People wondering how to recover from emotional trauma really want to know how long recovery will take. Unfortunately, there is no solid time frame for recovering from psychological trauma. But, if we can slow down a minute and understand how to recover from emotional trauma, then the how long will it take part will handle itself.  Keep reading »

So what do we say to a victim of domestic violence? More specifically, what should we say to a friend who is abused if they come to us for help? The confusion over what to say is warranted. Even my mother didn’t know what to say to me when I cried to her about the abuse, and my mother is brilliant. However, since I’ve been an abuser’s target, I have a good idea of what to say to a victim of domestic violence, and I’ll tell you all about it. Keep reading »

Scientists study female domestic violence offenders more than in the past. Men and women differ in many ways, and no one knows if female domestic violence offenders’ motivations to commit violence will turn out to be the same as male motivations. But seeing as we must start somewhere, it seems logical to begin with what we know about male offenders.

The research on female domestic violence offenders currently follows the research found relating to male offenders, namely the type of attachment style in intimate relationships, trauma symptoms and personality disorders. What can men look for to spot a female domestic violence offender? Keep reading »

Escaping abusive relationships involves more than the escape plan, and you won’t know the depth of your problems until you break free. But, as you plan your escape, it often feels as if getting out of the abuse will make everything better. And once you get out, you will have well-deserved stages of bliss – you will often feel much better! But at first, as often as you feel better, you will feel worse or confused or doubtful of your ability to create a life of your own. The aftermath of escaping abusive relationships is an emotional minefield that therapists won’t warn you about. I can help you avoid some of those mines. Keep reading »

No formula for escaping abuse exists; every abuse victim’s escape story differs slightly. However, the domestic violence escape plan for almost all abuse victims takes shape when he or she can no longer excuse or cope with the abusive behavior. Sometimes, the abuse victim attends therapy when hit with the realization that escaping abuse is the best option. When that realization comes, the victim/survivor tends to focus on the escape and gives very little thought to what he or she may feel after escaping abuse. And guess what? Your therapist isn’t going to tell you the future. But I will. Keep reading »

A verbal abuse quiz can do a lot of things. It can help you determine if you suffer from verbal abuse. It can change your mind about what verbal abuse is and is not. A verbal abuse quiz can even show you that (eek!) you abuse other people. But a quiz cannot make you be honest. So if you are not ready to take an honest look at your situation, then don’t bother with this verbal abuse quiz. It can’t help you if you lie. Keep reading »

What Role Does Verbal Abuse Play in Child Custody?

Verbal abuse and child custody remain mutually exclusive in today’s family court decisions. While verbal abuse breaks hearts and minds instead of bones (effects of verbal abuse), our family court system rarely considers verbal abuse when determining child custody. Unsettling as it is, family court may never consider verbal abuse and child custody needs concurrently for one reason: The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.
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The effects of verbal abuse hurt me in both the short-term and long-term. Short-term effects of verbal abuse were the sting of his words or suggestions and the long nights spent crying silently to myself, figuring out what I needed to do to make the relationship better. Long-term effects, for me, are Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. Some victims of abuse suffer Dissociative Identity Disorder, too.

How does that happen? Why does a healthy person become a victim suffering from mental disorders? Keep reading »

If you have read about domestic violence, then know that healing from abuse can be as difficult as living in it. You’ve read that leaving abusive relationships is not easy and can be downright dangerous. You read about the cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel. You’ve also come to understand that whether you believe you are abused or if you continue to question if your partner abuses you, your relationship is not a healthy one. Hopefully, at the very least, you realize the problem in your relationship cannot be entirely your fault (relationships take two, you know) and your mental disorders or problems like codependency explain only a fraction of the story. Keep reading »

The trauma triggers discussed in the last post (How To Handle Trauma Triggers Caused By Domestic Abuse) typically result in anxiety or panic attacks. You can often find an exact cause for those types of trauma triggers and there is a way to handle the anxiety they cause at the time they occur.

On the other hand, hidden trauma triggers are situations, relationships or events that subconsciously remind an abuse survivor of the abuse they experienced and cause the survivor to feel or act out in ways they did during the abusive relationship for several days or longer. Keep reading »