Depression: Understanding Thoughts of Suicide - The Death Fantasy

Written by Stephen L. Bernhardt

5. The Death Fantasy

During times of increased stress and trauma some may try to escape the pain of life by fantasizing that they are dead. The fantasy may begin with the thought that one has died, and the family and friends are standing at the grave side, they grieve and are very sorry we are dead. The vast number of people at the funeral attests to how much we were loved and admired. It had taken our death but we were finally able to communicate to them how unfair life had been for us and now they could take us seriously and realize that our pain was real. The "mock" attempts of suicide may be a similar form of fantasy, where the loved ones are visioned as standing around the hospital bed and they are finally able to realize how unbearable the pain of life was for us.

If one becomes preoccupied with the death fantasy or uses it to excess in escaping from the pain of life, the fantasy will become a conditioned response in reaction to added stress or crises. Death can become a friendly thought and one may begin to fear the pain of life more than they fear death.

6. Bipolar Disorder: A Manic Crash and Burn

The bi-polar, manic depressive person (one who alternates between periods of manic euphoria and a depressed state) should be extra careful to identify those triggers which may cause a reversal of mood. Some people seem to be able to control their manic periods, others cannot. Even those who outwardly seem to be in control are at risk if they have a reversal of fortune, and their sometimes unrealistic endeavors turn sour. The mood swing can be swift, unexpected, and dangerous. In an instant we can be slammed back into a depressed state with strong suicidal urges.

Our view of the future

The human conscious mind is the only entity on the face of this planet which is able to conceptualize and abstract the future. The need for a positive sense of the future is one of the prime motivators of human life. This need transcends even the event of our ultimate demise and is the motivation to envision a continuation of life after death. We do not want to think that death is the end. Heaven, and life after death with God fulfills this need for the religious person, others have envisioned reincarnation, or that we enter (body whole) into another dimension without the need to believe in God. For others the legacy of their works or the continuation of their genes through their offspring is enough to give them a positive sense that death is not a complete end.

In the short-term, and for those who do not concern themselves with what happens after we die, there is still the need for a positive sense of our future. It is what makes us get up in the morning and face the coming day. Even in the face of adversity or drudgery we are motivated to endure, because we envision an end to these conditions and a better future at some later date. Anticipation of future events is what makes our body ready itself for the sex act, it is what motivates us to amass wealth and power, to buy a lotto ticket, to set goals and have aspirations.

Even the diehard sofa potato looks to the future as told to him by the upcoming programs in the television listings, and of course there is that next thirst quenching beer and resultant belch, to look forward to. We all have a need for something to look forward to, if we lose all hope that the future holds anything positive or that our present pain will ever end, most of us will depress.

Conclusion

Knowing what is happening to us goes a long way in being able to regain control over our life and our emotions. But real healing will not be possible until the depression is lifted. I recommend that anyone who is depressed and having suicidal thoughts, seek help. There are drugs which may help to maintain a depression free life, and therapy is needed to help us better understand why we became depressed and what we need to do in order to live our life in control of our emotions.

This manuscript was conceived while I sat on a ledge overlooking the abyss of hell. I would contemplate if I should follow the intense urge to jump and end it all, or if I could muster the strength to take control of my emotions and of my life. I tried so very hard to picture the future - with me in it. I hope that relating the knowledge I have gained from my experience and my pain, might somehow help ease your pain. Knowing what is happening to you and some of the reasons why it is happening, might help you regain a positive view of your future, a view that includes both, you and me.

The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Or for a crisis center in your area, visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

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