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The Catalyst to My First Bout of Depression

December 1, 2013 Liana M Scott

The catalyst to my first bout of depression was almost thirteen years ago. That's when the official depression diagnosis was, anyway. That's not to say that I wasn't depressed before that. If I was, I didn't know I was. But that date marked the beginning of my journey to getting treatment for my depression.

My Depression Story

It was January 2001. I was living my life as a wife and mother of three children, ages 14, 12 and 7. I had a full-time job that was very stressful, though no more stressful than it had been for years. I was in information technology support, carried a pager and was on-call 24x7. That meant that I was paged in the middle of the night, sometimes night-after-night, expected to analyze problems, solve problems, save the day.

I guess you could say I was a robot, or, at least that's how I described myself. Life became a series of movements, robotic movements. I just thought that's what wifehood and motherhood and working was all about. Millions of people do it every day. I was no different. Nothing special.

The catalyst to depression can be anything, even something seemingly innocuous. Read my depression story and see how my depression started.

I didn't realize that, day after day, this pace at which I lived my life, along with what I came by naturally through heredity, I was like a rope unraveling, just barely holding on.

And then the rope snapped.

One day I was a functioning robot, the next day I was a piece of wreckage.

During CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), when asked if there was a catalyst, some event that caused the wreckage, oddly enough it seemed as though there was not. The only thing even remotely out of the ordinary was a minor fender-bender I was in on December 23rd, 2000. I was stopped at a traffic light and got bumped from behind. When I got out of the car to speak to the other driver, he sped away. I was shocked, dumbfounded, naive. I cried. That was it. I went on.

Christmas came and went, as did the new year. The holidays were over. I went back to work. A couple of weeks later, I fell into depression.

Pushed to the Limit and Over the Edge

My therapist said that anything, even something as seemingly innocuous as what I experienced, can be all it takes.

That day, when bumped by a stranger's car and abandoned, was actually a blessing. Though it was the catalyst to my first bout of depression, it also brought me to the treatment for my depression that I so desperately needed.

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APA Reference
Scott, L. (2013, December 1). The Catalyst to My First Bout of Depression, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, October 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2013/12/the-catalyst-to-my-first-bout-of-depression



Author: Liana M Scott

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