That which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. We’ve all heard the cliché.
That may ring true for some, but not for me.
My depression has been raging these past few weeks, putting me through a hellacious test. Only it hasn’t made me stronger. It’s made me weaker. It’s made me tired. And it’s frustrated me to no end.
Depression Worsening After Changing Antidepressant
I started a new antidepressant medication three weeks ago and don’t seem to be one bit better yet. Maybe worse. I know it can take up to four weeks before I can expect any real results, but even one more day feeling this hopeless and frustrated seems like an eternity.
It’s easy to look back and wonder why we changed my meds, but I was in such a bad place we had to try something. The hope was that I experienced the highly scientific sounding phenomenon known as serotonin poop out. Basically, that just means some antidepressants quit working after a period of time. I’m not smart enough to know why. I just know it’s happened to me before and apparently it happened again.
Repeated Major Depression Cycles
Because I’m a man, I don’t consistently keep a good journal. But I’ve noticed a pattern that repeats itself over-and-over with my depression. It seems that I hit these painful rock-bottom lows about once every six months.
Why can’t I stop these steep slides into deep depression when I can almost predict when they will occur? That is a vexing, frustrating question that I wish like hell I knew the answer to. I don’t have the answer and my doctors don’t seem to have it, either.
So what to do? The only thing I can do. Keep moving. Keep pulling myself out of bed every morning, going to work and doing the best that I can do; which isn’t all that spectacular.
Staying in bed feels like it would be the better option, but I know my bed is a trap. It feels like a sanctuary when I slide into the covers at night, but if I’m honest with myself I know that it will feel like a prison tomorrow if I don’t get up and at least try to be productive.
Such is life when coping with depression.
Jack Smith’s personal blog can also be found at www.onemanswar.blogspot.com