On-Call Today, On-Call for Life

Until Friday, when I interviewed for and received the full-time position in the Behavioral Medicine department of the local hospital, I was in what is called a PRN or as needed position in that department. I floated to all departments of Behavioral Medicine, including Chemical Dependency, Child and Adolescents, Seniors, and Adult Behavioral Medicine. I am still technically in that position because, though I have received the offer from my boss, the official offer has to go through the staffing office and that will not occur until tomorrow. I was not aware that I had to call in this morning before going to work to see whether or not I was even working. In the past, if the staffing office put me on the schedule, I worked, but apparently that has changed. I received a call from the night nurse telling me very rudely that I did not call in to see if I was working and that she was making that call for me to tell me that I was on-call for the day, which pretty much means if I receive a call between 7 am and 7 pm then I have to be there within a half hour. Apparently it is the same way for tomorrow. I don't like this whole system. I have to wake up at 5 am just to see if I am working that day. That is ridiculous, but it seems to be how my life has been going lately. My husband has been spending time in the Behavioral Med. unit for Bipolar Mania. He needed a little tweeking with his meds and a little bit of a viewpoint adjustment on life. I feel like my life is lived on-call. I live life on the edge of my seat. I feel like I don't know what's going to happen next. I don't feel in control of anything right now and I was doing really well with my Bipolar. I just don't feel like I can do anything to keep control over my own body or my own marriage. My husband and I want to have a baby, but we have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant. I just feel lost right now. But I'm on-call for everybody else's needs, go figure.