Intimate Thoughts: How to Develop Intimacy With Your Partner

Approach your mate with a win-win attitude.
Choose an attitude of "We both win in filling our needs." Make sure that you share what you need and want with your mate. Don't wait for your mate to guess what you want or what makes you feel good. Sometimes it is good to go into detail. Do not feel ashamed to ask for your mate to do things for you that make you feel good. If your mate doesn't want to do those things, then determine if what you are asking is inappropriate or if your mate needs more encouragement. Ask your mate what they want and need. Listen and do your best to respond to their needs. Learn to negotiate with your mate in a positive manner always keeping in mind and expressing your desire for both of your needs to be filled.

Don't use sex to solve a problem.
Face problems with your mate squarely. If you are upset, give yourself some space to calm down and get clear. Do not stay away and pretend that the problem is going to go away. Always come back to work through the problem until it is solved or you both have a plan that leads to resolution. Never bully, use guilt, or anger to control your mate. Work out your conflicting emotions with a counselor if you cannot on your own. Once you have some resolution to the problem you both will feel more empowered and and sex can be more loving and close.

Meditate, pray, or be together in quiet for a time every day.
This gives your relationship a chance to connect in a spiritual way. Quiet walks or just sitting in each other's presence in quiet will open doors in your psyche that will lead to bringing you closer together. If this is done with the intention of connecting with a higher power, your closeness is all the more powerful. Yes, sex and emotional intimacy can be spiritual.

Be kind and loving in little things.
Good sex and emotional intimacy are created in every breathing moment. Little gestures of kindness and affection go deep and are noticed even if not acknowledged. A helping hand, willingness to listen patiently even when you are tired, a special favor done, a pat, a neck rub, willingness to watch your mate's favorite TV show, taking interest in their passions even if they are of little interest to you....all these little thing add up to big, big closeness. Intimacy and sex shine in an environment of kindness and giving.

Be trustworthy and true.
In the end your willingness to be honest and true is the cornerstone of true intimacy. Indulging yourself in secret affair(s) can only undermine your commitment to solve problems with your mate. Revealed affair(s) cause so much damage in trust that your relationship may never be able to be repaired. Years of dependability build a trust that opens the door for closeness that is the envy of angels. Even during times when sex is less passionate, being steadfast and true shines as that which can bring you countless hours of comfort and peace of mind.

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Last Updated: 18 August 2014

Reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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