Dr. Sandor Gardos Talks About Male Sexual Dysfunction

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Dr. Sandor Gardos, the founder and President of MyPleasure, is more than just the head of a successful sex-toy company. A licensed clinical psychologist and board-certified sexologist, Dr. Gardos has seen thousands of patients whose concerns run the full gamut of human sexual experience, from both the clinical and emotional sides of sexuality.

The author of over 100 articles, chapters, presentations, books and other publications, Dr. Gardos' expertise in matters of sexuality is often called upon not only by universities worldwide, where he is a frequent lecturer and visiting professor, but also by the courts, for whom he often serves as an expert witness.

QUESTION: From what I've heard, there are a number of different types of male sexual dysfunctions. Can you tell us a little bit about some of the more common ones?

ANSWER: Basically, you can divide or classify most sexual disorders into one of several groups:

• Erectile dysfunctions are any disorder in which a man has a problem obtaining or maintaining an erection.

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• Orgasmic disorders have to do with orgasm -- some men find it very hard to have an orgasm or can't have one at all, but this is fairly uncommon.

• Much more often, men will complain they can't last as long without ejaculating as they or their partner would like, a condition known as premature ejaculation or, more correctly, ejaculatory incompetence. Finally, there are desire disorders in which a man just does not feel "horny" or does not want to have sex. It's not that he has a problem getting physically aroused; he just doesn't want to put himself in a sexual situation. Click or Scroll for More Content

Each of these disorders can be caused by physical, medical, pharmacological or psychological conditions -- or all of the above. In fact, men most often experience a combination of several different conditions and dysfunctions, and it is not unusual for one form of sexual dysfunction to lead to the other.

Many of these disorders can also be a sign of another illness, such as diabetes. So the first step is always to make sure there is no physical problem.

As with any medical condition, it is important that men speak to their physicians about any kind of sexual dysfunction. Even if the doctor thinks it is probably psychological, a physical condition can also contribute to the problem.

QUESTION: Traditionally, only women have been thought to suffer from lack of sexual desire. Can men really experience it, too?

ANSWER: In our society, it is often thought that men are always ready, able and willing to have sex at any time, with anyone. This is far from the truth. The reality is that everyone has different "appetites" when it comes to sex, just as they do with food. Sometimes, people don't have the appetite for sex, men as well as women. We think of this situation as lack of sexual desire, low libido or decreased sex drive.

Lack of sexual desire only becomes a problem when the man or his partner is unhappy with the situation, or what is known as a "desire discrepancy," the number-one condition seen by sex therapists. As most therapists will tell you, it is equally common for the man or the woman to be the one with lower desire.

Remember, there is no "correct" amount of sex to have or desire. Yes, there are norms, but what really matters is whether you and your partner are in harmony about how often you have sex.

QUESTION: I know many therapists differ in their views on sexual addiction. Do you consider sexual addiction a form of sexual dysfunction? Why or why not?

Like many sexologists, I do not subscribe to the concept of sexual "addiction." I do believe that people can develop a compulsive or obsessive approach to sex, but I think the term "addiction" should be reserved for those things that meet the usual medical criteria for such conditions.

To say that someone who masturbates ten times a day is an "addict" is a moral judgment, not a scientific one. Similarly, someone who has sex twice a day can be just as healthy as someone who has sex once a week. It is all very subjective.

Those little "tests" you see that claim to tell you whether you are a sex addict are worthless. I have rarely met anyone who doesn't meet criteria based on them. When I see a patient who thinks he is suffering from sexual addictions, I ask questions such as:

1. Do you feel like you have to have sex?

2. Do have sex even though you may not enjoy it?

3. Have you lost your job because of your desire for sex?

4. Has your sexual appetite affected your relationships?

5. Do you frequently decide not to go out with friends or family, preferring to indulge in sexual activity?

6. Is this behavior making you unhappy?