What Else Can Be Wrong with My Child?

Written by Elaine M. Gibson

Q: Could something REALLY be wrong with my difficult child?

A: Yes, No, Maybe...

Trust your intuition.

If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, trust that feeling.
Intuition is real. Find time to be very quiet and listen. Ask for guidance and don't be "attached" to one answer or outcome. Be open to all avenues and suggestions that come in the stillness. This requires courage and faith.
No one knows your child better than you do.
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Other people see your child in different settings under various conditions. You are the only one who sees everything. Watch other children and compare behavior.
If you feel that something is not right, take action.
Read, investigate, find the answers. It would be nice if someone else would do this for you, but don't count on it. You will be your child's advocate for life. Worrying is useless, a waste of time and energy. Channel that energy into finding answers.
Don't blame anyone else.
It's too easy to blame the teachers, your ex-spouse, siblings... but it won't do any good. This won't help your child. Another waste of time and energy.
Give up on excuses.
Every child deals with something. Coping is a skill that normal kids can learn. If a child isn't learning to cope, there may be a real problem preventing that process. Being a "fall birthday," "a boy," an "only child," "adopted" ....such labels hide real problems. If the other parent or grandparents assure you that nothing is wrong, TRUST YOUR INTUITION. Their denial won't help your child.
Don't blame yourself.
No matter what your spouse or your mother or your mother-in-law or your neighbor says, don't blame yourself unless you KNOW that you are a terrible, neglectful, abusive person. If you are, get help. If you are doing the best that you can do and it still isn't enough, your child has a problem. You may need help in learning to cope with the problem, but the only thing you can blame is GENETICS, maybe.
Find a support group.
This can be a hard road and the support of other parents who have dealt with similar issues can save your sanity. You are not the first and you will not be the last one to face such things. Trying to do this alone or trying to be everything for a problem child can drain all the energy in the family.
Be relentless. If your child's problem has a physical cause, find the right diagnosis, the right medication, the right dosage.
Don't rule out a physical cause unless someone solves the problem completely. When working with professionals, don't accept a less-than-adequate explanation. Some conditions have many different facets and each area requires treatment.
Annoy the professionals.
This is your child's life. Don't worry about annoying or offending doctors or therapists. Ask questions. Question answers. Don't stop until you are satisfied. When your child is enjoying life and you are enjoying your child, you've found the right path.
Become an expert.
Read, investigate, search. Always question the source. Learn to differentiate between sound knowledge and quackery. Don't waste time listening to someone who knows someone whose cousin's neighbor had a child just like yours. Do expect connections and answers to come from "out of nowhere." Pursue these. This is a quest.