For Loved Ones, After a Suicide Attempt

Recently, a man I have come to respect and care about attempted suicide. I am grateful he is still here to tell the tale. His suicide note was online and his pain was so evident it tore at my soul.

I was tremendously relieved to hear his friends had rescued him in time to save him. But I was then left with the problem as to what to say to this man. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was make the situation any more difficult for him.

What do you do when someone you care about just attempted suicide?

Suicide is About Pain

To be clear, people who attempt suicide aren’t doing it for fun, they aren’t playing at death nor are they looking for death. People who attempt suicide are trying to escape a life of (literally) unbearable pain. Suicide isn’t about death, it’s about pain.

42-15664207The Shame and Guilt of Suicide

And most people who have attempted suicide feel extremely bad about what they have done. They’re ashamed they committed the act and feel guilty they have put those around them through it. Waking up after a suicide attempt is no picnic.

What to Say to Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide

So, understanding the person is already feeling bad about attempting suicide, there is no reason to make this person feel worse. You need to be supportive. You don’t need to support their action, but you need to support the person. They are hurting. All they want is to know you still care about them.

What Never to Say to a Person Who Has Attempted Suicide

The worst thing you can say to someone is about how selfish they are and how much they hurt you. These people already know that. These people are already beating themselves up. The last thing they need is to feel beaten up by you too. The more they feel rejected, the more likely they are to feel alone and to try to commit suicide again. What better reason is there to leave the planet than being in agony and finding out everyone suddenly hates you?

mp9004309241Stay With the Person, Remind Them Who They Are

This man I know who attempted suicide isn’t “the man who attempted suicide,” he’s a man who is brave, bold, generous and friendly. He is a man who gives to his community and a man that I respect. He is not a “suicide attempt.” A suicide attempt is only a symptom of his disease. It is not who he is. I know this. And now is the time to remind him. Because, unfortunately, he may have forgotten.

People need to feel included and loved for who they are. Yes, they may need company around them to make sure they do not hurt themselves further, but they also need it to feel human again. They feel horrible about what they did. They need to know people still love them and it will be OK.

But What about My Feelings?

You, as the loved one, have every right to feel worried, hurt, betrayed and many, many other things. I would never deny you those feelings. But right after a suicide attempt is not the moment to pick to express those. Call another friend and vent and cry if you need to. Get your own support. Make sure you are OK. But it’s not the moment to enter into a deep conversation with someone who has just faced death. Wait until they are stronger. And then you can both talk openly about the act’s effects and your feelings. It’s OK to talk about those things, but you have to pick your moment.

But above all try to remember, this person is the same person they were before they attempted suicide. They just fell victim to a very serious symptom of their disease. No more, no less.

Check out Natasha Tracy’s book: Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar and connect with her on FacebookGoogle+ or Twitter or at Bipolar Burble, her blog.

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96 Responses to For Loved Ones, After a Suicide Attempt

  1. Hi Sally,

    I’m so sorry to hear your boyfriend may have attempted suicide. It sounds to me like that’s what it was regardless as to whether he wants to acknowledge it.

    One thing I need to tell you is that the suicide rate in veterans is _very_ high mostly because they do return with may serious post-trauma issues and often they don’t get treatment.

    But it doesn’t have to be that way. Treatment is available and it _does_ work. I won’t diagnose your boyfriend with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as, obviously, that would be inappropriate, but that may very well be the issue.

    I strongly recommend you look at this website, read the articles and if possible, buy the book. It will enlighten both you and your boyfriend so much about post-combat PTSD. Believe me, these authors know what they are talking about and many military personnel recommend the book:

    The knowledge gained in that volume, I believe, can help a lot.

    And try to talk your boyfriend into see a professional. It could be a doctor or psychiatrist from the VA or a therapist of his choosing, just make sure to get one that specializes in post-combat issues.

    Again, I stress, treatment is available and works. So many people come back from combat and are exactly in this situation, he’s not alone, and he can get better.

    (Also, here is a listing of hotlines to contact if help is needed and you’re not sure where to turn: )

    I hope that helps.

    - Natasha Tracy

    (Full disclosure – I do work with the author but do not benefit from book sales.)

  2. Pingback: Suicide and Suicide Attempt Resources | Bipolar Burble Blog | Natasha Tracy

  3. sonya says:

    I too can relate to someone who has attempted suicide. I recall when he mentioned it that he was drinking and I personally thought that he was attention seeking but to my surprise he was not. I felt so bad because this time he was truly crying out and was afraid to ask for help but I did not know how to help him. After this incident, I did not take anything that he said for granted. This was a valuable lesson for me as well.

  4. amanda says:

    Hi I tried hurting myself n my bf broke with me he said he was scared n only wants to be friends n there’s hope we might get back together but I’m so upset that the time I need him the most he left me I don’t even think…I mean I don’t know what to think

  5. Amber Bourgeois says:

    This is a wonderful article! Having struggled with this myself, I can certainly relate. The people around me who love me dearly were at a loss for so many complicated reasons. As common as suicide is, it is unfortunately very unique for each individual and the isolating effect of depression makes it hard to see another escape sometimes. When I came out on the other side of my suicide attempt I went through a huge range of emotions that I couldn’t expect anyone else to understand. But my husband was amazing because he supported me- especially when I didn’t have any answers to give either of us. Not everyone who attempts suicide needs the same thing, and not everyone can put in to words what they need, but I imagine that most people feel like I did – ALONE. So don’t push the person to explain or answer questions, just be present and don’t run away. I needed someone to hold me and not put pressure on me to change or move faster than I could. It’s a hard fight, and its a lonely fight, so having someone support you unconditionally is invaluable!!

  6. Sahree says:

    i recently had my boyfriend attempt suicide after a mindless act that he had created in front of my autistic son, after too many times of me asking, begging pleeing him not too cayy on these ways, i had nothing more to say to him after this, he kept calling my fone messaging me nasty things and the end result was his attempt… now only a few days later after him being released, he thinks he is fine and the relationship is still happening, my son is four years of age and has autism spectrum disorder, none of this i feel or find comforting to what i already face in my own life, i am a single mother i have raised this child on my own since 4 months into the pregnancy, still have issues with the childs father and now this…. someone help!!!!! this relationship began less than 6mths ago… i am usually strong but i feel i am actually dying inside,,

  7. Lidia Baruco says:

    My daughter in love had suicide attempt last week due to borderline syndrom . They were married just 2 months ago and now this. She put a rope around her neck so my husband and son helped her. Now my son has a póst trauma effect and want to go away to another country…he loves a lot but he doesn’t want to live the 48 hours of anxiety and panic until she was taken by the police to a hospital… how should I advice him…

  8. Lidia Baruco says:

    sorry the mistake…daughter in law..

  9. Leslie says:

    I found you because of twitter. :)

    This is a wonderful and sensitive article on this very important topic. Thanks.

  10. Linda says:

    my son admitted him self in to a mental health ward after feeling sueicidel for quite few weeks my son was crying out for help but it seemed the staff wasn’t listing to him my son had only been on this ward for a short time when he tried suicide by hanging in one of the wards bathroom when staff found my son they discharged him from the ward the very next morning know that my son was still badly feeling suicide and my son went missing for a few days going out our minds not knowing if he’s safe or not well on the 30/04/2013 my son turned up at my home at 5am and by 5pm my son had committed suicide by hanging he did it at home in my back bedroom sueicidel people really do not let on what there planning on doing they talk and act so normal around you my youngest son tried same last year but thank god I found him in time did CPR and saved my son but my oldest son was not so lucky my youngest son found is bro I am so proud of him my son helped to cut is bro down helped me with CPR I was asteracle and my son just said mum please try calm down I know it’s painful but we need try CPR even thro it was to late my son sat with is bro for 5 hours holding is bro hand and talking to him I’m now pushing for a full investigation in to why they released my son knowing he was still feeling sueicidel

  11. Alice says:

    But what do you do when the person in question isn’t brave, bold, or generous? What do you do when she’s an alchoholic, lying adultress who you didn’t respect much before the attempt let alone after? Am I still responsible for making her feel loved and included?

  12. Stacey says:

    My dad has attempted suicide a total of 4 times with many verbal warnings that landed him in a mental institution. THANK GOD he is still with us although I believe he doesn’t want to be here but his attempts have failed no matter the severity of them. This has happened within the last five year period. Being the one who has found him twice I know how it feels to walk back into the house that he attempted in, but he is having a hard time with being in the house now he says he hates being there. I believe it brings back the horrible memories. Any suggestions on what can be done seeing as there is not a possibility of selling at this time? We have tried everything every therapy facilities and we can seem to help him break through and it’s such a horrible feeling knowing that he is not “MY DAD” anymore.

  13. natasha lytell says:

    I attempted suicide on may 8th of this year. after a week in the hospital my husband no longer wants anything to do with me after almost 9 years and 2 children. he wants us just to be friends.

  14. Julia says:

    Do you feel guilty for having said or done something to this person that you think may have tipped them over the edge? It kind of sounds like it.

    BUT, that notwithstanding,I have to think about how to answer your question. My instinct would be to consider the type of relationship I had with the person before their attempt. If it was an ok one, then I would say you should maintain that relationship. If the relationship was estranged, which it sounds like it may have been,I would probably not do anything at all . . .unless for some reason I felt I owed them an apology, or the person has no one else to be a support for them.

    IF, in that case, you are thrown into that support role, you do not need to condone any of their lifestyle choices that are negative.You don’t want to feed them false hope–they’ll know that what you’re saying isn’t what you really think. Basically, you tell the person you are glad they are still alive because you believe they have a reason to be alive. There is some greater purpose, and this failed suicide is really an opportunity for that person to become the best they can be. That’s what you tell them, and you make sure you believe it yourself first before telling them.

  15. Stephanie says:

    Thank you for writing this article. Having survived a suicide attempt, your article made me feel very touched and I started crying when I read it. You are so right when you say that the amount of shame, guilt, remorse, humiliation that is felt after it’s over and you are now having to face the people you love MOST who you just hurt the most. I told a counselor I was afraid my daughter would never forgive me. Her response was that I need to forgive myself. Wow. That a tall order because there is nothing worse than trying to take your life when your child knows what you did.
    Thank you for this.

  16. Renee says:

    I attempted suicide today due to a list of major life issues too numerous to list here. ( severely injured and disabled from auto accident, loss of career and unable to work because of disability, husband of 23 years has affair while I was confined to a hospital bed and divorced me to be with his girlfriend, my BFF died suddenly from a rare fatal infection in a matter if hours and the list goes on and on) My mothers gut instinct told her something was wrong so she called my sister who I happened to be visiting at the time. My sister walked in the guest room I’m staying in just in time to see my take 50 pain pills. After having me throw them all up and calling the police to the house, she was very angry and upset at me – especially for messing up the 4th of July plans we had today at her friend’s house. Thankfully the police let me stay in my sister’s care and left. After being upset with me and letting me know I’m selfish for messing up her day, she just left with her daughter to go to her friends house for the party and left me alone at her house. I’m feeling even more depressed now and am scared to be alone. This article helped to let me know others have felt this exact same way. Thank you for that.

  17. Hi Renee,

    I’m so sorry you have gone through that. It sounds really tough but you aren’t alone. Many of us stand with you, no matter what your sister or others may say.

    Please reach out to someone and don’t stay alone in the home. Call a hotline if you need to:

    Please know that many of us have attempted suicide and we have gone on to survive and thrive. You can do it too, with time and help.

    - Natasha Tracy

  18. Rebecca says:

    My daughter just tried to commit suicide on Monday. The same day she was already released from a short term stay at the hospital for medication for her psychological disorders. On our way home she broke up with her fiancé and we got into an argument over her reasoning (he just quit his job and moved 800 miles to be with her) as soon as we arrived home, she kissed her little brothers goodbye and then went in a different room of the house and committed the act. I walked in on her half conscious and non responsive. I called 911 and had them take her back to the hospital. That night she called me and told me that it was mine and her now ex fiancé’s fault for what she did. Because we said things to her she didn’t want to hear. I admitted to her that I do not take back what I said because I meant every word. I told her that she needs help, and that what she just did was wrong if she had doubts two weeks ago (he moved here last week) she could have told him then!!!! She then hangs up on me and calls the next day to talk to him. She tells him he needs to be committed as well because he’s still here!!! And hangs up on him!!!! We do not hear from her until today, when she calls and tells me that she is being transferred on Wednesday and needs some stuff brought to her and hangs up. She is an adult by the way. She already knows she’s kicked out of the house behind this attempt (first real attempt- not first time self harm was performed) as I have 3 little boys and a teen in the household who should not witness these acts. She doesn’t ask how we are, she doesn’t say I love you any more, nothing. Even in the hospital she is distant. What do I do?! I feel like I really did lose my daughter to suicide, even though it was just an attempt!

  19. Gwen Jacques says:

    My boyfriend is currently in the hospital getting help for depression. He admitted he needed the help. After spending a year in jail for 3 DUI and 3 months in a rehab (just another form of jail, no real help) he came home in May. Since then, everything they have made him do for probation came to a head and his probation officer is a terrorist and is always threatening him that he’s going back. Well, he had a few drinks the night after his probation appointment, blew dirty, freaked out and is now in the hospial. I have handled this poorly. I am supportive of him getting help but have once again been left in a major financial mess. When I talked to him on the phone, he said he wanted to get out so he could go to work and I told him no that I didn’t want him here worrying he would want to kill himself and that he couldn’t make enough money in time anyways. He ended up getting angry and hanging up on me. I feel resentful because I have been doing everything in my power to help him. I drive him everywhere, work, counseling, testing, doctors appt, etc… (he’s also epileptic). I am not innocent in this, as I am a recovering alcoholic also and am on probation myself, but I just don’t know how to handle this properly.

  20. Jules Turner says:

    On 10 February 2014, I drove off on a long journey to take my life & be with God. As shocking as this may sound, I had reached a point in my life where I no longer had a purpose. I was working myself to “death” both at work and socially. After having reached a great milestone in my life of having given 30 years to my organisation, on that fateful morning I had a public altercation with the boss and realised that the hole was going to widen – it was the “straw which broke the camel’s back”. I drove away from work and set off on a 7-hour journey to a beautiful setting called Kloof Gorge in Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa. I made up my mind that my purpose in life was waning and just felt a lack of appreciation for who I was and what I did. Both at home and work I was going through the motions. I felt alone in the burdens of the world. Depression had me in its grip of desperation and despair. In my last hour on the road, I prayed to God to please take me into His Kingdom ….. I stressed the desire to no longer work on earth ….. I felt I had done enough …. I begged God for mercy. I made my way immediately to the gorge to assess the site. With great courage and putting aside my vertigo, I walked along the edge of the cliff from left to right to pick my jumping spot. The decision was the left side, where there was better clearance to the bottom. I then got back into my car to write out my final note. I watched people come and go to take in the breath-taking view. Then the miracle of God started to take shape. This car arrived next to me with two young girls (18 and 19). In hospital when they visited me, they let me know that they are the best of friends and had been planning to meet at the gorge for the last 3 months …. On this day at 4pm the one phoned the other to say that they had to meet immediately …. Divine intervention taking place? They made their way down the hill to the cliff edge, but chose the right hand side, as opposed to my planned left. I carried on writing my note when after about 20 minutes or so, their images seemed to be transformed into angels in white. I left the car as it was, windows down and notes on the seat and made my way down the hill, in some strange way drawn towards the angels …. again, Divine intervention? I was very careful in not startling them, but the one saw the giveaway look on my face ….. life was about to end for me. My memory becomes a bit hazy at this point, but the girls filled me in at the hospital. I lay each of my hands on each one’s shoulder as they sat and said my final prayer. I then handed my car keys over and let them know that suicide was the next step. The one girl got between me and the edge to try and stop me, but I got hold of her hands and swung her behind me to safety. I then took a run and flew into the air over the edge in swallow style. The girls confirmed that I did not make a sound. My journey towards God’s Kingdom had begun … or had it? The lead rescue chap told me that on my 80m journey way down, that my body smashed into a protruding tree splitting it in two …. Divine intervention again? My body was deflected sideways onto a another cliff edge where I rolled off down to the last remaining ledge where I was then laid to rest, before a final 55m drop to the ravine and almost certain death awaiting below … again Divine intervention? By the time I became conscious, it was pitch dark and sand was falling into my mouth and eyes. I came to the realisation immediately that this was not Heaven ….. without any hesitation, I thanked God for sparing my life … I knew that this was the point where God came into my life. I no longer felt alone …. my burdens felt like they had been taken away. I had no idea then, but God had spared my body to continue my work on earth. My left leg was dislocated, the femur head was fractured, most of my ribs were broken from the tree impact and my left ear was cut …. there were no scratches to my face, no broken teeth, no skull, spinal or internal injuries, no cuts on my arms or legs …. for a fall of 80m, this was indeed a miracle that one only reads about in the biblical times. God had heard my prayer in the car, but decided that I was still needed on earth in my original healthy form for a purpose which He will let me know in due course. God had proved to me that He was there for me and will always be ….. I no longer have to carry the burden alone.

  21. Jules Turner says:

    I welcome any engagement with anyone on my experience. It’s hard being a survivor … I should know … I’m living it, but I do feel good inside that I am still alive, no matter what people may think or say about me ….

  22. Mable says:

    I witnessedy girlfriend try to commit suicide in front of me. I found out after the fact of lies she told to my face about her exgirlfriend and some things about herself she never told me. I still love her dearly and miss her so much. April of this year, the day before she tried to commit suicide, she had began to say things that didnt make sense like people were following her and listening to her from the upstairs apartment. She had reached out to two different mental health facilities so I was supportive of that, gone to one a few times and actually had an appointment with a therapist the day she tried. The one mental health facility told her she couldnt get in to a psychiatrist until may. She also vBulletin ad financial issues w giving her exgirlfriend money and taxes were due soon. She also went cold turkey off her medications in February . One morning as I got ready for work she sat against the back door & had her hands behind her back. I asked her what is wrong. She said she loves me but I will have a good life. I remember she looked at me w wide eyes and began screaming she wants to die! I panicked and began dialing 911, I happened to have my phone in my hoodie pocket instead of putting it in my backpack. She then pulled a knife out from behind her and began to slit her throat. Blood poured out and I pulled the knife down and she slit her wrist hard. I grabbed the knife from her and threw it. Meanwhile the dispatch er on 911 is talking to me as im screaming. My girlfriend is trying to get at the knife and I had to restrain her and hold jer down and apply preassure to her wounds. I was soaked and covered in blood. At one point I had to unlock the door for paramedics and I got up and thew the knife again. She had lost a great deal of blood at this point and continued to struggle but less so. I opened the door and came back and somehow she was standing with her back to me. I knew she went for the knife again so I knocked her to the ground and pulled the knife out of her hand. At this point I held her down so she couldnt tear at her wounds or hurt herself more. The paramedics came and she went to the hospital. She spent 3 months in psychiatric in patient. Her parents came up and took her back to their house she lives 1100 miles from me now. She is still in out patient and is working on recovery. I love her so much. I should probably go back to therapy I went a few times. I want us to be together again. I want her to get healthy and see how beautiful and amazing she is. I muss her so much. We text every day almost and write. I send her letters and cards and a care package. Sheis still struggling. I font know if she will have full function of her hand, everything but bone was cut and her vocal cords were nicked before I pulled the knife away. I know im depressed and the therapist said I have ptsd symptoms. I cry regularly and feel so lost and alone. I just want her to know how much I love her and miss her and we can work thru things. But I know right now she has to work on herself. Its just so hard being so far away.

  23. Nancy says:

    Thank you for being a caring writer.

    I have just experienced three appointments with my counselor that are devastating. I am bi-polar since 28 and am now 53. I have had two suicide attempts over the years. One at 27 and one at 34. And regardless of my mom saying I didn’t mean it believe me I did. I have done well for years now. Until the following occurred.

    My counselor has always been great until the last three visits. He must have taken some stupid course on tough loving bi-polar people. All I know is he is pushing me to get out, go to church, go shopping and a million other things that make me sick every time I try them.

    I don’t need to do things that are bad for me. I am quite productive at home. I have farm animals, I babysit grand-kids, I am an artist and I AM HOME-BOUND. I am stable and happy as long as I keep my life like that but he is determined to bully me into being someone I am not.

    I have decided that this is about making him look good. He wants me to be normal. Yeah, good luck with that one. There cannot be any other reason he wants to change what was working. It has to be a reflection on him in his mind. It’s as if he thinks he can cure me or something. And when I do not do these things that make me worse he raises his voice and bullies me. Which also tells me that he thinks I am stupid. Those tactics from my family is what made me try to kill myself the other two times.

    All I want is love. That’s it. Just to be loved. And I am lovable and do not disrupt, yell or act out and never had. No. I turn it all in on myself because no one cared when I became sick. My deeply religious family told me I was possessed by demons if that gives ya’ll a clue about their “tough love.”

    I recognize the falseness of tough love. It isn’t nor has it ever been love. It is hate. It hurts and it makes bi-polars worse. I am in the process of trying to figure out if I should go to another clinic now because this is going to really make me sick.

    After all these years of being fairly stable he is messing with my head now. I hate this and refuse to go along with it. I plan on telling him this in a gentle way next visit and if he continues to push me into being something I am not then it means he truly never cared at all. He doesn’t seem to get that bullying is what made me try suicide before. I am at a loss and very disappointed after over 20 years at this clinic. I guess nothing stays the same.

    My point to all this is, if you bully a bi-polar then don’t complain when they try to kill them shelves. Who the hell do you think you are to kick someone when they are either down or doing well? How dare he and anyone who could be so cruel. What bi-polars deal with is awful and if you don’t know believe me, you don’t want to know.

  24. Karen S says:

    My family’s solution is to never, ever talk about it. Even if I want to

  25. Renita says:

    When my mother passed away from suicide my little sister was only 3 years old. Her grandmother literally raised her as HER daughter. Growing up my sister called her grandma MOM because she didn’t know any better. She was too little to remember her real mom. Our uncle and his mom used to get into terrible fights because he wanted her to tell my sister the truth. Eventally my uncle’s mother completely cut her son out of her life as a result of these countless fights. Grandma never did come to terms with her real daughter’s death. It was only after our grandma died of cancer and my sister was put into fostercare that she found out the real truth.

    Karen I think I understand why your family doesn’t want to talk about your suicide attempt. Surviving family members almost always feel a sense of shame and guilt over a loved one’s suicide. I believe that’s why in some families, at least in mine, it’s just not talked about

  26. Jahnavi says:

    I live in India. Student suicides due to less than exemplar grades are a sad reality here. I particularly liked the what not to say part.
    One of my bestfriend’s neighbours killed himself recently.
    I wish she’d read this earlier. Here’s a post I found about dealing with suicides that might help.

  27. Jem says:

    My sister was going to commit suicide last week. She managed to get to the school nurse (she’s in high school) with the help of one of her friends. I found out she was going to do it when me and my mum went to Norwich, so she’d be alone with dad, when she would “find something sharp”.

    She seemed to blame everyone around her for her wanting to die. She ended up dragging up every little thing that’s ever happened to her as a reason.

    She’s never told me the truth in her life, I don’t trust her when she says anything to me anymore so I know I can’t trust her when she says why she wanted to.

    She’s really hurt my mum, my dad keeps arguing with my mum now (even though my sister said that’s something that hurts her). I’ve already been through all of this, how come I managed it without all this and she couldn’t?

    In the article you say survivors feel really bad about what they’ve done. If anything my sister seems pleased about the attention, and she’s never really been one to understand anything.

    I really don’t know how to treat her now. I want to stay away at my boyfriends house, but mum mum wants me looking after my sister, and my dad wants me to stay away because I (apparently) can’t be trusted. I “can’t be trusted” for one thing my sister said was a cause; for the fact that when we were a lot younger I used to pick on her and push her around.

    What am I meant to do!?

  28. Amy says:

    This was really useful, thanks for the advice. One of my friends recently attempted suicide and is now in a phsyciatric hospital. She has been in there for a week and I have been in visiting her every day with her family but she still says (to others) that she will do it again when she gets out, and that she will succeed! She tells me however that she will never do it again. Whilst I want to continue visiting her, our friends, who have not yet been in to visit her are telling me that I am smothering her and that we should not visit so often, as she needs to learn that its not normal her being in there, and that she needs to get better. I was just wondering what you would suggest I do as they seem certain and whilst they know no more about phsyciatry than I do, I fear that if she was released and did it again, it would be my fault, and that unless I give her all the love and support I can offer her, I will feel I have not done enough but my friends may then blame me if it happens again. Clearly, I want to do all that I can to prevent it happening again so I do encourage her to speak to the doctors and I think she is slowly starting to realise that, I was just wondering if you feel that I should continue visiting her. Whilst I understand that you can’t guarantee anything, I just appreciate being able to speak to and ask somebody about it as whenever I go to the hospital, the doctors have already left for me to ask them and its good to ask somebody impartial.

  29. elizabeth says:

    I’m a 14 year old girl, and around 4-5 weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I was alone, I felt hopeless.The people around me did the exact opposite of what the article stated or suggested. When I woke up in the hospital, I felt more alone than ever. My parents kept saying things like “well if you hadn’t swallowed all those pills we wouldn’t be here”. All of my friends left me. They completely stopped talking to me. And as I was being beat up by myself, I was also being beat up by them and my parents. My parents make me feel like ” the suicide attempt”, 2 weeks after I came home from the hospital they were restricting me from leaving the house and talking to my one friend who was still there for me. They did however make me go to school, the next day , as soon as I got home. I wasn’t ready to face the people who knew what I did and decided to turn on me anyways. Now, 5 weeks after the incident I still beat myself up for it. My parents keep demanding an apology for what I did. But I’m not ready to give them one yet. I’m feeling more hopeless than ever.

  30. Chris says:

    I need some help, 4 weeks ago my girlfriend left me for no reason, a couple of weeks before she was claiming she was the happiest she had ever been then all of a sudden she dumped me by text. Without boasting, I am 6″4, dark hair with green eyes and I am as strong as an ox, I get quite a lot of female interest but I am loyal, I am honest and most of am faithful, (always have been) I took her out for so many great weekends and we had some amazing times, she even said she had never been so happy etc but now I feel like she dumped me for her ex, a druggie, abusive, violent manipulative former boyfriend. I had a 7 year relationship beforehand and I made sure I wouldn’t get hurt again but I have been. I can’t stop thinking about her, I haven’t slept in outlr bed since we broke up, (I can’t even go in the bedroom) I wake up about 3am every morning with a bottle of spirits and try to drown out the day (when I am not working) I make out to my friends that I ok but I’m not :( I attempted suicide about a month ago, I took pills and was shocked when I woke up. People found out about this and I was humiliated. Since then I have cut myself. Where will this end? I know I am in sound mind, I am extremely unhappy though and can’t take any more pain. I am sat here now with 2 bottles of Bacardi and I know I am going to do something bad. I just can’t help myself. I feel so rotten. I look in my mirroe and where I see (once stood) a big shouldered well set male, all I see is a pathetic 30 hear old man with no kids, bo woman and no future, I feel so low :( :(

  31. It's time to let go of the past says:

    Today is the 49th anniversary of my biological mothers successful suicide (by gun). She died the day before my 1/2 sisters birthday

    I was adopted at birth so I didn’t know her growing up. My 1/2 sister who’s a year younger was raised by her biological grandmother that died of cancer when she was a preteen. From that point on she was put in foster care. Once or twice a year she calls me usually babbling for 2 or 3 hours about the past

    Yesterday I called in work sick because I was getting rundown and completely exhausted with all the rushing around for Christmas and the stress lately at work. When my sister called I told her I wasn’t feeling well and would call her back. She proceeded to call me 3 more times with in the hour. I suspected she was either drunk, high or both so I let the answering machine kick in. I slept most of the day but in the eve I went out for dinner with some friends and didn’t get home until late
    I have bipolar and if I don’t take care of myself I start to get sick again

    When I got home from work today I had a message on my answering machine from my moms brothers ex wife asking me to call my sister. I was so pissed off that I deleted the message before listening to all of it
    Then as I was headed out the door to go swimming with a friend I get another voicemail message from my sister swearing at me because I didn’t call her back

    Tomorrow is my sisters birthday and I had planned to call her but not anymore. I don’t need to listen to a drunk stoner swearing at me and going on and on about the past. After 49 years it just gets old…

  32. ROSE says:

    I attempted suicide year ago,but this feeling of depression has not left me! Iam. Seriously broke now that I may not be able to pay my house rent by June this year,i also want to be married and get a job but to no avail! Please I need help! I’m becoming addictive to cigarette,it’s not good for me I know,but it tends to ease the pain,i cannot get out of this depression,i can’t even afford my drugs,pls I need financial assistnce!

  33. Listener says:

    Rose, is there a forum you’d like to chat in?

  34. ROSE says:

    @ listner , yes if that will help! But I don’t know any around me.

  35. ROSE says:

    Yes I would like to join a forum! But I don’t know any around me.

  36. Lale says:

    I found this article in English not good… But I had read all article and almost all comments…
    My bf.,shoot himself in fron of me … The reason was I wanted break up with him…
    He has a surgery it was 3 days ago…
    I’m still don’t see him… He is in trauma unit and what’s will be after I don’t know … Anybody don’t tell me anything… I can’t understand what I feel …
    I’m in schok,I think I will never can back to my normally life… I wanna talk with him,I need him,but I can’t cuz they don’t let me… Eveybody telling me I have to to think about me and don’t think about him anymore cuz he is sick and he will be try again but now he will try hurt me…
    I don’t know what I have to thinking about cuz I still love him,worry about him and I need him but at the same time I feel how I’m upset I don’t feel anything even my body and I scare of everything … This happens made me in depression …
    I wanna help him and believe he will get his treatment and he will feel better and we can to be together forever and we will try to make a family!

  37. Rich says:

    I have a child on the way and me and the mother of my unborn child had gotten into it i was working 60 hour weeks on salary pay with unpaid overtime. i recently was weak and cowardly enough to attempt suicide by hanging myself. Before i had i prayed to the lord that if im meant to be here to stop me. My phone went off i ignored it. And continued to do my foolish deed. In preperation i prayed that the lord forgive me for what i was about to do. I tied the rope tight to an i beam and stepped off the chair i felt the rope tightly sinch my neck. I remember the last minute realizing what i had done and went into a dream like state. I saw my girlfriend standing there holding what i believe to be our unborn child it had my hair and her nose its all i can remember about that. Then i remember i had people grabbing at my arms and pulling me downward. At that point i thought i had taken the rope from around my neck and i was ok but in reality i hadnt. At that point i pushed them off of me. The next thing i knew i woke up on the floor. The rope had snapped. But was still tight around my neck i quickly started pulling at it to do all that i could to get it off of my neck i finaly found a pair of scissors and cut the rope off thanking the lord that i didnt die. Im ashamed of my attempt to take my life, but im proud of my survival and i want to tell all those reading this that there is hope there is reason to go on. Im not sure how the rope snapped or why but no one was there or knew of this. Until now…. This being said there is great shame in surviving an attemp on ones own life but theres also great pride and happiness in knowing that were given a second chance at life theres always something worth fighting for. Im not sure if its a common thing what i had went through and im actively seeking counseling for this but in all honesty the best thing you can do and the best way to approach a post attempt person is to allow them to come to you to talk about the attempt. They just need to know that you care about them and youll be there for them. The thought of being alone is unbearable and the thought of having everything taken from you is terrifying but to know someone loves you and someone there is the best feeling that anyone could ask for through all of it. Give the person a hug and just tell them you care and are always there to listen. Thats how you can save a life and never pass up an opportunity to tell that person you love them. I hope its okay that i had posted my story here but others can see it and hopefully learn from my mistake and find strength in the message befause i dont want anyone to do what i had done and risk losing their life in a moment of weakness.

  38. Special person says:

    I myself have tried to commit suicide By gun and I thank God everyday I’m still here I woke up in the hospital after brain surgery to save my life I did not know why I was there or where I was then they told me I had been in a coma for a week I still suffer from my depression and I need help but no one again will listen in my life I have lost many people I loved this includes My Momma and son it has been one hell of a road but I can’t get off now if I’m still here there is a reason. Thank you for this post I know how y’all are feeling

  39. Richard says:

    My brother wrote a sucide note and told me he was going to go jump in front of a train that frequently passes where we live. I thought he was just joiking but when he said his will was in his gmail i was like wtf. so i went and look at it and it was no will it was a sucide note saying good bye. i infoed my family and what not and lucky we found him before he cound hert him self. he was sent to the hospotal and then off to common gound. he would not see any one nor talk to any of my family members. he was suposto be held for a minimum of 72 hrs is what we were told. I went to drop off clothes and a new tooth brush to him 2 days later because i was afaid he would hate me for stoping him to find out that hey relesed him alrdy. he lives with me and none of his friend or faimily have seen him sence. I just doint know what to do any more is it my falt for not going to see him sooner whould he even see me i doint even know. Should i be mad at common ground for negleting my brohters care. He has no phone no wallet no id on him just wanding the steets felling he has no were to go or has he alrdy killed himself and is a jone doe some where. i just doint know what to do.

  40. Abena says:

    I remember attempting suicide a couple years ago. I’ve been through a lot of emotional trauma in my life and I suffered from so much loneliness I just couldn’t take it any more and wanted to end my life. I swallowed pills and wrote a goodbye note to my cousin. One of my childhood friends came to my house that day. I wanted her to leave but she knew something was off with me and wouldn’t leave. My cousin came by after reading the note and took me to the hospital. I realized it was a mistake but I still wanted it to end. There was a social worker that was there trying to counsel me, she made me feel stupid and she rolled her eyes at me a couple of times. To make matters worse, my dad came and yelled at me in the hospital and told me I was selfish and called everyone he knew and people I didn’t know, and told them about my attempt. I felt humiIiated. I didn’t even feel good talking about what was going on with me to my phyciatrist, I felt like he was looking down on me and anythjng i wold tell him, he wold tell my father.

    I never had any support and I still don’t. I pretend im fine, but im dying inside. Sometimes, I still wanna end it. I don’t really have anyone that I trust to reach out to.

  41. HOPE says:

    Hell please don’ t hurt yourself,I lost my mother in law the day before Easter this year and I am heart broken.I was so mad at her looking at her that way sick in a hospital bed because of what she drank I did not say that to her because it felt rude and not my place and I’m glad I kept my mouth shut.I was with her to the end my husband held her hand,I stood there emotionless,my girls laid 2 roses at her feet. I miss her everyday.My children will never be able to stand in kitchen watching her cook again.It’s so sad and I hope before anyone thinks about taking there own life please think of who you are leaving.May God Bless xoxo

  42. Brittney says:

    What about when they have tried multiple times? Where to now? What services should I be looking for? I’m just not sure how to approach this. =

  43. Hi Brittney,

    I’m so sorry you have someone in your life who has attempted suicide multiple times. I can’t tell you what, specifically, to do as it depends on your location, but I would say that professional psychiatric help is absolutely needed and possibly inpatient care. To learn more, you might want to look at our resources and hotlines page for someone who can help.

    - Natasha Tracy

  44. Sierra says:

    Hi my name is Sierra and I just witnessed my boyfriend trying to attempt suicide tonight. I feel so selfish that I feel I need to reach out to people and talk about it right now because I feel he needs all of the attention and help, not me. I called suicide hotline a little bit after it happened. I talked to them and they told me I should call the cops and have him placed on a hold. I ended up calling 911 as suggested. They just took him about a half an hour ago and all I can feel is guilt. He kept said this is my fault. I tried comforting him afterwards but he didn’t want to hear anything of what I was saying. I just feel like maybe it is my fault he feels that way which I know theres something else going on that I don’t understand and I feel useless. We have a 11 month old son together and all I kept telling him was he needs to be here for his son more than anything. This is the most emotional thing I have been though and I just don’t know who to talk to. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because I feel it would make him feel embarrassed and I don’t want to make him feel worse than he already does. Thanks for listening.

  45. Gengar says:


    Because I didn’t, and the anger ate me up. I was so furious that my friend attempted suicide but I didn’t want to speak to anyone because it felt like nobody wanted to listen. The only resources I could find were ways to help my friend, which is extremely important, but when you’ve literally been traumatized and you’re trying so desperately to find someone to help you and all you can find are lists of instructions, it does make me feel so unimportant. It made me feel like nobody cared about me. I made a near suicide attempt myself because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I just couldn’t deal with feeling so angry.

    I’m still a little bitter over it, to be honest. I’ve forgiven my friend (dear god that took a long time) but I am still furious that society disregards the friends and family of people who attempt suicide as unimportant. I should not have had to end up suicidal for people to see that I was hurting. I should not have had to end up self-harming for people to see that this affected me, too.

    So, please, just, talk to someone. It doesn’t matter if you need to talk to them for 2 weeks, 2 months, even 2 years about how this has affected you. Get yourself a counsellor if that’s what you need. Please help yourself, because I didn’t do that, and I ended up paying for it. It’s okay to talk about how this affects you. You’re not attention-seeking, or taking the spotlight away from the suicidal person, or whatever the fuck else I’ve seen people implying elsewhere.

    I literally can’t stress this enough. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel whatever it is you feel. And it’s okay to talk about it.

  46. Inês says:

    I almost lost my best friend, she tried to kill herself, it was a few months ago but I still can’t stop thinking, what if no one had saved her how would my life be? When my mother told she attempted suicide I didn’t know what to do, how to act or what to say. While she was in the hospital I was always crying, because I didn’t know she was in so much pain, I also felt angry because she didn’t tell me anything and I understand why she didn’t, I also have my secrets. When I went to see her in the hospital, her aunt came to be and asked me how I was, it was the first person that really cared about how I was feeling in that day and I will never forget what she said “Don’t let this destroy you” and I’m trying to, I really am but it hurts to know she was almost left me.
    We still didn’t talked about the suicide attempt and I’m afraid to ask her why she tried to kill herself. I guess what I’m trying to ask is, how do I talk to her, what advices should I give her?

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