Suicide FAQ - Answers to Questions about Suicide

Written by Graham Stoney

Don't try to "rescue" them or to take their responsibilities on board yourself, or be a hero and try to handle the situation on your own. You can be the most help by referring them to someone equipped to offer them the help they need, while you continue to support them and remember that what happens is ultimately their responsibility. Get yourself some support too, as you try to get support for them; don't try to save the world on your own shoulders.

If you don't know where to turn, chances are there are a number of 24 Hour anonymous telephone counselling or suicide prevention services in your area that you can call, listed in your local telephone directory.

8. Help? Counseling? But isn't counseling just a waste of time?

Certainly it is true that counseling is not a magic cure-all. It will be effective only if it empowers a person to build the sort of relationships they need for long-term support. It is not a "solution" in itself, but it can be a vital, effective and helpful step along the way.

9. Talk, talk, talk. It's all just talk. How's that going to help?

While it's not a long-term solution in itself, asking a person and having them talk about how they feel greatly reduces their feelings of isolation and distress, which in turn significantly reduces the immediate risk of suicide. People that do care may be reluctant to be direct in talking about suicide because it's something of a taboo subject.

In the medium and longer term, it's important to seek help to resolve the problems as soon as possible; be they emotional or psychological. Previous attemptors are more likely to attempt suicide again, so it's very important to get unresolved issues sorted out with professional help or counselling as necessary.

Some issues may never be completely resolved by counselling, but a good counsellor should be able to help a person deal with them constructively at present, and to teach them better coping skills and better methods of dealing with problems which arise in the future.

10. How do telephone counseling and suicide hot-line services work?

Different services vary in what they offer, but in general you can ring up and speak anonymously to a counsellor about any sort of problem in a no-pressure context that's less threatening than a face-to-face session. Talking the situation over with a caring, independent person can be of great assistance whether you're in a crisis yourself, or worried about someone else who is, and they usually have connections with local services to refer you to if further help is required. You don't have to wait until the deepest point of crisis or until you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.

Demand for telephone services vary, so the most important thing to remember is that if you can't get through on one, keep trying several until you do. You should usually get through straight away, but don't give up or pin your life on it. Many people that feel suicidal don't realize that help can be so close, or don't think to call at the time because their distress is so overwhelming.

11. What about me; am I at risk?

It's quite likely that some people that read this will one day attempt suicide, so here's a quick suicide prevention exercise: think of a list of 5 people who you might talk to if you had no-one else to turn to, starting with the most preferred person at the top of the list. Form a "no-suicide contract" with yourself promising that if you ever feel suicidal you will go to each of the people on this list in turn and simply tell them how you feel; and that if someone didn't listen, you'd just keep going until you found someone that would. Many suicide attemptors are so distressed that they can't see anywhere to turn in the midst of a crisis, so having thought beforehand of several people to approach would help.

12. How does suicide affect friends and family members?

Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.

Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide.

People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned. Most counselling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counselling and other appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense burden of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.

13. Hang on; isn't it illegal though? Doesn't that stop people?

Whether it is legal or not makes no difference to someone who is in such distress that they are trying to kill themselves. You can't legislate against emotional pain so making it illegal doesn't stop people in distress from feeling suicidal. It is likely to merely isolate them further, particularly since the vast majority of attempts are unsuccessful, leaving the attemptor in a worse state than before if they're now a criminal as well. In some countries and states it is still illegal, in other places it's not.

14. But don't people have the right to kill themselves if they want to?

Yes, and it must always remain the person's own responsibility to choose what they wish to do. However, helping people to deal with their problems better, see their options more clearly, make better choices for themselves and avoid choices that they would normally regret empowers people with their rights; it does not take their rights away.

The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Or for a crisis center in your area, visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Updated on 24 September 2001. Copyright 1994, 1995, 1996 by Graham Stoney - This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

next: Suicide Risk Runs in Families
~ depression library articles
~ all articles on depression