my life. I am not one to stay around for the physical abuse. I have an awesome testimony to share. I left on that Friday & filed for divorce on Monday. That has been 18 months ago. I immediately placed myself in counseling. Getting your self esteem back I believe is the greatest hurdle. I have been so blessed to have awesome women in my life the last 18 months to encourage & support me as I have walked through this. I want others to know that verbal abuse is real and it is so crippling and damaging to ones self esteem. It also leads to physical violence. I would never have believed that had I not experienced it first hand. But I always said a man would only get one time to put his hands on me that way but never would he have that opportunity again. I walked and I haven’t looked back! I hope to maybe get to speak one on one with you at some time. I believe it would be beneficial to the path of ministry I am going. I too don’t mind speaking out and letting others know that you do not have to remain that there is a way out. There are people who care like us!!!

  3. hello,
    I’m a student in high school researching about the cultural and social norms affecting wife battering. I’ve gone through your website and I can’t imagine the hardship you’ve been through. You’re an amazing women, having gone through all that abuse and yet still having the strength to share your story and insight. Thank you for that! I was just wondering if you could possibly help me out with my research assignment and complete a survey relating to cultural and social norms affecting wife battering?

    -Thank you!

  4. I need some help. I have no family/friends and am very ill. I can’t leave and need to. No social worker will help me, the womans shelter only says “Call the Police” and wont house me as I am sick so no shelter for me and I’m stuck where I live. I want to leave the state. 20yr relationship, very codependent, very good looking and smart, in wheelchair now, most of my organs are not functioningwell, no money or car left. still love him, fighting 24 hours a day for 3 yrs, can lose my vision if continues, no help here from community, not even church, people don’t want involvement in s.services, need someone to talk to, to help me, guide me, 3 years of daily hell, please talk to me and help. I just feel like dying everyday. I am scared.

  5. Thank you for sharing your story in this blog. My wife got involved in a very emotionally abusive affair which we are both recovering from (slowly). I still can’t believe she got caught up in a situation like this, and allowed herself to do things she would never do under normal circumstances.

  6. Hi Kellie,
    My name is Melody and i was in a brief verbally abusive relationship when i was younger. (4 years) i have found your blog and information very helpful. I am writing a fiction book about an abusive relationship geared for young adults and was wondering if i could cite your blog or website for information. Just let me know and thank you for your blog. Reading through it, i see how paralleled my own experience was. i had no idea that what i went through was as intense as it really was until i started doing research. i have come to see how things that i do or say or how my life is now, years later, are a result of my own experience with an abusive relationship. your blog and info has been therapeutic for me. Thank you,
    Melody

  7. It was like I was reading about my life. I try to pre set up life so that nothing will set him off. We have been married 9 years. Anything that ever goes wrong is always my fault. I have been told everything from I’m the worst mistake he has ever made to he wish I was someone else’s problem. Then the next day he will be fine like nothing happened. He has refused going to therapy. We do have children. I just shut down every time b/c if I cry I will get cussed out. Am I right to finally understand that although I do have my issues, people still don’t deserve to be treated like this…

  8. Sorry to read about your struggles. I remember the kittens on Shelbourne. Best regards. I wish you well.

  9. Kelly,
    You made me cry! My name is Casi (pronounced Cassie) by the way. I’m not haughty when I say that I’m proud that I’m a strong person (I think that anyone who survives these things is superhuman) and I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, but in those moments I felt like the lowest and weakest person in the world. Trust me, when I sobbed to my husband about how my ex husband was treating me, I was mad at myself for even letting mt ex make me feel that way and to give him the notion of his control and ultimately his satisfaction. I’m a debater by nature. I don’t know how to simply hang up but the more I read of your blog, the more inclined I am to seek outside opinions and all of the words I read and hear remind me that I can do this. Sometimes, however, isolation sneeks up on you. I didn’t know I was even doing it until now. I’m blessed to have been led in the path of finding this site.

    Thank you so much for wanting to help others. God has blessed you with a heart of compassion and the ability to help others in such an amazing way. I know I’m not the only one who has said this or thinks this about your blog but you (and anyone who comments on here with words of encouragement or who shares their stories) allows for healing on so many levels. As someone equally interested in Psychology and counseling and pursuing post-secondary education pertaining to it, I know how truly beneficial it is to become educated and find people who will support you and remind you of the truth. I suppose being the person in the “mess” makes it a little harder to see the roads I need to take in order to navigate through all of the chaos. Thank you for reminding me of that…because I definitely needed it.

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