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How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Tired of being a people-pleaser? Being a people-pleaser is a drain on your self-esteem. It's different from helping someone. Here's how to stop people-pleasing.

Being a people-pleaser is a sign of low self-esteem. If you’re a people-pleaser, you go out of your way to make other people happy. Your choices or actions might be based on what others think, want or expect from you. Your self-worth is probably dependent on the approval from others, and it most likely reflects your personal insecurities. It’s okay to be kind and helpful to others, but to a point. Excessive people-pleasing is unhealthy and it can worsen your self-esteem. The good news is that you can stop being a people-pleaser.

The Consequences of Being A People-Pleaser

Excessive people-pleasing means always, or usually, putting other peoples’ wants or needs ahead of your own. Your own needs are neglected and you might lose your sense of who you are as an individual.

If you’re a people-pleaser, you probably find it hard to say no or speak up for yourself. You might also have trouble with setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries. These things make it easy for others to take advantage of you. Additionally, you might become overwhelmed and burnt out from trying to do everything and by not looking after yourself.

The idea of people-pleasing is distorted thinking. It’s unrealistic and it’s a recipe for disaster. People-pleasing is disempowering and it can impact on your overall wellness. It’s, therefore, important to stop being a people-pleaser.

Ways to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

  • Understand that your self-worth does not depend on approval from others. Your self-worth is your own perception of yourself and that depends on you. You don’t need external approval to be a worthy person.  Tired of being a people-pleaser? Want to know how to stop being a people-pleaser? Read on.
  • Realize that you’ll never please everyone. If you please some people, you’ll naturally disappoint others.
  • Know that you can’t control what others think. It’s unrealistic to believe you can change someone’s thoughts. You can’t make someone happy unless they want to be. The only person you can control is yourself.
  • Realise that people won’t notice, or care as much as you think. Why waste your energy?
  • Practice being assertive. Practice speaking up for yourself and learn to say no.
  • Have healthy boundaries. Make sure you have healthy boundaries in your life and stick to them.
  • Look after your own needs. It’s important to make choices that are good for you rather than what’s expected, or to please others. Do the things you enjoy and practice self-care.
  • Learn to love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally, as you are right now. Treat yourself as you would a best friend and respect yourself.
  • Believe that self-care is not selfish. Self-care is essential for your own wellbeing, and it will benefit the others around you as well.
  • Address your insecurities. It’s important to address the underlying issues and to work on your self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to seek mental health help if you need it.

These are just a few tips on breaking the habit of people-pleasing. As with anything, change requires effort and persistence. When you stop being a people-pleaser it is likely that you’ll notice improvements in the quality your life and it’s well worth the effort.

How To Quit Being a People Pleaser And Get Control of Life

In this self-esteem video, I talk about people-pleasing and ways to stop it.

You can find Fay Agathangelou on FacebookGoogle+TwitterPinterest and her website.

20 thoughts on “How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser”

  1. Also I needed to know I mattered after all the tears of never feeling good enuf.
    If I just try harder to please and they accept me then somehow im good enuf and I can accept myself…
    I don’t need anyone to accept me first before I accept myself…
    If they don’t like me too bad.
    I LIKE ME!!!

  2. I had to let go of all the hindrerences.
    I wanted to only please others. Never thinking of myself. It’s almost a brainwashing to think I should selfishly forget myself.
    Who will care for me if I don’t?
    I need to put me first.
    Who is going to take care of me but me??
    I just have to learn how to put me first again.
    Why can’t I put myself first.
    Who will I serve?

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