Management Techniques for Parenting Children with Difficult Traits

Written by Elaine M. Gibson

Source: The DIfficult Child by Dr. Stanley Turecki and personal experience.

" Ok, they're aren't doing it on purpose... but something has to be done!"

The management process is identical but each trait requires specific knowledge:

1. First, recognize how the trait affects the child's behavior. (Definition)
2. Second, avoid the incorrect labels that demean the child and pass judgment. (Inappropriate descriptions)
3. Third, label the true behavior for the child. Use consistent phrases so the child will understand what is happening and can relate to your expectations. (Say This)
4. Finally, take action. Do what needs to be done in a positive manner. Remember, the child is not doing this "on purpose." (Do This)

To go directly to:

• Highly active
• Distractible
• Irregular, unpredictable
• Low sensory threshold
• Negative mood
• Non-persistent
• Tempermental tantrums/fits
• Locked-in behavior
• References
• FAQs
• Note to Parents of ADD children

Definition: Very active; always into things; makes you tired; gets wild or "revved up", loses control, hates to be confined.

Inappropriate descriptions: Interrupts, wild, destructive, uncontrolled.

Say this:

Examples -- "You're overexcited." "I think you are getting too revved up." "You are beginning to lose control."

Do this:

Intervene early. Provide quiet distraction. Provide cooling off time/space. Provide space for blowing off steam.

Definition:

has trouble concentrating and paying attention, especially if not interested; doesn't "listen".

Inappropriate descriptions:

forgetful, irresponsible, absent-minded, lazy.

Say this:

Examples -- "I know it's hard for you to pay attention." "I need to see your eyes when I'm talking to you."

Do this:

Establish eye contact, by touch if necessary. Give short instructions. Reduce distractions.

Irregular, unpredictable

Definition:

unpredictable needs; child is never hungry or tired at predictable times; moods change suddenly.

Inappropriate descriptions:

uncooperative, loner, moody.

Say this:

Examples --"I know you are not hungry now. I'll put your plate in the refrigerator and you can eat your meal when you are hungry." "I know you are not sleepy now, but it is time to be in your bedroom."

Do this:

Separate mealtime from eating time; bedtime from sleep time. Create routines, even if they are unusual. Be flexible.