Car Choice Reliable Indicator Of Mental Illness Says Survey

June 6, 2012 Alistair McHarg

According to a recently released survey conducted by The National Association of National Associations, your choice of vehicle may be telling the world a whole lot more about you than you think, in fact, it might even reveal what, if any, form of mental illness hounds you, dogs your every step, and accounts for ruff patches in your life.

Ashton Frampton, spokesman for the HMMA (Heavy Mental Motoring Association), which sponsored the study, put it like this. “While automobile ownership is not proof of insanity, we have noticed that many different forms of mental illness track closely with specific cars. To start with a very simple example, every Hum V owner in the study was plagued by delusions of other people’s grandeur.

“There were disturbing revelations aplenty,” confessed Frampton. “The correlation between BMW ownership and cannibalism was surprisingly close. Indeed, BMW owners are three times more likely than Prius owners to have engaged in cannibalism during the past seven years.

“Of course, Prius owners have issues too, but very different ones. Most disturbing of them all was the frequent occurrence of a newly isolated disorder known as HOTTS (Holier Than Thou Syndrome).

“People with imaginary friends are much more likely to own trucks,” Frampton continued, “because imaginary friends, much like ordinary friends, are always looking for help when it comes time to move. Consequently, they need to be on good terms with truck owners to help them transport their imaginary furniture.

“People who believe they are hamsters drive the Kia Soul – exclusively – which is a testament to niche marketing. We expect to see more targeting like this in the future, with automobile companies tailoring their offerings to appeal to the specific wants, needs, and desires of a particular sub-genre of mental illness. Keep an eye out for the new Bentley 1% - a vehicular behemoth intended to pander to the unholy narcissism of the pathologically self-indulgent.

When this reporter asked Ashton Frampton what kind of car he drove, a broad smile took possession of his face the way Orson Welles might have taken possession of a pastrami sandwich from Carnegie Deli. “I drive a tricked out, cherry red 2012 Corvette,” Frampton revealed, “let’s see you make something out of that!”

APA Reference
McHarg, A. (2012, June 6). Car Choice Reliable Indicator Of Mental Illness Says Survey, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 23 from

Author: Alistair McHarg

June, 11 2012 at 10:39 am

Had to think for a minute. I drive a Buick LeSabre 2003. This is my first time looking into Blogs. I work as a Psych nurse at this time. I like the humor of your Blog.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 11 2012 at 4:13 pm

Thanks for writing - glad you enjoy the humor. - My feeling is, life is so very serious, if you can't laugh about it, you don't have much of a chance. Cheers, Alistair

Alistair McHarg
June, 10 2012 at 2:37 pm

Yikes! Heart attack! Hope you're okay now.

Carolyn Thomas
June, 10 2012 at 1:48 pm

“Nouveau pauvre" - love that! Describes my current post-heart attack situation quite nicely.... ;-)

Carolyn Thomas
June, 10 2012 at 4:32 am

I drive a little lime-green 2006 Smart car (made by Mercedes-Benz) which I suppose shows that I am both elitist as well as an example of how the New Yorker magazine once called smarts as displays of "conspicuous non-consumption :-)

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 10 2012 at 10:56 am

Hello Carolyn: Thanks for visiting, and writing. - For years I drove a 1960, light green Mercedes 190, with a sunroof. This shows that we are both elitists who like the color green. Mentioning the New Yorker earns you extra points, as does your mention of "conspicuous non-consumption" - which reminds me of a cartoon I read in the New Yorker which used the expression "nouveau pauvre". Please stop by again!

June, 8 2012 at 4:34 am

I'm with cindyaka. I alternate between a Ford F150 SuperCrew and a Ford Taurus (with a mustang engine). So I can satisfy my need for adventure, speed or just blend in with the family cars depending on mood. LOL

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 8 2012 at 5:03 am

Pirate: Your faithfulness to The Ford Motor Company speaks highly of you! (Mustang Sally...)

Angela E. Gambrel
June, 8 2012 at 4:17 am

I drive a Malibu...what does that say about me? :)

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 8 2012 at 5:01 am

Angela: It says that you are a paragon on mental health and an inspiration to us all! Have a great weekend - and be sure to drive invisibly!

June, 7 2012 at 6:06 am


June, 7 2012 at 3:47 am

Hi Alistair! I alternate between driving a Jeep and a Ford Taurus. This indicates I am bipolar (which I really am) with a need for adventure and speed on one hand and a need for the catatonia on the other. Have a great rest of the week and weekend.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
June, 7 2012 at 4:14 am

Always great to hear from you. I drive a 1994 Volvo 850 with a large dent in the front - which indicates that I am old - which I am - and beat up - which I certainly am. (I think a Jeep would be a natural for Invisible Driving, don't you? ; - )

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