Getting Past The Bitterness

How to deal with the hatred, blaming God, bitterness associated with your abuse and begin to heal.

by Paul McLaughlin
Survivor, Webmaster of Save our Children

How do you get over the hatred?
I can't seem to get on with my life.
I ask God to forgive me, but I just feel helplessness.

So many ask me the same question over and over. How do you forgive those who hurt you? I have no answer to that difficult question. I am sure for those who know, the bible will have an answer.


I forgive those who hurt me just by saying "I forgive you", but I won't forget the pain you put me through. As for me, I guess I have God on my side. I became a believer in 1988, and for some dumb reason, I went home to Pittsburgh and had seen my mother, who I had not seen in 14 years. I went home and gave my mother a hug and told her, "I love you". It did me some good, but it didn't do a thing for her. I just forgave her. I guess this is what God wanted me to do. How can God forgive our sins if we can't forgive the poor soul who has done wrong by abusing us when we were little children?

Many point their finger at God. It's God's fault.

God allows this to happen. I DON'T THINK SO. Did God tell people to hurt you? Did God tell you to hurt other children? Did God tell my mother to sit me on a hot stove at the age of 5? No, God had nothing to do with our sufferings.

The day we die, God will ask us: "Why are you, as an adult, allowing other adults to hurt little children and allowing other adults to hurt other adults?" Do not point your finger at God. We need to point our finger at ourselves.

Many people tell me this: "I never forgave my parents for the little argument we had years ago and we didn't speak to each other for years. Now that my parents are dead, I feel guilty that I didn't fix the problem before they passed away. I wished that I had done something about it while my parents were alive."

As for me, I will not have a guilty mind because I have forgiven my mother for the horrible abuse she put me through.


If you were very ill and dying, wouldn't you want someone to be by your side? I hope so. No matter what others have done wrong to you, you must not do wrong to others. Give it some time to heal. Stay away from those who hurt you. Only see them from time-to-time. Try to talk to them or hug them. Time heals old wounds. When you are ready, you will in time forgive those who have wronged you. It's in God's time, not your time. You are here for a reason.

Keep in contact with your friends. They are here to give you support and encouragement. I am not an expert, but I am here to encourage you. We are all here to help one another. No matter what some of us had to endure when we were children, we shall overcome. I might not have the proper words to say, but I am sure your friends do.

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APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Getting Past The Bitterness, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 25 from

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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