Hi. Thanks for joining us as we expose the biggest myths in mental illness. Today’s myth: a bad childhood causes mental illness.
Trauma and Mental Illness
There is no doubt trauma can have severe and long-lasting effects on a person’s psyche. Once having gone through certain experiences, they can shape who we are; and markedly traumatic experiences tend to shape more than the flavor of cake at your third birthday. No doubt.
However, there is nothing you can do to a child or adult to cause bipolar disorder. Not unless those people have a genetic predisposition for it.
Your Mind is a Jar
Stay with me here. When you’re born, your mind/brain function can be thought of as a jar. If you had no genetic predisposition to any mental illness, your jar would be empty. That would make you pretty unusual though. Most people have a “Crazy Aunt Sue,” or “Weird Great-Granddad” kicking around in their family somewhere. For each of those, you get a jellybean in the jar.
Some people only have one or two jellybeans while others have many. For example, my father, being bipolar, would hand me a lot of jellybeans. There are many other types of risk factors that can also give you jellybeans when you’re born.
Then you wander around through life and some of your experiences are going to give you more jellybeans – like death, divorce or bad parenting. That’s OK. We all get jellybeans. That’s why we have a jar. And the good news is we can take jellybeans out of our jar too, with things like therapy.
Unfortunately, over time, our jellybeans pile up and some people run out of space in their jar. Their jellybeans fall all over the floor. This is a mental illness.
Overflowing Jellybeans
For some people, they are born with so many jellybeans already in their jar it doesn’t take long before the jar overflows. For other people, they are born with so little risk that even after many life stressors they still have room for their jellybeans.
Life experiences didn’t cause the mental illness; life stressors simply added to what was already there, which for some people, happens to be too much.
Medication Saves Jellybeans
While it would be nice to think therapy and other techniques could remove enough jellybeans for us to be on our way, for some, this just isn’t enough – they need a bigger jar. That’s what medication is. Medication gives you a little more room for jellybeans. And maybe, while the medication keeps you from spilling your jellybeans, you’re able to use enough other tools such that if you stop taking the medication, all your jellybeans will fit.
Jellybeans Cause Mental Illness
The moral of the story is: no one thing causes mental illness – it is simply more or less likely, depending on the individual.
This is exactly the same as cancer. You may have a gene for cancer and never get it or you may have never smoked a day in your life and get lung cancer. That’s thanks to the cancer jellybeans.
We only have control over some of our jellybeans. We just have to hope it’s enough to keep the lid on our jar.
(Metaphor liberally stolen from Dr. Cheek. But in all fairness, she stole it from someone else first.)
You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.
1. i like jellybeans and reading this made me hungry.
2. true, true, true, true, true. the metaphor is simple but the message is accurate. yes, it’s entirely possible you will have a crappy childhood the more jellybeans are in your jar (particularly if said beans come directly from your parents) BUT having mentally ill parents doesn’t guarantee a crappy upbringing, nor does having neurotypical parents guarantee starshine and flowers.
now if you’ll kindly excuse me, i have to go be crazy and be mean to my kids.
well damn, I guess no more jelly bellies for me… LOL
seriously, I adore this analogy and will use it for years to come. Thank you for another awesome article! I agree that a bad childhood does NOT “cause” bipolar, but I do think that my upbringing contributed to the development of my symptoms and the ways in which I dealt (or didn’t deal, as it were) with them.
Please keep up your incredible work. The clear, concise, non-threatening way you discuss these matters is so helpful.
Hi Angela,
1.
2. Yes, the metaphor is simple, that’s why I like it. I think we can all “get” it this way. Mental illness is hard to understand – jellybeans are easy.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go be mean to my cats
- Natasha
Hi Lynoth,
I’m glad the analogy speaks to you. I agree, I think my upbringing had something to do with bringing out my bipolar symptoms, maybe quite a bit, but whatever my parents may have done, good or bad, it’s not their fault.
(Which I like to make clear because I think many parents have guilt over having mentally ill children.)
Thank-you for your kind words. I like to help where I can.
- Natasha
I loved your jelly bean analogy. I love jelly beans and it made me really giggle. I also have a cracked jar that my jelly beans reside in. Too many high impact sports. Now they overflow from the cracks too.
Stolen or not, it’s still a great metaphor and you did a great job explaining that mental illnesses are caused by a variety of factors. You also have inspired me to do a post about this in relation to eating disorders, because one common myth is that EDs are caused by “cold, distant mothers.” It is an old myth, but one that doesn’t seem to want to die.
Great job!!!
Laurie,
Thanks for that extension. It’s one I might even borrow.
- Natasha
Hi Angela,
Thanks. Yes, the original metaphor used pebbles in a jar, but how much better is jellybeans! I like to mix humor into the pot when I can.
That sound like a good myth for you to bust. Mothers get blamed in unfair ways sometimes. (There’s enough real blame in life, no need to pile on unfair blame too.)
- Natasha
I don’t know about jelly beans in the jar, but with my family history I have alot of nuts.
Davida x
Natasha,
That was an excellent way to discribe why some people suffer from mental illness and others do not. Right now my family and I are going through a tough situation. My grandmother had bipolar disorder, my father has bipolar disorder, I have bipolar disorder and now my second daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
After her diagnosis it was difficult to find a way to inform my other two children without freaking them out and making them nervous. They had already been through so much, my daughter had attempted suicide twice and was on her third inpatient stay when she was diagnosed. While they understand why my daughter is having to face the issues she is, they are finding it difficult to understand why she is and they aren’t. This metaphor will help me explain it better. Thank you so much!!
Vanessa
Natasha, I was going to ask if I could “steal” the metaphor from you!! Whoever first came up with it was a genius:-) It makes things so clear. My son was one of those who was born, unfortunately, with a jar already pretty full–both his dad and I are bipolar, his paternal grandfather was bipolar (as were both aunts on that side) my mother, grandfather and great-grandmother all were bipolar (and my mother has also been diagnosed schizophrenic). I have a sister that is bipolar and one that is schizophrenic. See what I mean about the jar being full.
I used to cry to see him so young and in so much emotional pain–due to something he neither caused nor asked for. He is one that didn’t need outside jelly beans–his first night terror was at the age of one week–I couldn’t figure out what a bay that young could be having a “bad dream” about–I didn’t know much about night terrors then, I figured I’d just had nighmares my whole life.
Thanks for your great explanations in helpping people understand what mental disorders are and what they aren’t. Keep up the good work!
This was so amusing to me and made me laugh. The story of mental illness is a sad one as I work in Mental health, however I was adopted so who knows how many jelly beans are already in my jar that I have not found out about yet. It makes it more difficult for individuals who know nothing about their parents or their histories. This was a good way for me to understand why I have had to deal with some of the things in my life that I have. It is not my fault, so this helped me let some of my guilt go about myself and how I am. I have been through some horrible life events, but I do believe that we also have more strength in ourselves than we each give ourselves credit for. We can overcome anything if we really try, soul search, and be willing to learn and hear some things that may be painful but needed to be heard in the therapy sessions which are important for all of us who struggle. Best to all of you!
I forgot to mention that I have a sign on my back door to the deck that reads, “Family is like peanut brittle, it takes a lot of sweetness (love) to keep the nuts together”
No offense to anyone on this, it was a family joke really. The funniest part is my father in law gave it to me becuase of my family….adopted ones still have their own issues….more so really.
Thought some of you would like to use that too.
Hi Vanessa,
That’s great. The idea of the metaphor is to make it easy for people to understand that exact situation, so I hope it helps.
- Natasha
Hi Joyce,
Happy to help. Steal the metaphor as you wish (although I always appreciate credit).
It’s really tough when kids have too many jellybeans in their jar. I can barely comprehend it, but genetics is funny that way. I do understand having a family full of crazy people. I have one too. But no one ever told me until years after I had been diagnosed.
You can’t fight what you can’t understand, so I guess the good news is, you’re empowered with knowledge. Anything I can to help that is great.
- Natasha
Hi Leah,
No, you shouldn’t feel bad for being sick but I will say that feeling is very common. People often admit to feeling guilty about it. I have felt that way too.
I’m glad you can see that it isn’t your fault. And it’s good you’re working through the tough issues in therapy. Keep up the good work!
- Natasha
Wait!, no body move, I’ve dropped some jelly beans…….Don’t want any one to slip….. Hey, couldn’t I just eat some jellybeans to make some room……. : )
In therapy and finding it hard for my mother to admit and tell her what know! This is the only way to throw away some jelly beans and get some closure! If she keeps ignoring my requests for the truth which is still affecting my mental health after 38 years – what do you do? She my mother after all but beginning to hate her – which can’t be right!
Hi Lee,
Other people don’t always do what we want them to or what we think is reasonable. I understand you might think your mother owes you the truth, but, I’m sorry, she doesn’t. She’s just a person and she may never be able to cope with the truth.
And understand, that is _not_ the only way to throw away jelly beans. We don’t always get the closure we want from our parents, but closure is still possible, therapy is often helpful with this.
I hate to say this, but you may have to let it go – for your own sanity, not for your mother.
I have had to do this so I know that it’s very hard. And it has changed my relationship with my mother. But it has been better for _me_ and _my_ mental wellness and that’s what matters to me.
You can get over anything and while you might want the help of your mother to do it, it’s not necessary. She does not have that power. You are stronger than that.
- Natasha Tracy