How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
Being a people-pleaser is a sign of low self-esteem. If you’re a people-pleaser, you go out of your way to make other people happy. Your choices or actions might be based on what others think, want or expect from you. Your self-worth is probably dependent on the approval from others, and it most likely reflects your personal insecurities. It’s okay to be kind and helpful to others, but to a point. Excessive people-pleasing is unhealthy and it can worsen your self-esteem. The good news is that you can stop being a people-pleaser.
The Consequences of Being A People-Pleaser
Excessive people-pleasing means always, or usually, putting other peoples' wants or needs ahead of your own. Your own needs are neglected and you might lose your sense of who you are as an individual.
If you’re a people-pleaser, you probably find it hard to say no or speak up for yourself. You might also have trouble with setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries. These things make it easy for others to take advantage of you. Additionally, you might become overwhelmed and burnt out from trying to do everything and by not looking after yourself.
The idea of people-pleasing is distorted thinking. It’s unrealistic and it’s a recipe for disaster. People-pleasing is disempowering and it can impact on your overall wellness. It's, therefore, important to stop being a people-pleaser.
Ways to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
- Understand that your self-worth does not depend on approval from others. Your self-worth is your own perception of yourself and that depends on you. You don’t need external approval to be a worthy person.
- Realize that you’ll never please everyone. If you please some people, you’ll naturally disappoint others.
- Know that you can’t control what others think. It's unrealistic to believe you can change someone's thoughts. You can't make someone happy unless they want to be. The only person you can control is yourself.
- Realise that people won’t notice, or care as much as you think. Why waste your energy?
- Practice being assertive. Practice speaking up for yourself and learn to say no.
- Have healthy boundaries. Make sure you have healthy boundaries in your life and stick to them.
- Look after your own needs. It's important to make choices that are good for you rather than what's expected, or to please others. Do the things you enjoy and practice self-care.
- Learn to love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally, as you are right now. Treat yourself as you would a best friend and respect yourself.
- Believe that self-care is not selfish. Self-care is essential for your own wellbeing, and it will benefit the others around you as well.
- Address your insecurities. It's important to address the underlying issues and to work on your self-esteem. Don't be afraid to seek mental health help if you need it.
These are just a few tips on breaking the habit of people-pleasing. As with anything, change requires effort and persistence. When you stop being a people-pleaser it is likely that you'll notice improvements in the quality your life and it's well worth the effort.
How To Quit Being a People Pleaser And Get Control of Life
In this self-esteem video, I talk about people-pleasing and ways to stop it.
Agathangelou, F. (2015, April 28). How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, June 16 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2015/04/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser
Author: Fay Agathangelou
If I just try harder to please and they accept me then somehow im good enuf and I can accept myself...
I don't need anyone to accept me first before I accept myself...
If they don't like me too bad.
I LIKE ME!!!
I wanted to only please others. Never thinking of myself. It's almost a brainwashing to think I should selfishly forget myself.
Who will care for me if I don't?
I need to put me first.
Who is going to take care of me but me??
I just have to learn how to put me first again.
Why can't I put myself first.
Who will I serve?
Articles like these greatly helped me on this journey .
Thank you for this article. You're really helping many people.
God bless you
Take Good Care,
Thanks for the article.
Thanks for your comment. It can certainly be easy for others to take advantage of people-pleasers. It really highlights the importance of stopping the people-pleasing.
I find it difficult to explain that I'm not trying to hurt you, but I need to take care of myself. These people have no idea that they are imposing, because I have never let them feel that way.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's great that you're recognising people-pleasing and that you're taking action, good on you! It's understandable that other people would react to the change. That's to be expected and the challenge is how to handle it. When you're used to people-pleasing, you'll naturally be concerned about what others think. It's important to look after yourself and make changes that are good for you. People who genuinely care about you will want the best for you too. As with any change, it will take some getting used to.
Glad you're making the change and wishing you all the best with it :)
Thanks very much for your comment and for sharing your experience. Glad you found the article useful :)