Saying “No” Causes Anxiety
I am a people pleaser. It is nice to give people what they want and I enjoy taking part in their happiness.
Over the years, I have learned that I have to say “no.” As much as I love to please people, it isn't wise to give people everything they want. Sometimes it isn't in their best interest and sometimes it isn't in mine. As someone with an anxiety disorder, it often makes me anxious when I say “no.”
The Anxiety-Provoking “No”
Right after I say “no,” the uneasiness starts to build. Is the person angry? Should I have said “yes?” Are they turning others against me? The self-doubt, paranoia, and fear sets in immediately.
Using typical coping mechanisms help, as they do for most anxiety, but it presents a challenge. I want to avoid as much anxiety as possible, but I also don’t want to say “yes” to every request. It is one of the many paradoxes people with anxiety face every day.
The anxiety-provoking “no” is a concern for many of us who live with anxiety and panic disorders. There isn't a simple solution to resolve this issue and we all handle it differently. If you have a suggestion or thought, please feel free to use the comments section to share.
Please watch the video below for more on this topic.
Author: Gabe Howard
I was in turmoil feeling I had to say yes but it didn't sit right with me, I wanted to say no when asked but couldn't at tho time.
I feel better now I've said no I'm sorry I can't go and my intention is never to offend anyone luv take of myself and my needs.
I'm struggling daily in doing what's best for me and my needs but at the same time trying to please or help others.
If I don't take care of myself there is nothing left for others so it's important we try to do this and saying no is so hard at times.
What I've found is that some people ask about your other plans, or why you can't, which gets awkward. I have one relative who tends to be a problem solver so will try to figure out a way to help make it so you can do it!
Right now I am committed to stay at someone's house for over a week to tend their animals while they are away. I finally did tell them I wasn't comfortable with it and reminded them that I'm not really an animal person but just had to add that if they can't find anyone else I would be there for them. Now I have to fight frustration and resentment and, knowing that I agreed, have a positive outlook.
I know where it comes from. My mother was an alcoholic and she would send me to buy it. If I said no, I will not buy it for you, the consequences were terrible.
However in the here and now...