Couples Therapy: Should I Be Scared?
Monday, November 13 2017 Shelby Tweten
Therapy is always a scary thing, but when you're going into couples therapy with the person you love, it can take on a whole new level of intimidating. I have decided to take the step of asking to go to couples therapy with my boyfriend--is going to couples counseling the right decision?
Does Couples Therapy Work? Will It Work for Us?
It's been almost exactly two years since I've been to therapy--the last time definitely wasn't easy. I met my boyfriend only a few weeks after I quit going. We grew up in opposite lifestyles, which led to opposite love languages. Most of the time, our relationship is a breeze; people are always coming to me for advice. Sometimes though, I worry my boyfriend also struggles with mental illness which leads us to trigger each other into a chaotic spiral.
Couples Therapy Requires Vulnerability
I am a very transparent person and relatively self-aware. My boyfriend has never been asked to open up in his life. The mistake that a lot of people make when they decide to seek couples counseling is that they don't take down all their walls. They go in with one thing in mind and don't try to find what the underlying cause is. Most people repress issues and I want us to create tools together to make it easier for us to be completely open together. Openness leads to more trusting relationships.
Is Couples Counseling Worth It?
Couple's therapy could be a make-it-or-break-it for the relationship. A lot of relationships end because the people stop working for something better.
I grew up in a family where we talked about everything, we were overly loving, and we loved to argue. My boyfriend grew up in a family where they didn't talk about their feelings, which left little room for anything else. I didn't want that in our relationship.
The real reason I, and anyone else seeking couples therapy, is scared, is that we are going to a place to specifically talk about our problems and see if we are capable of meeting at a point of resolution. Couples therapy communication exercises could help us do that, or they could reveal larger problems.
Nobody wants anyone telling them that they aren't right for the person they love, but I believe if you're willing to learn together in couples counseling or otherwise, and want to find new ways to make one another happy, that any relationship can survive and thrive.