Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.

Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)Fear of Losing Someone You Love

In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:

Even Loss is Impermanent

This, too, passes.

Old friends reconnect, forgive. A late mother’s adages are remembered. Memories of connection come to our minds. And many of us believe in an afterlife where we will join our loved ones again.

In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.

Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don’t belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an “us-them” mentality.

All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don’t belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.

Take Action. Reduce Fear

There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.

People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the “relationship” is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)

This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.

Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?

By Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAmanGoogle+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,
Get my free E-book: What Is UP In Your DOWN? Being Grateful in 7 Easy Steps.

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152 Responses to Fear of Losing Someone You Love

  1. Nikky44 says:

    Thank you Jodi for this post. it helps a lot to think that when we are connected to a person, there is no loss. Loss for me was death, but now it is something else. I used to be afraid of the death of a loved one. Since i was a child and until maybe just 10 years ago, I used to visit everyone’s bed at night just to make sure they are breathing.The perception of loss has changed for me.Losing the one I love now became losing “the love” of the ones I love. Death is easier for me to handle as I feel the connection can get even stronger after death because it is not limited by time or subject to any influence. It’s only while reading the post that i realized that change in me. I realized that loss for me had nothing to do with death.

  2. Losing someone’s love is a fear that comes with a sense of unworthiness. You have nothing to be afraid of. The “love” you have lost lately (online “friends”) hasn’t really been love. Those relationships built around anxiety, misery, desperation. The real love is lasting now. See it. :)

    • Kassadie says:

      I struggle with the fear of losing people all the time. Before all of this fear set in, which was about a month ago, I was probably one of the happiest people you’d ever meet. I was optimistic, open, and I had decided to be happy in my life and appreciate the things that I have. My dearest mother is like my crutch, she’s always been the one that understands me and she’s there for me no matter what. I go to her for most of my problems. Now I strongly believe that I’ll see my mom in heaven when we all get there, but if I lost her here on Earth, I don’t think I would be able to handle it. My mom will be seventy when I’m just twenty-five years old. That’s so scary to me. I’m have strong faith in God, I trust him, but it’s like this nagging feeling that I can’t get rid of. I don’t really feel like this about anyone else, it’s just something I can’t get out of my head. Every time I’m with her and we’re having fun, there’s something that reminds me she won’t be here with me and I get upset all over again.

      • Hello Kassadie,
        When we care about someone deeply, the thought of losing them can be terrifying. Once any anxiety sets in, including this fear of losing your mom, it tends to take over. Anxiety is a bit of a controlling bully. :) Once it’s in our head, anxiety sets our minds racing in an endless loop of fear and worry. You’re very accurate when you say you can’t get it out of your head. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an approach that can work well for ridding ourselves of anxious thoughts and fears. It seems like you just might have already used some of the principles. You mentioned that you decided to be happy and appreciative, and it worked. Given your awareness of your thoughts and your willingness to change them positively, CBT might be quite effective for you in overcoming your fear of losing your mom. There are numerous books on the subject (your local library could be a good starting point), and there are therapists who are skilled in using CBT to help people. And perhaps other readers in this thread might have some very inspiring ideas, too. Your awareness of this already puts you one step closer to overcoming the fear.

        • Kassadie says:

          Thank you so much for replying! What you’ve said and some of the things I’ve read on this site have actually helped. God bless you!

          • Hello again Kassadie,
            I’m so glad to know that HealthyPlace has been helpful. Anxiety is frustrating, but it really is temporary. Be patient with yourself as you work through this, and you’ll return to that happy, open, optimistic self you know and love. :)

      • Dan says:

        You are a doll. I feel the same way, every day.
        I’ll go in the middle of the night a walk to her bed lean down to her and make sure she’s breathing.
        I would love to hug you for about 10 hours.
        Bet you and I would be best friends if we ever met.
        You’re a sweet girl, and your mom struck it rich when she got fortunate enough to have you by her side!

        • Charsi says:

          My husband is 25 years older than me, I adore him, but I can’t give my full love to him I distance myself because even tho he tells me he’s not going anywhere, I know deep down that he’ll die before me and I’ll be left all alone, childless (we can’t have children) and I just know I won’t cope, I’ve had therapy and learn to distract myself when I get a bad thought, but some days it takes over and I get these waves of panic, I have no proper friends, I’m just existing but I want to live.

          • Tatiana says:

            I feel paralyzed by the same fear. My husband is 20 years older and I cry just looking into his eyes. They are tears of joy and tears of untouchable sadness. I cannot even eat lately or sleep properly it’s like the fear is running through ever particle of my very existence.

      • Alexandra says:

        I know this is an old post but I know exactly what you are going through. My mom adopted me as a single parent when she was 41. I’m 25 and on Christmas Day I had this crippling fear of how I wouldn’t be able to handle ever losing her. I was get my bfs parents and I was thinking of how I rather be home with my mom right now instead of here and then I thought how they would never replace her. We spend Christmas Day at my moms and Christmas night at his parents. I had this wave of anxiety and ever since then I have not been able to get over it. I went to my dr and they put me on an antidepressant but I didn’t like it. I’ve had good days or moments but the last two days it has been so bad. I went to DC yesterday and it has been something I have been looking forward to and I went the whole time thinking of how I wouldn’t be able to get over losing her or how I would feel guilty doing that. How would I be able to live my life with out? I live with her and she is my best friend and is ALWAYS there for me. My house isn’t a home without her. She knows how to praise me when I do well or just conversation. How can I live my life without her? I am not afraid to go out and enjoy my life. I just want to stay home with her. I used to be able to go out with my friends and my BF and now I’m afraid to leave her alone.

      • Meg says:

        I completely feel the exact same way! It’s such an awful feeling especially when you can’t get it out of your mind like you said. Hope you’re doing better! If you’ve found anything that really helps you I would be very interested in hearing what you did.

      • Kaity says:

        I feel the same way I mean my moms only 50 and I’m 20 but I get scared everytime she leaves the house. I live in one of the most dangerous cities there are in the U.S and I’m scared of either someone’s going to hurt her if she’s alone or even a car accident I literally have to make sure her seatbelts on and I walk her to the car but I can’t always be there so that’s really scary I’m very paranoid about this I just love my mom with all my heart idk what I’ll do if I loose her . I tell her everyday 24/7 how much she means to me that she thinks it’s not normal .

      • Mattloaf1 says:

        Feel the same way when I was in 5th grade I would call my Mom at random to see if she was ok. Now that I am 24 and she is 66 it gets really hard to think of my life on earth without her. Even as a Christian it still is hard to think about life without my Mother.

        • Connie says:

          I am 49 now, and my mom is 91. I have had the same fears of what might happen to me when my mom dies — it’s been like this since I was very young. A few years ago, a therapist recommended Eben Alexander’s book, Proof of Heaven. It was really inspiring and comforting. I still have the fears, but they are tempered somewhat. It’s also been helpful for me to know that I have friends who have lost their parents, and they are fine. They moved through their sadness and they’re living happy, productive lives. If they can do it, we can too.

      • Christine says:

        I had this dear, my dad died when 17 years.
        And all my life I scared mum was going to go.Mum had me late in life , she was my best friend, Sister and we did everything together, make the most of your time and enjoy every minuet.Mum past February is very hard and the fear is there, but I couldn’t of wished for a better mum.
        I believe she is waiting but it’s the memories and the precious time we spent together holidays, meals, which is the best they make me smile.

  3. Pam E says:

    After 20 years of an unhappy marriage, and a few years of being VERY alone, I fell in love (quite unexpectedly) with the love of my life. We married a few months ago and things are fantastic. But the better they get the worse the panic inside me that something is going to go wrong; one of us will get hurt, get sick, etc. things don’t go smoothly like this for me, I feel like it can’t continue. And the assistance of friends who try to rationalize things doesn’t help, if it was rational it wouldn’t be called panic, right? No matter what I tell myself, to live in the moment, enjoy what I have, that I deserve this and it’s long overdue, I can’t seem to get a handle on it.

    • Pam, It is just the fear running away with your mind. You are right about it being irrational, but sometimes reason can help us talk ourselves out of it. I am sure your fear counters with “It could happen.” Try Tapping (EFT), Google it. It may help. Also face the fear. What if the worst happens, how will you be? Your fear want you to think you’ll go out of your mind, but you probably have had crisis before where you kept your head. Imagine this, use it as an affirmation. Picture yourself calm in a crisis. Think about spiritual questions like why we are here and what happen when we die, knowing this life is temporary, and there is eternity beyond, can be very helpful. These are just off the top of my head. I am available to meet over skype if you ever wanted to. xo Jodi

  4. Jennifer says:

    I love this website, I just found it and it has changed my life greatly. As I am going thru a transition of sorts. The man I love I became jealous of him, and the article that you wrote of Fear vs Love made me realize what I’ve been doing with trying to control him so I wouldn’t loose him. And I am afraid that I have lost him due to my jealousy as you called fear. I’m learnt alot just from reading these posts. I hope I can figure out the rest. Thank you so much for being so insightful. can you tell me any other articles that you have that I may read to assist me in learning about how to control my anger and jealous controlling nature for being in a relationship.

  5. Frank Foster says:

    This post lifted my soul.

    Frank Foster
    Queensland, Australia

  6. Pingback: Two Ways To Keep Calm In The Face Of Tragedy | Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog

  7. Juliana says:

    Thank you Jodi for the post. I am now able to calm down and release myself from this anxiety! I appreciate it so much.

  8. Dixie says:

    I think sometimes the fear and anxiety may have a basis in reality. Example: last fall I had a persistent foreboding that something bad was going to happen to one of us – i.e. me, my husband, two cats, two dogs. It was a constant anxiety that I thought about nearly every day, and was very unusual for me to experience such a thing. Sure enough, one of the cats became ill, and died. I think I was picking up on subtle behavioural and/or physiological changes in him and didn’t realize it until it became very obvious. Saddest thing is that the anxiety and fear caused by his illness caused me to handle the situation badly.

    • Dear Dixie,
      I might say that the foreboding brought fear so immediately that it seemed to be combined as one. The fear then continued on, causing daily anxiety. Many people have the constant fear and nothing happens to their loved ones. I am so sorry about your sweet kitty. It is such a loss to you and your family.

      It is sometimes tricky to separate intuition from fear and people often worry that their fears are premonitions. This increases the fear. Which becomes it own animal, if you will. Premonitions feel quite different from fear, if you learn how to tell the difference.

      “Based in reality” is relative. By that logic we can be afraid constantly. We know everything must die, (death is “real”). Some assume it is “rational” to fear only when death is imminent, but then again we know it can happen even when we are not expecting it. This can paralyze us with fear ALL the time, and I wonder if this is a way to live. Now, I wonder, why fear death or loss at all? It can be painful to loose a loved one, but why be scared? We fear that we can’t handle it. Or we fear the pain of it. We can allow ourselves to feel the pain and love of loss without the fear attached. I hope this helps.

  9. Sukeei says:

    Dear Jodi,

    I don’t know how to express but thing is like that. I married 5 years back and due to some differences my wife and me got separated..Though we remained in periodically contact and sometimes even also met but things have gone out of control..I would like to say that I had during this time always faced loneliness and missed my wife a lot…I totally dipped myself in alcohol but never cheated my wife by having an illicit relationship with any gal..but things went wrong few months back..I started to visit pros. and out of 24 hours most of the time I remained in influence of alcohol or dopes..I lost my job and again I came in contact with my wife…one day I confessed my sins to my wife..she accepted and said just focus and try to be something again so we can live again together..Now, Jodi one thing I would like to say is My wife is now behaving strangely she is not talking with me properly..I m really facing vivid mental stress beyond my capacity..and I don’t want to loose my wife..It has been 5 years since I last met to my wife..Is there any way I can cope with this situation?

  10. Lindsey says:

    this is absolutely amazing….i met my soul mate about a year ago and he is absolutely amazing…things are so good for us that the better they become, the worse my anxiety of losing him gets…if i ever lost him…i would lose myself….yes i believe in God and i am strong in my faith…but how do you continue with your soul missing? I am terrified of losing him and im becoming paranoid :( its painful thinking about it.

  11. Lindsey says:

    its becoming so bad that if he doesn’t answer my calls in a certain amount of time i start panicking….i realize on a grand scale what’s going on…and I’ve tried so hard rationalizing with myself…truly this isn’t me….but I’ve never loved someone with this much power before…..he is my everything…and without him i will no longer have a purpose in life

    • He will be part of your soul whether you are together or not. You see, you were part of each of before you met, and you’ll be together after this lifetime. This is but a blip in your existence together. ‘Loss’ as we think of it isn’t real. The fear is just an anxiety hooking itself into something that you figure is a real thing to be afraid of. It gets you when you’re vulnerable. Treat it as any other fear, it means only the meaning you give it. Right now it’s hard to let go, but if you render it meaningless it’ll go. Hope this makes sense!

  12. Sándor says:

    Hello! I am going through a rough period lately. A few weeks ago I started to realise, that time is going on, and we’ll not live forever. My dad is 65, my mom is 55. They don’t show signs of any health issues, but still I’mffeeling concerned about what will happen. In addition, I’m having a wonderful relationship with my dream girl, for almost 1 year and a half. So, please help me get rid of this. I have moments when I’m perfectly fine, but mostly I’m feeling this fear. Many thanks :-)

    • Sandor,
      Sometimes it helps to face this fear of losing people. Knowing that no matter what the relationship lives on, and that people get through unspeakable loss. Then basically take action to get closer, love more, be together so that you feel that connection fully! If you want to take more specifically let me know!

  13. Jenneatte says:

    Recently my parent not in a good term and they are separated for a short period. The feel i have right now is it seem like the fear of losing someone i care. Then there is one fortune teller told me my marriage will only lasts for 20 years. I’m really afraid of it. The feel of missing someone and it makes me can’t love someone trully because of the fear. After that, the fear of losing my sister and others that close. It makes me all alone and when the feel conquer my mind andheart my heartbeat increases and my sleeping hour reduce.

    • Jenneatte,

      In this turbulant time, it is common to get anxious about lots of things. It will pass and you get used to things. You can’t tell the future, we have free will and we can do so much to change things, that it is not written in the cards yet. You and your husband can make your relationship what you want. YOu will feel better if you love more, express more, not less. Fear spearating you from those you love will just make you more afraid!


  14. niki says:

    dear jodi am in love with a guy he also loves me very much bt am scared. of loosing him.. he always reasures me that it is not going to happen but am still scared it maybe cause of ex who cheated me and left me without even telling me why? now am scared that my bf is abt to leave me i always have this fears dat he is cheatng on me or leaving me or trying to get rid of me.. bt he says he is not doing that.. i really love this guy and dont want to loose him in amy circumstances and stay happily with him pls help me before its tol late.. i cant take it if he leaves me am gonna collapse pls reply

    • Niki,
      Just relax and feel his love, this is just fear. And the fear will only spearate you. Believe in yourself. It is not a lack of trust in him, but in yourself. Work on trusting yourself. That you can handle everything.

  15. niki says:

    am scared maybe our relationship is already in the brink of break up or maybe not.. i love him am crazy for him.. i ask him daily whether if he is going to leave me and he is almost fed up by my questions.. he is sweet lovable amazing and takes great care of me but now what should i do i dont wanna loose him pls i dont want him to thiml am insane.and all that. but i care for him really i do.. i di

    • Maybe you can see a counselor. It is not him making you anxious but you. A counselor can help you help each other through this!

      • VK says:

        Hi Jodi,

        I had a gf and because of family pressures she has started behaving very rudely and arrogantly with me all of a sudden. Previously she used to like each and everything I used to do. I used to care for her, I used to love her and she used to love it, appreciate it. But its been more than 2 months now when she finds my mistakes in everything I do and fights with me forever. I begged of her not to behave in this way, I asked forgiveness from her 100s of times but she is just not ready to listen and the extremity is that she has blocked me from everywhere stating she hates me. I have gone paranoid and I just dont understand what do I do to bring her back in my life. I have gone breathless, I just can’t imagine my life without her and she is least bothered about me. It’s all because of family pressures on her but I am suffering like hell of having a fear of losing her. I will die of this fear and pain I am going through. Please help.

        • VK,
          Does she want to stay together? Why is she still your girlfriend if she has this big of a problem. If she is still with you, I would ask her what is going on? Why the change and what happened. Maybe there is something you don’t know. Broken hearts feel like we can’t get over them, but we can! Sending a hug! You won’t die if you choose to live! <3 Jodi

          • VK says:

            I like the way you replied Jodi but she is no more in relationship with me and we have got separated though not officially but yes she has stopped communicating totally with me wherein we used to be in touch every hour and now its been lot many days we haven’t been in touch. I have lost all hopes in this relationship cz whenever I ping her she gets irritated so I have left her on her own. But the mental pain I am going through is hell. Thanks for your healing reply Jodi, hope it helps.

            Best Rgds,
            VK :)

  16. JO says:

    I came across your post while trying to read up on the loss of my cat and dealing with it. I always have an intense fear of losing a loved one and today it actually happened and it’s just as terrible as I imagined. I am not a religious person so I have trouble believing in the afterlife, soul etc. This loss of my cat has now made me want to stop loving everything b/c what is the point if your just going to feel like this when its gone? I would rather not ever have felt the love than to have felt such a happy feeling as love and then loose part of it and I mean part of it – physical being, touch, speech, LIFE! If the love never existed than you don’t have to deal with the intense pain when its gone.

    • JO,
      I am so sorry about yout kitty! It is common to feel like you want to never love after a heartbreak of loss. This is grief. Let it come, when you get more space you might realize you were better off having your kitty rather than never having her. If the love never exists you would have no joy ever at all. I wish I could give you a big hug and take away all of your pain. I’m so sorry! xo

  17. Sarah says:

    I have both anxiety and depression. Last week my mom had a seizure which has never happend before. I handled the situation well, called 911 and was calm, then this week it hit me. I’ve been crying every night before bed because I think about all the people I love and I don’t want to not be able to talk to them when they’re gone, it’s hard to except the fact that they won’t exist anymore. I know there will be times when they’re gone that ill wish I could just talk to them and that makes me so sad. It brings back the anxieties and fears of when I was a kid I was always scared something would happen to my mom. She’s my best friend and someone I love taking with. I just hurt so badly thinking about it

    • We’d all be going crazy if we thought about losing our loved ones all the time. Most people cope by not thinking about it. After an event like this it is in your face, but with time, it’ll help you appreciate her more (it already is) and you won’t be quite so anxious! I promise. Your response is normal!

  18. Rebecca says:

    This Blog is amazing! I’m coming “off” of what has been extreme anxiety / panic attacks for the last week or so. Ive been in therapy gkr 3 years and doing really well. My mom is a cancer survivor but this year had breasted cancer go to the bone
    . Overall she is doing well but fell ill yo her stomach last week and my body reacted as though it was the end of the world. That fear kicked in and I was catastrophizing every possible outcome. Nothing relieved it. It felt “premonition ” like…
    She went to the Dr. Today and learned she has diverticulitis. Instantly the anxiety subsided. I often feel silly after such a spell.
    I have had my worst fears realized when I lost my first husband to cancer at 25. Then 2 years ago my dad dropped dead. You would think I could rationalize knowing I survived both but my mind and body aren’t rational.
    Lots of great stuff here. Thank you so much for all you do!

  19. reena says:

    I had a painful relationship for 4 years which was filled with tension and nothing else. I loved him and did everything i could. But he didnt realize it the right time. I told my bfrnd that i wanted to end it for which he wasnt ready. He took an extreme step and ended his life. Now my condition is even more worst. Living life coz it has to be lived. Each minute I die thinking of him.

  20. John says:

    I know its unhealthy being worried all the time but its difficult to change. I have constant anxiety and thoughts in my head about losing someone close to me. I have a few days where im ok but then it comes back. It starts by getting anxiety, having “what if” scenerios, thinking about what would i do if this person dies, etc… its depressing living with anxiety.

    • Change, no matter the type, is always difficult. It seems like you have a desire to overcome your worry, which is an important first step. It seems, too, that you recognize that there are distorted thoughts at the root of the worry. This is very perceptive! Have you heard of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)? It helps people examine their thought patterns and change the way they think about things. It’s a very effective approach to overcoming many things, including various forms of anxiety and depression. Many counselors and therapists are experts at CBT, and there are also numerous books and articles available about it. Perhaps you might find benefits in exploring this.

  21. zaima says:

    hi ..i am 20 year old…and a few month before .i went to a friends house for vacations and their i saw a sudden death..and after that i m toooo much depressed and like,,i cant tell u how helpless i m feeling all the time…m not getting..what s happening with me..

    • Zaima, witnessing a death is very traumatic, and what you describe is a normal reaction. While I of course I don’t know you and so am not in a position to tell you what is going on, I will say that in general, witnessing a death can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder. Only a professional (a therapist/counselor/doctor) can make this diagnosis, and whether or not they conclude that you are experiencing PTSD, they can help you sort out what is going on. You won’t always feel the way you do. I do encourage you to find help and support.

  22. JOHN/JCS says:

    Thank you for your Good Guidance very much

  23. alice says:

    I was reading comments and im going through the same thing that jennifer did back in feb 27, 2013. I would love to read the blog she was talking about Fear Vs Love but couldnt find it.

    • Hi Alice,
      Jodi is no longer writing the Anxiety-Schmanxeity blog for HealthyPlace, so she is unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the new authors of Anxiety-Schmanxiety. I did a little digging, and I was unable to find the Fear Vs Love article. Perhaps someone reading these comments knows the exact article to which you are referring and can provide a link. Sorry I was unable to find it.

  24. nidhi says:

    I have a constant fear that I’ll lose my father
    He is my only parent
    My mom has left me and my dad
    I fear he will die
    I will be alone
    I don’t know why I get these thoughts
    I really cannot lose him

    • Hello nidhi,
      The fear of loss is very real and very scary. It’s also common. You’re not alone. Like Jodi mentioned in her article, it comes from love. It also comes from a sense of loss. I imagine that it was likely very difficult when your mother left (I don’t want to put words in your mouth or to assume that I know what it felt like for you, of course.) While your dad might not just leave you the way your mom did, you fear that he might leave you by dying. Have you talked to him about this fear? It might be helpful for the two of you to talk about your love for each other, the odds of either of you dying soon, and how to focus on love in life rather than fear of death. There are never guarantees in life, but if you process this with him and think of ways to enjoy him and life, you might be able to reduce anxiety and move fear of loss to the background.

  25. Wouter says:

    Hi there,

    my situation is a little bit more difficult. I love someone, but there are 4 reasons why fear demolishes everything.
    1) She loves someone else. She has a boyfriend for over 3 years.
    2) She’s in my class in school, making it so painful to see her every day but not a single moment for just the two of us.
    3) She knows that I love her, but I think she still doesn’t understand how serious my problems are. I’m pretty emotional myself. I get carried away by her beauty, her intelligence, her humor, her compassion,… She cares about others and want them to be happy too. I don’t know what exactly the cause of it is, but I think she started to leave me be. Maybe because I can’t live a day without her. Or she’s just tired of listening to my problems.
    4) The fact that she’s in my class is the hardest. I’m graduating in 3 months. We will all go our separate ways. I love her and my friends too much. I care too much = I lose too much. The fear is too strong and I can’t handle it anymore. Getting more and more the feeling of loneliness.

    • Hello Wouter,
      The increased feeling of loneliness that you describe is quite common as people approach major transitions, such as graduation from school. It can be overwhelming to think of you and your friends going on separate paths. It’s very anxiety provoking, and it can feel like loss. But while your friendships are changing, they aren’t erased. This next stage of life is about further discovering yourself, your interests, your passions, and forming new relationships as you go. And it might be especially painful at first to be away from the girl you feel strongly about, perhaps having a bit of space and distance will make room for you to be yourself. Schools often have counselors who are expert in helping people transition as graduation approaches. Is there a counselor there with whom you could meet to talk about things and plan for ways to both keep your old friends and prepare for new ones? Talking with someone and actively making a plan often helps people feel more in control of their changing lives.

      • Wouter says:

        I don’t think my school has one. Maybe it does, but I don’t know if I want to tell my dilemma to them… That girl and 2 other friends of mine (all in my class) are the only people who know everything of this problem. They were/are there for me and I know it. But still, even if it’s not about losing them forever, I don’t think I can handle it. You could say I got separation phobia. I’m used to see my friends every day in school, etc. But seeing them so often, makes it more painful to be without them. Taking distance is apparently too painful for me. And many people said that there’s a “new life” starting for me after secondary school. I can be someone else, start fresh and make new connections. But who says I want that? I never want to say goodbye to them. Wish this year would go on forever. I don’t want a fresh start, but a life with my current friends close to me.

        • Hi Wouter,
          Separation is often painful, and separation anxiety is real. You don’t have to have a completely fresh start with a blank slate. Even if your current friends aren’t nearby next year, in what ways can you stay in contact with them? Perhaps you could all make a plan or a pact for contact (either through social media, e-mail, texting, or phone calls/skype) at regular times so you know you can count on having some time with them consistently. It’s not the same, but it would continue the connection. Also, think in terms of little things you can do to adjust to the change rather than looking it as one huge picture that is difficult to deal with. Finally, keep cherishing your friendships! While they do change, they won’t suddenly cease to exist. That’s good!

          • Wouter says:

            Mmmh, thank you for the advide. And for caring, even if this is a blog for questions. Thank you.

  26. Laetitia says:

    It’s been two years since I’m withe my boyfriend and I have this constant fear that something is going to happen to him.
    It all begins with him loosing his phone so I was unable to contact him and now when he is taking to long to reply, I have those thoughts that something bad happened to him.
    I have anxiety and I’m seeing a counsellor but it’s hard for me and even if he is trying to understand and support, I’m sure it’s hard for my boyfriend as well.

    • Hi Laetitia,
      Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but because she is not longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current authors of the Anxiety-Schmaxiety column. Anxiety about something happening to someone you care about is very unpleasant, to say the least. It seems that you feel that this is something you don’t want to do, and that is a good thing. Awareness of an anxiety is the first step in growing past it. And seeking treatment is a way of taking control — even though the progress can seem slow. I’m glad you shared your story here, and I think that many people will be able to relate to it and thus know that they’re not alone (you’re not alone, either).

  27. Taylor S says:

    Hello. I have this really bad anxiety that has been taking over my life the past month all I do is worry about losing my loved ones 2 daughters 8months and 4months and my fiancé I love them so much it sickens me to my stomach the thought of ever losing them it makes me question my faith with god lately which is something I have never done before. I’m a stay at home mom now so it seems like ll I do is drive myself crazy I’m scared I’ll go nuts if I don’t get a hold on this fear of mine. I even have these irrational thoughts of what the afterlife will be like and if we will ever meet again after this life and will they be safe. I don’t even like to go out much because of it, I’m really trying to keep it together but it’s hard

    • Hi Taylor,
      Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but because she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current authors of Anxiety-Schmanxiety. I’m happy that you found HealthyPlace, and specifically the article about the fear of losing someone you love. You’re not alone; it’s a common anxiety that, as you probably know, can take over thoughts and can become an obsession. I hope you found some tips and common experiences in the comments. This is a healthy way of getting out and connecting to others. Doing so can help pull us out of the isolation that can accompany extreme anxiety. It’s also beneficial to get out in person to make connections in your community. It can feel very difficult at first, so consider taking little steps. Take regular walks or trips to a park where you might eventually meet other mothers, join a parenting group (M.O.P.S. groups are common nation-wide), connect with an old friend, etc. These won’t immediately solve the problem, but they can help you reconnect, and connection really does tame fear — especially a fear of losing those close to you.

  28. Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve understand your
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    • Hello there,
      Jodi is the one who wrote this terrific article, but because she’s no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current writers of the Anxiety-Schmanxiety blog. On behalf of all of HealthyPlace, I’ll say that we’re glad that you discovered this place and find it both enjoyable and informative. I hope you continue to visit, read, and interact, and I look forward to more comments from you.

  29. Violet says:


    I really like the name of this site. I am hoping to get some help here-before it’s too late.

    I fear I am losing something/someone really special, and I don’t know quite what to do.

    Oh dear, I guess I should start from the top.
    I will be short so I hope I don’t leave anything important out.

    My guy and I met late in life. We connected via an
    online dating site. We had both been through some really painful experiences. I was married for a number of years. He has never been wed, we are both in our mid 40′s.

    I was the one to initiate the relationship. He did not mail me back for over a month- so I thought he was not interested. But he did, and we seemed to be a great match. I felt I had finally started living.
    We met at an area resort over Labor Day w/e of 2012. Upon our first meeting, I did something I should not have, and brought up some topics that were of interest to see how he felt. One of those discussions was about weight/ and fitness. I made the mistake of asking him if I was his match physically. To which he told me in brutal honesty that I was not. Weight was an issue for him. He told me that he wished he could be unconditional but was not. I kept the hurt to myself. We ended up having a fabulous time. But I remember thinking to myself on the long ride home that it was over before it started. To my shock he contacted me right away. I was still mulling over what he had said to me and so I was not convinced I wanted to enter into another dead-end relationship.So I told him how he had made me feel. To which he got really angry and told me that he felt I had misrepresented myself on my profile. I am 5’4 and i weigh 118 lbs. (this is below the BMI for my height) Anyway- somehow we got past that when he admitted that he feels self-conscience if the girl is in his mind bigger. He is 5’5 and weighs about 135??? So he has height issues.

    Okay, to the point. We started off shaky but we began to develop what I thought were strong feelings for one another. Great, we made the move in last fall. I moved across 2 states for him.
    I was happy to do it, I am very much in love with him. At first it was nice- we had some issues, but a lot to deal with pets we each had.

    The problem is, he does not tell me he loves me, he barely looks at me when I am talking to him.
    He gets irritated with me easily, he tells me that I am trying to control him if I complain that he never initiates intimacy. If he does it is when he is wanting something in return.

    If I try to bring the subject up he gets defensive and angry. He tells me your lying and it’s all BS. I was beginning to think I am going crazy. I am not a person who needs the other’s attention all the time- I like to do my own thing too; and have my own life. However I am beginning to feel sad, lonely, invisible and unloved. My fear is that he is not really all that interested in me physically and that he doesn’t really not how to tell me.
    Did I mention that he has roaming eyes as well (usually right in front of me).

    I don’t want to waste another year on loving someone who will probably never love me, and who will at some point want out. What do I do? Please help.


    • Hi Violet,
      I’m so glad that you found HealthyPlace and that you think it will be helpful for you. Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but as she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current writers of Anxiety-Schmanxiety. I think what you describe, an unbalance of love and power and communication in a relationship, is something that so many people will relate to. One thing to ponder, and it might take some time to come to a conclusion, is whether you want to be with this man specifically or if you like the idea of having a relationship. It’s very easy to get those tangled up because we naturally want relationships to work. When they don’t, it’s very anxiety-provoking. I have a feeling that other readers will be able to share their experiences to help you sort this out.

  30. Chloe says:

    I really appreciated this post. I am 16 and have suffered from my anxiety disorder since I was 7. It is entirely linked to separation, when I was younger it was the irrational fear of my parents dying. However the anxiety wasn’t so much about irrational instances of their death but the irrational feeling of needing to worry about how I could ever possibly cope without them, so it made to difficult to just say “oh that won’t happen, because it will. It was just about getting my mind to stop attacking me about it. I have had a really great two years with maybe 5 anxiety attacks total. However recently I have developed a new source for my anxiety to latch on to. I have been dating a boy for two years now and we have very strong intentions of being married. (Not the sappy normal teenager love, more of a Christ centered love where we found more love for each other through our morals and Christ like characterizations. However he has type 1 diabetes, and I have had anxiety attacks every night for the past 3 months about him dying and how I could ever love without him. These are much stronger than the old ones and it seems no matter what I do I can’t shake them. My medicine (Xanax) is set to the lowest possible dosage and my body used to be extremely sensitive to it, but now it doesn’t even work. I know we have eternity after life, I know he’s going to go to heaven, but my anxiety is absolutely refusing to just let me be. I get images of him dying, having to watch him die, what I’ll do the second after I find out that hes dead. Can anyone help me? It’s starting to make me scared of being with him, for fear that these attacks will keep making me sick every night for the rest of my life.

    • Hi Chloe,
      Thank you for commenting and sharing your experiences. Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but as she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to comment. I’m Tanya, one of the current authors of Anxiety-Schmanxiety. It sounds like you have very strong feelings of love and caring — for your parents, for your boyfriend, etc. That is a very wonderful character strength, but it definitely can be anywhere from frustrating to downright debilitating when it is so powerful that it interferes in the very relationships you cherish. You mentioned that when this happened with your parents, you had to get your mind to stop attacking you. That’s a really great way to put this! Our minds can most definitely attack us. I understand that this situation is different than the one with your parents, but the same principles of love, caring, attachment, and separation anxiety are at work. Back then, how did you get your mind to stop playing those tricks (whatever you did must have been effective — your panic attacks became few and far between)? Perhaps start there. Even though this love is different, it can be effective to go back to what worked for you then. Then build off it. Perhaps others here can comment and share their own techniques for calming this very real fear.

      • Chloe says:

        Ms.Tanya thank you so much for replying!
        I have gone through the same process of trying to rid myself from this anxiety as I did when I was younger. However, much of that involved having my mom sleep with me every night to get me to relax. Then we decided on seeing a psychologist. She’s amazing and has helped me a great deal, however it was through processes like writing in a journal and breathing techniques. These worked then but are barely of any help now, and obviously my mom can’t come sleep with me or I’d be reversing my success. Are there any medicines I could take to keep the anxiety away? Preferably one that doesn’t cause and addiction, I took myself off of lexapro a year ago because it wasn’t working but still gave me frustrating side effects. Are there any known daily medicines that actually keep the anxiety away? Yes I love deeply, and it’s seeming to be more of a curse than a gift. I’m sorry to bother you with all these questions. Soon I will be going to college and my dream would be to minor in health missions and major in nursing and then continue on to specializing in ICU care and specializing again in ICU pediatric care. However at night (my anxiety trigger) the thought of caring for so many makes me sick. This is my dream, and I don’t want to give it up, but I can’t spend the rest of my life going to bed with all these thoughts forcing themselves into my head without me having ANY control over stopping them.

        • Hello again Chloe,
          Please don’t apologize! HealthyPlace is a resource and a forum, and it is our hope that people come here to find some answers to their mental health questions. Unfortunately, because I don’t have a medical degree and because HealthyPlace isn’t a medical site, I can’t give advice on prescriptions. Medication is so complex, as are people, and something that works wonders for one person could be horrible for someone else. You have great questions, though, and I encourage you to talk to a doctor you are comfortable with. Reading your comments, I think you should truly feel confident in yourself that you can overcome this (journeys of recovery aren’t always quick and easy, but they are possible). I say this because you have both goals and insight. You are aware of your anxiety, what causes it, and when it is at its worst, you know that the thing that would ease your anxiety (having your mother lie down with you) will be a setback so you’re resisting because you want to move forward, and you have goals for your future — plus you are wise in recognizing that the goal of caring for so many might be overwhelming for you, and that means that you can make adjustments so your goals are healthy for you. These are all great things that you can build on as you move forward. Perhaps it might be helpful to identify just one thing that is the most problematic for you right now and focus on reducing that. How can you calm your anxious thoughts about that one thing? Just let the other anxieties hang out in the background while you work on the first thing. When you have that minimized to a degree that you’re comfortable with, identify the next anxiety to work on, and so forth. You’re not doomed to this for life!

    • Emily says:

      Chloe your story really resonates with me. Especially when you said that your fear is of how on earth you would cope after losing your loved one/s. That’s exactly it. The thought of it is just so dark and so sickening, it’s awful that our brains torture us like this! But it is what it is. I am now 37 and have never sought help or treatment for my anxiety although I have recently been considering it. In my experience the fears ebb and flow and there can be long periods of intense anxiety and then some where things seem ok and more in control. In some ways I am also scared of releasing the fear because of the irrational thought that if I do so, the fear will actualize. Damn brain!! I wish you luck, love and support for your anxiety.

      • Kassadie says:

        Chloe, I have the same fear of losing my parents, when all of this first started I though I was literally going insane and that no one else in the world ever had to deal with these kinds of things. When I was in kindergarten I used to cry if my mom didnt or wasn’t there to lay down with me. Whenever I realized as I got older what all of this was (the fear of losing her and not being able to cope with it like you) I started with the anxiety attacks and it was the most awful thing ever. I’m doing better now, but sometimes it’ll come back into my head that I’m getting older, and that means my mom is too. It’s like a little clock reminding me that the my time with her is going by very fast and I’m getting closer and closer to losing her. I don’t understand how I’m so scared of something that hasn’t even happened yet. I journal also, but I’m so busy lately it’s like I don’t have much time for that at all. I just wanted to say thanks for posting this on here because it really got my attention and told me that I’m not the only one going through this and that I can get through it.

  31. Jasmaine says:

    I have been unable to sleep at night since I was a toddler. All day long there was a deep rooted pent up stress. It was something I could not comprehend even as a child when I told myself why I could be so stressed up for. Last year I met a psychic at a party. The people aroound me asked for good luck in relationship, work n studies etc but I only had one question. I wanted to know who I was in a past life. The psychic said it was an interesting question, why did I ask. I said cos I felt that my past life still has a connection with my present life and I wanted to know what it was.

    The psychic replied that I was working for the govt. I had a lot of changes in my life so there was this stress I couldn let go of. At that moment it all made sense. Why I couldn sleep, and not jus why I couldn sleep, i understood why i couldn look for good relationships or a good job. Both were things I deserved but neither is what I have. I am content with shitty situations cos I dont want to hurt too much when things go away.

    Before I acquire something, my past life haa already taught me the fear of losing something i really love and cant bear to let go of. How can I self heal when I cant experience the hurt now that I had experienced in a past life?

    • Hi Jasmaine,
      Jodi is the one who wrote this post, but because she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she’s unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current writers of Anxiety-Schmanxiety. Thank you for your comment. I’m not familiar with bridging past and current lives as part of the healing process. I do know that coming to accept ourselves for who we are is an important component of mental health and well-being. When people come to terms with their past and embrace the strengths they have now, anxiety and depression are often reduced. The principles are likely similar in your situation. Also, have you looked into resources that exist in this area? There might be books written about this subject. Whatever you do, don’t give up on yourself and your ability to heal.

  32. Chloe says:

    Last time I promise! (:
    I would love to pinpoint just one source of the anxiety and work on it. This is something I’ve tried. I said this anxiety was different and stronger right? The thing about it is when the anxiety comes it seems to have no reason, it gives me all the symptoms (shaking,nausea,headaches,throwing up, uncontrollable thoughts, complete misery etc.) but it’s as though the anxiety makes me search for a reason to be nervous if that makes any sense? It’s just there. All the time. Sitting in the back of my head waiting for it to get dark. Like right now for instance, I’m at a lockin with the youth group at my church, and the anxiety is just sitting there and when people say random comments about death it comes out of nowhere fluctuates, makes me feel like I’m gonna pile and then goes back down but it’s still there like it’s waiting for something else to be said. I hate the thought of having to go through this for the rest of my life. And while yes some nights I’m just too exhausted to do anything but pass out, I miss nights where I could stay up and watch movies with my family. Or go to a youth event at church and actually feel good enough to participate. Is there such thing as an anxiety disorder that has no real subject, but many and it waits to make me sick? Does any of this make sense?

    • Hi again!
      Yes, all of this definitely makes sense. While I’m not in a position to make a diagnosis, I will say that what you are describing sounds like features of panic disorder. The symptoms you mention as well as an unidentifiable cause are part of panic disorder, a specific type of anxiety disorder. With panic disorder, panic attacks come on seemingly at random, anywhere at any time, and don’t appear to have a single cause. You do have some specific things behind yours (the fear of having someone you love die, and a stronger intensity at night). Still, that doesn’t rule out panic disorder and can actually be a good thing (well, anxiety isn’t “good” of course) because they can give you a focus for improvement. A psychologist/psychiatrist can make an official diagnosis and be able to help you work through this. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it now, but this won’t last forever. It will get better, and working with a professional therapist can help a lot. Hang in there!

  33. Chloe says:

    Tanya, I don’t know if you believe this or if it will offend you, but everytime you’ve replied to me your words have been something I needed to read desperately. I personally believe that some of those words came from God through you. Thankyou so much for all of your help. I really do mean it when I say you have helped me immensely! Whether you’re an official doctor or not. Keep doing what you’re doing.(:

    • Thank you so much, Chloe! Your words mean a great deal to me. I want use what I know (from graduate school, experience as a counselor, and experience as a patient myself–I’ve even been hospitalized) to help others help themselves. I always hope that I provide helpful information, but I never quite know. (Such is life, right — we never quite know!). Truly, thank you for your words. I sincerely wish you all the best and I know that you’ll do well as you go forward. Keep visiting HealthyPlace! :)

  34. Mary says:

    My husband I never had any kids. In July 1986 I was asked to babysit for a newborn whose parent was going to back to work after maternity leave.I agreed and June 22 he arrived at my house at the age of 6 weeks old. In May 1988 the mother had another little boy so now I had 2 to watch. In December 1989 the mother had a Christmas Eve little girl. My husband and myself did everything with the kids either with or without the parents going along. We were called their God-parents and remained so when they grew older. In March 2010 the young lady then 20 called me and wanted me to pick her up cause her and her boyfriend had been in a fight ( she was in a Domestic Violence relationship) so I went right down and brought her to our house. The next day she decided to stay with us and not go back. Other things happened during the time she was living with us which I am not going to go into detail about, but May 28 she went to stay with a friend overnight out of town. May 29th at 10 in the morning our life changed for the most terrible thing a parent and yes a parent we felt like to all of them a cop knocked on our door to inform us she had been found deceased. The friend she had stayed with came afterwards and informed us of what had happened to her and how she passed away which I am also going to keep that quiet also, but I will say it’s not the truth and her friend knows this, but her parents are blaming us for her death, the oldest son now 29 hasn’t talked with us in the 4 years she has been gone and the now the other son now 27 has stopped talking with us a year ago. I have tried so hard to talk with both brothers and neither one will have anything to with me or my husband. This was always a fear of mine that someday I would loose these kids which were and still are a huge part of my life. I love them so much and with them not wanting anything to do with us is breaking my heart. I don’t understand where is the love that was once there, the feelings we once had. I understand the parents reasoning cause there has to be blame somewhere and we are the target for that. I just want my family back and don’t know how to deal with all of this. I have PTSD from her death which I have under control better now then before, but I am so lost without them in my life. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, but I still know I have to make the choice whatever that may be. Thank you

    • Mary says:

      I was asked to watch him in June not July

    • Hi Mary,
      Thank you so much for reading and for commenting with your story. Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but as she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she is unable to respond to comments. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles. There may be readers here who have experienced something similar and can share with you things that they did to work through it. It sounds like it’s important to you to have this family back in your life. It can be not only difficult but sometimes even harmful to try to provide suggestions online. Have you considered consulting a family therapist who might offer suggestions or at least suggest readings and resources that could be helpful for you. Good luck as you work to reunite.

  35. Mary says:

    I have been to counseling and I don’t really feel this would be a reason to go back. I thank you for response but this is something I feel just needs to be done with without that.

  36. Lauren says:

    I met a man 4 years ago. We became very very good friends, but there was always something more between us and we both knew it and so did everyone else. We finally started dating a year ago. I could not be more in love, and was too. I became so afraid of losing him that I tried to control him. He is a very independent man. I would try to control him in ways so that he would not be able to find a reason to leave me. We were extremely happy despite my problems. Everyone expected us to get engaged soon and so did i. But my fear consumed me and has turned him bitter towards me. He says he still loves me but if afraid that we cannot be happy. In all reality all of our problems are rooted with my fear of losing him. In me doing this, I think I have lost him. We got in an argument (which was a silly one but his anger towards me because of the way I acted made it escalade) I am afraid I pushed him to the breaking point. I explained my fear and how it is the root of our problems and asked for a change to fix my problems. I know he loves me, he shows me, I see it, I feel it and he tells me. I just was so concerned with not losing him I did not have trust in it. I have asked to have a change to fix myself, he said he is not sure. I am giving him time to think about it. Since my fear has already gotten me to this point, how do I show him (without interfering with his time alone to think) that I will change, and I see my faults and how important he is to me. How can I fix what I have already done. I know he still loves me he is just afraid this characteristic will make us have continuous problems. I feel so helpless and like I have ruined what I have dreamed of since I met him.

    • Hi Lauren,
      Fear is very strong and very real and can cause us to do things we otherwise wouldn’t. While none of us can ever change what is in the past (I think everyone, myself included, has things in their past that they’d like to undo!) we can focus on what is going on now and what lies ahead. What would you like your relationship to be like? Once you really know what that would look like, you can begin taking steps to achieve it. Do you think that he and you would be willing to see a couples counselor? Such counselors (also called marriage and family therapists) can help couples learn how to interact and communicate, and they can help work on the fear of losing someone you love. I hope that your relationship moves forward the way you want it to.

      • Lauren says:

        Thank you for the reply. I do not think he would. Its not become a back and forth emotional battle for me. today, I am angry and do not see why he needs time to think about if he wants the relationship or not.

  37. With something this powerful, it’s normal for emotions to swing back and forth. Pay attention both to his behavior and where your emotions tend to hover more. As you become aware of yourself and of his behavior, things might become more clear. It’s not easy to be where you are, and I wish you strength as you move through this.

  38. Teen J says:

    Im an early teen, I have fears of my future like loosing my mom or loosing my wife, every night I can’t sleep thinking about this i worry deeply. I really don’t know what to do, sometimes that I can’t wake up I get in trouble and it makes me feel worthless like if I am worthless, I can’t stop thinking about this can anyone help?

    • Hello Teen J,
      Jodi is the one who wrote this article, but as she is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, she’s unable to respond to comments. I’m Tanya, one of the current writers of the column. I’m glad you found this topic, and I hope the article as well as other comments will be helpful to you. One very important thing to realize is that you are not worthless. Having difficulties or struggling with something that feels overwhelming has nothing to do with your worth as a person! If that were the case, no one would be worth anything. We all have value, including you, and that value isn’t dependent upon our lives going smoothly. Sometimes it’s helpful to write out your fears. When you see them on paper, you can take a step back from them, and you can start to analyze them and pick them apart. You can list things that could happen other than what you are worried about. Also, it’s sometimes very helpful to talk about your fears with a counselor/therapist. He/she can help you understand your thoughts and work through them. It is possible to overcome anxieties like this.

  39. Allison says:

    I have been fearing the loss of a loved one for quite some time now. It began when a family I know lost their son suddenly. I began to fear the pain that comes with loosing someone I love. It tends to be one specific person that I fear of loosing the most, and I’ve noticed the person changes as time goes on. Reading your post gave me hope. I have been feeling like I am alone in this fear which has made it worst. I believe God led me to your post. I have been feeling weary in praying for freedom from fear, but your post has given me hope and a want to persevere in my prayer.

    Thank you so much for your wisdom.

    God bless,

    • Hello Allison,
      Jodi is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so is unable to respond to comments. I’m sure she would be very happy to know that her post was helpful. She is wise, and what she wrote is true. I’m glad that you know that you are not the only one who feels the way you do. Loss is difficult to deal with. Do persevere!

  40. Joe says:

    When I was nine I met a girl at a mountain resort and we loved each other. A week later she left and we had not exchanged any contact details. 6 years later it still hearts a lot more than most people can emagine physically and mentally. I now have Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love and the fear of losing someone.

  41. Adrianna says:

    Thank you so much for this!! I went searching for how to overcome fear of losing another loved one and ran across your article. I like your perspective and by just by reading it, I already feel that much better and are more at ease. I also appreciate some of the other comments as well. All have helped me Thank you:)

  42. Jerry says:

    It helped me ….I am feeling helped by someone ,thank you soooo much

  43. Caroline says:

    I’m feel my fear of being left is completely rational , my mother was murdered by my father when I was 1 , I was raised by my paternal grandparents whilst my father served 14 years in prison , we visited him in prison regularly until he was released when he then came home to us ,he stayed with us only for a short time until he met a woman and moved out and didn’t then have any contact with me , this was his doing not mine , my gran who raised me then died suddenly when I was 19 , this made my feeling of everyone I love will leave me a lot worse , since then I have feared those closest to me are going to leave one day and I feel I have barriers up and not sure I do love properly

  44. JJ says:

    I started having bad anxiety at age 25, it usually comes about every time there is a big change which isn’t unusual. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years with one break up period of 6 months. During that time I was riddled with anxiety and depression. Two months ago his younger brother died in an accident and since then he does not communicate with me and has pulled away. I understand it I do and I’m just being there for him in any way that I can but when I don’t speak with him for what is sometimes days I am crippled with anxiety and fear that he is going to leave. I love this person very very much but the guessing game is slowly destroying me.

  45. JL says:

    I am 67 and my fear of losing those I love came on when my mother died. Suddenly the next one is me. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful best friend. I love them both probably too much. I am scared my friend will die – she is a lot older than me, but we are like sisters. When we are all together I am fine, but as soon as we are apart I am scared something will happen to her, or I’m scared something will happen to my husband. It’s not totally irrational as we are all getting older. Most people see me as a confident person, but inside I’m like jelly.

    • Alice says:

      I lost my Grandma suddenly nearly 40 years ago. I was not with her. I suffered panic attacks afterwards thinking I would lose someone else if I turned my back. A psychologist told me it is a normal reaction to this kind of loss. I am no different today. The experience changed me as a person. So you are not alone. Like you, people see me as confident, but inside I am fearful and anxious.I feel if I am away from my family for very long, one of them will disappear also. I could not cope if it happened again. Bless you.

  46. tutai says:

    I lost someone that I love she was every think to me she was my big fat sister and she past away and I am alone and empty and so sad and I go and sometime lock my self in the bedroom and cry I still love her so so so much we will always love you in our life……love from your little sister

  47. Emily says:

    I have had a huge fear of losing those I love for about as long as I can remember.
    From childhood I was often in tears over the fear of losing my parents. I quit dance lessons because I couldn’t handle the anxiety of waiting for my mum to pick me up, I was so afraid that she would get into an accident on her way.
    As I grew losing partners became the biggest fear and now that I have children, naturally, losing them is my biggest fear, and it is at times debilitating and can sometimes interfere with my decision making. I am afraid to let them go somewhere without me. But I usually let them, because I don’t want the fear to rule my life, although sometimes it is very hard.
    I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it other than just accept it, and continue to not let it take over too much. Most of the time I do trust the universe but I am also afraid of that trust sometimes. The love that I feel for my children is just so deep and so overwhelming and having them by my side is the most natural and joyful thing in the world. To lose my children would be the worst possible thing that could happen in my life, so the fear seems justified but it is so strong that it makes me feel physically ill and tearful especially when they leave my side. I guess for us anxious folk the best thing is just to carry on, and pour love into the people we fear losing because that’s one of the only things we can control in life.

  48. Avdhesh Arya says:

    This is so interesting and weird. I had also chosen the same topic ‘fear of losing someone you love’ for a post on my blog. I am yet to absorb the insights you have shared on the topic.
    Anyways, thanks Jodi. Your article has a deep meaning to it.

  49. NAZ says:

    I’ve a relationship with someone from a while and we are in love with each other, but it’s a long distance relationship as we are now in different countries. so there is a limited ways of communication, One of his very closed friends passed away, and since that he is in a bad mood and depression. and thinking of losing me all the time and he even thinking of leaving me in order not to get attached to me more and he may lose me too one day. How can i deal with him to try to remove that fear?

  50. Mackenzie says:

    Everything in this describes me. I hate it, because I feel like each time I do start to think things will get better they just get a lot worse. My biggest fear is losing my mom, dad, brother, dogs, and others I love. It’s like I wouldn’t care if I died but just the thought of them dying makes me feel like I couldn’t handle it. I’m 17 going on 18 and 3 out of 4 of my dogs that have been there my whole entire life are dying :’( Gizmo and Biscuit have always been there for me when nobody else was cuz they were busy dealing with my older brother. I don’t think I can ever get over this fear :’(

  51. Rose says:

    This is not descriptive or helpful at all. What?!

  52. Avdhesh Arya says:

    Hi Jodi,
    I feel it’s quite important to acknowledge the fear of losing someone you love. Acknowledging and then taking some action will certainly help to reduce the fear to some extent.
    Thanks for your insights!

  53. Sarah says:

    This article really called out to me. Lately I have been riddled with fear and anxiety over losing the man I am with. About 3 months ago I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of almost 6 years. This relationship was full of heartache and difficulties and I ended up leaving him due to my love for him diminishing, my parents not liking him and differences in faith. Just a month ago I met the man of my dreams. He is literally everything I could have asked for and more – patient, considerate, faithful, loving, mature, spontaneous, silly and wants our relationship for the long-haul. He told me that he loved me 2 weeks into the relationship and I feel the same way about him. I had the feeling that he was “the one”. Although there is still pain associated with my last relationship, I feel like he is the man I am meant to be with and I am scared to death. I am scared that I may have rushed into a relationship without taking time for myself. I am also scared of losing my boyfriend because I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. I have never felt this rush of emotions in my life. I was hoping to take it slow with my new boyfriend, but my emotions for him and his emotions for me are very strong and I have never been happier with anyone in my life. Maybe I am over-thinking things, but I don’t want this relationship to ever end and it scares me so much. Finally I met a man who is so similar to me and shares my same passions, goals and future-family dreams. I am scared because I want him to be the real deal and don’t ever want my emotions for him to fade.

  54. Bex says:

    Thank you for this. I started with a fear of loss after my grandfather died and my father abandoned me in quick succession. I became so clingy towards my mother I would not even leave her lap at school discos, and slept in her bed every night.

    Now I have transferred this on to relationships. My first boyfriend cheated on my with my best friend. My ex girlfriend was addicted to drugs and unreliable, as a result I would often panic when she went out on a late one with her friends in case she relapsed and I wouldn’t see her again…she then broke up with me. Now I’m in an amazing relationship but I still can’t help projecting these fears onto my current partner. Add to that insecurity from years of bullying and I really don’t know how to get past this. This article certainly gave me food for thought however. Thank you.

  55. Michael says:

    Diagnosed with kidney failure caused me to develop panic attacks. The most fear that I have is losing my only parent, my mother. During this hard time I’ve also lost many friends. Some parted ways and some passed away. After finding this website I would just like to say it gave me a sense of relief. I don’t think I’m quite fixed but It should help me sleep tonight… Thanks!

    • Hi Michael,
      Welcome to HealthyPlace! While nothing is a quick fix, hopefully you will find many insightful posts (both the articles themselves and people’s comments and interactions) to help you sleep at night and not just live through the days but thrive.

  56. “Fear of Losing Someone You Love” good topic for discussion and I really have some time this felling in the matter of my grlfriend. We have in relationship from last 6 years (she is my schoolhood friend) but now I think what happen if I lose her. Its great fear…..

  57. E says:

    This post did nothing to make me feel better

  58. mervin says:

    OK. I’ll start in this way.. i don’t really know what to do [comment modified by editor]… I had a girlfriend for 3 years and we just broke up when she move in Hawaii . the last time a talk to her . the exact words came out to her mouth was . MERVIN I LOVE YOU AS MY FRIEND NOT AS MY BOYFRIEND . AFTER 3yrs that we spent together .. this is what I gonna get . is she really mean it or she just need space. I want her so much and I don’t know what to doo. BTW she on heroin drugs and trying to get sober since may 1st . I’m loosing hope anymore and we don’t have any communication anymore ;( please help me ..

  59. KAN says:

    I am not afraid of dying. That is just reality. I’m afraid of being found dead. Maybe even dying embassingly, with my mouth open.
    More so that it is 1 of my 4 kids that find me. Not that it would be ess embaressily if it my hubby

    • Hello Kan,
      Your fear is not uncommon. In fact, the majority of people do have some sort of fear around an aspect of death and dying. Fears are a normal part of being human. It is when they become disruptive to one’s life, consuming thoughts, stopping or changing activities, and affecting relationships that fears become problematic. When fear reaches this level, it’s often helpful to see a counselor. Together, you can address the issue and discover ways to minimize the fear so it isn’t disruptive to your life.

  60. Susan says:

    Hello, not really sure if i am asking/telling this to the right person/place.
    I recently bought a house and moved in with my fiance who I have been engaged to for a year and a half and started dating him nearly years ago when I was 18. This should be the happiest time of my life but I am so miserable and scared about everything.
    I haven’t stopped thinking about losing my parents and dying myself since I moved out of their house. I am literally so scared about losing them as they are only getting older and they are not in bad health but they can’t do the things they use to and they are forgetting things.
    All this is also making me doubt my life choices like my career and if I really want to be with my fiance. I keep dreaming about this other life I could have but it is so unrealistic. And everything is always blown apart by my constant fear of losing my parents.
    Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated because I feel like my life is never going to get back to normal, I never use to worry about any of this stuff. I moved into my new house in January and I have been plagued ever since, I have been to the doctors and I am on a waiting list to see a councillor but I have been waiting for months. I need some help now before I waste my life away worrying about all the bad things that could happen. On a daily basis all I think about is that worst outcome of whatever I am doing at the time and terrify myself, I can’t go on like this is so scary and I feel so sad all the time.
    Thank you

    • Hello Susan,
      Anxiety such as what you describe is not uncommon. Being able to talk to a professional about what you’re dealing with will be very helpful. It’s good that you are on a waiting list for a counselor, but it would be very frustrating to wait so long. Perhaps there are other counselors in your area that have openings sooner. If not, stay on the waiting list because you will get in in time. In the meantime, you might want to look up adjustment disorders (just Google “adjustment disorders;” you’ll see a whole list of reputable sites with helpful information. I just looked. :) You can also search adjustment disorders with anxiety.) You have undergone major changes. All change, whether positive or negative, involves adjustment, and that adjustment can wreak havoc on wellbeing. This might give you some insight as you wait to see a counselor.

  61. Tj says:

    I also suffer from anxiety. I haven’t really spoken to anyone about this because i know im being irrational and that most people dont think the way i do and im worried im crazy.
    I am 21 now, living with my partner. As a child i had a really rough upbringing, my father isnt really interested in me at all and hasnt been since i was born and he left my mother to raise a child with another woman. My mother and extended family were great for the first ten years of my life but when i was 10 my mother met a man and began dating him. He was really terrible to me and unfortunately i lived with them for years and years. He was very physically and emotionally abusive and my mother stood by and let it happen for fear of losing her boyfriend. I lived with them for the majority of my life from age 10 to 17. I was in a very bad place and he cut us off from all family and relatives and anyone else i could turn to. Relatives knew what was happening but really couldnt help. His influence really changed my mother and i had no one and absolutely nothing. I was not allowed contact with anyone outside of school hours and then had to get a job after school to pay them the money to help the family because my mum had other young children to look after and he didnt want to get a job. Soon they told me i couldnt go to school and do my HSC and i should work instead and forced me to leave. It was soon after i got my licence and i snuck out of the house in the middle of the night and did my HSC staying at my fathers house for a year and a half. I left home immediately after i finished school to go to university with my partner of 4 years who i absolutely adore. Sorry for the long winded story but basically now i am so happy on my own and since i found my partner that i am so scared of losing her! I genuinely feel like im not allowed to be happy after everything and because im so completely in love and in a great relationship and great situation i feel like its going to be taken from me at any minute. Im so scared of her dying or something terrible happening to her ALL the time that sometimes it stops me from wanting to go out anywhere with her for fear of someone attacking her or something ridiculous. I do go out because i dont want this to affect her life but inside the fear is enormous!
    Once again sorry for the long winded story but it is nice to get off my chest and see that other people have similar issues.

    • Hello Tj,
      Never apologize for your story or expressing yourself! As you have seen, so many people share here (that’s one of the things HealthyPlace is for) because it does feel good to “talk” and to see others’ experiences. When someone finds love after the type of experiences you had growing up, it’s natural to fear losing it. Seeing a therapist (on your own and/or with your partner) can help you sort things out and develop some tools to deal with the anxiety of losing love. And reading articles and comments like you’re doing can possibly give you some ideas, too. You don’t have to live with the restriction of this fear forever.

  62. Midge says:

    I fear losing my best friend. He and I are so close that we’d be partners if we had an attraction. I feel as though the suggestion of spending time with him is good but I do smother. He’s told me that he’s not going anywhere ever and that he loves me very dearly. Lately he’s been having a bad time. He broke up with an abusive partner who he still lives with and has taken to unhealthy behavior to handle the break up as well as other things in his life that are not going well now.

    I don’t want to push him away but I worry that he’ll go away or something bad will happen to him. Even as I type this I realize how irrational my fear is as he literally couldn’t be more clear about how he feels but he’s also vocal about feeling smothered too. I try but I fear when I love someone or feel so loved and understood that I self sabotage. I don’t want to push him away and sometimes when I’m worried about this or anything I find my life goes on hold to the distraction of the worry.

    I’ve never had anyone care for me so much and vice versa. I’ve never had this helpless feeling of him dying or going away. It’s so disruptive. In all other ways such as how we treat each other our relationship is the healthiest I’ve ever had. In the one area where I’m prone to worry its unhealthy. I just want to work on whatever it is in me that worries so much and as I said I worry about everything this way. When I care I care way too Much. Any suggestions on how to just enjoy my friends and the good things in my life rather than worrying about the loss. I know why I worry (childhood disappointment and abuse) but I’m tired of it and it can’t be good for my poor closest friends who I incessantly worry about. I know because I’ve been told. Thanks for listening. I feel so foolish and am also very hard on myself for the unhealthy thoughts. Any advice would be welcome.

  63. krunal says:

    since i ‘m 15 now i m 21 after losing my grand father i always get a thought that my parents will die tonight…. after their death what will i do?? i can’ t live without them…. i don’t wanna lose them… when my parents go out i always have a thought of bad news will come or a accident call will come… i can’t my brain out from this thought…. what should i do?? plzz plzz plzz reply me on my e mail id… if i have a mental problem or anything else i don’t know… plzz reply me…

    • Hello Krunal,
      Seeing a therapist or psychiatrist is the only true way of diagnosing mental disorders. Do know that you are not alone. Grief can be all-encompassing and can affect many areas of your life, including creating a fear that other important people in your life will die. Your age when your grandfather died is an important piece of the puzzle of what’s going on. Adolescence is a hard time to experience a significant loss (any time of life is difficult for this, of course, but the developmental stage of adolescence makes teens especially vulnerable). Working with a therapist could help you process this. Know, too, that there is nothing “wrong” with you. Complicated mourning and all of its effects is something that can be processed, worked through, and overcome.

  64. Naveen says:

    I have been through a lot of things in my life, I have seen and faced hell lot of problems that made me strong, strong so much that nothing mattered to me anymore, I was like without emotions, there was absolutely nothing which could scare me or hurt me. I was this strong. But then she happened. I fell in love with my school mate whom I met in my final year of graduation. she just made me alive again. its been three years that we have been together. She is just perfect. And yes I am afraid. I am 25 now and I have realised that she is everything to me. I have never been loved this much. I just needed to share it with someone. And I cannot share it on fb or my watsapp. So I am Sharing it here. I guess Sometimes we just need strangers to share our feelings.

  65. dana wills says:

    As men tend to measure themselves by status and income, which in the western world are very closely linked, it follows that fear of losing one, initiates fear of losing the other. In the past, this fear has paralysed me to the point whereby I have knowingly allowed myself to be bullied, coerced and manipulated by weaker and less able business associates and by people whom I mistakenly perceived as superior. The irony is, that by behaving in this manner, I was creating the very losing environment I was seeking to avoid. It was a path of self-destruction. And it very nearly cost be my business, my home, and my marriage. It wasn’t until I had my back to the wall, and I seemingly had nothing to the lose, that I came out fighting and proved my worth. And there lies the rub. For self-worth, and self-esteem, are emotive behavioural patterns that are learned and adopted at an early stage in our lives. If a child is brought-up on a demotivating diet of blame and constant criticism, instead of loving support and encouragement, the fear of loss is that much greater. For without foundation of a confident positive-self, any loss, whether it be of status or of a financial nature, will impact much harder – to the point where self-worth is totally stripped away. A way of preventing this from happening, is to detach ourselves as much as possible from traditional stereotyping and media-driven self-worth mechanisms, and instead place our faith in the Universe, our family, and importantly, in our in-built moral code. Because, the loss of our human potential through fear of loss, is the greatest loss of all.

  66. H. says:

    Hi all,
    I am going through a tough time emotionally… Am just trying to reach out and just let it out of me. I lost someone I loved recently, he told me he doesn’t love me anymore and thinks of me a friend. My life is going to change sooner than later, as I’ll be getting married to some other guy, I am worried about my parents they are getting older and I worry about loosing them all the time. I think of my ex and all the promises we made and then it ended forever just like this. This instability of life scares me. Please help me to let go things which are not in my control. I also want to know if at all we do have some control over anything… How can we cause less pain to people we love and no get hurt in process ourselves…it is all so depressing… It seems like life has no silver lining… Its debilitating even sometimes… Having to readjust all my life plans again and again to suit the ground reality…

  67. Kellie says:

    I never used to be afraid of losing a loved one until my brother was found dead from a heroin overdose two years ago. I have tried to accept it and heal and move on and some days I am ok and some days I am definitely not. I was dating a man at the time who played games with my head, cared about me one minute and broke up with me the next. I was a mess and was on antidepressants for a year and a half. After my brother died, I realized what was truly important in life and I left this man for good.
    I have been with my incredible boyfriend for a year now. He is caring and supportive and doesn’t play games or hurt me in any way. He makes my bad days good and my good days better. In turn, I am insecure and riddled with anxiety over losing him. I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to help myself. Besides my brother being gone, my life is very good and I should be very happy but sometimes I am so depressed I can’t get out of bed. I hate being so insecure and pathetic.

  68. MyLove says:

    My husband was diagnosed with a tough cancer. He underwent a grueling chemo but has been in remission for 7 months now. He’s so brave, so strong. We have been married 45 years. We have a son who has been battling the effects of a benign brain tumor for 26 years now, our only child.
    I was so devastated when my husband was diagnosed. He really has been my rock. He has seen me through my tears of our sweet son, my life support episode,a broken leg, a hip replacement and my knee replacement.
    He has gone on and said he’s not worried at all. He’s so sweet and loving to me and helps me so much since I have a hard time walking.
    I SO fear losing him. he has a five year prognosis of 67%. I can’t even begin to imagine life without him. I am an emotional wreck. I don’t sleep well, I have anxiety attacks,depression and cry at the drop of a hat. I am on Meds for anxiety and depression and am looking into counseling. But nothing seems to help I am so scared.

  69. Beiseia says:

    But what if i can’t tell the person that im afraid to loss that ‘i love you’!!?!? what shall i do? i get mad in silly things, sometimes i don’t even want to have a conversation . We sat quietly instead. Im tired of this. Meanwhile, even tough this things are happening we still hold hands. I dont know what to do. please help me….

  70. michelle says:

    Due to the unexpected loss of my father my senior year in high school I have lived with the anxiety of losing everyone around me. I distanced myself from my father’s parents (the best grandparents a kid could ask for) because they had him cremated before anyone could see him and left us without reasoning and closure. Here I am 5 long years later and after losing my mother’s father (my other grandfather) I am just finding out my dad’s dad has cancer again for the 4th time. My grandparents have been together so long that if one loses their fight.. the other one will shortly after as well. My day to day life and emotions leave me overwhelmed, full of anxiety, hate, and depression and at times I question why people were even put on earth. I have an 8 month old son, who I love dearly and I feel he shouldn’t see his mother crying and an emotional mess some days. Some days I can’t even get off the couch unless I force myself. I just feel a heavy weight on my shoulders every day because I never know when the next person will leave my life unexpectedly.

  71. Sheryl says:

    Ever since I was a little girl (now 28) I would randomly have nightmares of one of my parents dying, one dream of my father who loves his motorcycle sticks out in my mind, I remember waking up screaming for my mom and just balling my eyes out hysterically believing my dream was real. These dreams continued randomly up until this point. I am now a single mom of two and the fear of losing one of my kids, my parents or my brother makes me sick to my stomach. I almost feel like I have premonitions or very vivid thoughts/dreams of something bad happening and I can see myself and my reaction to it all happening. I cannot handle it, I imagine myself in bed not sleeping or eating for days. On the edge of life myself from grief and overwhelming pain. I am also one of those people who will get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure my children are still breathing. Sometimes it’s bearable and I can push the thoughts from my mind, other times they at overwhelming and terrifying. Reading these stories and telling my own has me crying uncontrollably, I’m sad I’m not alone and glad all at the same time. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your ways of coping with these thoughts.

  72. Daniel says:

    Hello everyone. I’m 18 years old and I think I also have a mental problem. I have such a lovely girlfriend for 2 years now, we have been happy for the entire period of time except a few months in a row due to a health problem. Im very attached to her (she is a little less to me) and I fear that I might lose her. I’m a jealous person in a weird way (I’d be the happiest if she was only mine, if she talks, goes out or do other normal things with her friends I get kind of angry and also I’m afraid because I don’t know what’s going on there). This jealousy causes harm to our relationship I’d say and I’d love to deal with it better because it just takes over me and I’m not able to do a thing. Lately, I’ve had a wrist injury and I can’t really do much, only study and be with her, and it’s been driving me crazy, sad and sometimes depressed. I just need her around me so I can be happy. And for the last month or so I’ve been worrying I could lose her. This feeling comes out of nowhere I think, everything fine between us (if I’m not acting jealous ).To summarize I love her so very much and I’ve been jealous everytime she’s been out without me, I can’t really deal with it, lately I’ve been worrying I could lose her because that would be unimaginable for me. I would be greatful for any sort of mental help, tips and advice what should I do everytime she’s out with friends. Also to make me more comfortable and lose the fear of losing her. Thank you, Daniel.

  73. henry says:

    A very topical subject to everyone. Great contribution.

  74. Krizia says:

    Hi! I am very glad i bump on this site! Thank heavens i found some people who faces the same scenario that i have. I am in a very happy relationship rigjt now..i feel like it’s too perfect it scares me. I never felt this happiness that it scares me always or out of nowhere i feel like something bad will happen to him. Im too happy and inlove to the point it’s scaring me! I even wanted to buy some medicine to help me get over this. It’s been 2months i am loke this especially we juat traasfered now in a different country and i only have him! I kept on oraying and pryaing that i hope i can go back to my old self. I know this is a very old post but i just felt like i really want to post this as well!

    Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!

  75. Allison says:

    I am 17 and a senior in highschool. Today we lost a kid at my school that I didn’t know well- he was in a dirt bike accident. I didn’t like him and he isn’t the point of this. I never would have thought he was going to die and it made me realize how scared I am to lose anybody around me. It made me realize that anybody can die at any point in my life and I don’t get a say and it’s really messing with my head. I have an ex friend and girlfriend whom I still love very much even after a year of not talking. I’m still so scared I’m gonna have to live in a world where she does not exist one day. I’m scared I won’t ever get to see her again- I don’t want to live where she is not. I always want to make sure she is okay and she is happy and I don’t want her to die. I don’t know what to do because I cannot live in a fear of losing someone I’ve already lost the rest of my life. I’m so scared

  76. Jerry B says:

    Thank you for this post. My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. I have 2 half brothers and a half sister all of whom are older than me and who have their own children and grandchildren. I’m 43, my mom is 73 and my dad is 68. They are divorced (since I was 10 years old) and I live with my Dad two hours away drive time from my Mom. I love both of them dearly. I recently have overcome a year’s worth of health problems and I am on the verge of being 100% restored to perfect health. Not only have I overcome the health issues thanks to great healthcare and wonderful caring parents, but I have also quit smoking cigarettes and several other bad habits I had. It seems that now that I am coming out of that clouded period of time, I feel the joy of being reborn, but at the same time I realize how desperately I need my Dad and Mom. Not for financial support, but emotional support. I have no spouse or children, and probably never will at this point. I don’t want to exist on this planet without my parents. They know how to soothe my anxieties and their voice has the power to resolve all my mental problems. Yet, knowing that they will leave this earth before I will has me periodically worried to death about them. Usually, around this time of year, the autumn, my birthday, I start feeling “Sad” which I have come to believe COULD be seasonal affective disorder. I’m not sure about that, but it seems to fit the pattern. It’s not every year, just some years. Especially now, my Mom’s oldest brother (my favorite uncle) just had a stroke and is recovering. He was a picture of health prior to this. His wife, my favorite aunt, died in 2012 after breaking her back while also having liver cancer. I’m still not fully over that loss. I love my family so much. They are all that I have in this world and ALL that I want too. They are magnificent people, yet I am so far away from most of them. My Dad and I moved to our current city 21 years ago. I’ve lived half my life here, 2 hours away from the rest of my large extended family. All I want to do now is spend all my time with my Mom and Dad. Reconnect to all my family. I also had to resign from my last job to deal with my health issues because it was my job which led me to bad behaviors (drinking lots of soda and other things for energy to do 4 people’s jobs by myself) which caused my health issues. Now I’m here at home alone, scared, tired of being alone, wanting to turn around and see my non-existent spouse who should have been with me my whole life by now, see our non-existent children who I’m too old to father at this point, and know that I have done what my life was created to do. But since that is not possible, I see a world that is unfamiliar to me, though it barely ever changes. I lost my grandmother in 2013. My grandfather in 2005. My other grandmother (my mom’s mom) died when I was in 7th grade and I never knew her husband, my mom’s father. I just don’t want to be without my Mom and Dad. I won’t know what to do with my life without coming home from work to see my Dad, and calling my Mom to see how she and the rest of the family is doing. What will my life be for without love? I don’t know how to deal with this anxiety, though I have experienced anxiety my whole life. I don’t want to lose my parents.

  77. Louise says:

    Been married 23 years. Recently, talked with a doctor who treats my husband. Hos behavior is getting meaner, more short tempered and blaming me for everything, because “I made him mad.” Has started making personal attacks. Doctor picked words carefully, saying there was a difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder.

    I hate the word. Seen too many women whining about narcissistic husbands. Started researching it and all sorts of bells and whistles went off in my head. He has been fired 3 times in the past 7 years and the longest job he has ever held (we are in our 50′s) was for 7 years. He left that job when he was passed over for a promotion. He took out a student loan without discussing it. He didn’t tell me before we married he had a DUI. He never takes the kids to do anything (even though check has been out of work for 8 months) except for movies he wants to see.

    My husband keeps telling me that I am not the same as I was 5 years ago and wants me “better”. In the past year, I have been hospitalized for chest pains, had bouts of high blood pressure and spent 3 solid days sleeping. Sleeping, not just lying in bed. I needed my brain OFF.

    In the past few months, my husband has had 3 episodes of what can only be described as rage – at our 10 year old son. Once was screaming, over homework, screaming so hard his voice was cracking. In another, he was screaming and calling our son a liar. Our son was so scared he could barely breathe. When I intervened, husband spouted “here comes the sensitive parent” and left the house. The third time he got right up in our son’s face, grabbed his arm and started shaking a finger at him. I intervened immediately, as I was truly concerned he would get violent.

    Since then, my son clings to me. Has told me he is scared of his dad, and is afraid I will stop loving him. He has started having accident in his sleep and doesn’t want to go to school. He wants to tuck me in when I nap, as I have chronic headaches.

    I no longer leave the kids alone with him, as one night he left the kids home alone while he went “for a drive”. I was visiting a friend, trying to clear mind and knew nothing about it. The kids were in bed and our son was asleep. So far, husband doesn’t have any issues with our daughter.

    Divorce seems like the best course of action, to protect the kids and my self, but that will take time and might get messy. I have emotionally detached, so I am better at ignoring the little bards he throws. I worked in a male oriented profession, so I have a pretty thick skin, which is why I was able to ignore his bad behavior for so long. Working hard at not blaming myself. Without him, I wouldn’t have these great kids.

    Now that I have ranted, any suggestions for helping my kids? Both kids are adopted and have always known they are adopted. Keep my son close to me or let him spend lots of time with friends, so he is out of dad’s sight? My daughter refuses to tell me what is bothering her and her situation is complicated by upcoming girl changes.

    Thank you for the insightful articles. Knowing I am not alone is reassuring.

  78. Stephany Brown says:

    I am paralyzed by fear and depression about the thought of my parents dying. They are in their 80′s and in good health but my siblings and I have no children so we are the end of the line. I don’t want to turn the page on the calendar, I can’t work out, today I couldn’t go to work and have hardly eaten anything. I can’t get off the couch. I just want time to freeze and no one get older and die. I lost my brother 5 years ago and I still haven’t gotten over that. I’m just so paralyzed by this. I am not religious so talk about anything like that does not help. Nothing is helping.

  79. Dayna says:

    Hi, lately I’ve been struggling with the fear of losing a loved one, but not about death. One day I suddenly started to fear that I would suddenly stop loving my partner. That is such a scary thought and I can’t get it to leave my head. I know I love him but this fear is causing me to second guess myself. I’ve never struggled with anxiety before but this is such an important part of my life and I don’t want it to be affected . I want to feel normal again.

  80. arpita says:

    Hiii from last two years i m suffering from severe depressions n m always afraid of loosing my mother.she z, my everything and her health condition z, not okay.i overthink n cry always get depressed. I use to wake up at nights n shout loudly n cry a lot calling my mother. I dont stay with her i stay in hostel but i hardly miss her but more m afraid of something bad that may happen to her. Wenever she fails to pick my call i get severe panic attacks not bcoz she z, not talking to me but bcoz of my extreme fears. I cry out even i think of goin to d station n run home to check.even if good things happens to me m really depressed from inside……can anyone help me?

  81. Kartik says:

    Hey jodi i am very much depressed about my girlfriend , she loved me too much and i love her too . But there is always a fear i am facing that may be she will leave me one day . As i am living in india so cast and creed is the normal . She is in very low cast while i am a not. Her parents would accept me anways but my parents will not accept her bcoz of her cast . I will accept her in any way whether the cast she has . Daily i am thinking about this shitty things and not able to concentrate on my future . She is a very sweet girl i dont want to lose . Please help me . I am very sad .

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