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Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

Fear of Losing Someone You LoveOld friends reconnect, forgive. A late mother’s adages are remembered. Memories of connection come to our minds. And many of us believe in an afterlife where we will join our loved ones again.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don’t belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an “us-them” mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don’t belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the “relationship” is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAmanGoogle+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,

151 thoughts on “Fear of Losing Someone You Love”

  1. Even I have same fear of loss of my parents from my childhood..now my husband and daughter..some one suggest how to stop this..I thought am the only person thinking like that..

  2. I don’t deal well with death of loved ones. I just had to put my much loved 14 to 15 year old cat to sleep due to health problems I didn’t see comming and I feel like I’m having bad anxiety and blaming myself for her death. I don’t think I will cope with my mothers death. She is in her 60’s I depend on her for so much. I’m scared to loose more loved ones pet/family/friend. I’m scared to die and scared to see loved ones die. I can’t cope.

  3. My boyfriend is afraid of loosing me and it’s driving me nuts. I love him and although I tell him and show him, he is still afraid. I do not agree that showing me more and telling me more, will help him. It will only drive me even more nuts. 😉 I can feel the fear when he talks and he is always making concessions. Too many, that I am afraid he will regret it later. I believe the best thing to do is learn to relax and accept that you may loose the person, but it’s not the end of the world. Don’t make him or her the centre of your life. Keep busy if she or he is busy. Anyway, my 2 cents. 😉

  4. Hi Jodi sinc the age of 15 I have had major issues with the death of family members I have been on anti depressants since the age of 15 I am now 32 and have a young son. I have always struggled with the anguish of death but since I’ve had my son it has amplified ten fold! I have dreams of his death and other vile things happening to him that I’m powerless to stop I feel utterly useless and terrified all of the time to the point where I don’t sleep through sheer fear I see a councillor and have upped my dosage of anti depressant but nothing works there is so much wrong with the world and I feel like I’m going mad thinking of ways to keep him safe and me sane.

    1. I want to thank you for bravely sharing. I lost my sister to suicide when I was 19. It devasted me, but at the time I could not see how much more devasted my parents were. I am now 42 and the loss still haunts me. I have a young daughter and like you, I often feel so much fear of losing her. It terrifies me. She is my whole world. My husband had a nightmare some months ago that she died and I am haunted my that. I am now expecting another child, 7 weeks pregnant. I’m probably the oldest lady in my town to have another child. And I realize I partly wanted a second child to feel less vulnerable, but it has in fact made me more vulnerable. To love is terrifying but then I think, it’s what makes my life beautiful at the same time. I don’t know what to say to help, but I wanted to share my story and hope that it will bring comfort to know you are not alone in this fear of loss. I felt comforted in this way by your post and I thank you for sharing.

  5. Thank you for this post. My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. I have 2 half brothers and a half sister all of whom are older than me and who have their own children and grandchildren. I’m 43, my mom is 73 and my dad is 68. They are divorced (since I was 10 years old) and I live with my Dad two hours away drive time from my Mom. I love both of them dearly. I recently have overcome a year’s worth of health problems and I am on the verge of being 100% restored to perfect health. Not only have I overcome the health issues thanks to great healthcare and wonderful caring parents, but I have also quit smoking cigarettes and several other bad habits I had. It seems that now that I am coming out of that clouded period of time, I feel the joy of being reborn, but at the same time I realize how desperately I need my Dad and Mom. Not for financial support, but emotional support. I have no spouse or children, and probably never will at this point. I don’t want to exist on this planet without my parents. They know how to soothe my anxieties and their voice has the power to resolve all my mental problems. Yet, knowing that they will leave this earth before I will has me periodically worried to death about them. Usually, around this time of year, the autumn, my birthday, I start feeling “Sad” which I have come to believe COULD be seasonal affective disorder. I’m not sure about that, but it seems to fit the pattern. It’s not every year, just some years. Especially now, my Mom’s oldest brother (my favorite uncle) just had a stroke and is recovering. He was a picture of health prior to this. His wife, my favorite aunt, died in 2012 after breaking her back while also having liver cancer. I’m still not fully over that loss. I love my family so much. They are all that I have in this world and ALL that I want too. They are magnificent people, yet I am so far away from most of them. My Dad and I moved to our current city 21 years ago. I’ve lived half my life here, 2 hours away from the rest of my large extended family. All I want to do now is spend all my time with my Mom and Dad. Reconnect to all my family. I also had to resign from my last job to deal with my health issues because it was my job which led me to bad behaviors (drinking lots of soda and other things for energy to do 4 people’s jobs by myself) which caused my health issues. Now I’m here at home alone, scared, tired of being alone, wanting to turn around and see my non-existent spouse who should have been with me my whole life by now, see our non-existent children who I’m too old to father at this point, and know that I have done what my life was created to do. But since that is not possible, I see a world that is unfamiliar to me, though it barely ever changes. I lost my grandmother in 2013. My grandfather in 2005. My other grandmother (my mom’s mom) died when I was in 7th grade and I never knew her husband, my mom’s father. I just don’t want to be without my Mom and Dad. I won’t know what to do with my life without coming home from work to see my Dad, and calling my Mom to see how she and the rest of the family is doing. What will my life be for without love? I don’t know how to deal with this anxiety, though I have experienced anxiety my whole life. I don’t want to lose my parents.

    1. We have same sentiments. Losing our parents is the hardest. I lost my dad during 8th grade. And my mom is now 65 with health issues. I randomly feel fear anytime of the day thinking losing her. Just want you to know you are not alone

  6. I am 17 and a senior in highschool. Today we lost a kid at my school that I didn’t know well- he was in a dirt bike accident. I didn’t like him and he isn’t the point of this. I never would have thought he was going to die and it made me realize how scared I am to lose anybody around me. It made me realize that anybody can die at any point in my life and I don’t get a say and it’s really messing with my head. I have an ex friend and girlfriend whom I still love very much even after a year of not talking. I’m still so scared I’m gonna have to live in a world where she does not exist one day. I’m scared I won’t ever get to see her again- I don’t want to live where she is not. I always want to make sure she is okay and she is happy and I don’t want her to die. I don’t know what to do because I cannot live in a fear of losing someone I’ve already lost the rest of my life. I’m so scared

  7. Hi! I am very glad i bump on this site! Thank heavens i found some people who faces the same scenario that i have. I am in a very happy relationship rigjt now..i feel like it’s too perfect it scares me. I never felt this happiness that it scares me always or out of nowhere i feel like something bad will happen to him. Im too happy and inlove to the point it’s scaring me! I even wanted to buy some medicine to help me get over this. It’s been 2months i am loke this especially we juat traasfered now in a different country and i only have him! I kept on oraying and pryaing that i hope i can go back to my old self. I know this is a very old post but i just felt like i really want to post this as well!

    Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!

  8. Hello everyone. I’m 18 years old and I think I also have a mental problem. I have such a lovely girlfriend for 2 years now, we have been happy for the entire period of time except a few months in a row due to a health problem. Im very attached to her (she is a little less to me) and I fear that I might lose her. I’m a jealous person in a weird way (I’d be the happiest if she was only mine, if she talks, goes out or do other normal things with her friends I get kind of angry and also I’m afraid because I don’t know what’s going on there). This jealousy causes harm to our relationship I’d say and I’d love to deal with it better because it just takes over me and I’m not able to do a thing. Lately, I’ve had a wrist injury and I can’t really do much, only study and be with her, and it’s been driving me crazy, sad and sometimes depressed. I just need her around me so I can be happy. And for the last month or so I’ve been worrying I could lose her. This feeling comes out of nowhere I think, everything fine between us (if I’m not acting jealous ).To summarize I love her so very much and I’ve been jealous everytime she’s been out without me, I can’t really deal with it, lately I’ve been worrying I could lose her because that would be unimaginable for me. I would be greatful for any sort of mental help, tips and advice what should I do everytime she’s out with friends. Also to make me more comfortable and lose the fear of losing her. Thank you, Daniel.

    1. I have a boyfriend exactly like you. It made me so sad as he never trust me that I love him so much. No matter how I explain he still feel the same….so now may I know how’s your relationship with your GF recently?

  9. Ever since I was a little girl (now 28) I would randomly have nightmares of one of my parents dying, one dream of my father who loves his motorcycle sticks out in my mind, I remember waking up screaming for my mom and just balling my eyes out hysterically believing my dream was real. These dreams continued randomly up until this point. I am now a single mom of two and the fear of losing one of my kids, my parents or my brother makes me sick to my stomach. I almost feel like I have premonitions or very vivid thoughts/dreams of something bad happening and I can see myself and my reaction to it all happening. I cannot handle it, I imagine myself in bed not sleeping or eating for days. On the edge of life myself from grief and overwhelming pain. I am also one of those people who will get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure my children are still breathing. Sometimes it’s bearable and I can push the thoughts from my mind, other times they at overwhelming and terrifying. Reading these stories and telling my own has me crying uncontrollably, I’m sad I’m not alone and glad all at the same time. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your ways of coping with these thoughts.

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