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Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

Fear of Losing Someone You LoveOld friends reconnect, forgive. A late mother’s adages are remembered. Memories of connection come to our minds. And many of us believe in an afterlife where we will join our loved ones again.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don’t belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an “us-them” mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don’t belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the “relationship” is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAmanGoogle+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,

151 thoughts on “Fear of Losing Someone You Love”

  1. Im in a relationship of 7 month with my bf we love wach other i had a night out where i was drunk msg d my ex bf felt so guilty told my bf he was very understanding but since im having anexiety and panic attacks bas thoughts i dont wana lose my bf but in same time as hes far away i m afraid to see him and know that this love is gone , confused of having any feeling left to my ex which is never truly had and im the one who ended it plz help what is that im having horrible panic attacks

  2. Hi. My bf and I moved very quickly in our relationship,. We haven’t even been together 4 months… but in those 4 months, I started college, my grandma died, and my mom got diagnosed with leukemia. I’ve had so much pain and he’s been here with me through it all. I think the craziness is what made our relationship move on. The thing is, all of the craziness is making me feel like he might want to run. How do I mange these feelings? Should I express my fears to him?

  3. I am afraid of losing my family. This fear started about two years ago. Now, even thinking that my big sister is gojng to marry and leave us bring me to tears. It’s not about death anymore. But I’m sure that death is the biggest problem. Thinking about how my grandma is so old, and that she might die soon breaks me, literally. I unconsciously imagine dad after losing his mom and my aunts as well, I imagine grandma’s siblings after the loss. And the greater, I put myself in that time, like, imagine what would it feel like if she actually died. I don’t know if my words make sense, but this fear is just becoming unbearable.

  4. Am tabitha i met this guy five months ago we started chatting and became soo close but afraid of meeting him gave many excuses cz i was afraid and did trust him fully cz of my past experiences though he was so sweet and good to me , so i devide to visit him and and had a good time there was a strong connection between us . Later i told him i lied so he got so mad at me that didnt want to see me does text me or call what can i do am depressed angry at myself inreally want him back

  5. I have a boyfriend.i always thinking about him and suffuring from scared of loosing him.l have done some mistake in my life and he know everything very well.It made me so sad as he never trust me.because of these thing i am always feeling dipressed,scared,breathing problem and crazy like a psycho person. I just don’t want to be without him but he want to leave me i am feeling like i am going mad abot him.please suggest me how can i deal with this situation or any medicine for this problem.

    1. If you’re focusing on being scared of losing him then you’ve already lost him. Focus on keeping him repairing what you have broken but if he doesn’t trust you then maybe it’s time for you both to move on because for love to work it has to be based on a secure foundation.. so it’s 50/50
      Repair the trust that he lost in you or just let him move on so yaw both can be free.. @ the end of the day you have to find securefor yoruself

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