Are You Satisfied? Ebony Asks Black Women

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

For too long, African-American women and their sexual needs have been ignored. Over the decades, media-glorified studies have claimed to break new ground in regard to sexuality, but they seldom addressed the needs and concerns of African-American women. In fact, studies that addressed Black women usually focused on transmission of disease.

Ebony magazine readers wanted to know more. What turns us on, what turns us off? What are our major problems and concerns? Where do we go when we have problems or questions?

In response to the thousands of reader queries the magazine continued to get, Ebony undertook a major study to answer some of these questions. Ebony has commissioned Hope Ashby, Ph.D., a psychotherapist based in New York City, to help design a groundbreaking new sex survey that delved into the hearts and sex lives of Black women. The survey results were published in October 2004. The magazine wanted to hear about the issues that affect the quality of black women's lives and relationships. In the end, they hoped to shed some light on personal concerns and let black women know that they are not alone; other women have the same problems that you do. And there are solutions that can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life.

Here, Dr. Ashby, offers some insight into Black women and sexuality.

Question: What are the sexuality problems affecting Black women?

Dr. Ashby: A major sexuality problem facing Black women today is HIV/AIDS. Another is the lack of information available in our communities. There is a lot of misinformation or just nonexistent information about anorgasmia, low libido, painful sex and even simple things such as the effect of hormones on sexual functioning.

Question: Are there sexuality issues that affect Black women more so than other women?

Dr. Ashby: A continual complaint about their partners not wanting to wear condoms. Black women also bring up the inability to have an orgasm and low or lost libido as White women do.

Question: Are there aspects of sexuality that Black women seem to enjoy an advantage?

Dr. Ashby: I think that the one advantage that Black women have is high body esteem. We tend to be more comfortable in our bodies, especially Black women who are plus-size. Having high body esteem helps to enhance one's sexual feelings about herself.

Question: When a Black woman has a problem with sex, where does she go for help and advice?

Dr. Ashby: Black women tend to go to their friends; it is rare that they go to their doctors with sex issues because they are unaware that there is help out there for these types of problems. There are professionals, like myself, who specialize in sexually related issues and can help. Some medical doctors are beginning to listen to their patients' sexuality complaints and learn about the area of sexual medicine.

Question: For those who are not comfortable talking to their partners, what advice do you have?

Dr. Ashby: First and foremost, don't choose to start having these conversations when you're about to have sex. That is the wrong time. It is important to begin these conversations in a neutral, non-threatening place, especially if you haven't been having orgasms and you have been faking. Begin by asking your partner what he thinks about your sex life. Are there fantasies he would like to explore?

Question: How do history and culture affect our sexuality?

Dr. Ashby: Throughout White history, Black women have been portrayed in two paradigms--that of Jezebel and that of "mammy." Jezebel being the slut, promiscuous woman and "mammy" being completely asexual but always passive and caretaking. Because Black women have generally been looked at through these two lenses, it has been difficult for us to find middle ground. How can you be a comfortable sexual being when you could be perceived as a slut? This message is also pervasive in American culture. Little girls are taught that sex is to be saved for marriage without ever hearing any mention of enjoyment. It gets conveyed in a subtle way that pleasure is reserved for your partner and that you are the conveyer of that pleasure. Thus Black women are often caught between being a "good girl" (nonsexual), or a "bad girl" (sexual). Another aspect of Black history that is tied to these paradigms is that as slaves Black women were regularly raped and sodomized by their masters, and also sold off from their families. This traumatic history is still an unconscious remnant in the lives of Black women.

Question: Why do some Black women feel bad or "dirty" about initiating sex with their mate?

Dr. Ashby: It is an issue of feeling they are not entitled to pleasure and not recognizing themselves as sexual beings with needs of their own. This also goes back to how gifts are socialized in American society. Some girls are socialized to think that sex is dirty and that only bad things can come of it if you engage in sex. Boys, on the other hand, are socialized to think that they can have sex with anyone at any time and that it is their right to do so.

Question: Based on your research, how do Black women feel about oral sex and anal sex?

Dr. Ashby: Black women are more comfortable today than they were a few years ago in giving and receiving oral sex. I usually hear about male partners having problems giving oral sex. Anal sex is still relatively taboo for Black women.