Emotional and mental abuse happens to both children and adults. In both cases, mental abuse diminishes the person's self-worth. When other forms of abuse such as sexual abuse or physical abuse take place, mental abuse is almost always additionally present.

While many would argue that emotional abuse and mental abuse violates a person's rights, there are only laws against emotional abuse specifically for children. Even in cases of childhood emotional abuse, perpetrators are rarely charged as it is very difficult to prove if other types of abuse are not also present.

Definition of Emotional and Mental Abuse in Children

Children are often victims of emotional and mental abuse and neglect. According to the Administration for Children and Families, the mental abuse definition is: "a pattern of behavior that impairs a child's emotional development or sense of self-worth. This may include constant criticism, threats, or rejection, as well as withholding love, support, or guidance."¹

Signs, Symptoms of Mental Abuse in Children

Mental abuse in children can result in:²

• Relationship difficulties – emotional abuse leads to a lack of trust in the parent and this follows through the rest of the relationships in life. Without a positive early relationship on which to base others, emotionally abused children may choose not to have relationships or continually get into other abusive relationships because they don't know what a non-abusive relationship is like.
• Feelings of being worthless or damaged in some way – emotionally abused children are typically told they are no good so frequently that they come to believe it. This can lead to unfulfilling adult roles as the person feels they are not worth a good education or job.
• Trouble regulating emotions – because emotionally abused children are often punished for expressing their emotions, they never learn how to express them in a reasonable, safe way. This leads to emotions coming out in unpredictable ways such as in anger, depression or anxiety.

Signs, Symptoms of Emotional and Mental Abuse in Adults

While children often physically cannot escape their abuser, many adults feel as though they cannot escape their abuser either. Mentally abusive relationships involve chipping away at a person's self-esteem to the point where they don't feel they deserve anything better than the abuse and they feel that without the abuser, they have nothing.

Signs of mental abuse in relationships take many forms. Mental abuse symptoms can revolve around:³

• Dominance – the abuser needs to feel in charge of the relationship
• Humiliation – the abuser puts their partner down by embarrassing them
• Isolation – the abuser segregates their partner from others in order to increase dependence
• Threats – the abuser makes threats to make their partner feel unsafe
• Intimidation – the abuser indicates that if you do not obey, there will be dire consequences
• Denial and blame – the abuser denies the abuse and blames their partner for "making" them do it

Mentally abusive relationships can be of any type and involve either gender.

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Psychologically abusive relationships can be seen in any configuration: between spouses, caregiver and child, within a friendship or in the workplace. While anyone can be abusive from time-to-time, psychologically abusive relationships are built on frequent and constant situations of abuse. And instead of a meaningful apology after an abusive act, the perpetrator half-heartedly apologizes often with a justification such as, "it's so hard to be nice to you."¹

Psychological abuse, sometimes called verbal abuse or chronic verbal aggression, does not discriminate. Psychological abuse can happen to heterosexual or homosexual couples of any race or socioeconomic status. Both men and women can be victims of psychologically abusive relationships. Psychologically abusive relationships are those that make you feel like less of a person.

Psychological Abuse in Marriage

Psychologically abusive relationships, such as those in a marriage, are common because both parties are typically dedicated to keeping the relationship together. The abuser may wish to continue the relationship in order to exercise control over their partner, while the abused may stay in the relationship due to vows taken and esteem that has been worn away due to the abuse.

Psychological abuse does not revolve around one topic. Psychological abuse in relationships may be about:

• Emotion – "Stop being so emotional all the time."
• Sex – "You should know how to please me by now."
• Finances – "You are going to nickel and dime us to death!"
• Social issues – "Let me talk to them, our friends don't like you."
• Threats – "If you leave here, I'm going to drag you back by your hair."
• Spirituality – "God will find a way to get back at you for that."

Each of these types of psychological abuse wears down a person's self-esteem and self-worth making it less likely that they will stand up for themselves in the face of future abuse. Moreover, this decrease in worth makes it more likely that a person will stay with their abuser as they begin to believe the abusive things their partner says and believe they deserve nothing more.

Examples of Verbal Psychological Abuse

As Kelly Holly, author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog, points out, verbal psychological abuse can take many forms. Psychological abuse may be prominent during arguments but can also occur in day-to-day situations.

Some examples of verbal psychological abuse heard in relationships include:²

• I can't believe I married such a stupid man.
• Aw, come on, can't you take a joke?
• This isn't angry! You will know when I'm angry!
• I am thinking about taking a better lover.
• If you weren't so lazy, we'd have more money.
• What would the neighbors think about you if I told them our daughter's hair wasn't combed because her mother couldn't make her sit still? My mother combed my sister's hair every single day!
• I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!

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Psychological abuse is common and yet few understand the psychological abuse definition enough to spot it. Without the visible signs of physical abuse, psychological abuse can stay hidden for years.

Psychological abuse, though, can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.

Psychological abuse also applies to children and may impair their development into a healthy adult.¹

Psychological Abuse Signs and Symptoms

Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.

Signs and symptoms of psychological abuse include:²

• Name calling (Read about: Emotional Bullying and How to Deal with an Emotional Bully)
• Yelling
• Insulting the person
• Threatening the person or threatening to take away something that is important to them
• Imitating or mocking the person
• Swearing at them
• Ignoring
• Isolating the person
• Excluding them from meaningful events or activities

Examples of Psychological Abuse

The signs of psychological abuse can be seen in many ways and can be manifested in many behaviors. According to Kelly Holly, author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog, examples of psychological abuse in a relationship include the following statements:³

• You're so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at her, man, she's trying to think.
• That isn't at all what I meant. You'll never understand how much I love you.
• If you don't train that dog I'm going to rub your nose in its mess.
• I am more capable, smarter, and better educated than you. I will take our kids if you leave me.
• Ohhhh...I'd love to smack you right now!

Moreover, Holly points out that psychological abuse can also include social, financial, spiritual and sexual components. Examples of these types of psychological abuse include:

• Your body feels like spam.
• Stop acting like such a whore. My friends are asking me if I let you behave that way when I'm around or if it's just something you do on your own.
• In what world does buying that make sense?
• You handle the finances for now; I'll step in when things go to hell.
• How dare you spread around our personal family business!
• Let me do the talking; people listen to men.
• You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!
• Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself; our children don't need you to confuse them.
• Women are to subjugate themselves to their husband in all ways.

It's important to remember that any of these examples of psychological abuse can happen to either a man or a woman.

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In reporting of child neglect, victims almost never reach out themselves. Instead, it's up to others to protect a child from a neglectful situation. And while child neglect, unfortunately, affects more than half-a-million children per year, reporting child neglect is easy. Many states require some people to report suspected child neglect by law and, in some states, this includes all adults.

Signs of Child Neglect

Child neglect is the most common form of child abuse. Signs of child neglect can be seen in the child and in their caregiver. An outsider may see one sign and think nothing of it, but when several of these signs of child neglect are taken together, a picture starts to form.

Signs of child neglect may be seen:

• Physically – external to the child, such as the clothes they wear
• Medically – care for a child's medical or mental health
• Educationally – lack of education for the child or a lack of attention to any special needs they may have
• Emotionally – in the relationship between the caregiver and child

Child neglect may be seen in children who:¹²

• Are often absent from school, are not attending school, drop out of school
• Are developmentally delayed
• Begs for or steals food and money
• Is constantly hungry/nutrient deficient
• Lacks needed medical care such as immunizations, glasses or dental work
• Is dirty with body odor
• Doesn't have weather-appropriate clothing
• Abuses alcohol or other drugs
• Engages in self-harming or self-destructive behavior
• Are depressed
• Have poor impulse control
• Demand constant attention and affection
• Regularly show fatigue, fall asleep in class
• Take over an adult caring role of the parent
• Lack trust in others, is unpredictable
• Plan only for the moment

And, sometimes, the most obvious sign of child neglect is the child admitting that there is no one at home to care for them or that they don't know where their caregiver is. It is unlikely the child will identify this as neglect, but adults should.

Child neglect may be seen when parents:

• Are indifferent to their child
• Seem apathetic or depressed
• Act in a strange or irrational way
• Abuse alcohol or other drugs

Signs of child neglect should always be reported so they can properly be assessed by professionals, as many circumstances may explain the witnessed symptoms.

How to Report Child Neglect

Reporting child neglect can be done in the same ways as reporting child abuse. Report child neglect to:

• The non-emergency number of local law enforcement
• Child Protective Services
• The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453) – all calls are anonymous

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Child abuse statistics show an alarming rate of child abuse in the United States. In one year, there were 3.3 million reports alleging abuse of 5.9 million children made to Child Protective Services. It is a fact that child abuse can happen to any family, no matter what their race, religion or socioeconomic background. Sometimes, families who appear to have everything are hiding deadly secrets within.

U.S. Child Abuse Statistics

Child abuse statistics on the approximately 1.8 million reports of child abuse investigated by Child Protective Services in fiscal year 2010 include:

• 436,321 child abuse reports were substantiated
• 24,976 child abuse reports were likely true but could not be proven under the law (indicated)
• 1,262,188 child abuse reports were found to be unsubstantiated (not provable under the law)

Approximately 60% of the child abuse reports were made by professionals, while 9% were reported anonymously and parents reported only 6.8%.

Child Abuse Facts: Who Was Abused

Children of all ages and backgrounds are abused in the United States every year. Approximately 9.2 children out of 1000 were found to be abused in fiscal year 2010 (some of those children being abused more than once within that year). Other child abuse statistics include:

• Victims less than one year old had the greatest rate of child abuse with more than 2% of children being victims of child abuse
• Girls were victimized slightly more often than boys at 51.2%
• 88% of victims were of ethnicity:
  • African-America – 21.9%
  • Hispanic – 21.4%
  • White – 44.8%

It is a jaw-dropping child abuse fact that approximately 1560 children died of abuse or neglect in the United States that year.

As in previous years, most children suffered from neglect. Statistics on the type of child abuse include:

• Approximately 78% of child abuse victims suffered child neglect
• Approximately 18% of child abuse victims suffered childhood physical abuse
• Approximately 9% of child abuse victims suffered childhood sexual abuse

Child Abuse Statistics on Child Abusers

Child abuse statistics show that there were 510,824 child abuse perpetrators in fiscal year 2010 and a significant number of them committed more than one act of child abuse. Statistics on perpetrators of child abuse include:

• Parents were responsible for more than 80% of child abuse and neglect cases
• Other family members were responsible for 6.1% of the child abuse
• Women are the perpetrators of child abuse more frequently than men at 53.6%
• 36.3% of perpetrators of child abuse were between the ages of 20 and 29
• More than 80% of perpetrators of child abuse were between the ages of 20 and 49

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Help for an abused child is needed when, unfortunately, steps taken to prevent abuse have failed. This is shockingly common as more than half-a-million children were confirmed victims of child abuse in 2010, according to Child Protective Services. In the United States ¹, child abuse help is critical for these abused children so that their healing can begin and they can again return to a normal childhood.

How to Help an Abused Child Who Discloses to You

The first step in child abuse help is in properly dealing with the allegations of the abused child. It's imperative to handle this situation correctly in order to make the child feel safe enough to report the child abuse to the authorities. Mishandling a child's outcry can make a child recant; which makes helping the abused child impossible.

If an abused child reports the abuse to you, you should:²

• Remain calm
• Reassure the child they did nothing wrong, it is not their fault and they will not be punished
• Reassure the child you believe them and that you are glad they told
• Offer comfort – tell the child you will help
• Ensure the safety of both you and the child
• Understand that the child may express him or herself with language inappropriate for their age and may not know the proper terms for body parts or specific acts. Do not correct a child's use of language.
• Tell the child that you cannot keep this information secret (in many countries and states this is the law)
• Report the child abuse to the authorities immediately

To help an abused child you should not:

• Interrogate the child
• Make suggestions as to what happened
• Act shocked, disgusted or doubtful of the abuse. This may make the child uncomfortable and less likely to talk.
• Accuse them of lying or try to change their mind
• Blame the child
• Use words that may frighten the abused child like "rape," "child abuse," or "jail"

If a child does "take back" (or recant) what they have said about being abused, it may be because they don't feel it's safe enough to come forward. These children continue to need love and support and if abuse is still suspected, the authorities should be informed.

Help for Child Abuse

Once the abused child has told about the abuse, it's important to start focusing on how to help the abused child. Child abuse help needs to take into account injuries that are physical, psychological and even spiritual in nature. This will likely mean that a team of people needs to be involved in helping the abused child. Persons on this team will likely include:

• Friends and family
• A child psychologist or other mental health professional
• A doctor
• A faith leader, if appropriate

The families of the abused child may also need their own treatment services to help get the family through a tough event that can affect everyone.

Treatments that help abused children and their families include:

• Therapeutic day school programs
• Day hospital programs
• Residential programs
• Home and clinic setting treatment
• Group and family therapy

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Child abuse prevention is one of the main priorities of the Administration for Children and Families, which has recently received additional funding to ensure the success of this mandate. Child abuse prevention programs can protect families and save the lives of children but they require commitment from parents, individuals, and community organizations.

Ways to prevent child abuse, as well as stop child abuse from recurring, consists both of introducing protective factors against child abuse and eliminating the risk factors for child abuse. Both strategies have been shown to reduce the incidence of reported child abuse.

Child Abuse Prevention Protective Factors

Preventing child abuse can be done by addressing parenting. Specifically, the Administration for Children and Families identifies five protective factors for child abuse prevention:

• Nurturing and attachment – involves developing a bond and expressing love between parent and child. Studies show that affection shapes a baby's brain and reduces the risk of mental illness.¹ Early positive relationships also lead to better grades, social interactions, healthier behaviors and an increased ability to cope with stress in the future.²
• Knowledge of parenting and of child and youth development – parents that have an understanding of the importance of their role in the development of their children are more motivated to create a positive environment. Factors that are known to create a positive effect on child development include respectful communication and listening, consistent rules and expectations and safe opportunities for independence.³
• Parental resilience – involves the ability to cope with the stresses of everyday life, as well as the occasional crisis. This resilience allows the parent to deal with stress in a healthy way rather than possibly put the child in abusive situations when stress from raising the child occurs.⁴
• Social connections – parents with connections to family and friends have a support network to help them deal with family stressors. Isolated parents are known to be at greater risk for child abuse and neglect.⁵
• Concrete supports for parents – involves ensuring parents have all they require to meet the basic needs such as food, shelter, transportation, and clothing for their family. Additionally, the ability to access essential services, such as healthcare and childcare, reduce stress and prevent child abuse and neglect.⁶

Ways to Prevent Child Abuse Risk Factors

Preventing child abuse risk factors involves numerous efforts including child sexual assault prevention classes. As opposed to the child abuse prevention protective factors that aim to change a parent's behavior, the child sexual assault prevention programs aim to reduce the risk of child abuse by changing the child's behavior. This is done by educating children on physical abuse and sexual abuse, as well as how to avoid risky situations. Additionally, knowing how to respond to abuse, if it takes place, is also part of child abuse prevention programs.

Home visitation can also be a powerful tool in preventing child abuse. Home visits can alert professionals to developing risky situations and provide parents with the information needed to avoid them becoming full-blown child abuse cases.⁷

Ten Ways to Prevent Child Abuse

According to Prevent Child Abuse America, here are ten things you can do to prevent child abuse:⁸

1. Be a nurturing parent
2. Help a friend, relative or neighbor
3. Help yourself
4. Know what to do if your baby cries
5. Get involved in developing the services needed to meet the needs of children and families
6. Look into parenting resources at your local library and help develop resources if needed
7. Promote child abuse prevention programs at school
8. Monitor your child's television and video viewing as violent images can harm young children
9. Volunteer at a local child abuse prevention program
10. Report suspected child abuse or child neglect

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Reporting child abuse is critical in the prevention of the maltreatment of children. In the vast majority of cases, reports of child abuse are not made by the victims but rather by people around them who know of or suspect the abuse. How and where to report child abuse is something that every adult should know so that if needed, they can protect a child in danger. Reporting child abuse can help a family or even save a child's life.

Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse

Child Abuse Reporting Laws

In fact, reporting of child abuse is taken so seriously that in every state child abuse laws require some professionals, and in many cases adults in general, to report suspected child abuse. In almost all states, the following professionals are required to report suspected child abuse:¹

• Teachers, principals
• Doctors, nurses
• Law enforcement officials
• Social workers
• Childcare workers

Child abuse reporting laws also frequently apply to:

• Clergy
• Parents
• Recreational groups
• Photograph/film processors
• Counselors
• And others

In 18 states, any adult that "suspects or has reasons to believe" that a child has been abused or neglected must report the child abuse.

Not Reporting Child Abuse

Not reporting child abuse may not just hurt the child, but it also may hurt the non-reporter. Mandatory reporters who do not report child abuse face prosecution in the vast majority of states. Not reporting child abuse is typically considered a misdemeanor but may be upgraded to a felony in the case of not reporting serious situations or in the case of repeated non-reporting.

Criminal penalties for not reporting child abuse range between 10 days to 5 years in jail and fines of between $100 and $5000. In some cases, not reporting child abuse also makes the non-reporter civilly liable.²

Where to Report Child Abuse

Knowing who to report child abuse to and how to report child abuse is important. Several systems are in place to make suspected child abuse reports easy to make. Reports of child abuse can be made:³

• Through a law enforcement agency (call the non-emergency number of your local police)
• Child Protective Services (CPS)
• National ChildHelp Hotline

Childhelp is a national organization that provides crisis assistance and other counseling and referral services. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with professional crisis counselors who have access to a database of 55,000 emergency, social service, and support resources.

Contact The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1.800.4.A.CHILD (1.800.422.4453).

Anonymity of Child Abuse Reports

All calls to The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline are anonymous and most state child abuse reporting numbers also accept anonymous child abuse reports; however, states find the inclusion of the reporter's name helpful during investigations. In some states, mandatory reporters must include their name and contact information in child abuse reports.⁴

Child Protective Services Handling of Child Abuse Reports

Once a report of child abuse is made, Child Protective Services must act. Initially, agency hotline or intake units will either screen in or screen out an individual report. Child abuse reports that are screened out may be referred to other agencies. Child abuse reports that are screened in require an official report and, normally, an investigation from CPS. About two million child abuse reports are screened in annually in the United States.

Once an investigation is conducted, child abuse reports are listed as either:⁵

• Substantiated – child abuse was proven under the law.
• Indicated – some states differentiate between indicated and substantiated child abuse reports. In indicated child abuse cases, the child abuse cannot be proven under the law but there is a reason to suspect that the child was abused or at risk of abuse.
• Unsubstantiated – insufficient evidence was found to prove or suspect that child abuse had taken place.

From there, CPS decides on appropriate action given the individual situation.

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Laws on child abuse walk a fine line, as they must be strict enough to protect children from harm and yet flexible enough to allow for various childrearing techniques. Both at the state and federal level, laws against child abuse are written with this in mind.

Federal Laws About Child Abuse

The federal government defines the minimum that states must adhere to in terms of the laws against child abuse. Child abuse and child neglect are covered under the same laws. The laws on child abuse refer specifically to parents and other caregivers and defines "child" as a person under the age of 18 who is not an emancipated minor.

The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA), (42 U.S.C.A. §5106g), as amended by the Keeping Children and Families Safe Act of 2003, defines child abuse and neglect as, at a minimum:¹

• "Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or
• An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm."

Further, laws on child abuse also state that sexual abuse is defined as:

"the employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or the rape, and in cases of caretaker or inter-familial relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children."

State Laws Against Child Abuse

What constitutes child abuse varies, but many states further specify definitions for child physical abuse, emotional abuse and substance abuse and neglect laws. For example, substance abuse is an element of child abuse in many states. Circumstances that might be covered by these laws on child abuse include:

• Prenatal exposure to illicit drugs or other substances
• Manufacture of drugs in front of a child
• Selling, distributing or giving drugs to a child
• Using substances to the point of no longer being able to care for a child

State laws often contain exemptions for religious activities such as a Christian Scientist refusing to get medical care for their child.

States also commonly have laws about who must report child abuse. For example, in all states doctors, nurses and teachers much report any suspected child abuse. Unfortunately, although these laws exist, very few people are ever prosecuted for failing to disclose knowledge of child abuse.²

Penalties for Child Abusers

Breaking a law on child abuse is typically considered a state matter, although in some cases federal jurisdiction is awarded. A child abuser is subject to both criminal and civil penalties. Penalties include:

• Imprisonment
• Fines
• Registration as a sex offender
• Restrictions on probation and parole
• Injunctions
• Involuntary commitment
• Loss of custody or parental rights

Some states have laws on child abuse that include the death penalty but likely these cannot be enforced due to a 2008 Supreme Court decision that prohibited execution of individuals convicted of child rape. Justice Anthony Kennedy penned that capital punishment should be reserved for "crimes that involve a victim's death."³

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Child abuse is a major problem in the United States. How big? Over three million reports of child abuse were filed with Child Protective Services around the country in the fiscal year 2010. In human terms, over 1500 children under the age of 18 died that year from child abuse and child neglect. ¹

Sadly, child abuse most often involves the biological parent of the child but it may also be at the hands of another caregiver or family member.

Definition of Child Abuse

Child abuse is defined both at the state and federal level. Normally, child abuse and neglect are defined together and often occur in the same situation. At the federal level, the definition of child abuse and neglect includes:²

• Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation
• An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm
• Each state may then further define additional child abuse types and standards. Multiple types of child abuse often occur to the same child. Child abuse types defined at the state level often include:
• Physical abuse – actions, such as hitting or burning, that result in any type of bodily harm to the child
• Sexual abuse (also defined at the federal level) – includes sexual contact and exploitation
• Emotional abuse – behaviors that impact a child's emotional development or self-worth
• Substance abuse – exposure to drugs, being around drugs or drug-impairment of the caregiver

Child abuse is not only defined as acts that happen directly to a child. Child abuse can occur:

• Prenatally, such as when a mother exposes an unborn child to drugs
• To the child directly, such as in the case of physical abuse
• In the environment, such as in the case of manufacturing methamphetamine in the presence of a child

Generally, child abuse is defined in relation to a parent or other caregiver and not in relation to acquaintances or strangers.

Defining Child Abuse vs. Punishment

Child abuse is, in some cases, hard to define as some may fear it interferes with a family's preferred childrearing techniques. Physical punishment, such as in the case of spanking or paddling, is not considered child abuse as long as the discipline does not in any way harm (including bruise) a child.

Experts remind parents that punishment is just one form of discipline and that punishment should be used alongside positive methods of discipline, such as praise or rewards for good behavior, for the most effective results.³

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