Relationship Secrets You Should Spill Before It Gets Too Serious
A typical dating scenario goes something like this: boy meets girl and they hit it off. They date long enough for One to develop serious feelings for The Other. Then One suddenly drops what feels like a knee to the gut—One discloses one of those horrible relationship secrets that should have been mentioned earlier. This can be summed up as the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” conundrum as in, “If only you woulda told me this earlier, I coulda dated other people and moved on with my life. Gee, you really shoulda told me…”
Who’s to say when we should disclose those sometimes unpleasant, yet vitally important things about ourselves? After the 3rd, 5th, or 14th date? If you reveal too much of yourself too soon, you stand the risk of scaring the other person off. Conversely, if you withhold too much information, you are seen as secretive and untrustworthy. Unfortunately there is no universal disclosure code in the dating game which makes it so hard (Disclosing Mental Illness to a Love Interest).
6 Relationship Secrets That Can Turn Into Deal Breakers
Here are a few potential relationship deal-breakers to let your boyfriend or girlfriend in on before things heat up:
- You have no intentions of having a monogamous relationship. For some people, monogamy is seen as unnatural and an open relationship is the only way to go. This is definitely one to disclose (very) early on.
- You’re itching to get hitched. Whether your biological clock is ticking, or you’re just sick of the dating game, letting your partner know you are ready to settle down soon will weed out the keepers from the chuckers.
- You expect your future spouse to convert to your religion. I knew a Catholic woman who dated a Jewish man for quite some time. She knew that he and his family were devout Jews and she would need to convert if she were to ever marry him. While she had no intentions of converting, she kept him around because she really liked him, which made breaking up all the more heart-breaking in the end. I’ve also known couples from two very different religions who have accepted their differences and have beautiful marriages.
- You have an addiction to [insert your vice or fetish here]. Some addictions can be spotted a mile away, while others sit quietly in the corner just waiting to be uncovered (Dating in Alcohol and Drug Recovery: When to Disclose). You need to be upfront and honest about this.
- You have a child (or plural). In an ideal world, children would all be well-behaved, and everyone would love them. Unfortunately in the real world, some very nice adults have an allergy to kids.
- You don’t want to have kids. Ever. This is probably one of the most common relationship deal-breakers that is regrettably discovered too late. One person aches to have children and the other has no desire for them. As any parent can attest to, having a child changes your entire life. If you think your love interest might warm up to the idea of children, don’t count on it.
Withholding important personal information is a waste of everybody’s time. Honesty will hopefully be met with acceptance; at the very least, you can feel good about having the fortitude to lay all your cards on the table.
Fung, T. (2010, August 11). Relationship Secrets You Should Spill Before It Gets Too Serious, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, November 26 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/theunlockedlife/2010/08/things-to-disclose-in-a-relationship-before-it-gets-too-serious