The Method In My Madness And The Madness In My Method
When you get to be my age you start asking yourself questions like, “What time is it?” and “What am I doing in Tijuana?” and “Where are my teeth?”
If you are about to celebrate a birthday, (if celebrate is the right word), you may be tempted to gaze across the seemingly endless succession of impulsive decisions, high-speed car chases down cul-de-sacs, and manic spending sprees littering the ravages of what you generously describe as “your life” and wonder how you managed to squander the cornucopia of opportunities strewn at your feet as a child.
With a birthday looming large there is no time for such whackadoomiousness because I stand before you now, (imagine I’m standing), a man who has reached the pinnacle of his profession, the Everest he set out to conquer decades ago. That’s right, I am the preeminent mental illness humor blogger in The United States!
Do not imagine that I reached the pinnacle of my profession through some quirk of fate, some whim of circumstance, some chance twist of unpredictability, some like it hot, oh no, anything but.
My ascent to this lofty height came about through the execution of a carefully constructed plan well in place before I received my first pair of full-length trousers. Without any further adon’t, here it is:
First I learned to write.
Then I developed a sense of humor. I did this by carefully studying the creative output of Garrison Keillor, Sacha Baron Cohen, Andrew Dice Clay and Gallagher to make absolutely certain my work never resembled theirs.
Then came the exciting part – choosing my mental illness. The selection was vast, almost dizzying. I wanted an illness I could take with me on trips, couldn't be bothered with a lot of heavy equipment. Affordability was also a factor; some mental illnesses are prohibitively expensive! I was also looking for a mental illness with a little style, flare, panache, je ne sais quoi – whatever that is.
At last I settled on bipolar disorder, which came with a very impressive pedigree including many of my favorite writers, painters, and composers.
My credentials well established I looked for the leader in the field and applied to Healthy Place. The rest, as we say, is show business history.
So remember, most people don’t plan to fail, they plan to plan and fail before they ever get around to it.
McHarg, A. (2013, April 30). The Method In My Madness And The Madness In My Method, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, November 30 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/funnyinthehead/2013/04/the-method-in-my-madness-and-the-madness-in-my-method
Author: Alistair McHarg
Hi Alistair. Congratulations on being the preeminent mental health comedy blogger! Glad you avoided being like Keillor, Gallagher,Dice Clay and Cohen. They are enough to make me want to go for a swim in the Niagara River (leads straight to the Falls). Planning to plan and failing after craftily putting together my best resume and cover letter is par for the course, especially since my computer crashed and devoured them.
So, here I am drooling and babbling to myself,while my computer cackles at me knowing it has won the war. My only step now is to hunt for some Hershey Syrup and exact my revenge. Have a great week :)