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Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?

When deciding on ending a relationship, the first question we ask ourselves is: How do I know when enough is enough? Someone very special and beautiful asked me that question this week.

In our culture, we are faced with all kinds of messages about relationships: see the good in people, relationships take work, rise above, and don’t have too many expectations. Then, don’t put up with anyone’s disrespect, take care of yourself, set limits, leave abuse. These messages convolute all our decisions on how to set boundaries in relationships or know when it is right for us to leave them. We don’t know who to blame, us or them.  Add to it worry and fear about being alone, or being abandoned, or about other people judging you, and it becomes a maze to wade through.

Effect of Relationship Decisions

When deciding if and when to leave or end a relationship, how do we wade through the thoughts and consequences? How do you know when enough is enough?Problems in significant relationships effect our anxiety and depression more than any other factor in our life because our relationships and their success define us. These are huge decisions. The heaviness of making the right one, can be immobilizing. One can neither open to reconnecting , nor can they step away to relieve themselves. Above all, they lose all trust in themselves, staying in misery and passing it back and forth between them.

We think we are supposed to have unconditional love for our partners and mistake this for having an unconditional relationship. Relationships have conditions! All relationship arrangements are negotiable, and there is usually aspects that for one or both partners that are not negotiable.

It is not easy to chose to leave a relationship and I do not have a prescription answer. Sometimes, it is best and other times it is not, and these both can depend. One thing I do understand is that if you make a decision, you make that your decision. Whichever you decide, you live that decision with your best self. Look deep inside you, beyond all fear and all guilt and there you’ll find the answer. Ask your higher self what is the best for everyone involved. Step back from the situation and see yourself and your partner from a distance. This intention and perspective can help you get clarity.

The Right Relationship Decision

There is no right decision. Decisions are like everything else, relative. It doesn’t matter if it is “right” or not, you make a decision and then make it right for you.

You might decide to postpone your decision to end a relationship, but even that is a decision to be lived instead of lamented. Don’t beat yourself up for “not deciding,” postpone consciously. But before making a decision about whether to stay in or leave a relationship, think about this:

  • Know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are perfect and awesome.
  • There is nothing to be afraid of, you cannot chose wrong.
  • Get people that love you around you.
  • Find your worth and know who you are and your purpose.

Then, and only then, the preferable choice will be as clear as day.

How have you decided to stay in or leave a relationship? Let my friend know how you did it.

Comment below!

By Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAmanGoogle+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,
Get my free E-book: What Is UP In Your DOWN? Being Grateful in 7 Easy Steps.

246 thoughts on “Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?”

  1. Appreciate your mind reading to let me know I’ve moved on. Also thanks for the continued blame and finger pointing. I.e. I’m sorry for how I hurt you. But you hurt me first/more.

  2. Hi, I am in this situation for past 1 year but trouble started when my husband cme back from US. I married my husband 7 years ago, we had love marriage college tym love and had daughter who is 3 yrs old, last to last my husband moved to US and I left my job and moved along with him. I stayed for around year and cme back to join new job for our daughter future and finiacial security. I met this old colleague of mine in this new company ( he worked with me in old company and we were good friends), he helped me a lot in new company to settle and I came close to him, we got involved physically, although I didn’t wanted to but it just happened over a course of time, we travelled for work together and cme very close. My husband returned after 6 months when I joined job and I am not able to accept him physically, he doesn’t know anything about my new relationship but he is frustrated bcoz I am not allowing him to get physical wid me. it’s been more than a year since I had sex wid my husband. That colleague John whom I am close to, he is divorcee and we are lyk one body n soul. If I talk about my earlier relationship with my husband he was more into his friends and we had not very good s c relationship, we use to ha e sex once in a week just for sake of having and I never enjoyed much sex with him. But with John it’s lyk my body is made for him. It’s lyk we both are for each other. I don’t know how to tell truth to my husband bcoz I have a daughter too and family too. Emotionally I am ok but I am somehow not able to come out of my earlier Lyf. I so want to move ahead with John and tke my daughter but I always have the guilt feeling that my husband has not done anything bad to me, he indeed supported me to do job continue my career though for financial security but still he trusted me. I have my entire family here, my daughter is all gelled up wid good and parents and everything. I tried but I fee lyk it be sex against my wish or soul. But soul or inner consiocous doesn’t allow me to leave him and doesn’t allow me to have sex wid him. I am keeping him in dark , he has the right to live his Lyf but I am not able to tell him the truth or take any decision. Please help. All my friends say I should leave John and go back to my Lyf normally but I am not able to do it. He has changed my life, he has taught me what’s Lyf l, what’s enjoyement. I don’t know what to do.

  3. I need help. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have an 18 month old daughter, and he is the only dad my 7 year old has ever really had. We have had our share of misc. Issues ranging from financial to communication. For a while now i feel i have disconnected from him emotionally. I still love him so much. I work full time ad have very minimal help with the house and kids. He tends to spend very little time with our children also. I feel this is a lot of the reason I have disconnected. I finally broke down and told him how I feel about a week ago. We decided to work on things the best we can. We have both given up a lot for our family and each other, and we love each other and our kids. For the past 4 days I have had THE WORST anxiety. Just knowing Im coming home sends me over the edge. My heart is pounding my stomach is in knots and I feel like Im losing it. Im scared to leave him, not due to abuse, but for our children and my fear of being alone and also fear of hurting him. What do I do?! I feel so lost. I cant handle the anxiety. Its driving me crazy. Please help.

  4. I am really confuse. My husband and I have always been on a rollercoaster. We married 6 years ago but when we first married he said we had to stay with his family for a year so we can save and then move out. That year didn’t go so good and we separated after a while of dealing with issues. Year after year he has promised we would be together and live in our own place. A year ago he begged me to move in with his family for a couple of months while their lease was up and then we would leave. Well this never happened lease ended but we stayed. I had accepted his offer but said I wouldn’t stay there long and now I am reaching the year. I have dealt with anxiety all my life and I have always been able to control it on my own. Recently my anxiety is so high that I can’t control it anymore and I know it is because of the place we are in I can’t sleep I constantly feel like I cant breathe like my heart is raising or like I need to run. I feel really bad and it is now affecting my health. We live in a four bedroom house and when I moved in it was just my husband and I our two daughters his two sisters and his parents. That is already a lot of people. My daughters have to sleep in a foldable bed next to our bed because the other rooms are taken and our room is too small for two beds. Now the house has more people in it. It is me my husband my two daughters his parents his two sisters and one sister decided to get pregnant now we have a baby in the house she is getting married in august and my husbands dad told her and her boyfriend they could live there so now we are adding her soon to be husband plus two of his kids that he occasionally has. I really cannot take this anymore but I also wouldn’t want to leave my husband but it is already putting my health at risk. I have gotten to the point of begging my husband to just let me out to rent an apartment but he says no to everything I ask for and I feel like it just has to be his way even if this means putting my anxiety at its worst. He makes good money and I make good money so he has no real reason to want to stay other than to help his parents but this is already enough for me. We fight a lot now too but I feel like a lot of our problems would go away if we would just get away from that place. I have been thinking and researching a lot of apartments to just get out with my daughters and I feel so confuse. I don’t know if it is ok for me to leave. I know my husband won’t follow as he has said he will not leave but this would also mean a separation once again and I feel like the issue always goes back to him not wanting to leave his parents. Please help any advice

  5. My ex left me because we argue a lot lately and he says he doesn’t believe in happy ever afters. I am pregnant with his child and we raised my other child together since he as 3 weeks old. So it’s so hard to lose this guy. I am in serious love with him and want us to be a family-not a BROKEN family. I would do anything to have his heart back

  6. I am currently in a relationship going on 1 yr. We both have children from separate relationships.
    I don’t want to screw up children but I know I can not stay in this any longer.
    There is verbal and mental abuse to me. I deal with it because I don’t want the kids to be messed up from women in and out of their lives.
    My kids will be fine. They are very close to me. I know my son sees an issue but my daughter is too young to realize.
    How do I walk away from this and not sneak out?
    I have nothing good to show for the past year. I lost friends and my family has been pushed away because of his control.
    I try to stick up for myself but then everything gets switched around on me, like I’m not thinking straight. I feel confused and then I stay.
    I question myself. I was never like this. I was never a weak person. Should I just pack up and leave, only leaving a note? He doesn’t understand…. He has taken over MY home. He will Not leave. My only option is for me to go. Ugh!! I have lost everything… I don’t care about starting from nothing but I don’t know how to get out of this.

  7. Hi,
    I am in a relationship with a girl in philippines and we are staying together since 2 years. She is 22 year old and i am 30… We live together. Actually she has difficult life coz she supports her family (mother, her 3 siblings and her 2 kids) but her income is not enough. Her father left and went to other place, doesnt support them and is jobless. Yes she is a single mother. In the begining of our relationship just 6 months after we were together i found out that she slept with other guy for money. I saw her email and pictures posing in the bed and she confessed that she slept for money and cried and said me she did it to support her family.. then i realized that i should support her coz i thought she loves me and she really did it for money.. Then i started to support her family.. She was working as some promo girl and her salary was not good. so i asked her to join call center but she said she cannot pass in call center interview. I encouraged and supported her firmly and forced her to apply in call center. I said her i will completely support her family coz she will have to leave her old job. She failed in couple of places but i kept on encouraging her, supporting her and her family.. Finally she started to work in call center. I was so proud of her.. I even threw a party for her. Then I rented a house for her family.. I used to pay rent, electric and food.. I get so broke time to time coz i had to support 7 persons but i still supported them.. Then i decided to bring her family with me so that i wont be paying for 2 appartments.. then we all started to live together.. but soon i was very irritated coz it was too noisy with 5 kids at home but i somehow managed to stay together for 1 years and offcourse i was paying everything.. ya she also used to spend for their school and other expenses… Then one day i found out she was chatting with other guy on the facebook and was planning to meet him, this guy also slept with her before we were in relation.. When i asked her to block the guy she refused and shouted on me. we fought that night and finally she blocked him. once she was sick i just came home after 28 hours duty and took her to hospital, then she confessed me that she fell in love with a new guy from her work (call center) and she said but the guy was gay.. I asked her what if he was straight then she just replied nothing would happen it was just a crush…actually i already knew something was wrong in our relation coz she was not giving me what gf should give to her boyfriend like love, romance, care.. When i wanted to love her she used to say she was getting old and has no interest in love making, she is tired, she is sleepy blah blah excuses… I was so frustrated she wouldn’t make love with me for weeks even we are healthy and young.. Then I decide to move from that house coz i wasn’t happy there and she never made me feel special.. Then once i saw in her phone that she texted her friend saying in our relationship we have no love.. I was shattered to know that she doesn’t feel love with me. By the way i am sure i treated her like a queen. I gave her everything she ever wanted. I did everything the husband does. I always made her feel like i just fell in love with her. But i dont know whats missing. Y she cant understand my love for her. Then i decided to make her believe that i was having affair with other girl coz she was not treating me good.. then when she believed (which was a lie) she cried alot and then i said her everything in my heart and then she started to treat me like a boyfriend… After staying together with her family for 1 year i decided to move to new appartment in good place that will be near from my work and noise free coz i need to study alot. But i still brought her with me to our new appartment after 1 year of staying with her family.. Then we moved to new appartment. A still support her family but half of their expense s coz she also gives her all salary to her family.. I pay for her transport, food, clothes, everything. I cut my expenses like i spend around 50% of my salary in her and sometimes all of my salary.. Its been 2 years i only bought about 4 clothes for me but i bought around 30-40 dresses for her, sandals , bags… now again she is starting to treat me bad.. its our 3rd month in new appartment and i dont feel like she loves me at all… she is always busy over facebook and internet… and u would be shocked to know that she blocked me in her facebook. when i asked her y? she said i am spying on her.. She even asked her friends to block me in their facebook about 5-6 months back.. Her phone is locked coz she dont want me to go through her phone… I gave her the phone 1 years back as a gift.. I also gifted her ipad when i went back to my country. Now a days its so difficult to stay with her in our new appartment… her job is night shift in call center and my job is usually day shift. so i am almost alwas alone at night except for saturday and sunday… So, we are able to genuinely spend time together on weekend only.. I get back home at 5pm in the evening while she is sleeping, then she wakes up at around 9pm and goes to work. that how our days passes. we only speak when she wakes up and get ready for the work.. its ok to me coz of her night shift duty… but even on weekend when we can actually spend time together, she doesnt come home early.. she stays with her friends, or sleep at her friends place ( thats what she says), then she visit her siblings and come back home at night like 8-10 pm then she use internet, facebook, instagram and then suddenly she sleeps… Sometimes when i try to cuddle her she pushes my hand like she is irritated. when i ask her for love making she says i am sick and i am not normal person and i am sex addict.. sometimes we do make love but its like she is dummy.. she doesnt even move… she never sits on my lap, she never kisses me, she doesn’t try to be romantic. She always try her best to not make love with me… Its been like 4-5 months she never said she wants to make love. I feel like she refrains from making love with me.. whenever it comes to love making before she used to say she was getting old and has no interest in it. now a days she says “we love eachother doesn’t mean we have to make love”. whenever i ask for it she gets mad or says “no”. Now a days we make love like once or twice a month and even in so long time she does not feel excited and acts like dummy. We have gym, swimming pool, badminton court in our condominium but she doesnt do anything except internet… when i ask her like , “honey lets go to mall” walk around, she says what we do in the mall? i reply: just walk walk, she says she doesnt want to walk around.. but she goes to mall with her friends.. sometimes i ask her to go to IMAX to watch movies but she doesnt want to go.. but she watches movies in her friend house. She always downloads movies her usb for her friends and watch with them but we never watched movies together.. Sometimes when i ask her “honey do u want to make love” she replies “no comment”.. I dont know what that means.. common 15-20 days without love making in same bed and still “no comment”. What does it mean???….. By the way when i am at my work and she is at home, she watches porn movies on internet many times.. Once i asked her, you r watching porn when i am not here, but u dont want to make love y? then she said its just she watched and there is nothing about desire to have sex. 1 year back she used to ask me for it.. she use to text me saying she was horny and wants me to come home early… she used to cuddle with me, play with my body but suddenly everything changed… I have done nothing to hurt her.. i love her so much but i cant take the pain and frustration.. I asked her to leave me and go but she doesn’t leave me also.. I am so disturbed by her.. I asked her to treat me good or leave me.. she does neither… I cook food for her everyday.. I pay for everything. Whenever she feels bored or sad i take her out for dinner. some times i take her out of city. I cant see her sad but i am getting very sad. I dont know what to do? I said everything to her coz i know problem can be solved only by conversation. But, she dont like to even talk about problems.. I also asked her what is it that i dont have or she doesnt like about me, she doesnt reply… Most of the time she says its not necessary to have sex in a relationship, sex is not important if u love someone and u should learn to live without sex…………………. I feel like she is has feeling for someone.. i asked her but she said she doesn’t have time to fall in love with others.. Please give me some answers…. I need to make decision…. I am soooo disturbed emotionally, physically, financially and sexually… I dont want to leave her coz i know she will have hard time if i leave her.. and if i leave her she will beg to come back into my life.. but i know if i leave her i am not going to let her come into my life again.. But i just dont want her to have hard times.. i also love her family especially her son and daughter…

  8. Hi, I’m M

    Ive been in a relationship with an older man for about 3 years now- it feels more like a really long marriage. Small issues have been building up and are officially taking over.. We started out as friends and then started dating, I’d just moved to the states and I had no family or other friends here, he quickly became my friend and partner. Early on i noticed that he was still in contact with a number of his exes, it didnt bother me unless he initiated contact with them. When we finally started dating i fell for him- like really really fell for him. During the beginning stages he’d accused me of cheating repeatedly – and all that did was make me want to isolate myself from all men in a bid to save my relationship. I was too tired to really focus on myself – all i was doing was making sure all his issues were taken care of- so that I wasn’t like all his other exes. I’d also been pushing for us to move in together- my intentions were good but when i think about it now- i feel like i was just a means to an end. He calls me up one day and says that we should move in together- i should find a place and we should move immediately- i found out later that he was moving to get away from a quite recent ex. We moved and everything was going well i was still being accused of cheating -and for the first time in a long time I fought back and I told him off. I wasn’t planning on having this arguement every single time i got a phone call. he said he wouldnt bother me about it ever again. He stopped talking about it and life continued. flash forward to 2015- his ex wife’s father passed away – and he decided to go to the funeral (I know it sounds ludicrous- but for me – I wouldnt go to any event related to an ex- especially something as private as a funeral); i started thinking to myself after that – that he really didnt want to have her out of his life. He enjoyed having that connection with someone who hurt him so much. When he came back he seemed different, he was more into being with me and I couldnt figure out why- despite asking. Things were okay for a while, and I started hanging out with people from work- (i work 12 hour shifts with 90% male colleagues and they’re a fun close knit group.) When one of them left they had a farewell party for him- and I was invited. I decided to go on my own and hours before I left for the party he picked a fight with me. i couldnt understand why, but i decided to go out anyway. I got back home later that night and he picks another fight with me. I let it slide and continued with the rest of my week. Two days later he picks another fight with me. I get so infuriated and I call him later that night and ask why he keeps picking with me. he tells me that he doesnt know if he wants to get married again, if he wants to have children , that he thinks im going to leave like all his exes, and also that he misses the attention from women in his age group- and that he doesn’t want that to end. I decided to end it on that day- If id never forced that out of him he would have never told me anything. there were tonnes more fights about the same thing – he was a lot more passive aggresive – testing me and expecting me to cave in and be the woman I used to be. Threatening our relationship… (I even got text messages saying i should move out and be with my new boyfriend); through all of this i never cheated on him. All throughout he never blamed himself it was always my fault or the fact that one of my friends from work told me to do it and i was listening to her instead of him (the person i have history with. I told him i made the decision for myself by myself and noone forced me to do it). I realise now that everything he’s doing now is to pacify me- to make me change my mind and continue living with him. I can’t do that- I feel like im being bulldozed into staying with him and Im not going to sit down and be complacent anymore. Reading your article and all the posts was amazing because i really needed a boost- and hearing what everyone else is going through made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Im looking forward to starting over, by myself- I lost 3 years being with him – making sure he was fine and I realize now that I WILL NOT REPLACE his mother, the only CONTROL he can have over me is the only CONTROL I decide to give him and I wont be doing that. Stay Strong, have good friends who can just listen and not judge you, dont be afraid of starting over and dont be afraid of being alone. – M

  9. Im torn, Im confused, I ughhh!!! Two and a half weeks ago I spent New Years Eve with my ex boyfriend. We broke up eight months before and I missed him terribly in the time apart. We texted and talked a few times, and he lied to me, about having a girlfriend when I was going to take a live in care job near him. He had two girlfriends, since we broke up, I went on seven dates, but no boyfriends, so I was all excited when he drove two and a half hours to pick me up on New Years Eve. He was like Yeah whatever when I was loving and excited to see him. I spent two and a half days at his parents house in separate bedrooms and we couldnt even sit next to each other, it was like I was 16. On New Years he introduced me as his girlfriend while drinking, smoking pot, and having a good time, and I was there putting up with the behavior. He drove me back and was smoking pot and drinking out of a flask he acted like he didnt want to be here, well I live alone, have a cat, at least we could be alone. I love him, but it hurts we have texted some, talked very little and last night he said it hurts to talk to me, hear from me, read my letters. He wants me to move to be with him, and to do that I must get a job. I live two and a half hours away and have spent the last two and a half weeks looking for work near him, Due to money Iam unable to get a car and be there everyday as I drive a 19 yr old car thats falling apart. Do I let go or keep him in my heart???

  10. Hi I’m Zee

    Im in a relationship with my partner of 8 years soon to be 9 we have 5 children and another on the way he is my first for everything but he has a past that he carry’s with him every year I’ve heard it so many times that I just don’t know if he could ever move on I even seen him sleep in between and his ex and his sister while I was 3 months pregnant with our first child and that hurt me big time I was young when I met him but ever since then I have never been able to trust him I know I did something wrong which was just stare at his brother and his cousin and I told him the truth that his brother was good looking at that time but I’m over being like that now I don’t look at another male anymore but I’m just so angry that I’m always the 1 thats trying to make difference with our relationship I’m at the pointe I just wanna give up but I love him so much that if I leave it will hurt my children as well as they will be separated I don’t want my children to have that kind of life thats how their father grew up so I don’t know what to do I constantly get mad at him cause he seems to wanna spend time with everyone else but his family anybody asks him to drink with them and he does not only that he wants to bring us into a world that I will never support which is he wants to join a gang but I won’t support it 1 bit cause that’s not the life I want my children to grow up around but I just want advice on whether I should stay in this relationship or not

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