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How Am I? I'm Crazy. How Are You?

How are you?

This is one of the most disingenuous, lie-provoking, overused sentences in the English language. How are you? We say it to fill time and pretend that we care about people whom we obviously don’t.

As no one is interested in actually knowing the answer, I have a series of pat answers I typically give. Snazzy. Fabulous. Wonderful. Delightful. Sparkly. Peaches and cream. You?

But the truth of the matter is, when someone asks how I am, even if they really wanted to know, it would make no difference, because really, I have no idea.


How am I?

If I really stopped to take inventory, I would likely tell you that I suck, thanks for asking. If I stopped to think about it, I would see all the disordered brain activity, I would notice all the bipolar symptoms popping out everywhere, I would become aware of how nasty it is to have to live in my brain.

Of course, that doesn’t really translate into how I am. How I am questions how I’m doing inside the endless quagmire, not so much the quagmire itself. Again, I’m quite sure I still suck.

I Don’t Know How I Am

I purposefully don’t pay attention to how I am. I’m crazy. I’m sick. I feel crazy. I feel sick. Pretty much every day. Best not to think about such things. While ignorance is far from bliss, it’s better than the alternative. It’s better than focusing on all the nasty bits of illness that I can’t seem to do anything about.

Thinking About How I Am Tends To Darken the Answer

I don’t think about it because even an emotional inventory will make me feel more ill. How am I? That question brings about a really negative and unfortunate list of things that I’m really trying not to think about. The question falls into the crevices bipolar has cut into my brain. You end up in the bottom of one of those, and we’ll have to send a team in after you.

How am I? I don’t want to know, and neither do you.

So, I’m fine. Stop bugging me.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.

Author: Natasha Tracy

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20 thoughts on “How Am I? I'm Crazy. How Are You?”

  1. You could do a mood inventory or a 1-10 scales to assess how you are and then just accept the obvious emotional kick in my ass.
    Maybe rather then an emotional inventory, a what “what colour or season are you” test would probably suffice.
    Are you hanging on by a string or a thread?

  2. I am the same way. I avoid the question and pretend that I am not anything at any given time. Sometimes, it works but mostly it doesn’t and I just get down on myself for not having much control over the situation.

  3. My immediate family members have learned not to ask. For everyone else;s it’s either; “Above average headed/borderline excellent, thanks,” “Livin’ the dream,” or my favorite “better than a kid from South Kelso has a right to expect” all delivered with just the slightest bit of sarcasim, because, like you said – nobody really cares, even me when I ask someone how they are.

  4. That simple question – How are you? – is a very heavy question. It can burden the asked party to try and come up with an answer. I don’t how I am or, I don’t want to know how I am could be truthful answers. I’m most apt to say: “I’m pretty good at the moment.” I seem to get away with that one. But sometimes, it seems that it’s the worst question you could be asked. Most people really would not want to know. It’s just a social gesture. We can handle it!

  5. Jake,

    Oh yes, there are lots of ways of getting out of doing an emotional inventory.

    String vs. thread – I love this and am stealing it right now.

    – Natasha

  6. I have often wondered about it. If I ever really have to tell someone how I am doing, they will probably never ask again……

    Which is maybe not such a bad idea…….

    Actually, I think people will stop talking to me all together. I am sure no one wants to talk to a person full of complaints.

    Peaches and cream sounds like something I will steal lol

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