What's Wrong With My Son?

Written by Cathy G.

A mother shares her story with HealthyPlace.com of a nearly two decade struggle before finding out her son suffers from major depression.

Kindergarten, that's when I first noticed something was wrong, but what? My son clung to me like a fly to flypaper. I could not get him to let go of me. The teacher did not help at all. While my son was clinging and I was struggling, she just went on doing what she was doing, like we were not there. She had no control over her class of 15 or so 5-year-olds. From day one, they were all over the classroom.

As I sat my son down in the chaos and tried to leave, he made a mad dash for the door and me. This went on every single day. Not knowing what else to do, I went to the principal asking him if I could change my son's class. He took me to another teacher and asked her if she had room for a "crier" to which she replied "NO thanks! I have enough of my own here."

Am I A Bad Mother?

My son was stuck in this out-of-control class and so was I. This particular day, when I was trying to leave the school, my son stuck to my side. The principal approached me and asked me if I had ever left my child with anyone when I went out. I told him no, I take him with me wherever I go. "Well then," he replied, "It's your fault that he is acting this way. You never left him with anyone".

I was pretty upset by his remark and replied: "Are you calling me a bad parent?" To which he replied? "Well, if you had left him sometimes, he would be used to being away from you." "Well," I said, "I raised my other son the same way and he's sitting in a classroom as we speak". That ended that conversation.

The Teacher Doesn't Even Know My Child

It's parent teacher conference day. I have been sitting in the class with my son for 7 months now. My son's teacher invites me in and tells me to sit while she gets some papers together and the photos from picture day. She then hands me the pictures and says" Here they are and "Jessica came out so lovely." I'll admit Jessica did come out lovely; only I was not Jessica's mother". Oh I am sorry you're---??

She didn't know who I was or who my child was? How could this be?

My son's been crying and fighting with me when I try to leave for 7 months and she has no clue of who I am. When I tell her his name and then ask her: "just for the heck of it, how he is doing? " (Because now I am curious). She says, "Oh, he's doing just fine, keeping up with the class."

"Really?!," I reply. Am I shocked? A little, I have to be honest.

New Grade Level, Behavior the Same

My son enters first grade. No change. I have a friend who is a school yard monitor who tried to lead my son into school by the hand. She was successful a few times. Now, at least once a week, my son would say he was sick, his stomach ached and he refused to get dressed. He honestly looked ill. He would curl into a ball under the covers and stay there.

Then it became 2-3 days a week. He would do this complaining of a stomach ache. (Little did I know that anxiety actually can do this.)

Even though the first grade teacher took an instant liking to my son, he had a very hard time attending. Then he contracted pneumonia and was home for a few weeks. It was the end of the school year.

Second Grade: Same routine as the first two years. After a month, this teacher suggests that something may be wrong with my son. She says she does not want to alarm me. She cannot pinpoint what is wrong. She tells me my son asks to use the bathroom many times during the day. She suggests I have him tested (evaluated). I thought not at this time.

Third Grade: The same routine. 2-3 days he was ill. This teacher didn't say much about my son at all, so I was assuming that all was well when he was there.

Fourth Grade A few months into it and this teacher complained to me that my son was not organized; did not pay attention and was inattentive. She suggested that he might need to be held over. This really bothers my son and he became angry. He was ready to tear up his report card. Then I thought back to his second grade teacher who suggested I get my son tested.

Getting a Educational and Psychological Evaluation for My Child

I took my son to be evaluated educationally and psychologically. (Privately, not through the school). I was lucky enough to have a doctor in the family who was the dean of Einstein University and connected me with the evaluators there.

My son's psychological evaluation reported that my son was of normal intelligence with perhaps some attention and concentration difficulties. However, because of his constrictive manner, maybe it had affected the tests' output. (And?)

Raymond's educational evaluation reported he was of overall intellectual function with normal intelligence who maybe experiencing some attention defect. Those were my answers. My son is not held over this year.

Fifth Grade: Another teacher who likes him instantly. This teacher reports that she believes my son is very intelligent but he forgets everything. She actually refers to him as her little "absent-minded professor." Even though my son and I like this teacher very much, he is still in the pattern of 2-3 days of no school. This is becoming the norm and I don't even think about it that much as being a problem.

Sixth Grade: My son's first male teacher. This does not make much difference except that this teacher is another who takes an interest in my son. The same pattern exists as before, nothing has changed. One of the days, my son was crying and did not want to go to school because he forgot he had math homework and it wasn't done.

My son always had a problem with math and remembering the steps to use to solve the problems. He understood it when you told him, but a minute later, it was gone. My son got ready to go, even though he was still crying. I refused to let him stay home, telling him it would be okay; he could make up the homework.

I bring my son into the building and walk him to the room five minutes late. I seat him down and leave the room. Walking down the street, I hear someone calling me. It is my son's teacher. He is running after me. The teacher wanted to know why my son was crying. I told him because of the math homework. The teacher tells me he will talk to my son because he never wants him to be that upset over homework. He also tells me he knows my son is very intelligent and plans on helping him become an honor student. How wonderful I thought. ...Then we move!