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Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 35

  1. How to Leave a Narcissist
  2. Can Narcissists be Helped by Hypnosis?
  3. Predicting the Narcissist
  4. Narcissists and Children
  5. Why do I Write Poetry?

1. How to Leave a Narcissist

The narcissist analyses (and internalizes) everything in terms of blame and guilt, superiority and inferiority, gain (victory) and loss (defeat) and the resulting matrix of narcissistic supply. Narcissists are binary contraptions.

Thus, the formula is very simple:

Shift the blame to yourself ("I don't know what happened to me, I have changed, it is my fault, I am to blame for this, you are constant, reliable and consistent).

Tell him you feel guilty (excruciatingly so, in great and picturesque detail).

Tell him how superior he is and how inferior you feel.

Make this separation your loss and his absolute, unmitigated gain.

Convince him that he is likely to gain more supply from others (future women?) than he ever did or will from you.

BUT

Make clear that your decision - though evidently "erroneous" and "pathological" - is FINAL, irrevocable and that all contact is to be severed henceforth.

And never leave ANYTHING in writing.

2. Can Narcissists be Helped by Hypnosis?

The narcissist's problem is not that of repression of traumatic past events.

Hypnosis is often used to gain access to repressed events in childhood or some other traumatic period of the subject's life (regression).

It is also somewhat effective in behaviour modification.

The narcissist clearly remembers all the abuse and trauma. His is a problem of interpretation and defence mechanisms employed AGAINST what he so clearly and painfully remembers.


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3. Predicting the Narcissist

As you know, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of diseases with gradations, shadows and hues.

If you refer strictly to diagnosed, non self-aware NPD's then I would say that this kind of person deviates once every 10 times from the "manual".

A deeper look into these "deviations" usually yields an overlooked datum, omitted fact or neglected detail.

If there were a perfect mind able to pay constant and equal attention to all data - however negligible and marginal - I believe it would have been able to predict the narcissism 99 out of 100 times, so great is the rigidity of this disorder.

By the way, it is possible to reach this level of accurate prediction with obsessive-compulsives, for instance. Mental illness contracts one's universe so dramatically that it becomes deterministic and simple - in other words, predictable. After all, isn't this what personality disorders are all about - eliminating the unpredictability and arbitrariness of a menacing world?

4. Narcissists and Children

The severest form of narcissists - NPD - loathe babies. I came across this startling phenomenon time and again. The reasons are varied and multifaceted. But the sentiment - pretensions and social etiquette aside - is unmistakable and unequivocal.

As usual, to secure Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist will go to any length and will act as though enamoured with children in general, with specific children (including his or her own) in particular, or with the very concept of childhood (innocence, freshness, etc.). But this is an act - calculated, short-lived, goal-orientated, often cruel, and abruptly terminated.

Why this repulsion and sadistic impulses?

Envy is a major factor. Narcissists are likely to have had a miserable childhood. They are violently jealous of children who seem to enjoy an altogether different experience.