Feeling More Alone in a Crowd
In my neighborhood, the typical household composition goes something like this: a husband, wife, 2.5 kids under the age of 10, and a dog. My family looks something like this too. Everywhere you look there are kids, kids, and more kids. So it’s no surprise that there is an explosion of businesses and groups catering to mommies and baby bumps, and that I’ve met other moms and their little ones. People say that it helps to meet other moms going through the same things that you are (which it does), except that I’m beginning to feel a bit like the odd one out.
You would think that with all these seemingly similar people around that I would never feel lonely. It definitely helps to build a social network of people similar to you, but sometimes I feel more alone than ever when I go to these mommy groups. This is not to say that the people I’ve met haven’t been friendly – everyone has been great, and it’s nice to share parenting stories. I just feel that I am different than most of them.
You see, most new moms I meet are crazy about their kids, obsessed, even. Don’t get me wrong – I love both of my kids to bits, but the best way I can describe the difference is that maybe I am a more laid-back mom. Many of these moms I meet seem like Type-A personalities who have scheduled some sort of stroller-cise, baby yoga, and play date to fill each hour of the day. They have no problem making sure their kids have the best of everything. Their lives seem to revolve entirely around their tots and they seem to have very little downtime for themselves or their kids.
Some moms seem appalled when I say that there are some days when I choose to stay at home all day. (I’m a bit of a homebody, what can I say?) But this new breed of super-mom is definitely not me; I’m sure some of them think that I’m perhaps a lazy mom. But I think it’s good and even healthy to have some time to do nothing, and that this down time is beneficial for kids too (remember those good old lazy days of summer from childhoods past?).
And it probably sounds horrible, but I don’t ever intend to give my kids the best of everything. I will provide the necessities and pay for a swimming class or two, but if they want those jeans that cost $200, they will have to work for it. I don’t want my kids developing a sense of entitlement.
It’s hard to imagine some of these women as anything other than moms. I often wonder what type of people they were pre-kids; what were their interests and hobbies, and what did they do for fun? Yes, it’s true that when you have kids, they dominate your time, but I don’t think kids have to become the center of your universe.
Making Your Own Path
People often get classified into certain groups and feel that they have to act a particular way in order to conform to expectations. So if you’re seeking company in people who seem similar on the outside, but find yourself quite different, maybe it’s time to dig a bit deeper to find others like you. You might just have more in common with that bohemian musician than that mommy-next-door.
But in the meantime, I will occasionally schedule a play date or two, make an effort to keep in touch with old friends as well as meet all sorts of new people, and keep my eyes peeled for other so-called “lazy” moms.
Fung, T. (2011, March 24). Feeling More Alone in a Crowd, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, May 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/theunlockedlife/2011/03/feeling-more-alone-in-a-crowd