My Major Depression Story
With major depression, it was like being in another world. I would see others around me smiling, and enjoying things that they were doing, but I couldn't be the same way. There was always a part of me that was missing. Here's my personal story of living with major depression.
I am Berniece. I am 33, and have been dealing with major (clinical) depression since 1990.
Major depression is not a fun disease to have, but it is manageable. Before being diagnosed with depression, I lost relationships that I had, not only with my significant others, but with family members also. No one knew what was going on, and before I received a correct diagnosis for depression, I couldn't explain my behavior to anyone as I couldn't account for what was happening.
I lost interest - not only with my friends, family, but also with my husband and children. Different things would make it worse at times, like being under a lot of stress. I became suicidal and had feelings of being a burden to everyone who cared about me; and this is the part that would over take my world the most.
A Suicide Attempt: The Trigger for Getting Depression Treatment
I sought treatment for depression when I realized that my daily obligations were suffering and not getting done in the proper way that they should have. Not only did I quit taking care of things for myself, but also for others who depended on me. My family also suffered from how I was behaving. It seemed to, in a way, make them depressed and worry about me more then normal.
While I was working with everyone, I had a depression relapse. I overdosed on medications and tried killing myself. Thank goodness I didn't, but I saw something that night, that I had never seen before. I realized how worried and hurt my sister and nephew were, but it did not stop there. I also saw the disappointment on my doctor's face. Not a "you stupid" or scolding face, but the face of a genuine caring person. This is something that I never want to see again, and just that thought when depression kicks in, all I have to do is think of that, and it reminds me that I am very much cared about and not a burden to anyone.
Depression Relief from Antidepressant Medication and Therapy
At this time, I am on antidepressants. When I started taking depression medication it worked for a couple of years, but I became immune and the antidepressant was ineffective. My doctor started me on another antidepressant, but I needed an extremely high dose of the antidepressant for it to be effective and that caused horrible side-effects. So for awhile, I was put on a low dose because of being a high-risk person for dying by suicide.
As I searched the Internet for depression information, I realized an overnight quick fix is not possible with depression. I then sought another doctor's help. We tried several medications for depression until he found an antidepressant medication that I could handle. It worked wonders for me. As with before, the antidepressant did lose some of it's effectiveness over time, but the doctor added other medications to it (antidepressant augmentation) and life became much more enjoyable. Medication for depression is not all I am doing at this time to make life more tolerable and enjoyable. I am doing a group therapy for depression, and seeing a private therapist.
Sticking with Depression Treatment Makes A World of Difference
I have been in my programs, along with my antidepressant medications for four years now and everything is so much different. My family is more understanding. I can deal with situations better than before. I am working on getting a higher education again. I am in a more steady relationship, where the one that I am with understands that I can't handle everything all the time. Before, I wouldn't tell any of my significant others what was going on with me. Now I have found someone I can share my thoughts and feelings with.
It may have taken 15 years of living with major depressive disorder to finally become more satisfied with myself, and my life, but it is well worth the effort that I put into it as it is a great feeling to know that I have survived. My depression will never go away, but it is manageable with the right antidepressant medications, team members (people who work through it with you), and a good support group. By support group, I mean family, friends, and or a group of people that gets together to help each other out, and let them know they are not alone.
Have A RAINBOW of a DAY