Doubt is thought's despair; despair is personality's doubt. . .;
Doubt and despair . . . belong to completely different spheres; different sides of the soul are set in motion. . .
Despair is an expression of the total personality, doubt only of thought. -
My name is Clare and I was diagnosed with OCD.
I guess that the obsessions go back as far as I can remember, but then again, I am only 19 years old so it hasn't been that long. It began for me as lists. At any given time, I have 10 lists. I have a front page of the lists that I have in my list packet, and then I have the various lists. There are "To Do" lists, "To Study" lists, "Medicines to take", "When to take my medicines", etc... Then I realized that I spell. I think of a conversation in my head and then realize that I had just spelled a word out while thinking. In conversations, I spell certain words and do not even realize it. Also, I have a 11 month old son and I color coordinate his bottles, and when his sitter messes up the rhythm, I have to empty and wash them all and begin the cycle of Red bottle, Green bottle, Purple bottle, etc..all over again. It seems stupid, but when I drive, I read every sign I see on the street, highway, freeway, or wherever. If I miss a sign, I get a feeling of panic, that I don't know something and now, I could be in danger, or be going the wrong way. I also have an obsession of order. Right now, I have a list in order of the obsessions I want to write about. Lastly, I count my bites and when I walk up stairs, I count the stairs as well. These are all such minor, silly things, and yet I don't know why I do them. My day can not progress the way it should without these obsessions and compulsions of mine coming into play.
When I was diagnosed, I felt relieved, because I always knew there was something wrong with me, I just didn't know what it was. Now that I know, I have to read everything that I see about OCD. I look it up on the web, I go to book stores, I mean everything. It is good to know that I am not alone, that there are other people out there like me. OCD has not gone away yet. I have recently began taking Zoloft, and from what I have read, my case is very minor and hopefully it will help. I am looking forward to a happy, healthy life.
I am not a doctor, therapist or professional in the treatment of OCD. This site reflects my experience and my opinions only, unless otherwise stated. I am not responsible for the content of links I may point to or any content or advertising in HealthyPlace.com other then my own.
Always consult a trained mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment choice or changes in your treatment. Never discontinue treatment or medication without first consulting your physician, clinician or therapist.
Content of Doubt and Other Disorders
copyright ©1996-2009 All Rights Reserved
Gluck, S. (2009, January 9). 'Clare', HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, January 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/anxiety-panic/articles/clare