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Mental Illness Jokes I Am Too Proud To Repeat

June 19, 2013 Alistair McHarg

Readers often ask, “Alistair, don’t you have any shame?” I am happy to answer them, “No, no I don’t.”

Before you dismiss this remark as glib braggadocio, let me quickly add that shame has a very particular role in the lives of mentally ill people. After all, it was Taz Mopula who observed, “Guilt is when you feel badly about something you have done; shame is when you feel badly about something you are.”

Gentle reader, not much in life hurts more than feeling horrible about your very self, your identity, your being.

So when I say that I have no shame I mean that I have burned through every scrap of embarrassment I ever felt about being bipolar. I have acted out maniacally in the spotlight’s naked glare and looking back upon it does not raise a blush – quite the contrary, now I wear these memories like medals, battle scars I paid for very dearly.

However, while I have no shame I do have standards, and there are limits to what I will inflict upon an audience in my fevered campaign to provide divertissement.

To give some specificity to these gaseous ramblings, here are some of the jokes I have vowed never to use because doing so would be beneath me. Once you see them you will understand that sharing them with you would be tacky and disrespectful. After all, quality standards must be maintained. Here they are.

Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and Pema Chödrön walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Help yourself.”

Question: How many kids with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Squirrel!

People are always finding God in mental hospitals, and finding God is really hard. So why is it impossible to find something easy, like a gift shop?

Question: Why did the alcoholic cross the road?

Answer: Because somebody told him not to.

Question: What do you call a mental patient whose insurance has run out?

Answer: Cured

APA Reference
McHarg, A. (2013, June 19). Mental Illness Jokes I Am Too Proud To Repeat, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, December 6 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/funnyinthehead/2013/06/mental-illness-jokes-i-am-too-proud-to-repeat



Author: Alistair McHarg

dick
December, 22 2015 at 1:23 pm

Signs in rest room: Dystelics Untie!

Meg
June, 24 2013 at 7:11 am

My all-time favorite: "I have CDO. It's like OCD, only it's in alphabetical order like it should be."

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 24 2013 at 9:00 am

Love that one! Reminds me of the bumper sticker - DAM (Mothers Against Dyslexia)

Hannah Coale
June, 23 2013 at 6:59 am

Keep up the good work Alistair, this is important stuff, no joke.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 23 2013 at 3:16 pm

Thank you, Hannah. My mother used to tell a joke about some men who go tiger hunting in Africa. When they return, a friend asks them how many they killed. None, replies the leader, but we did nearly kill one, and for tiger hunting that's really rather a lot. - I know it's important, what could be more important than humor? And if my work touches just one person, that's really rather a lot.

Peter
June, 21 2013 at 6:18 pm

What is the difference between a neurotic, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist?
Answer:
A Neurotic builds castles in the sky.
A psychotic lives in them.
A Psychiatrist collects the rent.
This is very old. When I first heard it I thought is was so funny I nearly kicked the slats out of my cradle. That was in 1946

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 22 2013 at 2:32 am

Thanks for reading - and writing! - Yes, that's a classic all right, but it holds up nicely.

cindyaka
June, 19 2013 at 2:22 pm

Hi Alistair! Loved the jokes and the bunny photo. :)
I have another joke, lame, but it's my best try.
Question: How many DID patients does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, they can't decide who should do it.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 19 2013 at 3:46 pm

Hi AKA: Love your joke. - Here's another. Did you hear about the narcoleptic skydiver? No? Nobody did.

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