Divorcing the Narcissist and the Psychopath
I finally mustered the courage and determination to divorce him. But he refuses to let go, he threatens me and stalks and harasses me. I am sometimes afraid for my life. He is also a convincing pathological liar. I am afraid he will turn the judge against me...
I am not a divorce lawyer and, therefore, cannot relate to the legal aspects of your predicament. But I can elaborate on three important elements:
Divorce is a life crisis - and more so for the narcissist. The narcissist stands to lose not only his spouse but an important source of narcissistic supply. This results in narcissistic injury, rage, and all-pervasive feelings of injustice, helplessness and paranoia.
If he has a rage attack - rage back. This will provoke in him fears of being abandoned and the resulting calm will be so total that it might seem eerie. Narcissists are known for these sudden tectonic shifts in mood and in behavior.
Mirror the narcissist's actions and repeat his words. If he threatens - threaten back and credibly try to use the same language and content. If he leaves the house - leave it as well, disappear on him. If he is suspicious - act suspicious. Be critical, denigrating, humiliating, go down to his level. Faced with his mirror image - the narcissist always recoils.
The other way is to abandon him and go about reconstructing your own life. Very few people deserve the kind of investment that is an absolute prerequisite to living with a narcissist. To cope with a narcissist is a full time, energy and emotion-draining job, which reduces the persons around the narcissist to insecure nervous wrecks.
For practical tips for coping with your narcissist or psychopath - read the following articles:
- What is Abuse?
- Coping with Your Abuser
- Avoiding Your Abuser I The Submissive Posture
- Avoiding Your Abuser II - The Conflictive Posture
- Reconditioning the Abuser
- Reforming the Abuser
- Contracting with Your Abuser
- How to Cope with a Narcissist
- How to Cope with Your Paranoid Ex
- Avoiding Your Paranoid Ex
- Coping with Your Stalker
- The Stalker as Antisocial Bully
- Coping with Stalking and Stalkers
- Getting Help
- Domestic Violence Shelters
- Planning and Executing Your Getaway