Sharing the News of Your Eating Disorder

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

online conference transcript

Bob M is the moderator.

BEGINNING

Bob M: Good evening everyone. The conference topic tonight is: "Coming Out. Sharing the news of your eating disorder with significant others in your life." We'll also be discussing other aspects of recovery. Our guest, Monika Ostroff, details her 10-year battle with anorexia in a new book Anorexia Nervosa: A Guide to Recovery. Welcome to the Concerned Counseling website Monika. So our audience can get a sense of what you went through, please tell us a bit about yourself and what qualified you to write a book on recovery.

Monika Ostroff: Good evening everyone. Thank you for inviting me tonight. I struggled with anorexia for about 10 years. I spent approximately 5 years in-and-out of hospitals, mostly in. Recovery for me entailed a lot of soul searching and trial and error. When I finally found some things that worked for me...after such a long time of no luck...I thought it would be important to publish a book. I thought that some of the things that were helpful to me were bound to help others.

Bob M: How old were you when your eating disorder started and how old are you now?

Monika Ostroff: I had "disordered eating" when I was about 18, a little older than most. I'm 31 now. It started innocently enough. After gaining the official "freshman fifteen" in college, I decided that I needed to lose the weight and "get my old body back". My diet ended up being a little extreme and lengthy.

Bob M: Many of the visitors to our site and our conferences always talk about how difficult it is to tell others about their eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating) and their need for help. Can you tell us how it was for you?

Monika Ostroff: I spent about four years denying that I even had an eating disorder. To tell you the truth, initially, I don't think I told anyone. Pretty much everyone could look at me and figure it out on their own. When I went into the hospital for my first tube feed, I had to tell some of my friends whom I hadn't seen in awhile. I remember feeling afraid and ashamed. Part of me was afraid that people would look at me differently and that they would watch me more closely, at least in terms of what I ate. Another part of me was embarrassed to have ended up in such bad shape.

Bob M: Did you ever regret not being able to tell someone before it got to the point that you had to be hospitalized?

Monika Ostroff: I haven't ever really regretted it per se. I do wish that I had been able to find a compassionate therapist to work with sooner. It would have been nice to have spared myself some time in the hospital. And I do know that the sooner you catch it and work on it, the smoother your recovery goes.

Bob M: For those just coming into the room, welcome. I'm Bob McMillan, the moderator. Our guest is Monika Ostroff, author of Anorexia Nervosa: A Guide to Recovery. We are talking about sharing the news of your eating disorder with significant others, how to do it, and why. We'll also be discussing eating disorders recovery a bit later. Here are some audience questions Monika:

Gage: What happened to make Monika enter the hospital? How long had she gone without eating and what symptoms did she have?(eating disorder symptoms)

Monika Ostroff: I had dropped down to the low 80/high 70 pound range. I was weak, shaky, and had begun passing out, particularly when trying to walk up the stairs. At the time, I was eating only a couple hundred calories a day and I would purge anything over that so my potassium level was frighteningly low. I was also in the midst of law school exams and unable to think very clearly. All of that, coupled with a trip to the doctor, sent me to the hospital.

Reni62: Why didn't you stop when you got to your weight goal?

Monika Ostroff: Aaah yes, well...the weight that I wanted kept changing. First it was 105, then 100, then 98, then 97, and so on. Nothing was ever low enough and I was never satisfied with my goal. As soon as I reached it, I set another one.

Violette: How exactly did you tell your family members about your eating disorder?

Monika Ostroff: Well, my mother had been "nagging" me about food for awhile. I think I was finally just scared enough to say "I think I have a problem and I want to do something about it."

Bob M: How would you suggest "coming out" to your parents if you are a teenager or a bit older and telling them about your eating disorder?

Monika Ostroff: I would suggest a step before the actual "coming out" and that is a little fear reduction exercise. I think a lot of people are afraid that once they tell someone that that person will then try to make them do things that they are not ready, or even willing, to do. Fear reduction then, would consist of telling ones self that you are asking someone for support which is different from asking someone to "fix it" for you. The most important aspect of this is realizing that we have to teach others how to support us by communicating clearly what it is that we need. We are asking them to walk with us in recovery...not for us. With that in mind, I would approach the family member or friend I trust the most and say "I have something really important that I would like to talk to you about, and this is hard for me..." I don't think that it's necessary to go into a blow-by-blow account of symptoms unless the person would like to. But once the person says, "I'm having trouble around food and my weight," I think it should be followed by a request for support.

Bob M: Many parents don't really know if their child has an eating disorder or not and people with eating disorders are very good at hiding it for quite some time. So it's also important to expect that when you tell a parent or significant other, that they may express surprise, shock, worry, maybe even some anger or extreme concern. If you are going to give someone "the news," be prepared for those reactions too. And then, remember to also reassure them and tell them explicitly that you are asking for their support and professional help. Here are more audience questions: