His and Hers Orgasms ... and How to Have Them
Hers: a female orgasm can be frustratingly evasive. While about 85 to 90 percent of women are capable of having an orgasm, according to Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., vice president of the World Association for Sexology, only about one-third have had one during intercourse. That said, it's important to remember that orgasm should never be the goal.
"In goal-oriented sexual interactions, each step leads to the top step, or the big "O" -- orgasm," says Whipple. "Goal-oriented people who don't reach the top step don't feel very good about the process that has occurred. Whereas for people who are pleasure oriented, any activity can be an end in itself; it doesn't have to lead to something else. Sometimes, we're very satisfied holding hands or cuddling. There would be a lot more pleasure in this world if people would just focus on the process."
Whipple also points out that the psychological ramifications of dissatisfying sexual interactions are not often suffered alone; they can cause distress in both partners. "If one person in a relationship is goal-oriented and the other is pleasure-oriented, and neither is aware of their own orientation, they don't communicate that with their partner," she explains. "A lot of relationship problems can develop. In my workshops with couples, I help them be aware of how they view sexual interactions and then communicate this with their partner."
Types of Orgasm
The most common, they result from directly stimulating the clitoris and surrounding tissue. What many people don't realize is that the majority of the clitoris is actually hidden inside the woman's body. Recently, Australian urologist Helen O'Connell, M.M.E.D., studied cadavers and 3-D photography and found that the clitoris is attached to an inner mound of erectile tissue the size of your first thumb joint. That tissue has two legs or crura that extend another 11 centimeters. In addition, two clitoral bulbs -- also composed of erectile tissue -- run down the area just outside the vagina.
O'Connell's findings, published in the Journal of Urology, show that this erectile tissue, plus the surrounding muscle tissue, all contribute to orgasmic muscle spasms. With so much tissue involved in a clitoral orgasm, it's no wonder they're the easiest to have.
Pelvic Floor or Vaginal Orgasms
These occur through stimulating the G-spot, or putting pressure on the cervix (the opening into the uterus) and/or the anterior vaginal wall. Located halfway between the pubic bone and the cervix, the sensitive G-spot -- named after its discoverer, German physician Ernest Grafenberg -- is a mass of spongy tissue that swells when stimulated. Because it's difficult to locate, experts have developed a few guiding techniques:
o Lying on her back, the woman tilts her pelvis upward so that her vulva presses flat against her partner's pelvic bone. According to the Bermans, this allows the penis to make contact with the G-spot, simultaneously stimulating the clitoris. Putting pillows beneath her buttocks makes angling her pelvis easier.
o Whipple suggests placing two fingers inside the vagina and moving them in a beckoning motion. The fingertips should stroke the frontal vaginal wall, just where the G-spot is located.
The Blended Orgasm
This can be attained through a combination of the first two.