My father was a beautiful man, but he passed away this past August. I thought then that I was coping with his death by not trying to think too much about it and carry on with my life. Instead, it triggered a bipolar depression that lasted from then until now. I didn’t expect to have to deal with his death this past year. I expected him to be sick, but I always thought that I had more time with him.

I have bad dreams pretty much every night. They take place in different locations, with different people, but the nightmare is always the same. I am desperately trying to get people from my past to accept and love me. Despite my best attempts, I am always rejected. Everyone always hates me and I feel completely worthless and unworthy to be around anyone. When I wake up, I feel sad and depressed. Not my favorite way to start the day.

When everyday my ToDo list is filled with ToDidn’ts, here’s how I keep my spirits up.

I hope my bipolar can get better; I dream to be free of bipolar disorder. Oxford dictionary defines hope as an expectation and a desire combined. It's synonyms are wish, ambition and dream. I dream of sunshine, freshly mowed grass and the absence of bipolar disorder. Can my dream become a reality? Can my bipolar get better? How can I accomplish this?

There you are knee deep in errands and you suddenly remember what it is you forgot to do last night before you went to bed. Quick! Write it down before you forget! Until I learned to do this simple act, many wonderful ideas were lost to the ether—never to be thought again. A reader suggests one way to prevent that from happening.

I thought I would discuss what I use as my favorite tools and resources for learning about and dealing with my anxiety and phobias. Reading Material- The biggest help that I have gotten has been from the book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Fourth Edition by Edmund J. Bourne. The guidance in this book touches on everything that I can think of on how to manage your anxiety and phobias. I highly recommend trying to find this book at your local library. I was hopeless and this book gave me the motivation to take control of my life again. Main things that helped me were learning about Self Talk, Positive Affirmations and Mistaken Beliefs.

I first noticed depression symptoms in the spring of 1990. At the time, I was a part-time college professor, with three healthy children, a loving husband, a beautiful home, and money in the bank when clinical depression (aka major depression) grabbed me and brought me to my knees. When I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression, I asked how can I be depressed? We knew about situational depression, but very little about clinical depression.

Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) is a treatment for depression and other psychiatric disorders. One source of information for this essay is the article in Psychiatric Services in the September 2001 issue, entitled “Electroconvulsive Therapy.” ECT treatment is administered by trained professionals in a medical setting. Usually a psychiatrist and an anesthesiologist are present. While I am not a provider of ECT, I have referred patients with depression for this treatment. I refer patients for ECT when other types of treatment have been ineffective in treating a mood disorder. This is a particularly attractive option in persons with severe, recurrent depression who are at risk for suicide.

What do you say to taking chances? Starting fresh. Being you, but better. Would you take a chance to live the life you've always dreamed of? Would you do anything to trash your bipolar life and evolve into an improved you? Jump off the edge even if you're afraid. You're worth it.

We live in scary times. Between the recession and natural disasters, you never know when a crisis could hit your home. Many people are one pay check away from losing everything. We live in scary, stressful times. It makes sense that now is the time to plan and prepare for what may lie ahead. We can't predict the future, but we can do our best to prepare for it. And if we are prepared, we won't have as much fear.