I am crazy. I tell this to people in my personal life. It’s not a secret. I figure there’s no point in trying to cover it up; it’ll come out eventually. The approximately 20 scars on my forearms rather give away that something is wrong.
But people really don’t like the word “crazy”. In fact, most often, what people say to me is, “no, you’re not!”. Well, actually, I am. I’m bipolar and I’m crazy.
Some selected definitions based on the Random House Dictionary:
cra•zy /ˈkreɪzi/ [krey-zee]
–adjective
1. mentally deranged; demented; insane.
2. senseless; impractical; totally unsound: a crazy scheme.
3. Informal. intensely enthusiastic; passionately excited: crazy about baseball.
4. Informal. very enamored or infatuated (usually fol. by about): He was crazy about her.
5. Informal. intensely anxious or eager; impatient: I’m crazy to try those new skis.
6. Informal. unusual; bizarre; singular: She always wears a crazy hat.
7. Slang. wonderful; excellent; perfect: That’s crazy, man, crazy.
8. having an unusual, unexpected, or random quality, behavior, result, pattern, etc.: a crazy reel that spins in either direction.
–noun
9. Slang. an unpredictable, nonconforming person; oddball
If those definitions don’t scream bipolar to you, then you just haven’t been paying attention.
I find these definitions entirely complementary. Intensely enthusiastic? Passionately excited? Eager? Bizarre? Excellent, perfect? Unexpected or random? Nonconforming person?
I will take all of those things, thank-you.
I Prefer “Crazy” Over “Mentally Ill”
My personal short cut to all the above is simple; crazy: a person who perceives reality in an unexpected way.
That’s pretty much it. I am a person who lives in the same world as everyone else, but I perceive it differently. My brain gets the same stimuli, but somehow it fires in an unusual way. It’s different. It’s crazy.
I don’t find this pejorative; it’s accurate. I really am most of those things listed under crazy, and I’m OK with that.
Now the term mentally ill, I’m not a fan of. I use it, generally for political correctness reasons, but I don’t care for it. It sounds like I have some condition where my brain leaks out my ears. Post-cranial drip.
What’s more, it implies there is something wrong with my mind. I assure you, there is not. My mind is up and running and could beat yours in a footrace. No, what’s wrong is my brain. My brain is sick. My mind is fine. I have a brain-al illness, not a mental one.
A person with a brain tumor isn’t mentally ill. An epileptic isn’t mentally ill either. These people just have something wrong with their brain. (They don’t necessarily get to be crazy though.)
The mind-brain separation is a complex bit of business, so I’ll leave it for another day, but I will say that to me, it’s important to remember that my brain is sick, and not my mind. There’s nothing wrong with me, Natasha, there is something wrong with my brain. Just like if I break my arm, there is nothing wrong with me, but there is something wrong with my arm.
So yes, I’m crazy. I perceive the world differently than you do. My brain doesn’t fire the right chemicals at the right times. But that’s the fault of a bad brain. Me, I’m fine. Just a bit crazy, that’s all.
You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.
Thank You. I think I prefer crazy as well. Mentally ill is so stigmatizing and I agree I simply perceive things differently. However, I think there are so many sick and mentally ill folks out there that are ashamed and don’t get help. These are the people that like to micro-manage and control others and then they say things like “Norma…I have known you for a long time”. Passive aggressive insults when they are mentally ill or crazy but workaholics in denial……………. call me what you want but don’t say you know me because I am the only expert on me!
You make a good point, Natasha. I like ‘crazy’ to some extent but the word, like ‘mentally ill’ or even ‘mental health problems/issues’, has its downside. In some ways, the problem you have raised is one of language. There is a world of language associated with attempts to describe one’s experience with BPD over the short term or over a lifetime.
For me the words short term apply to: today, this week and this month; medium term applies to a period of two months to a year and the two words long term applies to all the time after one year in my personal medical history, retrospectively or prospectively. I try, as far as it is logically possible to use the term mental health or mental distress and not mental illness. This has been a recent emphasis in mental health discussions and in the literature.
There is also the problem of the use of complex language. The field of mental health is replete with complex terminology. It is helpful for those with different types of mental health problems to become as familiar as they can with this language. I try for the most part to use simple language—but I do not always achieve this aim.
A good example of the language difficulties at the complex end of the spectrum is the following paragraph which discusses the neurobiological bases of behavioural differences. The language used by specialists is often way over one’s head, both the head of the sufferer from BPD and the heads of others wanting to understand the disability. (See Erik Kandel, “A Biology of Mental Disorder,” Newsweek, June 27, 2009; and C. Langan & C McDonald, “Neurobiological Trait Abnormalities in BPD,” Molecular Psychiatry, Vol. 14, pp. 833–846, published online on 19 May 2009)
These two sources provide many excellent examples of this language complexity. The abstract of this article with this complex language is as follows: “Dissecting trait neurobiological abnormalities in BPD from those characterizing episodes of mood disturbance will help elucidate the aetiopathogenesis of the illness. This selective review highlights the immunological, neuroendocrinological, molecular biological and neuroimaging abnormalities characteristic of BD, with a focus on those likely to reflect trait abnormalities by virtue of their presence in euthymic/normal patients or in unaffected relatives of patients at high genetic liability for illness. Trait neurobiological abnormalities of BPD include heightened pro-inflammatory function and hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis dysfunction.”
Language is a problem not only with respect to mental illness but also with respect to many other complex problems in society. KISS, keep it simple stupid, does not solve all problems. Whom the gods would destroy they first make simple and then simpler and then simplest. I will leave this problem here.
Hi Alistair, another great comment:
“People don’t like the word “crazy” because we live in the age of Politically Correct speech and the term crazy is beautiful in its clarity, honesty, and raw accuracy.”
I would tend to agree. I despise political correctness. I have no desire to hurt others but I’m tired of wrapping everything in wool just so that some overly-sensitive person doesn’t get offended. I’d say intent, in language, means a lot more than people give it credit for. But then, that would be grey, and not black and white like everyone seems to like.
“by going far into the jungle of insanity so many times I have learned more about real life – and real mental health – than most of the square shooters and so – though still technically bipolar – I am a hell of a lot more grounded and sane than most of the people I encounter every day.”
I think that too. Odd. Could just be a greater part of insanity
- Natasha
Hi Norma,
I agree, “mental illness” is stigmatizing, but it shouldn’t be. I hate the term personally, but as far as its meaning goes, it’s about as reasonable as anything else.
If people want to use it as an insult, try replacing it with “cancer” and throwing it back at them. It’s just an illness, like any other.
- Natasha
Hi Natasha,
This morning I engaged myself in learning the language of “crazy” by reading your blog and associated comments. Wow! I am truly inspired by the pure pluck and honest courage of those who have shared. I have been a mental health worker and a consumer of mental health products over the past 35 years. Whether teaching life skills to my patients or coping with my own mental health challenges, I too have been turned off by the appellation “Mental Illness”. Anti-seizure medications (among other things that my psychiatrist and I have agreed upon like that I have had undiagnosed bipolal disorder for 30 of the last 35 yrs) leave little doubt that I get to have life saving medications to help bring my diseased brain into order. The attitude not mentally ill but “Crazy” has been just the right opportunity to get busy and do the next right thing. The term “Mental Illness”, on the other hand, seems more like a sentence and may become an excuse for inaction. “Well, you said I was ill.” Trust me Mental Health workers and their clients have more compassionate ways to develop self esteem.
my doctor went me to going to hospital i sade no way she sade there can make there no let me there can not please
Hi Michael-Pearson,
I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure what you’re saying, but if you’re in crisis, please call a help line. They can listen to you and refer you to more local supports:
http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/menu-id-200/
- Natasha
Norm,
Thanks for the comment. I enjoy anyone who uses the word “pluck.”
“The attitude not mentally ill but “Crazy” has been just the right opportunity to get busy and do the next right thing.”
Hey, that sounds like a big bonus to me. If “crazy” spurs action, it gets an extra vote from me.
- Natasha
Here is an example of the problem of the complexity of language at the other end of the scale, the medical scale. It is difficult to win in the field of mental health: either you go to the too simplistic and labelling end of things or you go to the too complex stuff as below.-Ron
————————-
This is an abstract of an article with its complex language: “Dissecting trait neurobiological abnormalities in BPD from those characterizing episodes of mood disturbance will help elucidate the aetiopathogenesis of the illness. This selective review highlights the immunological, neuroendocrinological, molecular biological and neuroimaging abnormalities characteristic of BPD, with a focus on those likely to reflect trait abnormalities by virtue of their presence in euthymic/normal patients or in unaffected relatives of patients at high genetic liability for illness. Trait neurobiological abnormalities of BPD include heightened pro-inflammatory function and hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal axis dysfunction.”
————————————
It has been said that Merriweather Lewis of Lewis and Clark fame was bipolar. He was the “pluckier” of the two, as I recall. Here is one example of greatness in BPD history!
“The official leader of the epic Lewis and Clark Expedition, Meriwether Lewis has been called ‘undoubtedly the greatest pathfinder this country has ever known.’” PBS website
Here are some more sufferers from bipolar disorder:
Steve Jobs, founder/CEO of Apple
Tiger Woods, Winningest Golfer in History
Bono, Nobel Peace Prize Nominee & Singer for U2
Oprah Winfrey, Billionaire & Media Mogul
Al Gore, Vice President & Nobel Prize Winner
Howard Stern, Shock Jock & “King of all Media”
Paul McCartney, Singer, Songwriter, Beatle
Phil Jackson, NBA coach
Russell Simmons, a hip-hop entrepreneur and meditation evangelist
———————-
Here’s a list of more well-known people, according to Garret LoPorto an authority in the field:
Jim Carey, Robert Downey Jr., Patty Duke, Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Francis Ford Coppola, Ted Turner, Buzz Aldrin, Peter Gabriel, Jimi Hendrix, Axl Rose, Sting, Sylvia Plath, Winston Churchill, Theodore Roosevelt, Jane Pauley, Mark Twain, Virginia Woolf.-Thanks to Garret LoPorto, CEO, Media for Your Mind, Inc. Author of The DaVinci Method. The National Alliance on Mental Illness(NAMI) can also add many people to these lists.
Good point you got there girl
Very nicely written. I believe you saw the same ABC article I saw right before finding this one. Your metaphors are accurate and insightful. I have been thought of as crazy due to having bipolar disorder, also I have resented the term crazy. I like the actual definition of crazy. However it is worth noting that when most people say something they do not always know the proper definition. Most people have a very negative connotative definition of crazy from their own personal experiences. The average uninformed person would define crazy in a menner that I would not want to be branded under, and from reading your writing here, I doubt you want that branding as well. Beware of the public’s crazy.
I really like this post distinguishing between the mind and the brain. I think this is the key to destigmatizing what our culture now calls “mental illness.” Mental refers to mind and our mind is often associated to our soul and identity. To be labeled as “mentally ill” essentially strips us of our identity, our soul, our very human consciousness. The brain, however, is a tangible piece of anatomy like any other body part that can become diseased, often from no fault of our own. Calling them brain diseases is much more accurate and would go so much further in protecting the dignity of our souls and identity; separate from the behavior manifested from an organ that is disordered or diseased. Saying I have depression (aka mental illness) immediately makes people judge my person, my identity, my will. They automatically think of me as mentally defective; thought by many to be a matter of attitude and willpower. No one blames a cancer patient for being sick and tired. Mentally ill people are often perceived as lazy and mentally incapable. But if we can use terminology that highlights the organ (brain) and physiological chemicals and hormones that aren’t healthy (not the person’s mind so often associated with will and soul), “mental illness” could be more properly perceived as a disease instead of the identity stealing (“mental”) euphemism (“illness”).
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I personally use the phrase “bag of crazy” because it remains tied up most of the time but sometimes, a little spills out
I cop to both ‘Crazy’ and ‘Brain Broken’ – sometimes cooperatively and sometimes in conflict. I have more alphabet soup diagnosis attached to my head than there are in a can of Campbells(tm). I particularly like definitions 8 and 9.
8. having an unusual, unexpected, or random quality, behavior, result, pattern, etc.: a crazy reel that spins in either direction.
–noun
9. Slang. an unpredictable, nonconforming person; oddball
My seemingly random, unexpected, senseless behavior may look like that from the outside, but for me, at that time, it fits into my Big Picture.