Types of Narcissists - Excerpts Part 27

Written by Sam Vaknin

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Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 27

1. Types of Narcissists

There are a FEW TYPES of narcissist. Thus, there are narcissists who are predominantly sexual communicators and others who are predominantly transactional communicators (this taxonomy roughly corresponds to the "somatic" and the "cerebral" narcissists). The only difference between narcissists and normal people is that where the latter experience real emotions, the narcissist either IMITATES their behaviour or mistakes his addiction to narcissistic supply and to narcissistic accumulation - for the Real Thing, for LOVE. Narcissists do not and absolutely cannot love in any meaningful sense of the word. By the way, "falling in love" or infatuation should be distinguished from "loving". But the narcissist experiences neither.

2. The Inverted Narcissist - A Masochist?

The Inverted Narcissist (IN) is described in great detail in both FAQ 66 and in many of the Excerpts.

The IN is much closer to the co-dependent. The archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List contain a lot of material regarding this similarity. The archives address is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/messages

Masochism is a whole different ballgame. Strictly speaking it is only of a sexual nature (as in sado-masochism). But I assume that you mean masochism not in the strict clinical sense but in the wider use of "seeking gratification through pain".

This is not the case with co-dependents or IN. The latter is a specific variant of codependent who derives gratification from a relationship with a narcissist or an anti-social personality disordered partner. But the gratification has nothing to do with the (very real) emotional (and, at times, physical) pain inflicted upon the IN.

Rather, in the case of the IN, the gratification has to do with shadows of the past re-awakened. In the narcissist, the IN feels that he found a lost parent. The IN seeks to re-enact old unresolved conflicts through the agency of the narcissist. There is a latent hope that this time, the IN will get it "right", that THIS emotional liaison or interaction will not end in bitter disappointment and lasting agony.

Yet, by choosing a narcissist, the IN ensures an identical outcome of the relationship. Why should one elect to FAIL in his or her relationships is a deep question. Partly, it is the comfort of familiarity bestowed upon the IN by repetition. It seems that the IN prefers predictability to emotional gratification and to personal development. There are also strong elements of self punishment and self destruction added to the combustible mix that is the dyad narcissist-inverted narcissist.

3. Love

If reciprocated - it is love.

If not reciprocated - it is a torment.

If you persist in loving someone even after he humiliates you, refuses you, rejects you - then you do not love him.

You objectify him. Your "loved one" becomes the object of your "love".

By ignoring HIS emotions, his statements, his preferences - you dehumanize him, you reduce him to little more than a trigger for your transferences and mental disorders.

Such "love" is a cruel, ugly, repulsive, and dehumanizing experience.

Because it ignores the "loved one" completely.

He/she does not exist but as a two dimensional notation.

This is narcissism at its worst: the abstraction of the other.

Never mind what the "loved one" says, it will not sway the "lover".

This proves that the "loved one" does not really exist, as far as the "lover" is concerned.

Because had he or she existed, the "lover" would have respected their fervent wish not to be loved, not to be imposed upon, not to become an instrument for the satisfaction of the "lover's" needs.