Sexual Issues and Questions, Online Conference Transcript

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Dr. Marlene Shiple is a certified sex counselor. Dr. Shiple's areas of expertise include sexual dysfunction, sexual addiction, sexual relationships, and intimacy issues.

David is the HealthyPlace.com moderator.

The people in blue are audience members.

David: Good Evening. I'm David Roberts. I'm the moderator for tonight's conference. I want to welcome everyone to HealthyPlace.com. Our topic tonight is "Sexual Issues and Questions". Our guest is Marlene Shiple, Ph.D., certified sex counselor. Dr. Shiple became interested in the specialization of sex therapy because she recognized how many people are fearful or nervous about their sexual interaction, when this should be a normal and enjoyable process of the human experience. She is here to give information and practical ideas on the topic of sexuality. Click here for more information about Dr. Shiple.

Good evening, Dr. Shiple. Thank you for being our guest tonight and welcome to HealthyPlace.com. Can you tell us a little more about yourself?

Dr. Shiple: Good evening, David and everyone out there who was able to join us tonight. I am certified with the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists (AASECT) as a Sex Counselor, and with the American Board of Sexology as a Sex Therapist. I have been interested in sexual issues for all of the twenty-four years that I have been in private practice. I found early in my practice that clients were fearful and uncomfortable with their sexual being. I was struck by how this held them back in their personal growth with sex being such an important area to our well-being.

David: Have you found that in the new millennium people are more or less comfortable talking about sex?

Dr. Shiple: Actually, no, I've not found most people more comfortable talking about sex, and that to me, is surprising. With all of the sexually transmitted diseases, which are of concern to many people, I was hoping that potential partners would become more verbal, more easily and more quickly. This does not seem to be happening.

David: Also, in this day and age of easy availability of sex sites over the internet, you would think more people would feel comfortable discussing it. What is it that keeps many people from feeling comfortable about expressing themselves about sex?

Dr. Shiple: I think it is lack of practice and the sex-is-bad ideas that still persist. I find in working with clients that we role play them being open and honest about sexual issues. It takes them some time to begin to feel at ease with this. Then, once they get going, they have so much to say that they have not said in so long, that it is hard to get them to stop.

David: Since we are a mental health site, I want to get directly to several issues. The first issue is sex after sexual abuse. How difficult is that, and can one expect to have "normal" sexual relations after being sexually abused?

Dr. Shiple: In my experience, it is possible to have satisfying sexual relations after being sexually abused. However, the beginning experiences in this direction require considerable awareness on the part of the person who was abused. What am I feeling, am I safe to go on, can I say hold it here? It requires a very sensitive partner, who is willing to listen and understand these requests, not take them personally, and respond according to what is being requested. With this, patience, and focused therapy working on releasing any abuse issues, I have found clients able to resume very satisfying personal and sexual relationships.

David: Here's an audience question on the subject:

punklil: Thank you for coming here to talk to us, Dr. Shiple. My question is how do you stop flashbacks in the middle of sex?

Dr. Shiple: First, I would ask if you had worked through the issues contained in the flashbacks. If not, that would be procedure number one. If you have worked through these issues, then I would suggest practice on focusing on the present, on what you are experiencing RIGHT NOW, on how you feel within you RIGHT NOW. I would suggest you take the time to remind yourself, "This is NOT the past, this is the present. I want to be here with this partner, enjoying one another."

David: What makes for great sex?

Dr. Shiple: So many ideas flooded my mind to answer your question. Actually, that is such a personal experience, that it is hard to create an answer that would fit for each person. Elements of great sex would include feeling a sense of harmony and oneness with one's partner. Freely expressing and hearing what each partner wants and doing one's best. As long as each party is comfortable to provide it. Taking the time to let it be good. Giving each partner focus for being pleasured and satisfied. Including the elements that each partner finds GREAT!

David: Here's an audience question:

slowdown: How do you get your partner to feel sexier about herself.

Dr. Shiple: Do not be distracted by the simplicity of this, consider it seriously. Does she WANT to feel sexier about herself? If not, there is not a way. If so, ask her what she thinks it would take for her to feel sexier about herself and listen carefully to what she tells you. Ask for clarification if anything is unclear about what she thinks would make her feel sexier. Then create a plan together, if she is willing, to begin to address whatever she has said. Compliment her on each step, or any beginning step she is able to make. Recognize that this is probably very, very difficult for her. After all, she has spent all of these years, however old she is, not feeling all that sexy. Ask her what she needs to help her feel more comfortable with this.