Letting Go of Borderline Cycles of Drama in Recovery
Letting go of borderline personality disorder (BPD) cycles of drama in recovery is important, but difficult. This might seem counterintuitive, but one of the hardest things for me to adjust to on my road to healing is simply learning to adjust to a calm and peaceful life. Those of us living with BPD get addicted to the highs and lows, the chaos, the crises, and the constant upheaval that comes along with living in emotionally intense states. Simply learning to tolerate when life is steady and serene can be a confusing new world, but it is possible to learn to tolerate stability and peace and to let go of the borderline cycles of drama.
Why It's Hard to Let Go of Borderline Cycles of Drama
Shouldn't it be desirable to let go of the borderline cycles of drama? Don't those of us with BPD want to get better? Well, yes. But it can be new and disorienting when you've lived many years wrapped up in your diagnosis.
Sometimes, I found myself uneasy when things were calm. I felt myself waiting for the next shoe to drop. And in a way, life could feel "boring" without the constant emergencies, crises, and dramatic scenes so often associated with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis). I inevitably felt that the drama would come again, so why not light the fire myself and throw a little bit of chaos into the mix? Then I could feel I was in control of when the drama came and went.
I could get just as wrapped up in the borderline highs as I could in the lows. Now, instead of living a life of emotional peaks and valleys, it’s more akin to rolling hills. They still go up and down just not as extremely and not as quickly.
Learning to be Okay Without Borderline Drama Cycles
Simply learning to be okay with being okay is a new layer to getting better and it’s taken me time. I am learning to accept that peace and calm are not equivalent to boring -- they're signs of mental health. It’s even taken my family and loved ones some time to get used to the calm as they seemed just as accustomed to my constant borderline cycles of drama as I was. In a way, they actively participated and fed on the drama, too.
Another difficult part of recovery is learning to let go of dramatic people and situation (Does Borderline Personality Disorder Make You Codependent?). Borderline drama tends to attract other borderline-like (or otherwise dysfunctional) drama. It seemed so comfortable to me because so many around me were also in chaos much of the time. Like finds like. So as I’m healing, I’ve also had to let go of some of the relationships in my life that were surrounded by drama, too.
There’s been grieving and loss with that but I’m starting to attract new people, new environments, and new relationships that are drama-free. There’s this whole new world of healthy, calm, and stable goodness around me. It’s new, but I’m learning to soak it in.
What to Do When You Want to Engage in Drama
Don’t get me wrong; I still find myself starting to get wrapped up in the crazy sometimes. (I say this word with love; some of my past is crazy.) But I’m developing skills that help me to notice and observe when this is happening. I can pause more easily and say to myself: “Oh, I’m doing that thing where I want to create drama.”
I can start to slow myself down so I can accept reality. I spend time in nature to recenter myself and ground.
Meditation has helped to engage a more observant part of myself where I begin to distance from my behavior and can slow myself down. There, I settle back into the calm and peace and quiet where I’m learning to reside. It’s not easy, but I promise you it’s worth it.
Easton, W. (2018, April 22). Letting Go of Borderline Cycles of Drama in Recovery, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, October 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2018/04/learning-to-tolerate-a-peaceful-life-in-borderline-personality-disorder-recovery