Do You Like Me?

Written by Teri Brown

Page 1 of 2

Parents Can Encourage Social Inclusion for Preteens With Special Needs

It's hard to be a preteen - especially one with special needs.

The challenges that preteens with disabilities experience are related to both the characteristics of their disabilities and the lack of opportunities they typically have to observe ongoing interactions between peers without disabilities, believes Dr. Brian Abery, a researcher and the Coordinator of School Age Services for the Institute on Community Integration at the University of Minnesota.

The following tips, offered by Dr. Abery will empower parents to smooth the path for their preteen's social inclusion:

1. Introduce your child to the community and others in it as soon as possible.

Parents who have children with disabilities need to make a special effort to get their child out into the community. Yes, this takes additional effort, but introducing your child to the clerk at the corner store, to the person who cuts your hair, to neighbors and friends, as well as other children begins to open up a social environment for the child.

It will also likely result in people asking questions of you. Some of these may be appropriate; others may seem insensitive. Try to answer each as well as you are able, keeping in mind that each time this occurs, it provides you with an opportunity to debunk myths and misconceptions that others may hold of your child and others with disabilities.

2. Allow your child to take some risks.

Developing social relationships is a risky process for anyone with or without a disability. At times we reach out to others and they do not return the hand of friendship. If one doesn't try, however, social relationships are not possible. In addition, as children grow older some of the activities they enjoy and which will potentially provide the opportunity for the development of friendships may seem risky. One needs to balance the risks children are allowed to take with the possible positive benefits that may accrue from such activities. A sprained wrist, for example, that might occur when skateboarding is a small price to pay for the development of a lasting friendship.

3. Be willing and able to advocate for the social inclusion of your child.

Advocacy may need to take place within the context of your child's school or park and recreation programs. Learn how to effectively ask for the supports your child needs in order to feel socially included. In school this may entail requesting that your child be placed in the same general education classroom as a peer who has started to initiate a friendship. Within a recreation program it might involve your talking to the instructor about the support needs of your child and adaptations that would enhance his or her participation.

4. Starting at an early age, expose your child to as many recreation and leisure pursuits as possible.

People tend to develop friendships with peers whom they view as having similar interests. Make sure your child has sufficient experiences to engage in the types of recreation and leisure activities preferred by peers so that he or she can develop interests and preferences in specific activities.

5. Make sure your child has the opportunity to have similar experiences as his or her peers.
Peers often assume that children with disabilities do not have similar interests. One of the reasons why this is often the case is that such children have not had the opportunity to experience the same life activities as their peers. This includes attending popular community events, watching the same television programs, listening to the same music, etc. If parents are interested in stimulating social relationships, it is critical that their children have access to these events.

6. Make friendship development a family priority.

Schedule time for your child to play with other children. In order for children with and without disabilities to develop social relationships, they need to spend unstructured time together outside of school. Given everyone's busy schedules, this is unlikely to happen unless parents play an active role in facilitating such opportunities. Invite some of your child's classmates over to your house after school for recreational activities, take a group of children to a sporting event or go on a hike together.